श्रीकांत उपन्यास भाग-4

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is lekh ka punarikshan evan sampadan hona avashyak hai. ap isamean sahayata kar sakate haian. "sujhav"

manushy ke bhitar ki vastu ko pahichan kar usake nyay-vichar ka bhar antaryami bhagavan ke oopar n chho dakar manushy jab svayan use apane hi oopar lekar kahata hai 'maian aisa hooan, maian vaisa hooan, yah kary mere dvara kadapi n hota, vah kam to maian mar jane par bhi n karata', adi- tab ye batean sunakar mujhe sharm ae bina nahian rahati. aur phir keval apane man ke hi sambandh mean nahian, doosaroan ke sambandh mean bhi, maian dekhata hooan, ki manushy ke ahankar ka mano ant hi nahian, hai. ek daphe samalochakoan ke lekhoan ko padhakar dekhe, bina hanse raha hi nahian jata. kavi ko atikram karake ve kavy ke manushy ko chinh lete haian aur zor ke sath kahate haian, "yah charitr kisi tarah bhi vaisa nahian ho sakata- vah charitr kabhi vaisa nahian kar sakata," aisi aur kitani hi batean haian. log vahavahi dekar kahate haian, "vah isi ko to kahate haian kritisijam! isi ko to kahate haian charitr-samalochana! sach, hi to kaha! amuk samalochak ke hote hue chahe jo kuchh likh dene se kaise chal sakata hai! dekho, pustak mean jo aantasant bhoolean aur bhrantiyaan thian ki sabhi kis tarah chhan-binakar rakh di gayi hai!" so rakh dene do. bhool bhala kisase nahian hoti? kintu, phir bhi to maian apane jivan ki alochana karake- yah sab padhakar, un logoan ki lajja ke mare apana sir oopar nahian utha sakata. man hi man kahata hooan, "hay re durbhagy! yah jo kaha jata hai ki manushy ki antar ki vastu anant hai so kya keval kahane- bhar ki bat hai! dambh prakat karane ke samay kya isaki kani kau di ki bhi kimat nahian hai? tumhare koti janmoan ke n jane kitane asankhy koti adbhut vyapar is anant mean magn rah sakate haian aur ekaek jagarit hokar tumhari bahujnata, tumhara padhana-likhana, tumhari vi‍dvata, aur tumhare manushy ki jaanch karane ke kshudr jnan-bhandar ko ek muhoort mean choorn kar sakate haian, yah bat kya ek dapha bhi tumhare man mean nahian ati- yah bhi kya tum nahian samajh sakate ki, yah simahin atma ka asan hai?"

yahi to maianne anna jiji mean apani aauankhoan dekha hai. unaki ujjval divy moorti is samay tak bhi to nahian bhooli; jiji jab chali gayi tab n jane kitani gambhir stabdh ratriyoan mean aauankhoan ke pani se mera takiya bhig gaya hai, aur man hi man maianne kaha hai ki jiji, mujhe apane lie ab aur kuchh soch nahian hai, tumhare paras-mani ke sparsh se mere antar-bahir ka samast loha sona ho gaya hai. ab kahian kisi bhi tarah ki abohava ki dushtata se jang lagakar usake kshay hone ka dar nahian hai; parantu kahaan gayi tum jiji? jiji, aur kisi ko bhi maian apane is saubhagy ka hissa nahian de saka, aur koee bhi tumhean nahian dekh paya! anyatha tumhara darshan pakar pratyek upasthit vyakti sachcharitr sadhu ho jata, isamean mujhe lesh-bhar bhi sandeh nahian hai. yah kis tarah sambhav ho sakata hai, is bat ko lekar maian us samay bachchoan ki-si kalpanaoan mean sari rat jagakar bita deta tha. kabhi man mean ata, ki devi chaudhurani ke saman yadi kahian se maian sat gh de muharean pa jaooan to annada jiji ko ek b de bhari sianhasan par baitha dooan, jangal katakar, jagah saf karake, desh ke logoan ko bulaooan aur unhean unake sianhasan ke charoan or basa dooan. kabhi sochata, ek b de bhari bajare mean unhean virajaman karake baiand bajata hua unhean desh-videsh mean liye phirooan. isi tarah n jane kitane vilakshan akash-kusumoan ki maian malaean gooanthata rahata, is samay unhean yad karake bhi mujhe hansi ati hai. sath hi aauankhoan se aauansoo bhi kuchh kam nahian girate.

us samay mere man ke bhitar yah vishvas himachal ke saman dridh hokar baith gaya tha ki mujhe mugdh kar sake aisi nari is lok mean to nishchay se nahian, hai-parantu paralok mean bhi hai ya nahian isaki bhi mano maian kalpana nahian kar sakata tha. sochata tha ki jivan mean jab kabhi kisi ke muanh se aisi komal boli, hothoan mean aisi madhur hansi, lalat par aisa alaukik tej, aauankhoan mean aisi sajal karun drishti paooanga, tabhi maian aauankh uthakar usaki or dekhooanga! jise maian apana man dooanga vah bhi mano aisi hi sati sadhvian hogi; usake bhi pratyek qadam par mano aisi hi anivarchaniy mahima phoot uthegi, isi tarah vah bhi mano sansar ka samast sukh-dukh, samast achchha-bura, samast dharm-adharm tyag karake hi mujhe grahan kar sakegi.

sv. bankimachandr chattopadhayay ke prasiddh upanyas 'devi chaudhurani' ki mukhy nayika.

maian vahi to hooan! to bhi aj subah niand khulate hi kisi ke muanh ki vani ne, kisi ke hothoan ki hansi ne, kisi ke chakshuoan ke jalane, yad akar, hriday mean tho di-si pi da utpann kar di. meri sannyasini jiji ke sath kahian kisi bhi aansh mean usaka bindu matr bhi sadrishy tha? phir bhi aisa hi maloom hua. chh:-sat roj pahale antaryami bhagavan bhi akar yadi yah kahate to, maian hasakar u da deta aur kahata, "antaryami is shubh kamana ke lie tumhean hajaroan dhanyavad! kintu tum apana kam dekho, meri chinta karane ki avashyakata nahian hai. mere hriday ki kasauti par asal sona kasa ja chuka hai, vahaan ab pital ki dukan kholane se kharidadar nahian juteange." parantu phir bhi kharidadar jut gaya. mere antar mean jahaan ki annada jiji ke ashirvad se khara sona bhara p da tha, ek abhaga, pital ka lobh nahian sanbhal saka aur use kharid baitha- yah kya kuchh kam acharaj ki bat hai!

maian khoob samajhata hooan ki jo log kathor alochak haian ve meri atmakatha mean is sthan par adhir hokar bol utheange, "itana phulakar- atiranjit karake akhir, baboo, tum kahana kya chahate ho? achchhi tarah spasht karake hi kah do n ki vah kaun hai? aj sokar uthate hi pyari ka muanh yad karake tum vyathit ho uthe the- yahi n? jise man ke daravaze par se hi jha doo marakar bida kar dete the aj use hi bulakar ghar mean basana chahate ho- yahi n? to thik hai. yadi yah saty hai, to isake bich mean tum apani annada jiji ka nam mat lo. kyoanki, tum chahe jitani batean, chahe jis tarah bana-sajakar kyoan n kaho, ham log manav-charitr khoob samajhate haian. ham yah zor dekar kah sakate haian ki sati-sadhvi ka adarsh tumhare man ke bhitar sthayi nahian hua, use apani sari shakti lagakar tum kabhi nahian grahan kar sake. yadi kar sake hote to is mithya mean apane ko n bhula sakate."

yah thik hai. kintu ab aur tark nahian karooanga. maianne samajh liya hai ki manushy ant tak kisi tarah bhi apana poora-poora parichay nahian pata. vah jo nahian hai, vahi apane ko samajh baithata hai aur bahar prachar karake keval vidambana ki srishti karata hai aur jo dand isaka bhogana p data hai, vah bhi bilkuel halaka nahian hota. kintu rahane do, maian to khud janata hooan ki kis nari ke adarsh par itane din kya bat 'prich' (upadesh) karata phira hooan. isalie, meri is durgati ke itihas par log jab kaheange ki shrikant 'hambag-hiph‍pokret' hai, tab chupachap mujhe sun hi lena p dega. phir bhi maian 'hiph‍pokret' nahian tha; 'hambag' karane ka mera svabhav nahian hai. mera svabhav sirph itana hi hai ki mujhamean jo durbalata apane apako chhupae huee thi usaki khabar maianne nahian rakkhi. aj jab vah, samay pakar, sir uthakar kh di ho gayi aur jab usane apane hi saman aur bhi ek durbalata ko sadar ahnan karake ekabaragi apane bhitar bitha liya, tab asahy vism.y se meri aauankhoan mean se aauansoo gir p de; kintu 'ja' kahakar use bida karate bhi mujhase nahian ban p da. yah bhi maian janata hooan ki aj lajja ke mare apana muanh chhipane ke lie mere pas koee sthan nahian hai; kintu hriday ka kona-kona pulak se aj paripoorn ho utha hai! nukasan jo hona ho so ho, hriday to isaka tyag karana nahian chahata!

