श्रीकांत उपन्यास भाग-17

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is lekh ka punarikshan evan sampadan hona avashyak hai. ap isamean sahayata kar sakate haian. "sujhav"

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vaishnavi ne aj mujhase bar-bar shapath kara li ki usaka poorv vivaran sunakar maian ghrina nahian karooanga.

"sunana maian chahata nahian, par agar sunooan to ghrina n

karooanga."

vaishnavi ne saval kiya, "par kyoan nahian karoge? sunakar aurat-mard sab hi to ghrina karate haian."

"maian nahian janata ki tum kya kahogi, to bhi aandazalaga sakata hooan. yah janata hooan ki use sunakar auratean hi auratoan se sabase zyada ghrina karati haian, aur isaka karan bhi janata hooan, par tumhean vah nahian batana chahata. purush bhi karate haian, kintu bahut bar vah chhal hota hai, aur bahut bar atmavanchana. tum jo kuchh kahogi usase bhi bahut zyada bhaddi batean maianne khud tum logoan ke muanh se suni haian, aur apani aauankhoan bhi dekhi haian. par to bhi mujhe ghrina nahian hoti."

"kyoan nahian hoti?"

"shayad yah mera svabhav hai. par kal hi to tumase kaha hai ki isaki zaroorat nahian. sunane ke lie maian jara bhi utsuk nahian. isake alava kaun kahaan ka hai, yah sab kahani mujhase nahian bhi kahi to kya harj hai?"

vaishnavi kafi der tak chup ho kuchh sochati rahi. isake bad achanak poochh baithi, "achchha gusaeean, tum poorvajanm aur agale janmapar vishvas karate ho?"

"nahian."

"nahian kyoan? kya tum sochate ho ki ye sab batean sachamuch nahian haian?"

"mere sochane ke lie doosari bahut batean haian, shayad ye sab sochane ke lie mujhe samay hi nahian milata."

vaishnavi phir kshanabhar maun rahakar boli, "ek ghatana tumhean bataooangi, vishvas karoge? thakuraji ki or muanh karake kahati hooan ki tumase jhooth nahian kahooangi."

maianne hansakar kaha, "karooanga."

"to kahati hooan. ek din gauhar gusaeean ke muanh se suna ki unaki pathashala ka ek mitr unake ghar aya hai. socha ki jo adami ek din bhi yahaan ae bina nahian rah sakata, vah apane bachapan ke mitr ke sath chhah-sat din kaise bhoola raha? phir socha ki yah kaisa brahman mitr hai jo anayas hi musalaman ke ghar p da raha, kisi se bhi nahian dara? usaka kya kahian bhi koee nahian hai? poochhane par gauhar gusaeean ne bhi thik yahi bat kahi. kaha ki sansar mean usaka apana kahane layaq koee nahian hai, isilie use dar nahian hai, chianta bhi nahian hai. man-hi-man khayal kiya ki aisa hi hoga. poochha, gusaeean, tumhare mitr ka kya nam hai? nam sunakar jaise chauank gayi. janate to ho gusaeean, yah nam mujhe nahian lena chahie."

hansakar bola, "janata hooan. tumhare muanh se hi suna hai."

vaishnavi ne kaha, "poochha, tumhara mitr dekhane mean kaisa hai? umr kya hai? gusaeean ne jo kuchh kaha usaka kuchh hissa to kanoan mean gaya, aur kuchh nahian. par hriday ke bhitar dh dakan hone lagi. tum khayal karate hoge ki aisa adami to nahian dekha to nam sunakar hi pagal ho jae. par yah sach hai. sirph nam sunakar hi auratean pagal ho jati haian gusaeean!"

"usake bad?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "usake bad khud bhi hansane lagi par bhool n saki. sab kam-kajoan mean mujhe keval ek hi bat yad ane lagi ki tum kab aoge, tumhean apani aauankhoan se kab dekh sakooangi."

sunakar chup raha, par usake chehare ki or dekhakar hans n saka.

vaishnavi ne kaha, "abhi to kal sham ko hi tum aye ho, par aj is sansar mean mujhase zyada tumhean koee prem nahian karata. poorvajanm agar saty n hota to kya ek din mean yah asambhav bat sambhav ho sakati?"

kuchh thaharakar usane phir kaha, "maian janati hooan ki tum rahane nahian aye ho aur rahoge bhi nahian. chahe jitani bhi prarthana kyoan n karooan, tum do-ek din bad chale hi jaoge. par maian keval vahi sochati hooan ki is vyatha ko maian kab tak sanbhale rahooangi." yah kahakar usane sahasa aauanchal se aauankhean poanchh dalian.

maian chup ho raha. itane tho de-se samay mean, itani spasht aur praanjal bhasha mean ramani ke pranay-nivedan ki kahani isake pahale n to kabhi kitab mean padhi thi aur n logoan ki jubani hi suni thi. aur apani aauankhoan se hi dekh raha hooan ki yah abhinay bhi nahian hai. kamalalata dekhane mean sundar hai, nirakshar moorkh bhi nahian hai, usaki bat-chit, usaka gana, usaka adar-pyar aur usaki atithi-seva ki antarikata ke karan vah mujhe achchhi lagi hai, aur is achchhe lagane ka prashansa aur rasikata ki atyukti se phailav karane mean maianne kanjoosi bhi nahian ki hai. par dekhate hi dekhate yah parinati itani gahari ho jayegi, vaishnavi ke avedan se, ashru-mochan se aur madhury ke utkanpathi‍t atmaprakash se sara man aisi tiktata se paripoorn ho jayega- yah kya kshanabhar bhi pahale janata tha. mano maian hatabuddhi ho gaya. yahi nahian ki sirph lajja se hi sara sharir romaanchit ho gaya ho, balki ek prakar ki anajan vipad ki ashanka se hriday mean ab qatee shanti aur nirakulata n rahi. pata nahian ki kis ashubh muhoort mean kashi se chala tha jo ek pooantoo ka jal to dakar doosari pooantoo ke phande mean buri tarah phans gaya. idhar umr yauvan ki sima laangh rahi hai, aise asamay mean ayachit nari-prem ki aisi badh a gayi ki soch hi n saka ki kahaan bhagakar atmaraksha karooan! kalpana bhi n ki thi ki purush ke lie yuvati-ramani ki pranay-bhiksha itani aruchikar ho sakati hai. socha, ekaek mera mooly itana kaise badh gaya? aj rajalakshmi ka prayojan bhi mujhamean shesh nahian hona chahata yahi mimaansa huee hai ki vah apani vajramushti ko jara bhi dhila kar mujhe nishkriti nahian degi. par ab yahaan aur nahian rahana chahie. sadhu-sang sir-mathe, yahi sthir kiya ki is sthan ko kal hi chho d dooanga.

ekaek vaishnavi chakit ho uthi, "are vah! tumhare lie chay jo mangaee hai, gusaeean ."

"kahati kya ho? kahaan mili?"

"adami ko shahar bheja tha. jaooan, taiyar karake le aooan, dekho, kahian bhag n jana."

"nahian, lekin banana janati ho?"

vaishnavi ne javab nahian diya, sirph sir hilakar hansati huee chali gayi. usake chale jane ke bad us or dekhane par hriday mean n jane kaisi ek chot-si lagi. chay-pan ashram ki vyavastha nahian hai, shayad manahi hai, to bhi use yah khabar lag gayi ki yah chiz mujhe achchhi lagati hai aur shahar mean adami bhejakar usane mangava bhi li. usake vigat jivan ka itihas nahian janata, aur vartaman ka bhi nahian. keval yah abhas mila hai ki vah achchha nahian hai, vah ninda ke yogy hai- sunane par logoan ko ghrina hoti hai. tathapi, vah us kahani ko mujhase chhipana nahian chahati, sunane ke lie bar-bar zid kar rahi hai, sirph maian hi sunane ko raji nahian hooan. mujhe kutoohal nahian hai, kyoanki prayojan nahian hai. prayojan usi ka hai. akele baithe hue is prayojan ke sambandh mean sochate hue spashtat: dekha ki mujhe batae vagair usake hriday ki glani nahian mitegi- man mean vah kisi tarah bhi bal nahian pa rahi hai. suna hai ki mera 'shrikant' nam kamalalata uchcharan nahian kar sakati. pata nahian ki kaun yah usaka paramapoojy gurujan hai aur usane kab is lok se bida le li hai. hamare nam ki is daivi ekata ne hi shayad is vipatti ki srishti ki hai aur usane tab se hi kalpana mean gat janm ke svapn sagar mean dubaki lagakar sansar ki sab yatharthataoan ko tilaanjali de di hai.

to bhi aisa lagata hai ki isamean vismay ki koee bat nahian. ras ki aradhana mean akanth-magn rahate hue bhi usaki ekant nari-prakriti aj bhi shayad ras ka tatv nahian pa saki hai, vah asahay aparitript pravritti is niravachchhinn bhav-vilas ke upakaranoan ko sangrah karane mean shayad aj klant hai- duvi‍‍dha se pi dit hai. usaka vah pathabhrasht vibhrant man apane anajan mean hi n jane kahaan avalamb khojane mean pranapan se juta hua hai- vaishnavi usaka pata nahian janati, isilie aj vah bar-bar chauankakar apane vigat-janm ke ruddh dvar par hath phailakar aparadh ki santvana maang rahi hai. usaki batean sunakar samajh sakata hooan ki mere nam 'shrikant' ko hi pathey banakar aj vah apani nav chho d dena chahati hai.

vaishnavi chay le ayi. sab nayi vyavastha hai, pikar bahut anand mila. manushy ka man kitani asani se parivartit ho jata hai- ab mano usake khilaf koee shikayat nahian!

poochha, "kamalalata, tum kya kalavar ho?"

kamalalata ne hansakar kaha, "nahian, sunar-baniyaan. par tumhare nikat to koee prabhed nahian hai- donoan hi ek haian."

"kam-se-kam mere nikat to ek hi haian. donoan hi ek kyoan balki sabake ek ho jane par bhi koee nukasan nahian."

vaishnavi ne kaha, "aisa hi to lagata hai. tumane to gauhar ki maan ke hath ka bhi khaya hai."

"unhean tum nahian janatian. gauhar bap ki tarah ka nahian hai, use apani maan ka svabhav mila hai. itana shant, apane ko bhoola hua, aisa achchha manushy kabhi dekha hai? usaki maan aisi hi thi. ek bar bachapan mean gauhar ke pita ke sath unake jhag de ki bat mujhe yad hai. unhoanne kisi ko chhipakar bahut se rupaye de diye the. isi vajah se jhag da kh da hua. gauhar ke pita badamizaj adami the. ham to dar ke mare bhag gaye. kuchh ghante bad dhire-dhire akar dekha ki gauhar ki maan chupachap baithi haian. gauhar ke pita ke bare mean poochhane par pahale to unhoanne koee javab nahian diya. par hamare muanh ki or takate hue ve ek bar khilakhilakar hans p dian. aauankhoan se pani ki kuchh booandean niche gir p dian. yah unaki adat thi."

vaishnavi ne prashn kiya, "isamean hansane ki kaun-si bat huee?"

"hamane bhi to yahi socha. par jab hansi ruk gayi to ve dhoti se aauankhean poanchh kar bolian, "maian kaisi moorkh aurat hooan beta! ve to maje se pet bhar kar khurrate le rahe haian, aur maian bina khaye upavas kar gusse mean jal-bhun rahi hooan, batao, isaki kya zaroorat hai!" aur is kahane ke sath hi unaka sara abhiman aur krodh dhul-puanchhakar saf ho gaya. yah bhuktabhogi ke alava aur koee nahian janata ki auratoan ka yah kitana b da gun hai!"

vaishnavi ne prashn kiya, "tum kya bhuktabhogi ho, gusaeean?"

maian kuchh sitapita gaya. yah nahian socha tha ki usako chho dakar yah prashn mere hi sir a p dega. kaha, "sab kya khud hi bhogana p data hai kamalalata, doosaroan ko dekhakar bhi to sikha jata hai. is moti bhauanhoan vale adami ke nikat kya tumane kuchh nahian sikha?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "par vah to mere lie paraya nahian hai."

aur koee prashn ab mere muanh se nahian nikala-bilkumal nistabdh ho gaya.

vaishnavi khud bhi kuchh der chup rahi. phir hath jo dakar boli, "tumase vinati karati hooan gusaeean, ek bar meri shuroo ki batean sun lo..."

"achchhi bat hai, kaho."

par jab kahane chali to dekha ki kahana utana asan nahian hai. meri tarah muanh nicha kiye hue use bhi kafi der tak chup rahana p da. par usane har nahian mani. antardvandv mean vijayi hokar jab usane ek bar muanh oopar uthakar dekha to mujhe bhi aisa laga ki usake svabhavik sushri chehare par mano ek khas chamak a gayi hai. boli, "ahankar mar kar bhi nahian marata gusaeean! hamare b de gusaeean kahate haian ki yah mano phoos ki ag hai jo bujhakar bhi nahian bujhati. rakh hatate hi najar ata hai ki dhak-dhak dhadhak rahi hai, par isilie ise phooank dekar badha to nahian sakati. phir to mera is path par ana hi mithya ho jayega. suno. kintu aurat hooan n, isalie shayad sab batean kholakar n bhi kah sakooan."

mere sankoch ki sima n rahi. antim bar vinati kar kaha, "auratoan ke pair phisalane ke vivaranoan mean mujhe dilachaspi nahian hai, utsukata bhi nahian, aur unhean sunana mujhe kabhi achchha bhi nahian laga kamalalata. mujhe nahian maloom ki tumhari vaishnav-sadhana mean ahankar ke nash ke lie kaun se marg ka nirdesh mahajanoan ne kiya hai, par apane gupt papoan ko anavritt karane ki spardhdit vinay hi agar tumhare prayashchitt ka vidhan ho, to tumhean anek-vyakti mil jaanyage jinhean aisi sab kahaniyaan sunana bahut ruchikar lagata hai. mujhe maph karo, kamalalata, isake alava maian shayad kal hi chala jaooanga, shayad phir jivan mean kabhi ham logoan ki mulakat bhi nahian hogi."

vaishnavi ne kaha, "tumase to pahale hi kaha hai gusaeean, prayojan tumhara nahian, mera hai, par yah kya tum sach kah rahe ho, kal ke bad hamari mulakat nahian hogi? nahian aisa kabhi nahian ho sakata. mera man kahata hai ki phir mulakat hogi- maian yahi asha lekar rahooangi. par kya vastav mean mere bare mean kuchh bhi janane ki ichchha tumhari nahian hai? hamesha kya sirph ek anuman aur sandeh ko hi liye rahoge?"

prashn kiya, "aj van mean jis adami se meri mulakat huee, jise tum ashram mean ghusane nahian detian, jisake upadrav se tum bhagana chahati ho- vah kya vastav mean tumhara koee nahian hota? bilkunal paraya hai?"

"kis ke dar se bhag rahi hooan, yah tum samajh gaye gusaeean?"

"haan, aisa hi to lagata hai. par vah hai kaun?"

"vah kaun hai? vah mere ih aur paralok ki narak-yantrana hai. isilie to nirantar rokar bhagavan se kahati hooan, prabhu, maian tumhari dasi hooan- manushy ke prati itani jabaradast ghrina mere man se nikal do, jisase maian phir asani se saans lekar ji sakooan. nahian to meri sari sadhana vyarth ho jayegi."

usaki aauankhoan se jaise atmaglani phoot p di, maian chup ho raha.

vaishnavi ne kaha, "phir bhi, ek din usase zyada mera apana koee nahian tha- sansar mean itana pyar kisi ne bhi kisi ko nahian kiya hoga." usaka kathan sunakar vismay ki sima nahian rahi aur is suroopa ramani ki tulana mean us prem ke patr ki kutsit aur bhaddi shakl ko smaran kar mera man bahut hi sankuchit ho gaya.

buddhimati vaishnavi ne mera muanh dekhakar yah ta d liya. kaha, " gusaeean, yah to usaka sirph bahar ka parichay hai- usake bhitar ka parichay suno."

"kaho."

vaishnavi ne kahana shuroo kiya, "mere aur bhi do chhote bhaee haian, par maan-bap ki maian ikalauti beti thi. ham shrihatt ke rahane vale haian, par chooanki pitaji vyapari adami the, unaka vyapar kalakatte mean tha, isalie bachapan se hi maian kalakatte mean pali hooan. grihasthi ke sath maan gaanv ke makan mean hi rahati thian. maian pooja ke dinoan mean agar kabhi gaanv jati to mahine-bhar se zyada n rah pati. vahaan rahana mujhe achchha bhi n lagata. kalakatte mean hi meri shadi huee aur satrah varsh ki umr mean kalakatte mean hi maianne unhean kho diya. unake nam ki vajah se hi gusaeean, tumhara nam gauhar gusaeean ke muanh se sunakar maian chauank p di. isalie 'naye gusaeean' ke nam se pukarati hooan, vah nam juban par nahian la sakati."

"yah maian samajh gaya, usake bad?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "aj jisake sath tumhari mulakat huee thi usaka nam manmath hai, vah hamara munim tha." kah kar vah kshan bhar ke lie maun rahi, phir boli, "jab meri umr ikkis sal ki thi tab mere santan hone ki sambhavana huee..."

vaishnavi kahane lagi, "manmath ka ek pitrihin bhatija hamare hi makan mean rahata tha. pitaji use k aaulej mean padhate the. umr mean mujhase jara chhota tha. vah mujhe itana pyar karata tha jisaki sima nahian. use bulakar kaha, 'yatin, tumase aur kabhi to kuchh maanga nahian hai bhaee, is vipatti mean antim bar mujhe tho di-si madad karo. mujhe ek rupaye ka zahar kharidakar la do." pahale to vah meri bat nahian samajha, par jab usaki samajh mean aya to usaka chehara murde ki tarah phika p d gaya. kaha, "deri mat karo bhaee, tumhean abhi kharidakar la dena hoga. isake alava mere lie aur koee doosara rasta nahian hai."