"baboo sahab!" raja ka naukar a pahuancha. shayya par maian sidha hokar baith gaya. usane adarapoorvak kaha, "kumar sahab tatha aur bhi bahut se log apaki gat ratri ki kahani sunane ke lie apake ane ki rah dekh rahe haian."

maianne poochha, "unhean maloom kaise hua?" baira bola, "tamboo ke daraban ne batalaya hai ki ap rat ke ant mean vapis laut ae haian."

hath-muanh dho kap de badal, jaise hi maian b de tamboo ke andar gaya ki sab logoan ne ek sath shor macha diya. ek hi sath mano ek lakh prashn ho gaye. maianne dekha ki kal ke ve vriddh mahashay bhi vahaan haian aur ek taraph pyari bhi apane dal-bal ko lekar chupachap baithi hai. roj ke saman aj usase char aauankhean nahian hueean. mano vah jan-boojhakar hi aur kisi taraph aauankhean phirae baithi thi.

akul savaloan ki lahar ke shant hote hi maianne javab dena shuroo kiya. kumaraji bole, "dhany hai tumhara sahas, shrikant. kitani rat ko vahaan pahuanche the?"

"barah aur ek ke bich."

vriddh mahashay bole, "ghor amavasya! sadhe gyarah baje ke bad amavas p di thi."

charoan taraph se acharaj soochak dhvavani uthakar kramash: shant hote hi kumaraji ne phir prashn kiya, "usake bad kya dekha?"

maian bola, "door tak phaile hue ha d-pianjar aur khop diyaan."

kumaraji bole, "uph, kaisa bhayankar sahas hai! shmashan ke bhitar gaye the ya bahar kh de rahe the?"

maian bola, "bhitar jakar ek baloo ke dhooh par jakar baith gaya tha."

"usake bad- usake bad? baithakar kya dekha?"

"baloo ke tile saany-saany kar rahe haian."

"aur?"

"kaans ke jhuramut aur semar ke vriksh."

"aur?"

"nadi ka pani."

kumaraji adhir hokar bole, "yah sab to janata hooan ji! poochhata hooan ki vah sab kuchh..."

maian hans p da aur bola, "aur do-ek b de chamagid d sir ke oopar se u dakar jate hue dekhe the."

vriddh mahashay ne svayan us samay age badhakar poochha, "aur kuchh nahian dekha?" maian bola, "nahian."

uttar sunakar tamboo-bhar ke adami mano nirash ho gaye. us samay vriddh mahashay ekaek krooddh ho uthe, "aisa kabhi ho nahian sakata. ap gaye hi nahian." unake gusse ko dekhakar maianne sirph hans diya. kyoanki bat hi gusse hone ki thi. kumaraji mera hath dabakar minnat bhare svar se bole, "tumhean kasam hai shrikant, kya-kya dekha, sach-sach kah do?"

"sach hi kahata hooan, kuchh nahian dekha."

"kitani der thahare vahaan par?"

"tinek ghante."

"achchha, dekha nahian, kuchh suna bhi nahian?"

"suna."

kshan-bhar mean hi sabaka muanh utsah se pradipt ho utha. kya suna, use sunane ke lie log kuchh aur bhi age sarak ae. tab maianne kahana shuroo kiya ki kis tarah raste ke oopar ek ratri-char pakshi 'bap' kahakar u d gaya, kis tarah bachche ki si avaz mean ek pakshi ke bachche ne semar ke vriksh par ririya-ririya kar rona shuroo kar diya, kis tarah ekaek aauandhi uthi aur mrit manushyoan ki khop diyaan dirgh shvas chho dane lagian aur sabake ant mean kis tarah mano koee mere pichhe kh da hokar lagatar baraph sarikhi thandi saans dahine kan par chho dane laga. mera kathan samapt ho gaya kintu der tak kisi ke muanh se ek bhi shabd bahar n nikala. sara tamboo mano sann ho raha. ant mean vah vriddh vyakti ek lambi usas chho dakar mere kandhoan par ek hath rakhakar, dhire-dhire bola, "babooji, ap sachamuch hi brahman ke bachche haian, isilie kal apani jan liye laut ae. nahian to aur koee zinda nahian laut sakata tha. kintu, aj se is bundhe ki kasam hai babooji, phir kabhi aisa du:sahas n kijiega. apake maan-bap ke charanoan mean mere koti-koti pranam- keval unhian ke puny-pratap se ap bach gaye haian." itana kahakar usane jhoank mean akar chat se mere pair chhoo liye.

pahale kah chuka hooan ki yah manushy bat kahana khoob janata tha. is dapha usane bat kahana shuroo kiya! aauankhoan ki putaliyaan aur bhauhean, kabhi siko dakar aur kabhi phailakar, kabhi bujhakar aur kabhi prajjvalit karake usane pakshi ke rone se shuroo karake kan par thandi usas ke chho dane paryant ki aisi sookshmatisookshm vyakhya jutaee ki din ke samay, itane logoan ke bich baithe hue bhi mere sir ke bal tak kaantoan ki tarah kh de ho gaye. kal subah ki tarah aj bhi pyari gup-chup kab sarak kar samip a baithi, is par mera dhyahan hi nahian gaya. ekaek ek usas ke shabd se gardan ghumakar maianne dekha ki vah thik meri pith ke pichhe baithi huee nirnimesh drishti se bolane vale ke muanh ki or dekh rahi hai aur usake donoan chikane ujale galoan par jh de hue ashruoan ki do dharaean sookhakar phoot uthi haian. kab aur kisalie vah aauankhoan ka jal bah nikala tha, shayad vah bilkumal hi jan nahian saki; nahian to unhean poanchh dalati. kintu, usi ashru-kalushit tallin mukh ka pal-bhar ka drishtipat hi mere hriday mean ek agni ki rekha aankit kar gaya. bat samapt hote hi vah uthakar kh di ho gayi aur kumaraji ko salam karake, anumati maangakar, dhire-dhire bahar chali gayi.

aj subah hi mere bida hone ki bat thi. parantu, sharir svasth nahian tha, isalie kumaraji ka anurodh svikar karake maian us samay, jana sthagit karake, apane tamboo mean vapas laut aya. itane dinoan ke bad aj pyari ke acharan mean pahale-pahal maianne doosara bhav dekha. itane din usane parihas kiya hai, vyang kiya hai, aur kalah ka abhas tak bhi usake donoan netroan ki drishti mean kuchh din ghanibhoot ho gaya hai- yah sab maianne anubhav kiya hai. parantu, is tarah ki udasinata pahale kabhi nahian dekhi. phir bhi, vyathit hone ke badale maian khush hi hua. kyoan, so janata hooan. yadyapi yuvati striyoan ke man ki gatividhi ko lekar mathapachchi karana mera pesha nahian hai, aur n isake pahale yah kam maianne kabhi kiya hi hai, par mere man ke bhitar jo bahut janmoan ki akhand dharavahikata chhipi huee maujood hai, usake bahudarshan ki abhijnata se ramani-hriday ka goodh tatpary spasht pratibhasit ho utha. vah use apana apaman samajhakar kshubdh nahian hua varanh use pranay abhiman samajhakar pulakit ho utha. shayad, isi chhipi huee dharavahikata ke gupt ishare se maianne apani shmashan yatra ke lie yahaan tak ke itihas mean, is bat ka ullekh tak nahian kiya ki kal-rat ko mujhe shmashan se lauta lane ke lie adami bheje the aur vah svayan bhi bat poori hote hi usi tarah gup-chup bahar chali gayi thi. isilie hai yah abhiman! kal rat ko lautakar use mulakat karake maianne yah nahian kaha ki vahaan kya hua tha. usase jis bat ko akele baithakar sunane ka sabase pahale adhikar tha usi ko aj vah sabase pichhe baithakar mano daivath hi sun saki hai. parantu, abhiman bhi itana mitha hota hai! jivan mean usake svad ko us din sabase pahale upalabdh karake maian bachche ki tarah ekant mean baith gaya aur lagatar chakh-chakhakar usaka upabhog karane laga.