"yah sunakar yatin ke rone ka to kya kahana. vah mujhe devata samajhata tha aur didi kahakar pukarata tha. use kitana aghat, kitani vyatha huee, usaki aauankhoan ka pani jaise khatm hi nahian hona chahata tha. bola, "usha didi, atmaghat se badhakar aur koee mahapap nahian hai. ek pap ke kandhoan par aur ek jabaradast pap ladakar tum rasta khojana chahati ho? par lajja se bachane ka yah tarika hi agar tumane sthir kiya ho didi, to maian kabhi madad nahian karooanga. isake atirikt aur jo kuchh bhi tum adesh dogi, usaka maian tatkal palan karooanga." usi ke karan maian mar n saki.

"kramash: pitaji ke kanoan mean bat pahuanchi. ve jaise nishthavan vaise hi shant aur nirih prakriti ke manushy the. mujhase kuchh nahian kaha, par du:kh se, sharm se do tin din tak bichhaune se n uth sake. phir gurudev ke paramarsh se mujhe lekar navadvip aye. yah thahara ki maian aur manmath diksha lekar vaishnav ho jaany aur tab phooloan ki mala aur tulasi ki mala adal-badalakar nayi riti se hamari shadi ho. usase pap ka prayashchit hoga ya nahian, yah nahian janati thi, par is bharose par ki jo shishu garbh mean aya hai usaki maan hokar hatya nahian karani p degi, meri adhi vedana door ho gayi. udyog ayojan hone laga, diksha kaho ya bhesh kaho, ya aur kuchh kaho, mera naya namakaran hua- kamalalata. kintu, tab bhi yah maloom nahian tha ki das hazar rupaye dene ka vachan dekar hi pitaji ne manmath ko raji kiya hai. par ekaek n jane kyoan shadi ka din age badha diya gaya- shayad ek saptah. manmath bahut kam dikhaee p data, navadvip ke makan mean maian akeli hi rahati thi. aise hi kee din kat gaye, isake bad phir shubh din aya. snan karake pavitr hokar shant man se thakur ki arpit mala hath mean liye pratiksha mean baithi rahi. udas chehare se pitaji ek bar dekh gaye, par manmath ko jab navin vaishnv ke vesh mean dekha, to achanak sare man ke bhitar bijali dau d gayi. yah thik nahian janati ki vah anand ki thi ya vyatha ki, shayad donoan hi thi. par ichchha huee ki uthakar usake pairoan ki dhool mathe par laga looan. par sharm ke karan aisa nahian ho saka.

"hamari kalakatte ki purani dasi bahut-si chizean le ayi. usi ne meri paravarish ki thi, usi ke muanh se din badh jane ka karan suna."

kitani purani bat hai, to bhi gala bhari ho gaya aur usaki aauankhoan mean aauansoo a gaye. muanh phirakar vaishnavi aauansoo poanchhane lagi.

paanch-chhah minat bad poochha, "usane kya karan bataya?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "usane bataya ki manmath achanak das hazar ke badale bis hazar rupayoan ki maang pesh kar baitha. mujhe kuchh maloom nahian tha, isalie chauankakar poochha ki kya manmath rupayoan ke badale raji hua hai? aur pitaji bhi bis hazar rupaye dene ko taiyar haian? dasi ne kaha, upay kya hai didi rani? mamala bhi to asan nahian hai, zahir ho jane par jati, kul, man-sab chala jayega. manmath ne asali bat ant mean zahir kar di. kaha ki isake lie vah to zimmedar hai nahian, zimmedar hai usaka bhatija yatin. at: yadi bina dosh ke use apani jati chho dani hi hai to bis hazar se kam mean nahian chho d sakata. phir, doosare ke l dake ka pitritv svikar karana- yah bhi to kam mushkil nahian hai!

"yatin apane kamare mean baitha padh raha tha, use bulakar bat sunaee gayi. sunakar pahale to vah hakka-bakka-sa hua kh da raha. phir bola, jhoothi bat hai. chacha manmath garaj utha, "paji, nich, namakaharam! jo vyakti tujhe khana-kap da aur k aaulej mean padha-likhakar adami bana raha hai, usi ka toone sarvanash kiya! kaise kale saanp ko maian malik ke ghar mean laya! socha tha ki maan-bap-hin l daka adami banega. chhi, chhi, yah kahane ke sath-hi-sath vah chhati aur sir pitane laga. bola, yah bat usha ne khud apane muanh se kahi hai aur tum inakar karate ho!

"yatin chauank utha aur bola, "usha didi ne khud mera nam liya hai? vah to kabhi jhooth nahian bolati-itana b da jhootha apavad to unake muanh se kabhi bahar nahian nikal sakata!"

"manmath aur ek bar chilla utha, 'ab bhi inakar karata hai paji, abhaga, shaitan, apane malik se to poochh, ve kya kahate haian!" '

malik ne anumodan karate hue kaha, "haan."

"yatin ne poochha, "khud didi ne mera nam liya hai?"

"malik ne phir sir hilakar kaha, "haan."

"pitaji ko vah devata-tuly manata tha. isake bad usane aur koee prativad nahian kiya. stabdh ho kuchh der tak kh de rahane ke bad dhire-dhire chala gaya. kya socha, yah vahi jane.

"rat ko kisi ne usaki talash nahian ki. subah hi kisi ne akar khabar di. sab dau d p de aur dekha ki hamare toote astabal ke ek kone mean gale mean rassi baandhe yatin jhool raha hai!"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "yah nahian janati ki bhatije ki atmahatya ke lie shastroan mean chacha ke lie shauch ki vidhi hai ya nahian gusaeean. shayad n ho, ya shayad dubaki lagane se hi shuddhi ho jati ho, so kuchh bhi ho, shubh din sirph kuchh dinoan ke lie aur age tal gaya. isake bad ganga-snan se shuddh aur pavitr ho mala aur til lagae hue manmath gusaeean papini ke pap-vimochan ka shubh sankalp liye hue navadvip mean akar hajir ho gaye."

ek muhoort ke lie maun rahakar vaishnavi phir kahane lagi, "us din thakur ki arpit mala thakuraji ke pad-padmoan mean hi lauta ayi. manmath ki apavitrata door ho gayi, par papini usha ki apavitrata is jivan mean door n huee naye gusaeean."

maianne kaha, "usake bad?"

vaishnavi ne muanh pher liya, koee javab nahian diya. samajh gaya ki ab use sanbhalane mean der lagegi. kafi der tak ham donoan hi chup baithe rahe.

usaka shesh aansh sunane ka agrah prabal ho utha. par soch raha tha ki prashn karana uchit hai ya nahian. vaishnavi ne ardr mridu kanth se khud hi kaha, "gusaeean, janate ho, sansar mean pap nam ki chiz itani bhayankar kyoan hai?"

"apane khayaloan ke mutabiq ek tarah se janata hooan, par tumhari dharana ke sath shayad vah n mile."

usane prattayuttar mean kaha, "nahian janati ki tumhara kya khayal hai. par us din se maianne akele hi apane khayal ke anusar samajh liya hai gusaeean, ki garv ke sath tum kitane hi logoan ko kahate hue sunoge ki kuchh bhi nahian hota. ve anek adamiyoan ka udaharan dekar apani bat pramanit karana chaheange. par isaki to koee zaroorat nahian. isaka praman hai manmath aur praman hooan maian khud. ab bhi ham logoan ka kuchh nahian hua. agar kuchh hota to maian ise itana bhayankar n kahati, par aisa to nahian hai, isaka dand bhogate haian niraparadh aur nirdosh log. yatin ko atmahatya ka b da dar tha, par usi se; vah apani didi ke aparadh ka prayashchit kar gaya. kaho gusaeean, isase aur adhik bhayankar tatha nishthur sansar mean kya hai? par aisa hi hota hai, isi tarah bhagavan shayad apani srishti ki raksha karate haian."

is vishay mean bahas karane se koee fayada nahian. yukti aur bhasha- koee bhi praanjal nahian hai, tathapi yahi khayal kiya ki dushkriti ki shokachchhann smriti ne shayad isi path par chalakar pap-puny ki upalabdhi arjan ki hai aur usase saantvana paeehai.

"kamalalata, usake bad kya hua?"

yah sunakar vah sahasa mano vyakul hokar kah uthi, "sach batao gusaeean, isake bad bhi meri batean sunane ki ichchha hoti hai?"

"sach hi kah raha hooan, hoti hai."

vaishnavi ne kaha, "mera bhagy hai jo is janm mean tumhare darshan phir hue." yah kah kuchh der tak chupachap meri aur dekhate-dekhate vah phir kahane lagi, "koee char din bad ek mara hua l daka paida hua. use ganga ke kinare visarjit kar ganga mean nahakar ghar laut aee. pita ji ne rokar kaha, "ab to maian nahian rah sakata beti."

"haan pitaji, ab ap mat rahie, ap ghar laut jaie. bahut du:kh diya, ab ap meri fikr n karean."

pitaji ne poochha, "bich mean khabar dogi n beti?"

"nahian pitaji ,meri khabar lene ki ap ab cheshta n kijiega."

"par usha, tumhari maan ab bhi jivit hai!"