aj dopahar ko maian so jana chahata tha. bistar par lete-lete bich-bich mean tandra bhi ane lagi; parantu ratan ke ane ki asha bar-bar hila-hilakar use to d dene lagi. is tarah samay to nikal gaya parantu ratan nahian aya! vah aega avashy, yah vishvas mere dil mean aisa dridh ho raha tha ki, jab bistar chho dakar bahar akar maianne dekha ki soory pashchim ki or dhal p da hai, tab mujhe man hi man yah nishchay ho gaya ki jab maian tandra mean p da hua tha tab ratan, mere yahaan aya hai aur mujhe nidrit samajhakar laut gaya hai. moorkh! ek daphe pukar hi leta to kya ho jata! dopahar ka nirjan samay yoan hi nirarthak chala gaya, yah sochakar maian kruddh ho utha; parantu sandhh‍ya ke bad vah phir aega aur ek chhota-sa anurodh- nahian to likha hua ek purja- jo kuchh bhi ho, gup-chup hath mean thama jayega; isamean mujhe jara bhi sanshay nahian tha; kintu yah samay kate kis tarah? samane ki or dekhate hi kuchh door par vishal jal-rashi ekadam meri aauankhoan ke oopar jhakh-jhakh kar uthi. vah kisi vismrit zamiandar ka vishal yash tha. vah talab qarib adha kos vistrit tha. uttar ki or se vah khisak kar pur gaya tha aur ghane jangal se dhank gaya tha. gaanv ke bahar hone ke karan gaanv ki striyaan usake jal ka upayog nahian kar pati thian. batoan hi batoan mean suna tha ki yah talab kitana purana hai aur kisane banavaya tha, isaka pata kisi ko nahian hai. ek purana toota ghat tha, usi ke ekant kone mean jakar maian baith gaya. ek samay isake charoan or badhata hua gaanv tha jo n jane kab haije aur mahamari ke prakop se ooja d hokar, phir apane vartaman sthan mean, sarak aya hai. chho de hue makanoan ke bahut-se nishan charoan or vidyaman haian. doobate hue soory ki tirachhi kiranoan ki chhatane dhire-dhire jhukakar talab ke kale pani mean sona math diya, maian ekatak hokar dekhata raha.

isake bad dhire-dhire soory doob gaya. talab ka kala pani aur bhi kala ho gaya. pas ke hi jangal mean se do-ek pyase siyar bahar nikal kar darate-darate pani pikar chale gaye. vahaan se mere uthane ka samay ho gaya hai- jis samay ko katane ke lie maian vahaan gaya tha vah kat gaya hai, yah sab anubhav karake bhi maian vahaan se uth n saka- manoan us toote ghat ne mujhe jabaran bitha rakha!

khayal aya ki jahaan pair rakhakar maian baitha hua hooan vahian par pair rakhakar n jane kitane adami kitani dapha ae haian, gaye haian. isi ghat par ve snan karate, muanh dhote, kap de chhaantate aur jal bharate the. is samay ve kahaan ke kis jalashay mean ye samast nity-karm poorn karate hoange? yah gaanv jab jivit tha tab nishchay se ve log is samay yahaan akar baithate the. kitane hi gan gakar aur kitani hi batean karake din-bhar ki thakavat door karate the. isake bad akasmath ek din jab mahakal mahamari ka roop dharan karake sare gaanv ko noch le gaya tab n jane kitane maranonmukh vyakti pyas ke mare yahaan dau de ae haian aur isi ghat ke oopar apana antim shvas chho dakar usake sath chale gaye haian. shayad unaki pipasatur atma aj bhi yahian par chakkar katati phirati hogi. yah bhi kaun zor dekar kah sakata hai ki jo aauankhoan se nahian dikhaee deta vah hai hi nahian? aj subah hi us vriddh ne kaha tha, "babooji, man mean yah kabhi mat sochana ki mrityu ke uparant kuchh shesh nahian rahata- asahay pretatmaean hamare hi saman sukh-du:kh, kshudha-trisha lekar vicharan nahian karatian." itana kahakar usane vir vikramajit ki katha, aur n jane kitani hi tantrik sadhu-sannyasiyoan ki kahaniyaan vistar se kah sunaee thian. aur kaha tha ki "yah bhi mat sochana ki samay aur suyog milane par ve dikhaee nahian deti haian ya bat nahian kar sakati haian, athava nahian karati haian. tumhean us sthan par aur kabhi jane ke lie maian nahian kahata, parantu jo log yah kam kar sakate haian unake samast du:kh kisi bhi din sarthak nahian hote, is bat par svapn mean bhi kabhi avishvas mat karana."

us samay, subah ke prakash mean, jin kahaniyoan ne keval nirarthak hansi ka upadan juta diya tha, is samay ve hi kahaniyaan nirjan gahare andhakar ke bich kuchh doosare hi kism ke chehare dharan karake dikhaee dian. man mean ane laga ki jagat mean pratyaksh saty yadi koee vastu hai to vah mrityu hi hai. bhali-buri sukh-du:kh ki ye jivanavyapi avasthaean mano atishabaji haian, jo tarah-tarah ke saj-saranjam ke saman keval kisi ek vishesh, din jalakar rakh ho jane ke lie hi itane yatn aur kaushaly ke sath banakar taiyar huee haian. tab mrityu ke us par ka itihas yadi kisi tarah sun liya ja sake to usaki apeksha b da labh aur kya hai? phir use koee bhi kahe aur kaise bhi kahe.

hathath kisi ke pairoan ke shabd se mera dhyatan bhang ho gaya. palatakar dekha, keval andhakar hai, kahian koee nahian hai. maian badan jha dakar uth kh da hua. gat ratri ki bat yad karake man hi man hansakar bola, nahian, ab aur yahaan nahian baith rahana chahie. kal dahine kan ke oopar usasa chho d gaya tha, aj akar yadi baean kan par chho dana shuroo kar de, to yah kuchh adhik sahaj n hoga.

vahaan baithe-baithe kitani der ho gayi aur ab kitani rat hai, yah maian thik taur se nishchit nahian kar saka. maloom hota hai ki adhi rat ke as-pas ka samay hoga. parantu are yah kya? chala ja raha hooan to chala hi ja raha hooan, us sankari pagadandi ka jaise ant hi nahian hona chahata! itane bahut se tambuoan mean se ek dipak ka bhi prakash najar nahian ata! bahut der se samane ek baans ka vriksh najar roke kh da tha; ekaek khayal aya ki ise to ate samay dekha nahian tha! disha bhoolakar, kahian aur kisi or to nahian chal diya hooan? kuchh aur chalane par maloom hua ki vah baans ka vriksh nahian hai, kintu, kuchh imali ke pe d, ek doosare se sate hue, dishaoan ko dhake jamat baandhakar kh de haian aur unhian ke niche se rasta tedha-medha hokar adrishy ho gaya hai. sthan itana andhakarapoorn hai ki apana hath bhi apane ko nahian dikhaee deta. chhati dh dadh dane lagi. are maian ja kahaan raha hooan? aauankh-kan band karake kisi tarah un imali ke vrikshoan ke par jakar dekhata hooan ki samane anant kala akash, jitani door najar jati hai utani door tak, vistrit ho raha hai. kintu samane vah ooanchi-si jagah kya hai? nadi ke kinare ka sarakari baandh to nahian hai? donoan pair mano tootane se lage, phir bhi unhean kisi tarah ghasitakar maian usake oopar chadh gaya. jo socha tha thik vahi hua. usake thik niche hi vah mahashmashan tha! phir kisi ke kadamoan ka shabd samane se hokar niche shmashan mean jakar vilin ho gaya. is bar maian kisi tarah l dakh data hua chala aur usi dhool-reti ke oopar behosh ki tarah dhapph se baith gaya. ab mujhe lesh-bhar bhi sandeh nahian raha ki koee mujhe ek mahashmashan se lekar doosare mahashmashan tak rasta dikhata hua pahuancha gaya. jisake pad-shabd sunakar, us phoote ghat par, sharir jha dakar maian uth kh da hua tha usi ke pad-shabd, itani der bad, us taraph, samane ki or, vilin ho gaye.

000

harek ghatana ka karan janane ki zid manushy ko jis avastha mean hoti hai us avastha ko maian par kar gaya hooan. isalie, kis tarah us soochibhedy andhakar-poorn adhi rat ko maian akela, raste ko pahichanata hua, talab ke toote ghat se is mahashmashan ke samip a upasthit hua, aur kisake kadamoan ki vah avaj... us sthan se bulati aur ishara karati huee, itani hi der mean samane vilin ho gayi, in sab prashnoan ki mimaansa karane jaisi buddhi mujhamean nahian hai. pathakoan ke samip apane is dainy ko svikar karane mean mujhe jara bhi lajja nahian hai. yah rahasy aj bhi mere samip utane hi andhakar se dhanka hua hai. parantu, isilie, pret-yoni ko svikar karana bhi is svikarokti ka prachchhann tatpary nahian hai. kyoanki, apani aauankhoan maianne dekha hai- hamare gaanv mean ek pagal tha. vah din ko, ghar-ghar ghoomakar, bhikh maangakar khata tha aur rat ko baans ke oopar kap da dalakar, aur use samane ki or ooancha karake, raste-raste bagichoan ke jha doan ki chhaya mean, ghoomata-phirata tha. usake chehare ko dekhakar aandhere mean n jane kitane logoan ki dantauri bandh bandh gayi hai. isamean usaka koee svarth nahian tha, phir bhi yah usaka aandheri rat ka nity ka kand tha. manushy ko vyarth hi dar dikhane ke lie aur bhi jitane prakar ke adbhut dhang vah karata tha unaki sima nahian thi. sookhi lak diyoan ke gatthe ko pe d ki dal se baandhakar usamean ag laga deta, mukh par kali syahi pot kar vishalakshi devi ke mandir mean bahut klesh sahate hue kh da rahata aur utha-baitha karata, gahari rat ke samay ghar ke pichhava de baithakar nak ke sur se kisanoan ke nam le-lekar pukara karata- parantu, phir bhi, koee kisi din use pak d n paya. din ke samay usaka chal-chalan, svabhav-charitr adi dekhakar us par jara-sa sandeh karane ki bat kisi ke bhi man mean uday nahian huee. aur yah keval hamare hi gaanv mean nahian- pas ke ath-das gaanvoan mean bhi vah yahi karata phirata tha. marate samay vah apani badajati khud hi svikar kar gaya aur usake marane ke bad bhoot ka upadrav bhi vahaan band ho gaya. is kshetr mean bhi shayad vaisa hi kuchh tha-shayad nahian bhi ho. parantu jane do is bat ko.

haan, kah raha tha ki, us dhool aur reti se bhare hue baandh ke oopar jab maian hatabuddhi-sa hokar baith gaya tab keval do laghu pad-dhvanniyaan bhitar jakar dhire-dhire vilin ho gayian. khayal aya, mano usane spasht karake bata diya ho- "ram-ram, toone yah kya kiya? mujhe itani door tak rasta batakar le aya, so kya vahaan baith jane ke lie? a, a, ek dapha ham logoan ke bhitar chala a. is tarah apavitr asprishy ke saman praangan ke ekant mean mat baith- ham sabake bich mean akar baith." yah bat maianne kanoan se suni thi ya hriday ke bhitar anubhav ki thi, so ab yad nahian kar sakata. parantu, us samay bhi jo mujhe hosh bana raha, isaka karan yah hai ki chaitany ko jabardasti pak d rakhane se vah yoan hi ek-prakar se bacha rahata hai. bilkudhal hi nahian chala jata, yah maianne achchhi tarah dekha hai. isalie yadyapi donoan aauankhoan ko kholakar maian dekhata raha, parantu vah mano tandra ka dekhana tha. vah n to niand hi thi aur n jagaran hi tha. usamean nidrit ka vishram bhi nahian rahata aur jagrat ka udyam bhi nahian ata.

phir bhi maian is bat ko nahian bhoola ki bahut rat bit gayi hai, mujhe tamboo mean lautana hai aur usake lie kam-se-kam ek bar cheshta to karani chahie; kintu, man mean laga ki yah sab vyarth hai. yahaan par maian apani ichchha se to aya nahian hooan, ane ki kalpana bhi nahian ki; isalie, jo mujhe is durgam raste par rasta dikhalakar laya hai, usaka kuchh vishesh prayojan hai. vah mujhe yoan hi n laut jane dega. pahale maianne suna tha ki apani ichchha se inake hathoan se chhutakara nahian milata. chahe jis raste, chahe jis tarah, zor karake kyoan n nikalo, sab raste gorakh dhandhe ki tarah ghuma-phirakar purani jagah par hi lakar hajir kar dete haian!

isalie, chanchal hokar chhatapatana sampoorn taur se anavashyak samajhakar, maian kisi tarah ki hilane-dulane ki bhi cheshta kiye bina, jab sthir hokar baith gaya tab jo vastu akasmath dekh p di, vah mujhe kisi din bhi vismrit nahian huee.

ratri ka bhi svatantr roop hota hai aur use, prithvin ke jha d-pale, giriparvat adi jitani bhi drishyaman vastuean haian unase, alag karake dekha ja sakata hai, yah mano aj pahale meri drishti mean aya. maianne aauankh uthakar dekha ki antahin kale akash ke niche, sari prithvil par asan jamae, gambhir ratri aauankhean mooande dhya n lagae baithi hai aur sampoorn charachar vishv mukh band kiye, saans roke, atyant savadhani se stabdh hokar us atal shanti ki raksha kar raha hai. ekaek aauankhoan ke oopar se mano saundary ki ek lahar dau d gayi. man mean aya ki kis mithyavadi ne yah bat phailaee hai ki keval prakash ka hi roop hota hai, andhakar ka nahian? bhala, itana b da jhooth manushy ne kis tarah chupachap man li‍ya hoga? yah to akash aur marty, sabako parivyapt karake, drishti se bhitar-bahar andhakar ka poora badha a raha hai. vah-vah! aisa sundar roop ka jharana aur kab dekha hai! is brahmand mean jo jitana gambhir, jitana achinty, jitana simahin hai- vah utana hi andhakaramay hai. agadh samudr syahi jaisa kala hai; agamy gahan aranyani bhishan andhakaramay hai. sarv logoan ka ashray, prakash ka bhi prakash, gati ki bhi gati, jivan ka bhi jivan, sampoorn saundary ka pran-purush bhi, manushy ki drishti mean nibi d andhakaramay hai. mrityu isilie manushy ki drishti mean kali hai, aur isilie usaka paralok-panth itane dustar aandhere mean magn hai! isilie radha ke donoan netroan mean samakar jis roop ne prem ke poor mean jagat ko baha diya, vah bhi ghanashyam hai. maianne kabhi ye sab batean sochi nahian, kisi din bhi is raste chala nahian; phir bhi n jane kis tarah is bhay se bhare hue mahashmashan ke samip baithakar, apane is nirupay ni:sang akelepan ko laanghakar, aj sare hriday mean ek akaran roop ka anand khelane phirane laga aur bilkugal ekaek yah bat man mean aee ki kale mean itana roop hai, so pahale to kisi din samajha nahian! tab to shayad mrityu bhi kali hone ke karan kutsit nahian hai; ek din jab vah mujhe darshan dene avegi tab shayad usake is prakar ke, kabhi samapt n hone vale, sundar roop se meri donoan aauankhean ju da jaanyagi. aur vah agar darshan dene ka din aj hi a gaya ho, to hai sundar mere kale! o meri samipasth padadhvni! he mere sarv-du:kh bhay-vyathahari anant sundar! tum apane anadi andhakar se sarvaang bharakar meri in donoan aauankhoan ki drishti mean pratyaksh hoo, maian tumhare is andha-andhakar se ghire hue nirjag mrityu-mandir ke dvar par, tumhean nirbhayata se varan karake b de anand se tumhara anukaran karata hooan. sahasa mere man mean aya- tab usake is nirvakh ahnan ki upeksha karake atyant hi ant:vasi ke saman, maian yahaan bahar kisalie baitha hooan? ek dapha bhitar bich mean kyoan n ja baithooan!

niche utarakar maian shmashan ke thik bichoan-bich bilkuhl jamakar baith gaya. kitani der tak is tarah sthir baitha raha, isaka mujhe us samay hosh nahian tha. hosh ane par dekha ki utana andhakar ab nahian raha hai- akash ka ek prant mano svachchh ho gaya hai; aur usake pas hi shukr tara chamak raha hai. kuchh dabi huee-si batachit ka kolahal mere kanoan mean pahuancha. achchhi tarah nirikshan karake dekha, ki door par semar ke vriksh ki a d mean, baandh ke oopar se hokar kuchh log chale a rahe haian; aur unaki do-char lalatenoan ka prakash bhi asapas idhar-udhar hil-dul raha hai. phir se, baandh ke oopar chadhakar, us prakash mean hi maianne dekha ki do bailaga diyoan ke age-pichhe kuchh log isi or badhe a rahe haian. samajh p da ki kuchh log is raste hokar steshan ki or ja rahe haian.

mujhe us samay yah subuddhi soojh aee ki rasta chho dakar mera door khisak jana avashyak hai. kyoanki, agantukoan ka dal chahe kitana bhi buddhiman aur sahasi kyoan n ho, ekaek is aandheri ratri mean, is tarah ke sthan mean mujhe akela bhoot ki tarah kh da dekhakar chahe aur kuchh n kare, parantu ek vikat chikh-pukar avashy macha dega, isamean koee sandeh nahian.

maian lautakar apani purani jagah par ja kh da hua; aur tho de samay bad hi do chataee lagi huee bailaga diyaan, paanch-chhah adamiyoan ke pahare mean, mere samane a pahuanchian. ek bar khayal aya ki age chalane vale do adami meri or dekhakar, kshan kal ke lie sthir ho, kh de rahe aur atyadhik dhime svar mean mano kuchh kah-sunakar age chale gaye; aur tho di-si hi der mean vah sara dal, baandh ke kinare ki ek jha di ki ot mean, adrishy ho gaya. yah anubhav karake ki rat ab adhik baki nahian rahi hai, jab maian lautane ki taiyari kar raha tha, thik usi samay un vrikshoan ki ot mean se ati huee khoob ooanche kanth ki pukar kanoan mean aee, "shrikant baboo-"

maianne uttar diya, "kaun hai re, ratan?"