"maian marooangi nahian pitaji, par meri sati-lakshmi maan se kah dena ki usha mar gayi. maan ko du:kh to hoga, par l daki zinda hai, janakar aur bhi zyada du:kh hoga. aauankhoan ke ashru poanchhakar pitaji kalakatte chale gaye."

maian chup baitha raha, kamalalata kahane lagi, "pas mean rupaya tha- makan ka kiraya chukakar maian bhi nikal p di. sangi-sathi mil gaye, sab shrivriandavanadham ja rahe the, maian bhi sath ho li."

vaishnavi ne kuchh rukakar kaha, "isake bad kitane tirth, kitane path, aur kitane pe doan ke niche anek din kat gaye..."

"yah janata hooan, par saik doan sadhuoan ki aauankhoan ki drishti ka vivaran to tumane bataya hi nahian, kamalalata!"

"vaishnavi hans p di. boli, "babaji logoan ki drishti atishay nirmal hai, unake bare mean ashraddha ki batean nahian kahana chahie gusaeean."

"nahian-nahian, ashraddha nahian. atishay shraddha ke sath hi unaki kahani sunana chahata hooan kamalalata."

is dapha vah nahian hansi, par dabi huee hansi chhipa bhi n saki. boli, "jo babaji prem karate haian unase sab batean kholakar nahian kahi jatian, hamare vaishnav-shastr mean manahi hai."

"to rahane do. sab batoan ka kam nahian, par ek bat batao. gusaeean ji dvarika das kahaan mile?"

kamalalata ne sankoch se jibh katakar aur kapal par hath dekar kaha, "majak nahian karana chahie, ve mere gurudev haian gusaeean."

"gurudev? tumane unhian se diksha li hai?"

"nahian, diksha to nahian li hai, par ve utane hi poojaniy haian."

"par itani sari vaishnaviyaan-sevadasiyaan kya..."

kamalalata ne phir jibh katakar kaha, "ve sab meri hi tarah unaki shishya haian. unaka bhi unhoanne hi uddhar kiya hai."

"nishchay hi kiya hai par 'parakiya sadhana' ya kuchh aisi hi jo ek sadhana-paddhati tum logoan ki hai- usamean to koee dosh nahian..."

vaishnavi ne mujhe rokakar kaha, "tum logoan ne door rahakar sirph hamara hansi-majak hi u daya hai, nazadik akar kabhi kuchh dekha to hai nahian, isilie asani se vyangy kar sakate ho. hamare b de gusaeean ji sannyasi haian, unaka upahas karane se pap hota hai nootan gusaeean- aisi batean phir kabhi zaban par mat lana." usaki batoan se aur gambhirata se kuchh hataprabh ho gaya. vaishnavi ne yah lakshy kar jara muskurate hue kaha, "do din ham logoan ke pas yahian raho n gusaeean. keval b de gusaeean ji ke lie hi nahian kah rahi hooan, mujhe to tum pyar karate ho, aur kabhi yadi mulakat n ho to kam-se-kam yah to dekh jao ki sansar mean kamalalata

sachamuch mean kya lekar sansar mean rah rahi hai. yatin ko maian aj bhi nahian bhooli hooan- do din raho, maian kahati hooan ki tum yatharth mean khush hoge."

chup raha. in logoan ke bare mean ekadam hi kuchh n janata hoooan, so bat nahian hai. asal vaishnav ki l daki tagar ki yad a gayi. kintu majak karane ki ab aur pravritti nahian thi. yatin ke prayashchit ki ghatana sari alochana ke bich rah-rah kar jaise mujhe bhi unmana kar deti thi.

vaishnavi ne achanak prashn kiya, "kyoan gusaeean, is umr tak bhi sachamuch tumane kabhi kisi ko pyar nahian kiya?"

"tumhara kya khayal hota hai kamalalata?"

"mera khayal hota hai, nahian. tumhara man asali

vairagi ka man hai- udasin ka- titali ki tarah. tum kabhi kisi bandhan ko nahian manoge."

maianne hansakar kaha, "titali ki upama to achchhi nahian hai kamalalata, yah to sunane mean bahut kuchh gali jaisi hai. mera premapatr sachamuch mean hi yadi kahian koee ho, to usake kanoan mean isaki bhanak p dane par anarth ho jayega." vaishnavi hansi, boli, "dar ki koee bat nahian gusaeean, vastav mean yadi koee hogi, to meri bat ka vah vishvas nahian karegi, aur tumhari madhumishrit chalaki bhi vah jivan-bhar nahian pak d sakegi."

"to phir use du:kh kis bat ka? ho n chalaki, parantu usake nikat to vahi sahi rahegi."

vaishnani ne sir hilakar kaha, "aisa nahian hota gusaeean. saty ka sthan jhooth kabhi nahian le sakata. ve bhale hi n samajhean, karan bhale hi unake lie spasht n ho, to bhi unaka antar nirantar ashrumukh hi rahega. mithya ka kand to dekhate hi ho; isi tarah is raste par n jane kitane log aye. yah path jinake lie saty nahian hai, unaki sari sadhana jal ki dhara ke tal ki sookhi baloo ki tarah hamesha hi alag-alag rahi hai, kabhi ekatrit nahian huee."

kuchh thaharakar vah mano achanak man hi man bol uthi, "ve ras ke marm tak to pahuanchate nahian, isilie pranahin nirjiv moorti ki nirarthak seva karate-karate unaka ji do din mean hi haanph uthata hai- sochate haian ki vah kis moh ke andhakar mean apane ko din-rat thagate hue mare ja rahe haian. aise logoan ko dekhakar hi tum log hamara upahas karana sikhate ho- par maian yah kya falatoo batean bak rahi hooan gusaeean, is sab asanlagn pralap ki ek bat bhi tum nahian samajhoge. par yadi tumhari koee aisi hai, to tum use bhale hi bhool jao, par vah tumhean nahian bhool sakegi, aur n kabhi usaki aauankhoan ka pani hi sookhega."

maianne svikar kiya ki usake vaktavy ka pratham aansh maianne samajha, par antim aansh ke prativad mean kaha, "tum kya mujhase yahi kahana chahati ho kamalalata, ki mujhako pyar karane ka nam hi hai du:kh pana?"

"du:kh ki bat to nahian kahi gusaeean, kahi hai aauankhoan ke pani ki bat."

"par kamalalata, ve donoan to ek hi haian, sirph shabdoan ka her-pher hai."

vaishnavi ne kaha, "nahian gusaeean, vah donoan ek nahian haian. n to shabdoan ka hi her-pher hai aur n bhav ka hi auratean n isase darati hi haian, aur n usase bachana hi chahati haian. par tum samajhoge kaise?"

"jab kuchh nahian samajhooanga to phir mujhase yah sab kahati hi kyoan ho?"

"bina kahe raha bhi nahian jata ji. prem ki vastavikata ko lekar mardoan ka dal jab apani b daee kiya karata hai, tab sochati hooan ki hamari jati unase alag hai. tum logoan ke aur ham logoan ke pyar ki prakriti hi bhinn hai. tum log chahate ho vistar aur ham chahati haian gambhirata, tum log chahate ho ullas aur ham chahati haian shanti. janate ho gusaeean, ki prem ke nashe se ham bhitar hi bhitar kitana darati haian. usake unmad se hamare hriday ki dh dakan nahian rukati."

maian kuchh prashn karana chahata tha, kintu usane meri or dhyasan hi nahian diya aur bhavoan ke aveg mean bolana jari rakkha, "vah hamara saty bhi nahian hai, hamara apana bhi nahian hai. vah dau d-dhoop ki chanchalata jis din rukati hai, keval usi din ham ni:shvas chho dakar aram pati haian. o ji naye gusaeean, prem ki b di se b di prapti, striyoan ke lie, nirbhayata ki apeksha aur kuchh nahian hai. par yahi chiz tum logoan se koee kabhi nahian pati?"

"yah nishchayapoorvak janati ho, ki nahian pati?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "nishchayapoorvak janati hooan. isalie to tumhari b daee mujhe sahan nahian hoti."

ashchary hua. kaha, "tumhare nikat b daee to kabhi nahian ki kamalalata?"

usane kaha, "jan boojhakar nahian ki, par tumhara yah udasin bairagi-man- jagat mean isase badhakar ahankar se bhara hua aur bhi kuchh hai kya?"

"par in do dinoan mean hi tumane mujhe itana kaise jan liya?"

jan gayi, kyoanki tumhean pyar jo kiya hai."

sunakar man-hi-man kaha, tumhare du:kh aur aauankhoan ke ashruoan ka prabhed itani der bad ab samajha hooan kamalalata! maloom hota hai, avishram pooja aur ras ki aradhana ka parinam aisa hi hota hai.

"pyar kiya hai, yah kya sach hai kamalalata?"

"haan, sach hai."