"haan baboo, maian hi hooan. jara age badh aie."

jaldi se baandh ke oopar chadhakar pukara, "ratan, tum log kya ghar ja rahe ho?"

ratan ne uttar diya, "haan, ghar ja rahe haian- maan ga di mean haian."

mere nikat pahuanchate hi pyari ne parde mean se muanh bahar nikalakar kaha, "daraban ki bat sunakar hi maian samajh gayi thi ki tumhean chho d aur koee nahian hai, ga di par ao, kuchh bat karani hai!"

maianne nikat akar poochha, "kya bat hai?"

"kahati hooan, oopar a jao."

"nahian, aisa nahian kar sakata, samay nahian hai. subah hone ke pahale hi mujhe tamboo mean pahuanchana hai!" pyari ne hath badhakar chat se mera dahina hath pak d liya aur tej zid ke svar mean kaha, "naukar-chakaroan ke samane chhina-jhapati, mat karo- tumhare pair p dati hooan, chupachap oopar chadh ao..."

usaki asvabhavik uttejana se mano kuchh hat-buddhi-sa hokar maian ga di par chadh gaya. pyari ne ga di ko haankane ki ajna dekar kaha, "aj phir is jagah kyoan ae?" maianne sach-sach bat kah di, "nahian maloom, kyoan aya."

pyari ne ab tak bhi mera hath nahian chho da tha. boli, "tumhean nahian maloom? achchha, thik, parantu chhipakar kyoan ae the?"

maian bola, "yah thik hai ki yahaan ane ki bat kisi ko maloom nahian hai, kintu chhipakar nahian aya hooan."

"yah jhooth bat hai!"

"nahian."

"isaka matalab?"

"matalab yadi kholakar bata dooanga to vishvas karogi? n to maian chhipakar hi aya hooan, aur n meri ichchha hi ane ki thi."

pyari ne vyangy ke svar mean kaha, "to phir tumhean tamboo mean se bhoot u da le aya hai- maloom hota hai, yahi kahana chahate ho kyoan?"

"nahian, so nahian kahana chahata. u dakar koee nahian laya, apane hi pairoan chalakar aya hooan, yah bhi sach hai kintu kyoan aya, kab aya, so nahian kah sakata."

pyari chup ho rahi. maian bola, "rajalakshmi, nahian janata ki tum vishvas kar sakogi ya nahian; parantu, vastav mean jo kuchh hua hai, so ek acharaj-bhara vyapar hai." itana kahakar maianne sari ghatana ath se iti paryant kah di.

sunate-sunate mere hath mean rakkha hua usaka hath kee bar sihar utha; parantu usane ek bhi bat nahian kahi. parda utha hua tha, pichhe ki or najar dalakar dekha, akash ujjval ho gaya hai. bola, "ab maian jaooan?"

pyari ne svapnavisht ki tarah kaha, "nahian."

"nahian kaise? is tarah chale jane ka arth kya hoga, so janati ho?"

"janati hooan- sab janati hooan. parantu ye log tumhare abhibhavak ya sanrakshak to haian hi nahian, jo tumhean apane man ke lie pran de dene hoange." itana kahakar usane hath chho dakar pair pak d liye aur ruddh svar mean kaha, "kant dada, vahaan lautakar jaoge to jite n bachoge. tumhean mere sath n chalana p dega, parantu vahaan bhi vapis n lautane dooangi. tumhara tikat kharide deti hooan, tum ghar laut jao, vahaan ek gh di-bhar ke lie bhi mat thaharo."

maian bola, "mere kap de-bistar adi jo vahaan p de haian!"

pyari boli, "p de rahane do. unaki ichchha hogi to bhej deange; nahian to jane do. unaka mooly adhik nahian hai!"

maian bola, "unaka dam adhik nahian hai yah sach hai; parantu, meri jo mithya badanami hogi, usaka dam to kam nahian hai."

pyari mere pair chho dakar chup ho rahi. ga di isi samay ek mo d par phiri, jisase pichhe ka drishy mere samane a gaya. ekaek yad aya ki samane ke us poorv disha ke akash ke sath yah patita ke mukh ki mano ek gahari samanata hai. donoan ke hi bich se mano ek virat agni-pind andhakar ko bhedata hua a raha hai, usi ka abhas mujhe dikhaee diya hai. maian bola, "chup kyoan ho rahi?"

pyari ek mlan hansi hansakar bolian, "tum kya jano kant baboo, ki jis kalam se jivan-bhar keval jali khat likhati rahi hooan, usi kalam se aj dan-patr likhane ko hath nahian chal raha hai. jate ho? achchha jao. kintu vachan do ki aj barah bajane ke pahale hi vahaan se chal doge?"

"achchha, deta hooan."

"kisi ke kitane hi anurodh se aj ki rat vahaan n katoge, bolo?"

"nahian, nahian, katooanga."

pyari ne apani aangoothi utarakar mere pairoan par rakh di, gal-vastr hokar pranam kiya aur pairoan ki dhool apane sir par lekar us aangoothi ko meri jeb mean dal diya. boli, "tab jao-maian samajhati hooan ki dedhek kos jagah tumhean adhik chalana hoga."

bailaga di se utar p da. us samay prabhat ho gaya tha.

pyari ne anunay karake kaha, "meri aur bhi ek bat tumhean rakhani hogi. ghar lautate hi mujhe ek patr likhana hoga."

maianne manjoor karake prasthan kiya. ek dapha bhi lautakar pichhe ki or nahian dekha ki ve log kh de haian athava age chal die haian. parantu b di door tak anubhav karata raha ki un do chakshuoan ki sajal-karun drishti meri pith ke oopar bar-bar pachha d kha-khakar gir rahi hai.

adde par pahuanchate pray: ath baj gaye. raste ke kinare, pyari ke ukh de hue tamboo ki, bikhari huee parityakt vastuoan par meri najar p date hi ek nishphal kshobh chhati mean mano hahakar kar utha. muanh pherakar jaldi-jaldi pair rakhate hue maianne apane tamboo mean pravesh kiya.

purushottam ne poochha, "ap b de bhor hi ghoomane bahar chale gaye the?"

haan-na kisi tarah ka javab die bagair hi maian bistar par aauankhean band karake let raha.

000

pyari ke nikat jo vada kiya tha usaki maianne poori raksha ki, ghar lautate hi maianne yah khabar jatakar use ek chitthi likh di. javab bhi jald hi a gaya. maian ek bat par barabar dhya n de raha tha ki kisi bhi din pyari ne mujhe apane patane ke makan ke lie, zor dalana to door raha, sadharan taur se maukhik nimantran bhi nahian diya. is patr mean bhi isaka koee ishara n tha. sirph niche ki or ek nivedan tha, jise ki aj bhi maian nahian bhoola hooan, "sukh ke dinoan mean nahian, to du:kh ke dinoan mean mujhe n bhoolie- yahi meri prarthana hai."

din katane lage. pyari ki smriti dhuandhali hokar pray: vilin ho gayi. parantu ek acharaj-bhari bat bich-bich mean meri drishti mean p dane lagi ki abaki dapha shikar se vapis lautane ke bad se mera man mano kuchh anamana-sa rahane laga hai, jaise mano ek abhav ki vedana, dabi huee sardi ke saman, sharir ke rom-rom mean parivyapt ho gayi hai. bistaroan par jate hi vah chubhane lagati hai.

yad ata hai ki vah holi ki rat thi. mathe par se abir ka choorn sabun se dhokar tab tak saf nahian kiya tha. klant vivash sharir se bistar par p da tha. pas ki khi daki khuli huee thi; usi mean se samane ke pipal ke pattoan ki phaankoan mean se akashavyapi jyotsna ki or tak raha tha. itana hi yad a raha hai. parantu kyoan daravaza kholakar steshan ki or chal diya aur patane ka tikit katakar tren par chadh gaya-vah yad nahian ata. rat bit gayi. parantu din ko jaise hi maianne suna ki 'badh' steshan hai aur patana ane mean ab adhik bilamb nahian hai, vaise hi ekaek vahian utar p da. jeb mean hath dalakar dekha to ghab dane ka koee karan nazar nahian adha-ek duanni aur dasek paise us samay bhi maujood the. khush hokar dukan ki khoj mean steshan se bahar ho gaya. dukan mil gayi. chiu da, dahi aur shakkar ke sanyog se atyutkrisht bhojan sampann karane mean qarib adha kharch ho gaya. hone do, jivan mean is tarah kitana hi kharch hua karata hai- isake lie ranj karana kayarata hai.

gaanv ghoomane ke lie bahar hua. ghante-bhar bhi n ghooma tha ki anubhav hua, is gaanv ka dahi aur chiu da jis pariman mean upadey hai usi pariman mean pine ka pani nikrisht hai. mere itane prachur bhojan ko itane se samay mean is tarah pachakar usane nasht kar diya ki, aisa maloom hone laga ki, mano das-bis din se ann ka dana bhi muanh mean nahian p da hai! aise kharab sthan mean vas karana ek muhoort-bhar ke lie bhi uchit nahian hai, aisa sochakar sthan tyag karane ki kalpana kar hi raha tha ki- dekhata hooan, pas mean hi ek am ke bagiche ke bhitar se dhuaauan nikal raha hai.