"par tumhara jap-tap, tumhara kirtan, tumhari rat-din ki thakur-seva- in sabaka kya hoga, batao?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "tab ye sab mere lie aur bhi saty, aur bhi sarthak ho utheange. chalo n gusaeean, sab kuchh chho d-chha dakar donoan janean raste par nikal p dean."

maianne sir hilakar kaha, "yah nahian hoga kamalalata, kal maian chala ja raha hooan. par jane ke pahale gauhar ke bare mean janane ki ichchha hoti hai."

vaishnavi ne sirph ni:shvas chho dakar kaha, "gauhar ke bare mean? nahian, use sunane ka tumhara kam nahian. sachamuch hi kal jaoge?"

"haan, sach hi kal jaooanga."

kshanabhar ke lie stabdh rahakar vaishnavi ne kaha, "kintu is ashram mean yadi tum phir kabhi aoge saeean, to kamalalata ko n khoj paoge."

000

is vishay mean sandeh n tha ki ab yahaan ek kshan rahana bhi uchit nahian. par usi samay manoan koee a d mean kh da hokar aauankh band kar ishare se nishedh karata hai. kahata hai, "jaoge kyoan? yahi sochakar to aye the ki chhah-sat din raheange,- raho n. takaliph to kuchh hai nahian."

rat ko bichhaune par leta hua soch raha tha ki ye kaun haian jo ek hi sharir mean vas karake ek hi vakt thik ulati ray dete haian. kisaki bat zyada sach hai? kaun zyada apana hai? vivek, buddhi, man, pravritti- aise hi jane kitane nam haian, inaki n jane kitani darshanik vyakhyaean haian, par saty ko aj bhi kaun ni:sanshay pratishthit kar saka hai? jisako sochata hooan, ki achchha hai, ichchha kar vahian par pair badhane mean badha kyoan dalati hai? apane hi andar ke is virodh- dvandv ka shesh kyoan nahian hota? man kahata hai ki mera chala jana hi shreyaskar hai, chala jana hi kalyanakari hai. to phir doosare hi kshan us man ki donoan aauankhoan mean aauansoo kyoan bhar ate haian? buddhi, vivek, pravritti, man, in sab batoan ki srishti karake sachchi saantvana kahaan rah jati hai?

phir bhi jana hi chahie, pichhe hatane se kam nahian chalega. aur so bhi kal hi. yahi sochane laga ki is jane ko kaise sampann karooan. bachapan ka ek rasta janata hooan vah hai gayab ho jana. bida ki vani nahian, lautakar ane ki jhoothi dilasa nahian, karan ka pradarshan nahian, prayojan ka- karttavy ka vistrit vivaran nahian; sirph maian tha aur ab maian nahian hooan, is saty ghatana ke avishkar ka bhar un logoan par chho d dena jo pichhe rah gaye haian, bas. nishchay kar liya ki ab sona to hoga nahian, thakuraji ki mangal arati shuroo hone ke pahale hi andhakar mean sharir dhankakar prasthan kar dooanga. par dikkat hai ki pooantoo ke dahej ka rupaya chhote baig samet kamalalata ke pas hai. lekin use rahane do. kalakatte se, aur nahian to barma se chitthi bhej dooanga, usase ek kam yah bhi hoga ki jab tak unhean lauta n degi tab tak kamalalata ko badhyai hokar yahian rahana p dega, path-vipath par jane ka suyog nahian milega.

jo kuchh rupaye mere kurate ki jeb mean p de haian, ve kalakatte tak pahuanchane ke lie kafi haian.

bahut rat isi tarah kat gayi. chooanki bar-bar sankalp kiya tha ki soooanga nahian, shayad isi karan n jane kab so gaya! pata nahian ki kitani der-tak soya, par achanak aisa laga ki svapn mean gana sun raha hooan. ek bar khayal kiya ki rat ka vyapar shayad abhi tak samapt nahian hua hai, phir socha ki shayad pratyoosh ki mangal arati shuroo ho gayi hai, par kaanse ke ghante ka suparichit du:sah ninad nahian hai. asampoorn aparitript nidra tootakar bhi nahian tootati, aauankhean kholakar dekha bhi nahian ja sakata. kintu, kanoan mean prabhati ke sur mean mithe kanth ka sada dhima ahnan pahuancha-

jagiye gopal lal, panchhi ban bole.

rajani kau ant mayau, dinane pat khole॥

"gusaeean ji, aur kitani der tak sooge? utho."

bichhaune par uth baitha. masahari uthaee, poorv ki khi daki khuli huee hai- samane ki amr-shakhaoan mean pushpit lavang-manjari ke kee b de-b de guchchh niche tak jhool rahe haian. unaki saiandhoan mean se dikhaee diya ki akash mean kee jagah halke lal rang ka abhas hai, jaise aandheri rat mean sudoor gram ke ant mean ag lag gayi ho. man mean kahian kuchh vyatha-si hone lagi. kuchh chamagid d u d karake apane avasoan ko laut rahe haian. unaki pankhoan ki ph daph dahat bar-bar kanoan mean ane lagi. aisa lagane laga ki ratri khatm ho rahi hai. yah nilakanthoan, bulabuloan aur shyama pakshiyoan ka desh hai. mano, yah unaki rajadhani 'kalakatta shahar' hai aur yah vishal bakul-vriksh (maulasiri) unake len-den aur kam-kaj ka 'b da bazar' hai jahaan din ke vakti ki bhi d dekhakar avakh ho jana p data hai. tarah-tarah ki shakalean, tarah-tarah ki bhasha aur rang-birangi poshak ka bahut hi vichitr samavesh hai. rat ko akha de ke charoan or ke van mean dal-dal kar unake aganit adde haian. niand khul jane ki ahat kuchh-kuchh paee gayi. usase maloom hua ki mano hath-muanh dhokar ve taiyari kar rahe haian. ab sare din chalane vale nach-gan ka mahotsav shuroo hoga. ye sab lakhanoo ke ustad haian jo thakate bhi nahian aur kasarat bhi band nahian karate. bhitar vaishnavoan ka kirtan shayad kabhi band bhi ho jay, parantu bahar is bala ke band done ki sambhavana nahian hai. yahaan par chhote-b de, bhale-bure ka vichar nahian hai. ichchha aur samay chahe ho ya n ho, gana tumhean sunana hi p dega. is desh ki, maloom hota hai, yahi vyavastha hai, yahi niyam hai. yad aya, kal sari dopahari-bhar pichhe ke baans ke ban mean do papihoan ke uchch gale ki 'piya piya' pukar ki avishrant ho d se meri diva-nindra mean kafi vighn hua tha; is par meri hi tarah kshubdh hua koee jal-kak nadi kinare ke vriksh par aur bhi kathor kanth se bar-bar unaka tiraskar karake bhi unhean chup nahian kar saka tha. bhagy achchha tha ki is desh mean mor nahian hai, nahian to unake is utsav ke akha de mean a pahuanchane par to manushy tik hi nahian pata. so jo bhi ho, din ka upadrav ab bhi shuroo nahian hua tha. shayad aur bhi tho da-sa nirvighn so sakata kintu isi samay gat ratri ka sankalp yad a gaya. parantu, ab chupachap khisak chalane ka bhi mauqa nahian raha, prahariyoan ki satarkata se kam big d chuka tha. naraj hokar bola, "maian 'gopal' bhi nahian hooan aur mere bichhaune mean lal bhi nahian haian. is samay adhi rat ko sote se jagane ki bhala kaho to kya zaroorat thi?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "rat kahaan hai gusaeean, tumhari to aj subah ki ga di se kalakatte jane ki bat thi! muanh-hath dho lo, maian chay taiyar kar lati hooan. nahana nahian. adat nahian hai, bimar p d sakate ho."

"haan, bimar p d sakata hooan. subah ki ga di se jab meri ichchha hogi chala jaooanga, par yah to batao ki tumhean is vishay mean itana utsah kyoan hai?"

usane kaha, "aur kisi ke uthane ke pahale maian tumhean b de raste tak pahuancha jo ana chahati hooan gusaeean." usaka chehara spashtat: nahian dikhaee diya, par bikhare hue baloan ki or dekhakar kamare ki itani kam roshani mean bhi yah jan gaya ki ve gile haian, snan se nibatakar vaishnavi taiyar ho gayi hai."

"mujhe pahuanchakar phir ashram mean hi laut aogi n?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "haan."

rupayoan ki us chhoti-si thaili ko bichhaune par rakh usane kaha, "yah raha tumhara baig. raste mean hoshayari rakhana- rupaye ek bar dekh lo."

ekaek kuchh kahane ke lie shabd n soojhe. phir kaha, "kamalalata, tumhara is raste par ana mithya hai. ek din tumhara nam tha usha, aj bhi vahi usha ho- jara bhi nahian badal saki ho."

"kyoan, batao?"

"tum bhi kaho ki mujhase rupaye ginane ke lie kyoan kaha? gin sakata hooan yah kya tum sach samajhati ho? jo sochate kuchh aur haian aur kahate kuchh aur haian unhean kapati kahate haian. jane ke pahale maian b de gusaeeanji se shikayat kar jaooanga ki ashram ke khate se tumhara nam kat dean. tum vaishnav-dal ke lie kalank ho."

vah chup rahi. maian bhi kshanabhar maun rahakar bola, "aj subah meri jane ki ichchha nahian hai.'

"nahian hai? to tho di der aur so lo. uthane par mujhe khabar dena- kyoan?"

"par tum abhi kya karogi?"

"mujhe kam hai. phool chunane jaooangi."

"is andhakar mean? dar nahian lagata?"

"nahian, dar kisaka? subah ki pooja ke phool maian hi chunakar lati hooan. nahian to un logoan ki b di takaliph hoti hai."

'un logoan' ke mane anyany vaishnaviyaan. yahaan do din rahakar yah gaur kar raha tha ki sabaki a d mean rahakar math ka. samast guru-bhar kamalalata akeli vahan karati hai. sab vyavasthaoan mean usaka kartritv hai sabake oopar, kintu sneh se, saujany se aur sarvopari savinay karmakushalata se yah kartritv itani sahaj shrriankhala mean pravahaman hai ki kahian bhi eershya-vidvesh ka jara-sa bhi mail nahian jamane pata. yah sochakar mujhe bhi klesh hua ki yahi ashram-lakshmi aj utkanth vyakulata ke sath jaooan-jaooan kar rahi hai. yah kitani b di durghatana hai, kitani b di nirupay durgati mean itane nishchint nar-nari gir p deange. is math mean sirph do din se hooan, par n jane kaisa ek akarshan anubhav kar raha hooan- aisa manobhav ho gaya hai ki mano isaki antarik shubhakaanksha chahe bina rah hi nahian sakata. socha, log yah galat kahate haian ki sabako mila kar ashram hai aur yahaan sabhi saman haian. par yah mano aauankhoan ke samane hi dekhane laga ki is ek ke abhav mean kendr bhrasht upagrah ki tarah samast ayatan hi disha-vidishaoan mean vichchhinn-vikshit hokar toot sakata hai. kaha, "aur nahian soooanga kamalalata, chalo tumhare sath chalakar phool chun laooan."

vaishnavi ne kaha, "tumane snan nahian kiya hai, kap de bhi nahian badale haian- tumhare chhue hue phooloan se pooja hogi?"

maianne kaha, "phool mat to dane dena, par dal ko nicha kar pak dane to dogi? yah bhi tumhari sahayata hogi."

vaishnavi ne kaha, "dal nichi karane ki zaroorat nahian hoti, chhote-chhote pe d haian- maian khud hi kar leti hooan."

kaha, "kam-se-kam sath rahakar sukh-du:kh ki do-char batean to kar sakooanga?" isamean bhi tumhari mehanat kam hogi."

is bar vaishnavi hansi. boli, "ekaek itana dard ho aya gusaeean. achchha, chalo. maian daliya le aooan, itane mean tum hath-muanh dhokar kap de badal lo."

ashram ke bahar tho di door par phooloan ka bagicha hai. ghane chhayadar amr-van ke bhitar se rasta hai. sirph andhakar ke karan hi nahian balki sookhe pattoan ke dheroan ke karan path ki rekha vilupt ho gayi hai. vaishnavi age-age aur maian pichhe-pichhe chala, to dar lagane laga ki kahian saanp par pair n p d jay.

kaha, "kamalalata, rasta to nahian bhoologi?"

"nahian, kam-se-kam aj to tumhare lie rasta pahachanakar chalana p dega."

"kamalalata, ek anurodh rakhogi?"

"kaun-sa anurodh?"

"yahaan se tum aur kahian nahian jaogi."

"jane se tumhara kya nukasan hai?"

javab nahian de saka, chup ho raha.

"murari thakur ne kaha hai ki "he sakhi, apane ghar laut jao, jisane jite hue bhi mar kar apane ko kho diya hai, use tum ab kya samajhati ho?" gusaeean, sham ko tum kalakatte chale jaoge, aur ab yahaan shayad ek prahar se zyada thahar n sakoge- kyoan?"

"kya pata, pahale subah to hone do."

vaishnavi ne javab nahian diya, kuchh der bad gunagunakar gane lagi-

chandidas kahe sun vinodini, sukh-dukh donoan bhaee.

sukh ke karan priti kare jo, du:kh bhi ta dhig aee

rukane par kaha, "isake bad?"

"isake bad aur nahian yad."

kaha, "to kuchh aur gao-"

vaishnavi ne vaise hi mridu svar mean gaya...

chandidas kahe sun vinodini, priti ko bat n bhavai.

priti ke karan pran ganvavai, akhir priti hi pavai

is bar usake rukane par bola, "isake bad?"

vaishnavi ne javab diya, "isake bad aur nahian hai, yahian shesh hai."

isamean shak nahian ki shesh hi hai. donoan hi chup ho rahe. bahut ichchha hone lagi ki drutapadoan se nazadik jakar aur kuchh kahakar is andhakar-path par usaka hath pak dakar chalooan. janata hooan ki vah naraj nahian hogi, badha nahian degi, par kisi bhi tarah pair nahian chale, muanh se bhi ek shabd nahian nikala. jaise chal raha tha vaise hi dhire-dhire chupachap jangal ke bahar a pahuancha.

raste ke kinare baansoan ke gher se ghira hua ashram ka phooloan ka ek bagicha hai. thakuraji ki dainik pooja ke lie yahian se phool ate haian. khuli huee jagah mean andhakar nahian hai par ujala bhi utana nahian hua hai. phir bhi dekha ki aganit khile hue chameli ke phooloan se sara bagicha mano saphed ho raha hai. samane ke pattoan jh de hue munde champe ke jha d mean to phool nahian haian, parantu, usake pas hi kahian kuchh rajanigandha ke phool asamay mean phool rahe haian jinaki madhur gandh se us truti ki poorti ho gayi hai. aur sabase adhik man ko lubha lenevala tha bich ka hissa. ratri ke ant mean is dhuandhale alok mean pahachane jate the ek doosare se bhi de hue jhund ke jhund gulab ke jha d- jinamean beshumar phool the aur jo sahasroan phaili huee lal aauankhoan se bagiche ki dishaoan ki or mano tak rahe the. pahale kabhi itane sabere shayya chho dakar nahian utha tha, yah samay hamesha nidrachchhann j data ki achetanata mean kat jata hai. bata nahian sakata ki aj kitana achchha laga. poorv ke raktim digant mean jyotirmay ka abhas mil raha hai, aur usaki ni:shabd mahima se sara akash shant ho raha hai. yah latikaoan aur pattoan se, shobha aur saurabh se aur aganit phooloan se parivyapt sammukh ka upavan- sabhi milakar aisa laga ki jaise yah ratri ki samaptapray vakyahin bida ki ashruruddh bhasha ho. karuna, mamata aur ayachit dakshiny se mera samast antar palak marate hi paripoorn ho utha, sahasa kah utha, "kamalalata, jivan mean tumane anek du:kh-dard paye haian, prarthana karata hooan ki is bar tum sukhi hoo."

vaishnavi phooloan ki daliya ko champe ki dal par lataka kar samane ki badh ka daravaza khol rahi thi ki usane ashchary se lautakar dekha aur kaha, "achanak tumhean ho kya gaya gusaeean?" apani batean apane hi kanoan mean n jane kaisi bedhangi lag rahi thian, us par usake savismay prashn se man hi man bahut apratibh ho gaya. koee javab nahian soojha, lajja ko dhakane ke lie ek arthahin hansi ki cheshta bhi thik tarah saphal nahian huee, ant mean chup ho raha.

vaishnavi ne bhitar pravesh kiya, sath hi maianne bhi. phool to date hue usane khud hi kaha, "maian sukh mean hi hooan gusaeean. jinake pad-padmoan mean apane ko nivedan kar diya hai ve dasi ka kabhi parityag nahian kareange."

sandeh hua ki arth kafi saf nahian hai, par yah kahane ka sahas bhi nahian hua ki spasht karake kaho. vah mridu svar se gunagunane lagi-

gale mean shyam manikoan ki manju malaean dalooangi,

aur kanoan mean navakundal, shyam-gun-yash ke dharooangi.

shyam ke hi anurag-range, pit pat sundar pahanooangi,

yogini ban karake ban ban, aur path path par bhatakooangi

kahe yadunathadas-

git rokana p da. kaha, "yadunathadas ko rahane do, udhar jhalliri ki avaz sun rahi ho, lautogi nahian?" usane meri or dekhakar mridu hasy se phir shuroo kar diya-

dharm au karm sabhi javean, nahian darati hooan maian isase.

kahian is chakkar mean p dakar, hath dho baithooan pritamase

"achchha, naye gusaeean, janate ho ki bahut se bhale adami auratoan ka gana nahian sunana chahate, unhean bahut bura lagata hai?"

maianne kaha, "janata hooan. kintu maian un 'bhale barbaroan' mean nahian hooan."

"to badha dalakar mujhe roka kyoan?"

"udhar to shayad arati shuroo ho gayi hai- tumhare n rahane se usamean kami rah jayegi."

"yah mithya chhalana hai gusaeean."

"chhalana kyoan hai?"

"kyoan, so tum bhi janate ho. par yah bat tumase kahi kisane ki mere n rahane par thakuraji ki seva mean sachamuch hi kami ho sakati hai? is par kya tum vishvas karate ho?"