maianne nyayashastr sikha tha. dhuean ko dekhakar agni ka nishchay se anuman kar liya; itana hi nahian, varanh agni ke hetu ka anuman karate bhi mujhe der nahian lagi. isalie sidha usi or chal diya. pahale hi kah chuka hooan ki pani yahaan ka bahut hi kharab hai.

vah, yahi to chahie tha! sachche sannyasi ka ashram mil gaya! b di bhari dhooni ke oopar lote mean chay ke lie pani chadha hai. baba adhi aauankhean mooande samane baithe haian, unake as-pas gaanje ki samagri rakhi hai. ek sannyasi bachcha bakari duh raha hai, seva ke lie 'chay' chahie. do ooant, do tattoo aur ek bachh devali gay, pas-pas vrikshoan ki daloan se bandhe hue haian. pas hi mean ek chhota-sa tamboo hai. dhooankakar dekha, bhitar meri hi umr ka ek chela donoan pairoan ke bich patthar ka khal dabae nim ke soante se bhang taiyar kar raha hai. dekhakar maian bhakti se sarabor ho gaya aur palak marate hi babaji ke pad-tal mean ekabaragi lot gaya. pad-dhooli mastak par dharan kar hath jo d man hi man bola, "kaisi asim karuna hai bhagavan tumhari! kaise sthan mean mujhe le ae. choolhe mean jay pyari-mukti marg ke is sianh-dvar ko chho dakar tilardh bhi yadi aur kahian jaooan to, mere lie, anant narak mean bhi aur jagah n rahe."

"sadhuji bole, "kyoan beta?"

maianne nivedan kiya, "maian grihatyagi, muktipathanveshi hatabhagy shishu hooan; mujh par daya karake apani charan-seva ka adhikar dijie."

sadhuji ne mridu hansi hansakar do dapha sir hilakar sankshep mean kaha, "beta, ghar laut ja, yah path ati durgam hai."

maianne karun kanth se usi kshan uttar diya, "baba, mahabharat mean likha hai, mahapapishth jagaee aur madhaee vasishth muni ke charan pak dakar svarg chale gaye, to kya maian apake pair pak dakar mukti bhi nahian paooanga?."

sadhuji prasann hokar bole, "bat tera sachcha hay. achchha beta, ramaji ki khushi." jo doodh duh raha tha usane akar chay taiyar karake babaji ko di. usaki 'seva' ho gayi, ham logoan ne prasad paya.

bhaang taiyar ho rahi thi sandhyatakal ke lie. parantu us samay bhi bela baki thi isalie aur tarah ke anand ka udyog karate hue 'baba ne apane doosare chele ko gaanje ki chilam ishare se dikha di tatha use bharane mean der n ho isake lie vishesh 'upadesh' de diya.

adha ghanta bit gaya. sarvadarshi babaji mere prati param santusht hokar bole, "haan beta, tumamean anek gun haian. tum mere chela hone ke ati upayukt patr ho.

maianne, param anand ke sath, aur ek dapha baba ke charanoan ki dhooli mastak par dharan kar li.

doosare din maian prat:snan karake aya. dekha ki guruji ke ashirvad se abhav kisi chiz ka nahian hai. pradhan chela jo the unhoanne, ek naya tataka gerue kap doan ka soot, das jo di chhoti b di rudraksh ki malaean aur ek jo da pital ke k de bahar nikal diye. jahaan jo vastu dharan karane ki thi use us sthan par sajakar, tho di-si dhooni ki rakh mastak par aur muanh par mal li. aauankhean mianchakar maianne kaha, "babaji, shisha-visa kuchh hai? ek dapha muanh dekhane ki prabal ichchha ho rahi hai." maianne dekha ki unhean bhi ras ka jnan hai. phir bhi unhoanne kuchh gambhir hokar upeksha se kaha, "hai ek tho."

"to phir, chhupakar le n aie ek dapha."

do minat ke bad aeena lekar maian ek vriksh ki a d mean chala gaya. pashchim ke nayi jis tarah ka aeena hath mean dekar kshaur-karm sampadit karate haian, usi tarah ki vah chhoti si tin chadhi huee arasi thi. khair jaisi bhi ho, maianne dekha ki vah vishesh taraddud kiye jane aur sada vyavahar mean ane ke karan khoob saph-suthari thi. chehara dekhakar hanse bina n raha gaya. kaun kah sakata tha ki maian vahi shrikant hooan jo kuchh hi samay poorv raje-rajava doan ki majalis mean baithakar baeeji ka gan suna karata tha? khair, jane do.

maian ghante-bhar ke bad gurumaharaj ke samip diksha ke lie laya gaya. maharaj chehara dekhakar atishay priti ke sath bole, "beta, ekadh mahina thahar jao."

maian dhire-se 'bahut achchha', kahakar unaki padadhooli grahan karake, hath jo dakar bhakti se bharakar ek taraph baith gaya.

aj batoan hi batoan mean unhoanne adhyanatmikata ke anek upadesh diye. isaki duroohata ke vishay mean gambhir vairagy aur kathor sadhana ke vishay mean-ajakal ke bhand pakhandi log ise kis tarah kalankit karate haian usaka vishesh vivaran tatha bhagavath ke pad-padmoan mean mati ko sthir karane ke lie kya-kya karana avashyak hai- is kam mean vrikshajatiy shushk vastu vishesh ke dhuean ko bar-bar mukh-vivar ke dvara shoshan karake nasa-randhran path se shanai:-shanai: vinirgat karane se kitana ashcharyakari upakar hota hai- adi sab unhoanne achchhi tarah samajha diya, aur is vishay mean meri avastha atyant ashaprad hai, yah ishare se batakar unhoanne mere utsah ko khoob badhaya! is tarah us din moksh-pad ke anek nigoodh tatparyoan ko janakar maian, guru maharaj ke tisare chele ke roop mean bahal ho gaya.

gahare vairagy aur kathor sadhana ke lie, maharaj ke adesh mean, ham logoan ki seva ki vyavastha kuchh kathor kism ki thi. parinam mean vah jaisi thi svad mean bhi vaisi hi thi. chay, roti, ghi, doodh, dahi, chiv da, shakkar ityadi kathor satvi‍k bhojan aur unhean pachane ke anupan. bhagavatpadarvidoan se hamara chitt vikshipt n ho, is or bhi ham logoan ki leshamatr laparavahi nahian thi. isake phalasvaroop mere sookhe kath mean phool lag gaye aur kuchh toand badhane ke lakshan bhi dikhaee dene lage.

ek kam tha- bhiksha ke lie bahar jana sannyasi ke lie sarvapradhan kary n hone par bhi pradhan kary tha! kyoanki satvi‍k bhojan ke sath isaka ghanishth sambandh tha. kintu maharaj svayan yah nahian karate the, unake sevak hi pari-pari se kiya karate the. sannyasi ke any doosare karttavyoan mean to unake doosare do cheloan ko maian bahut jald laangh gaya; parantu keval is kam mean barabar lang data raha! ise kisi din bhi apane lie sahaj aur ruchikar n bana saka. phir bhi, ek subhita yah tha ki vah hindustaniyoan ka desh tha. maian bhale-bure ki bat nahian kahata- maian sirph yahi kahata hooan ki bangal desh ki naeean vahaan ki auratean 'baba hath jo dati hooan, aur ek ghar age jakar dekho' kahakar upadesh nahian detian; aur purush bhi 'naukari n karake tum bhiksha kyoan maangate ho?' yah kaiphiyat talab nahian karate. dhani-nirdhan, bina kisi bhedabhav ke sab hi, pratyek ghar se, bhiksha dete haian- koee vimukh nahian jata. isi tarah din jane lage, pandrah din to us am ke bag mean hi kat gaye. din ke samay to koee apat-vipat nahian thi, keval ratri ko machchharoan ke katane ki jalan ke mare man hi man lagata tha ki, bha d mean jay moksh-sadhana. yadi sharir ke cham de ko kuchh aur mota n kiya jayega, to ab jan n bachegi. anyany vishayoan mean bangali log chahe jitane bhi shreshth kyoan n hoan, parantu bangali cham de ki apeksha hintustani cham da, is vishay mean sannyas ke lie bahut adhik anukool hai, yah svikar karana hi p dega. us din prat:snan karake satvi‍k bhojan prapt karane ke prayatn mean bahar ja hi raha tha ki guru maharaj ne bulakar kaha,