"karata hooan. mujhe kisi ne kaha nahian kamalalata, maianne khud apani aauankhoan se dekha hai."

usane aur kuchh nahian kaha, n jane kaise anyamanask bhav se kshanakal tak vah mere muanh ki or takati rahi aur usake bad phool to dane lagi.

daliya bhar jane par boli, "bas, ab aur nahian."

"gulab nahian chune?"

"nahian, unhean ham nahian to datian, yahian se bhagavan ko nivedan kar deti haian. chalo, ab chalean."

ujala ho gaya hai. par yah math gram ke ekant mean hai- idhar koee zyada ata-jata nahian, isalie tab bhi vah path jan-hin tha aur ab bhi hai. chalate-chalate ek bar phir vahi prashn kiya, "tum kya sachamuch yahaan se chali jaogi?"

"bar-bar yah bat poochhane se tumhean kya labh hoga gusaeean?"

is bar bhi javab n de saka, sirph apane apase poochha, sach to hai, bar-bar yah bat kyoan poochhata hooan? isase mera labh?

math mean lautakar dekha ki is bich sabhi log jakar dainik kamoan mean lag gaye haian. us vakt jhallari ki avaz se vyast hokar vritha hi jaldi machaee thi. maloom hua ki vah mangal-arati nahian thi sirph thakuraji ki nidra bhang karane ka baja tha. yah unhean hi suhata hai.

ham donoan ko anekoan ne dekha, par kisi ke bhi dekhane mean kutoohal nahian tha. kam-umr hone ke karan sirph padma ek bar muskaraee aur phir muanh nicha kar liya. vah thakuraji ki mala gooanthati hai. usake pas daliya rakhakar kamalalata ne sasneh kautuk se tarjan karake kaha, "hansi kyoan jalamuanhi?"

kintu usane muanh oopar nahian uthaya. kamalalata ne thakuraji ke kamare mean pravesh kiya, aur maian bhi apane kamare mean dakhil hua.

snan aur ahar yathariti aur yathasamay sampann hua. sham ki ga di se mere jane ki bat thi. vaishnavi ko khojane gaya to dekha ki vah thakuraji ke kamare mean hai aur unhean saza rahi hai. mujhe dekhate hi boli, "naye gusaeean, yadi ae ho to kuchh meri sahayata bhi karo. padma siradard lekar p di hai aur lakshmi-sarasvati donoan bahinoan ko ekaek bukhar a gaya hai, kya hoga kuchh samajh mean nahian ata. vasanti rang ke in do kap doan mean chunnat dal do n gusaeean."

atev thakur ke kap doan mean chunnat dalane baith gaya. us din jana n ho saka. doosare din bhi nahian aur usake bad vale din bhi nahian. maian b de sabere vaishnavi ke phool to dane ka sathi ban gaya. prabhat mean, madhayahn mean, sandhyan ko-kuchh-kuchh kam vah mujhase kara hi leti hai. isi prakar svapn ki tarah din katane lage. seva mean, sahridayata mean, anand mean, aradhana mean, phooloan mean, gandh mean, kirtan mean, pakshiyoan ke gan mean- kahian bhi koee chhidr nahian, phir bhi sandindh man bich-bich mean sajag ho bhartsana kar uthata hai ki yah kya khilava d kar rahe ho? bahar ke sare sambandh to dakar in tho de se nirjiv khilaunoan ke pichhe yah kaisa pagalapan kar rahe ho? itani b di atmavanchana mean manushy jivit kaise rahata hai? phir bhi yah achchha lagata hai, jaooan-jaooan karake bhi pair nahian badha pata. is taraph maleriya kam hai, phir bhi is samay anek log jvaragrast ho rahe haian. gauhar sirph ek din aya tha, phir nahian aya. usaki khoj-khabar lene ka samay bhi nahian nikal pata! yah meri dasha achchhi huee!

sahasa man bhay aur dhikkar se bhar gaya- yah maian kar kya raha hooan? sangati-dosh se kya ek din yah sab saty man baithooanga? sthir kiya, ab nahian, chahe kuchh bhi kyoan n ho, kal yah jagah chho dakar mujhe bhagana hi p dega.

har roj rat ke ant mean vaishnavi akar jaga deti hai. prabhati ke svar mean vaishnav kaviyoan ka niand u da dene vala vah git bhakti aur prem ka kitana sakarun avedan hota hai! hathath uttar nahian deta, kan lagakar sunata rahata hooan. aauankhoan ke konoan mean aauansoo a jana chahate haian. masahari uthakar jab vah khi daki aur daravaza khol deti hai tab naraj hokar uth baithata hooan, aur muanh dho kap de badalakar sath chal deta hooan.

kee dinoan ki adat ki vajah se aj apane ap hi niand khul gayi. kamare mean andhakar hai. ek bar aisa laga ki rat abhi khatm nahian huee hai, parantu phir sandeh hua. bichhauna chho dakar bahar aya- dekhata hooan ki rat kahaan hai, sabera ho gaya hai. kisi ke khabar dete hi kamalalata akar kh di ho gayi. usaka aisa asnat prastut chehara isake pahale nahian dekha tha.

dar se poochha, "tumhari tabiyat kya achchhi nahian hai?"

usane mlan hansi hansakar kaha, "gusaeean, aj tum jit gaye."

"batao, kaise?"

"tabiyat aj vaisi achchhi nahian, vakt par nahian uth saki."

"to aj phool to dane kaun gaya?"

aauangan ke ek or ek adhamare tagar ke pe d mean kuchh tho de se phool lage the, unhian ko dikhakar boli, "is vakt to kisi tarah inhian se kam chala jayega."

"par thakur ke gale ki mala?"

"mala aj n pahana sakooangi."

sunakar man n jane kaisa ho gaya- unhian nirjiv khilaunoan ke lie! kaha, "nahakar maian to d lata hooan."

"to jao, par itane sabere naha nahian sakoge. bimar p d jaoge."

"b de gusaeeanji nahian dikhaee dete?"

vaishnavi ne kaha, "ve to yahaan haian nahian, parasoan apane gurudev se milane navadvip gaye haian."

"kab lauteange?"

"yah to pata nahian gusaeean."

itane dinoan se math mean rahate hue bhi bairagi dvarikadas ke sath ghanishthata nahian huee, kuchh to mere apane dosh se aur kuchh unake nirlipt svabhav ke karan. vaishnavi ke muanh se sunakar aur apani aauankhoan se dekhakar jan gaya hooan ki is adami mean n kapat hai, n anachar aur n mastari karane ka chav. unaka adhikaansh samay apane nirjan kamare mean vaishnav dharm-granthoan ke sath vyatit hota hai. in logoan ke dharm-mat par n meri astha hai, n vishvas. par is vyakti ki batean itani namr, dekhane ki bhangi itani svachchh, gambhir tatha vishvas aur nishtha se aharnish aisi bharapoor rahati hai ki unake mat aur path ke viruddh alochana karane mean sirph sankoch hi nahian balki du:kh hota hai. apane ap hi yah samajh mean a jata haian ki yahaan tark karana. bilkusal nishphal hai. ek din ek mamooli-si dalil karane par ve muskurate hue is tarah chupachap dekhate rah gaye ki kuantha ke mare mere muanh se aur shabd hi n nikale. usake bad se hi maian yathasadhyai unase bachakar chala hooan. phir bhi ek kutoohal bana raha. ichchha thi ki jane ke pahale itani nariyoan se ghire rahane par bhi, niravichchhinn ras ke anushilana mean nimagn rahane par bhi, chitt ki shanti aur deh ki nirmalata ko akshunn banae rakhane ka rahasy unase poochh jaooanga. par vah suyog is yatra mean ab shayad nahian milega. man hi man socha ki phir kabhi yadi ana hua, to dekha jayega.

vaishnavoan ke mathoan mean bhi thakuraji ki moorti ko amataur brahman ke alava aur koee sparsh nahian kar sakata, par ham ashram mean yah riti nahian hai. thakur ka ek vaishnav pujari bahar rahata hai, aj bhi vah akar yathariti pooja kar gaya. par thakur ki seva ka bhar aj bahut kuchh mujh par a p da. vaishnavi batalati jati hai aur maian sab kam karata jata hooan, par rah-rahakar sara hriday tikt ho uthata hai. mujh par yah kya pagalapan savar ho raha hai! aj bhi jana band raha. apane ko shayad yah kahakar samajhaya ki jab itane dinoan se yahaan hooan, tab is vipatti ke samay in logoan ko kaise chho d jaooan? sansar mean kritajnata nam ki bhi to koee chiz hai.

aur bhi do din kat gaye, kintu ab aur nahian. kamalalata svasth ho gayi hai, padma aur lakshmi-sarasvati donoan bahinoan ki tabiyat bhi thik ho gayi hai. dvarika das kal sham ko laut aye haian, unase bida maangane gaya. gusaeeanji ne kaha, "aj jaoge gusaeean? ab kab aoge?"

"yah to nahian janata gusaeeanji."

"lekin kamalalata to ro-rokar adhamari ho jayegi."

yah janakar man hi man bahut big da ki inake kanoan mean bhi hamari bat pahuanch gayi hai. kaha, "vah kyoan rone lagi?"

gusaeeanji ne jara hansakar kaha, "shayad tum nahian janate?"

"nahian."

"usaka svabhav hi aisa hai. kisi ke chale jane par vah shok mean adhamari ho jati hai."

yah bat aur bhi buri lagi. kaha, "jisaki adat hi shok karane ki hai vah to karega hi. maian use rok kaise sakata hooan?" par yah kaha aur unaki aauankhoan ki taraph dekhakar muanh phera hi tha ki dekha, mere pichhe kamalalata kh di hai.

dvarikadas ne kunthit svar mean kaha, "us par naraj hona gusaeean, suna hai ki ye sab tumhari seva nahian kar sakian aur bimar p dakar tumase bahut kam liya, anek kasht bhi diye. yah kal mujhase isake lie svayan hi du:kh prakat kar rahi thi. aur phir vaishnav-bairagiyoan ke pas seva-satkar karane layaq hai hi kya. kintu agar kabhi tumhara yahaan ana ho to bhikhariyoan ko darshan de jana. de jaoge n gusaeean?"

sir hilakar bahar nikala aya, kamalalata vahian par vaisi hi kh di rahi. par akasmath yah kya ho gaya! bida lene ke vakt n jane kitana kya kahane aur sunane ki kalpana kar rakkhi thi!- sab nasht kar di. anubhav kar raha tha ki chitt ki durbalata ki glani antar mean dhire-dhire sanchit ho rahi hai, kintu svapn mean bhi nahian socha tha ki jhuanjhalaya hua asahishnu man aisi ashobhan rukshata se apani maryada nasht kar baithega!

navin a pahuancha. vah gauhar ki talash mean aya hai, kyoanki, vah kal se ab tak ghar nahian lauta hai. b da acharaj hua, "yah kya navin, vah to yahaan bhi ab nahian ata?"

navin vishesh vichalit n hua. bola, "to kisi ban-jangal mean ghoom rahe hoange, nahana-khana band kar diya hai, ab kahian saanp ke katane ki khabar milegi to nishchint hua jayega."

"par navin, usaki talash karana to zaroori hai."

"maloom hai ki zaroori hai, par talash kahaan karooan? baboo, jangal mean ghoom ghoomakar maian apani jan to de nahian sakata! par ve kahaan haian? ek bar unase aur pooanchh looan."

" 've' kaun?"

"vahi kamalalata."

"par use kya maloom hoga navin?"

"ve nahian janati? sab janati haian."

aur zyada bahas n karake maian uttejit navin ko math ke bahar le aya. kaha, "vastav mean navin, kamalalata kuchh nahian janati. khud bimar hone ke karan vah tin char din se akha de ke bahar bhi nahian nikali."

navin ne vishvas nahian kiya. naraj hokar kaha, "nahian janati? vah sab janati hai. vaishnavi kaun-sa mantar nahian janati? vah kya nahian kar sakati? yadi kahian vah navin ke palle p di hoti to usaka aauankh-muanh matakana aur kirtan karana sab bahar nikal deta. lauande ne bap ke itane rupaye paise mano jadoo se u da diye!"

use shant karane ke lie kaha, "kamalalata rupaye lekar kya karegi, navin? vaishnavi hai; math mean rahati hai, gana gakar, bhikh maangakar thakur-devata ki seva karati hai. do daphe do mutthi khati hi to hai aur kya! isalie mujhe to aisa nahian laga ki vah rupayoan ki bhikharini hai navin!"

navin kuchh thanda hokar bola, "apane lie nahian-yah to ham bhi janate haian. dekhane mean bhi vah bhale ghar ki l daki jaisi lagati hai. vaisa hi chehara aur vaisi hi batachit. b de babaji bhi lobhi nahian haian, par unhoanne vaishnviyoan ka poora ek jhund ka jhund jo pal rakkha hai! thakur-seva ke nam par un logoan ko hulua-poo di aur doodh-ghi roj jo chahie! nayan chaand chakravarti ke muanh par ghusaphus suni hai ki akha de ke nam bis bigha zamin kharidi gayi hai! kuchh bhi nahian rahega baboo, jo kuchh hai sab ek din bairagiyoan ke pet mean chala jayega."

kaha, "par yah aphavah shayad sach nahian hai. aur tumhara vah nayan chakravarti bhi to kam nahian hai!"

navin ne phauran svikar kar kaha, "yah thik hai. vah dhoort brahman b da jhaansebaj hai. par kahie, vishvas kaise n karooan? us din khamakhvah mere hi l dake ke nam das bigha zamin dan kar di. bahut mana kiya par nahian suna. manata hooan ki bap bahut rakh gaya hai, par baboo, is tarah baantane se kitane din chalega? ek din kya kaha, janate haian? kaha, ham fakir ke vansh ke haian, fakiri to hamase koee chhin nahian lega? lijie, sunie inaki batean!"

navin chala gaya. ek bat par dhyanan gaya. yah usane ek bar bhi n poochha ki maian kisalie itane dinoan se math mean p da hua hooan. nahian janata ki poochhata to maian kya kahata, par man hi man sharminda hua. usase hi aur ek khabar mili ki kalidas baboo ke l dake ka byah kal dhoomadham se ho gaya. sattaees tarikh ka mujhe khayal hi n raha.

navin ki batoan par man hi man vichar karate-karate akasmat vidyut-veg se ek sandeh uth kh da hua- vaishnavi kisalie chali jana chahati hai? kahian us moti bhauanhoan vale kuroop adami ke dar se to nahian, jo kanthi badalakar paye hue patitv ka dava karata hai? aur yah gauhar? mere yahaan rahane ke sambandh mean hi shayad isilie vaishnavi ne is din sakautuk kaha tha ki gusaeean, maian agar tumhean pak dakar rakhe rahooan to ve naraz nahian hoange. naraj hone vale adami ve nahian haian. par ab vah kyoan nahian ata? usane apane man hi man n jane kya soch liya hai. sansar mean gauhar ki asakti nahian hai, apana kahane ko bhi koee nahian hai. rupaya-paisa, dhan-daulat to usake lie aise haian mano unhean luta dene par hi use chain milegi. prem agar usane kiya bhi ho to is dar se vah muanh kholakar shayad kisi din kahega bhi nahian ki kahian pichhe kisi aparadh ka sparsh n ho jae. vaishnavi yah janati hai. us anatikramy badha se chir-niruddh pranay ke nishphal chitt-dah se is shant aur svayan ko bhoole hue manushy ko bachane ke lie hi shayad vah yahaan se bhag jana chahati hai. navin chala gaya hai aur maian bakul ke niche baithakar us tooti vedi ke oopar akela baitha hua soch raha hooan. gh di kholakar dekhi. yadi paanch baje ki tren pak dana hai to ab aur der nahian ki ja sakati. par har roj n jana hi is tarah adat mean dakhil ho gaya tha ki jaldi se uthakar chal dene ke lie aj bhi man pichhe hatane laga.

chahe jahaan bhi rahooan, pooantoo ke bahoo-bhat ke samay pahuanchakar ann grahan karane ka vada kiya tha aur bhage hue gauhar ko khoj lana mera karttavy hai. itane dinoan tak anavashyak anurodh bahut mane haian, par aj jab sachcha karan vidyaman hai tab many karane ko koee nahian. dekha, padma a rahi hai. qarib akar boli, "tumhean ek bar didi bula rahi haian, gusaeean."

phir laut aya. aauangan mean kh de hokar vaishnavi ne kaha, "kalakatte pahuanchane mean tumhean rat ho jayegi, naye gusaeean. thakuraji ka tho da-sa prasad saza rakkha hai, kamare mean ao."

roj ki tarah savadhani se taiyari ki gayi thi. baith gaya. yahaan khane ke lie manane aur zor dalane ki pratha nahian hai, avashyak hone par maang lena hota hai. baki nahian chho da jata.

jane ke vakt vaishnavi ne kaha, "naye gusaeean, phir ao n?"

"tum rahogi n?"

"tum batao, mujhe kitane din tak rahana hoga?"

"tum hi batao ki kitane dinoan bad mujhe yahaan ana hoga?"

"nahian, yah maian tumhean nahian bataooangi."

"n batao, par ek doosari bat ka javab dogi, boli?"

is bar vaishnavi ne jara hansakar kaha, "nahian, vah bhi maian n dooangi. is samay tumhari jo ichchha ho soch lo gusaeean, ek din apane ap hi usaka javab mil jaega."

kee bar in shabdoan ne jaban par ana chaha, ki ab to vakt nahian hai kamalalata, kal jaooanga- par kisi bhi tarah kah nahian paya. yahi kaha ki "jata hooan."

padma nikat akar kh di ho gayi. kamalalata ki dekha dekhi usane bhi hath jo dakar namaskar kiya. vaishnavi ne usase naraj hokar kaha, "hath jo dakar namaskar kya karati hai jalamuanhi, pairoan ki dhool lekar pranam kar."

is bat se mano maian chauank p da. usake muanh ki or najar karate hi dekha ki usane doosari or muanh pher liya hai. tab aur kuchh n kahakar maian unaka ashram chho dakar bahar chal diya.