"bharadvaj muni basahian prayaga! jinahian ramapad ati anuraga"

arthath "straik di tent" (tamboo ukha d lo)- prayag ki yatra karani hogi. parantu, yah kary kuchh sahaj nahian tha, sannyasi ki yatra jo thahari! sadhe hue tattuoan ko khojate aur un par saman ladate, ooant par maharaj ki jin kasate, gay-bakariyoan ko sath lete, gatthe gathariyaan baandhate, silasile se lagate lagate, ek pahar bit gaya. isake bad khana khakar do kos door sandhyah ke pahale hi bithaura gaanv ke geanvade ek virat vatavriksh ke niche dera jamaya gaya. jagah bahut hi sundar thi, guru maharaj ko khoob pasand aee. yah to hua, parantu bharadvaj muni ke us sthan tak pahuanchate-pahuanchate kitane mahine lag jayeange, isaka maian anuman nahian kar saka.

is bithaura gaanv ka nam abhi tak mujhe kyoan yad raha hai so yahaan kahata hooan. us din poornima tithi thi; isalie, guru ke adesh se ham tinoan jane tin dishaoan mean bhiksha ke lie bahar nikal p de the. akela hota to udar-poorti ke lie kam koshish n karata. parantu, aj meri vah chal nahian thi, isalie bahut kuchh nirarthak yahaan-vahaan ghoom raha tha. ekaek ek makan ke khule daravaze ke bhitar se mujhe ek bangali l daki ka chehara dikhaee p d gaya. usake kap de yadyapi deshi karaghe par bune hue tat ki tarah mote the, kintu unhean pahinane ke vishesh dhang ne hi mere kutoohal ko uttejit kar diya. maianne socha, paanch-chh: din se is gaanv mean hooan, qarib-qarib sab gharoan mean ho aya hooan, parantu bangali stri to door ki bat, bangali purush ka chehara tak bhi nazar nahian aya. sadhu-sannyasiyoan ke lie kahian rok-tok nahian. bhitar pravesh karate hi vah stri meri or dekhane lagi. usaka muanh maian aj bhi yad kar sakata hooan. isaka karan yah hai ki das-gyarah varsh ki l daki ki aauankhoan mean itani karun, itani malin-udas drishti aur kahian kabhi dekhi hai, aisa mujhe yad nahian ata. usake muanh se, usake hothoan se, usaki aauankhoan se-usake sarvaang se mano du:kh aur nirasha phooti p dati thi. maianne ekabaragi bangala mean kaha, "kuchh bhiksha dena, maan." pahale to vah kuchh n boli. isake bad usake hoanth ek-do bar kaanpakar phool uthe aur vah bhar-bharakar ro uthi.

maian man hi man kuchh lajakar rah gaya. kyoanki, samane koee n tha to bhi, pas ke ghar mean se bihari auratoan ki batachit sunaee p d rahi thi. unamean se yadi koee ekaek bahar akar is avastha mean ham donoan ko dekh le, to vah kya sochegi, kya kahegi yah kuchh bhi maian n soch saka. kh da rahooan, ya prasthan kar jaooan, yah nishchay kar sakane ke poorv hi us l daki ne rote-rote ek saans mean hi hazar prashn poochh dale, "tum kahaan se a rahe ho? kahaan rahate ho? tumhara ghar kya vardhdaman zile mean hai? tum vahaan kab jaoge? tumhean kya rajapur maloom hai? vahaan ke gauri tivari ko chinhate ho?"

maian bola, "tumhara ghar kya vardhdaman zile ke rajapur mean hai?"

us l daki ne hathoan se aauankhoan ka jal poanchhate hue kaha, "haan, mere pita ka nam gauri tivari hai aur bhaee ka nam ramalal tivari hai. unhean kya tum chinhate ho? tin mahine hue maian sasural aeean hooan, abhi tak ek bhi chitthi mujhe nahian mili- pita, bhaee, maan giribala aur baboo kaise haian, kuchh bhi nahian janati. vah jo pipal ka vriksh hai- usake niche meri bahin ki sasural ka makan hai. us somavar ko jiji gale mean phaansi lagakar mar gayi- par ve log kahate haian ki- nahian, ve haije se mari haian." maian vismay ke mare hatabuddhi-sa ho gaya. yah kya bat hai? ye log, dekhata hooan ki poore hindustani haian; parantu, l daki ekabaragi shuddh bangalin hai. itani door, in gharoan mean, in l dakiyoan ki sasuralean kyoankar huee aur inake pati, sas-sasur adi yahaan kya karane ae!

vah boli, "jiji rajapur jane ke lie rat-din roti thian, khati nahian thian, soti nahian thian. isilie unake bal dhanni se baandhakar unhean sare din aur sari rat kh da kar rakkha tha. isilie gale mean rassi dalakar mar gayi."

maianne poochha, "tumhare bhi sas-sasur kya hindustani haian?"

us l daki ne phir ek bar rokar kaha, "haan. maian un logoan ki batachit kuchh bhi nahian samajh pati, un logoan ka khana maian muanh mean nahian dal sakati- maian to din-rat roya karati hooan. parantu, pita n to hamean chitthi hi likhate haian aur n liva hi le jate haian."

maianne poochha, "achchha, tumhare pita ne tumhean itani door byaha hi kyoan?"

l daki boli, "ham log tivari jo haian. hamari jati ke byah-yogy l dake us desh mean to milate nahian."

"tumhean kya ve marate-pitate bhi haian?"

"aur nahian to kya? yah dekho n!" itana kahakar us l daki ne bhujaoan mean, pith ke oopar, mar ke nishan dikhae aur phaphak-phaphakakar rote hue kaha, "maian jiji ki tarah gale mean phaansi lagakar mar jaooangi."

usaka rona dekhakar mere bhi netr sajal ho uthe aur prashnottar ya bhikh ki apeksha kiye bagair hi maian bahar ho gaya. kintu, vah l daki mere pichhe-pichhe chali aee aur kahane lagi, "mere pita ke pas jakar tum kahoge n? ve mujhe yahaan se ek dapha le jaany, nahian to maian-" kisi tarah tho da-sa sir hilakar svikar karake tej chal se adrishy ho gaya. us l daki ka hridayabhedi avedan mere donoan kanoan mean gooanjane laga.

raste ke mo d ke oopar hi ek baniye ki dukan thi. pravesh karate hi dukanadar ne adar ke sath meri abhyarthana ki. khady dravy ki bhikh n maangakar jab maian ek chitthi likhane ka kagaz aur kalam-davat maang baitha, tab usane ashchary to kiya, parantu inkar nahian kiya. usi jagah baithakar maianne gauri tivari ke nam par ek patr likhakar dal diya. samast vivaran vivrit karane ke bad ant mean yah bat likhana bhi maian nahian bhoola ki l daki ki bahin hal mean hi phaansi lagakar mar gayi hai aur vah khud bhi, mar-pit, atyachar sahan n kar sakane ke karan usi path par jane ka sankalp kar chuki hai. tum khud akar kuchh upay n karoge to kya ho jayega, so kaha nahian ja sakata. bahut sambhav hai ki tumhari chitthi-patri ye log tumhari l daki ko n dete hoan. us par thikana likha, vardavan zile mean rajapur gram. maloom nahian ki vah patr gauri tivari ko pahuancha ya nahian; aur pahuancha bhi, to usane kuchh kiya ya nahian. parantu vah ghatana mere man par is tarah mudrit ho gayi hai ki, itane samay bad bhi, poori tarah yad bani huee hai; tatha is adarsh hindoo samaj ke sookshmati-sookshm jati-bhed ke viruddh ek vidroh ka bhav aj bhi mere man se nahian jata.

sambhav hai, yah jati-bhed ka siddhant bahut hi achchha ho; jab ki isi upay se sanatan hindoo jati aj tak bachi huee hai, tab isaki prachand upakarita ke sambandh sanshay karane ke lie ya prashn karane ke lie aur kuchh shesh nahian rahata. kahian koee do badanasib l dakiyaan du:kh n sah sakane ke karan gale mean phaansi lagakar mar jaanyagi, is dar se isaka kathor bandhan bindumatr shithil karane ki kalpana karana bhi pagalapan hai. kintu us l daki ka rona jo manushy apani aauankhoan dekh aya hai usake lie yah sadhyh nahian ho sakata ki vah is prashn ko apane pas mean ane se rok sake ki kisi tarah tike rahana- apana astitv matr banae rakhana hi kya jivan ki charam sarthakata hai? is tarah ki to bahut-si jatiyaan apana astitv banae hue maujood haian. korakoo haian, kol, bhil-santhal haian, prashant mahasagar ke anek chhote-mote dvipoan ki anek chhoti-moti jatiyoan ki manushy srishti shuroo se abhi tak vaisi hi bani huee haian. aphrika mean haian, amerika mean haian; un jatiyoan mean bhi is tarah ke sab kathor samajik aeen-kanoon maujood haian jinhean sunakar sharir ka rakt pani ho jata hai. umr ke lihaz se ve jatiyaan yoorop ki anek jatiyoan ke ati vriddh pitamahoan ki apeksha bhi prachin haian, aur hamase bhi adhik puratan haian. kintu isalie ye jatiyaan hamari apeksha samajik achar-vyavahar mean shreshth haian, aisa adbhut sanshay, maian samajhata hooan, kisi ke man mean n uthata hoga. samajik samasyaean jhund baandhakar samane nahian atian. yoan hi ekadh kvachith kadachith hi avirbhoot hoti hai. apani donoan bangali l dakiyoan ko hindustaniyoan ke ghar byahate samay gauri tivari ke man mean shayad is tarah ka prashn aya tha. kintu, vah bechara is duruh prashn se chhutakara pane ka koee rasta n khoj sakane ke karan hi ant mean, samajik yoopakath ke oopar donoan kanyaoan ka balidan dene ke lie badhyan hua tha. jo samaj in donoan nirupay kshupr balikaoan ke lie bhi sthan n de saka, jo samaj apane ko itana-sa bhi udar banane ki shakti nahian rakhata, us lang de nirjiv samaj ke lie apane man mean maian kianchith-matr bhi gaurav ka anubhav nahian kar saka. kahian kisi ek b de bhari lekhak ke lekh mean padha tha ki hamare samaj ne jis ek b de samajik prashn ka uttar jagat ke samane 'jati-bhed' ke roop mean upasthit kiya hai, usaka antim phaisala aj tak bhi nahian hua hai. aisa hi kuchh usamean kaha gaya tha. kintu us samast yuktihin uchchhvas ka uttar dene ki bhi meri pravritti nahian hoti. 'hua nahian hai' aur 'hoga nahian' aisa prabal kanth se ghoshit karake jo log apane hi prashn ke uttar ko khud hi daba dete haian unako javab dene ki bhi pravritti nahian hoti. khair, jane do.

dukan se uthakar aur dhooandh-khojakar dak-baks mean us bairang patr ko dalakar jab maian apane dere par a pahuancha, tab mere anyany sahayogi ata, dal adi sangrah karake laute n the.

maianne dekha ki 'sadhu-baba' aj mano kuchh khijhe hue haian. karan bhi unhoanne svayan prakat kar diya; bole, "yah gaanv sadhu-sannyasiyoan ke prati utana anurakt nahian hai, sevadi ki vyavastha bhi vaisi santoshajanak nahian karata; isalie kal hi is sthan ka tyag kar dena hoga!" 'jo ajna' kahakar maianne usi kshan usaka anumodan kar diya. man ke bhitar patana dekhane ka jo prabal kutoohal chhipa tha, apane pas maian use aur adhik dhankakar n rakh saka.

sivay isake, bihar ke gaanv mean kisi tarah ka akarshan bhi dhooandhe nahian milata tha. usake pahale maian bangal ke anek gaanvoan mean vicharan kar chuka hooan, kintu, unake sath inaki koee tulana hi nahian ho sakati. nar-nari, pe d-patte, jalavayu- koee bhi chiz apani-si nahian maloom hoti thian. sara man subah se lekar ratriparyant keval 'bhagooan-bhagooan' kiya karata tha.

sandhyak ke samay muhalle se us tarah jhaanjh-karatal ke sath kirtan ka sur kanoan mean nahian ata. dev-mandiroan mean arati ke kaanse ke ghante adi bhi us tarah ka gambhir madhur shabd nahian karate. is desh ki striyaan shankhoan ko bhi vaisi mithi tarah se bajana nahian janatian, tab yahaan manushy kis sukh ke lie rahate haian? aur man hi man aisa lagane laga ki yadi in sab gaanvoan mean maian n a p da hota to apane gaanvoan ka mooly kisi din bhi is tarah n jan pata. hamare yahaan ke pani mean kaee bhari rahati hai, hava mean maleriya hai, pray: sabhi manushyoan ke pet mean pilahi badhi huee hai, ghar-ghar mukadame-mamale hua karate haian, mahalle mahalle mean dalabandiyaan haian; so sab rahane do, parantu phir bhi usake bich bhi kitana ras, kitani tripti thi. is samay mano, usake vishay mean kuchh n janate hue bhi maian sab kuchh janane laga.

doosare din tamboo ukha d kar yatra shuroo kar di gayi; aur sadhu baba yatha shakti bharadvaj muni ke ashram ki or dalabal-sahit agrasar hone lage. kintu chahe rasta sidha p dega is khayal se ho, athava muni ne mere man ki bat jan li- is karan se ho, patana ke das kos ke bhitar unhoanne aur phir kahian tamboo nahian ga da. man mean ek vasana thi. khair use is samay rahane do. pap-tap maianne bahut se kiye haian; sadhu-sang bhi kuchh din karake pavitr ho looan.

ek din sandhyat ke kuchh pahale jis jagah hamara dera p da, usaka nam tha chhoti bagiya. ara steshan se yah sthan ath kos door hai. is gaanv ke ek prasiddh bangali sajjan se mera parichay ho gaya tha. unaki sadashayata ka yahaan kuchh varnan karooanga. unake paitrik nam ko gupt rakhakar 'ram baboo' kahana hi achchha hai, kyoanki ab tak ve jivit haian. aur bad mean, anyatr yadyapi unase mera sakshatkar hua tha, phir bhi ve mujhe pahichan nahian sake the. isamean kuchh acharaj bhi nahian hai. parantu unaka svabhav maian janata hooan. gupt roop se unhoanne jo satkary kiye haian unaka prakashy roop mean ullekh kiye jane par ve vinay se sankuchit ho utheange, yah maian achchhi tarah se janata hooan. isalie unaka nam hai 'ram baboo'. kis tarah ram baboo us gaanv mean ae the aur kis tarah unhoanne jama-jamin sangrah karake kheti-bari ki thi, so mujhe nahian maloom. itana hi maian janata hooan ki unhoanne doosari dapha vivah kiya tha aur tin-char putr-kanyaoan ke sath ve vahaan sukh se vas karate the.

subah ke samay suna gaya ki inhian chhoti bagiya aur b di bagiya namak gaanvoan mean us samay shitala ne mahamari ke roop mean darshan die haian. dekha gaya hai ki gaanv ke du:samay mean hi sadhu sannyasiyoan ki seva vishesh santoshajanak hoti hai. isilie sadhu baba ne avichalit chitt se vahaan par avasthan karane ka sankalp kar liya.

achchhi bat hai. sannyasi jivan ke sambandh mean yahaan par maian ek bat kah dena chahata hooan. jivan mean inamean se maianne anekoan ko dekha hai. charek dapha maian unake sath aise hi ghanishth bhav se ghul-milakar bhi raha hooan. dosh jo unamean haian so haian hi, maian to gunoan ki bat hi kahooanga. 'keval pet ke lie sadhuji' to ap mean se anek janate hoange, parantu in logoan mean bhi ye do dosh meri najar nahian ae, aur meri najar bhi kuchh bahut sthool nahian hai. striyoan ke sambandh mean in logoan ka sanyam kaho ya utsah ki svalpata kaho- khoob adhik hai, aur pranoan ka bhay bhi in logoan mean bilkuil hi kam hota hai. 'yavajjiveth sukhan jiveth' to hai, parantu kya karane se 'bahudinan jiveth' yah khayal nahian hota. hamare sadhu baba bhi aise hi the! pahali vastu ke yane 'sukh' ke lie doosari arthath 'jiveth' ko unhoanne tuchchh kar diya tha!"

tho di-si dhooni ki rakh aur do booand kamandalu ke jal ke badale mean jo sab vastuean danadan dere mean ane lagian vah, kya to sannyasi aur kya grihasth, kisi ke lie virakti ka karan nahian ho sakatian!

ram baboo stri sahit rote hue ae. char roj ke bukhar ke bad aj subah b de l dake ko shitala dikhaee p di haian aur chhota bachcha kal rat se jvar mean behosh p da hai. yah janakar ki ve bangali haian maianne svayan unake nikat jakar unase parichay kiya.

isake bad katha ke silasile mean maian mahine-bhar ka vichchhed kar dena chahata hooan. kyoanki kis tarah yah parichay ghanishth hota gaya, kis tarah donoan bachche change hue- isaki bahut lambi katha hai. kahate-kahate mera bhi dhiraj chhoot jayega, phir pathakoan ki bat to door rahi. phir bhi, bich ki ek bat kahe deta hooan. qarib pandrah din bad, jab ki rog ka prakop bahut badha-chadha tha, sadhuji ne apana dera uthane ka prastav kiya. ram baboo ki stri rokar bol uthian, "sannyasi bhiya, tum to sachamuch ke sannyasi nahian ho- tumhare sharir mean to daya-maya hai. navin aur jivan ko yadi tum chho dakar chale aoge, to ve kabhi nahian bacheange. kahaan, jao dekhooan, kaise jate ho?" itana kahakar usane mere pair pak d liye. meri aauankhoan se bhi aauansoo nikal p de. ram baboo bhi stri ki prarthana mean yog dekar anunay-vinay karane lage. isalie maian nahian ja saka. sadhu baba se maian bola; "prabho, ap agrasar hoojie, maian raste ke bich mean, nahian to prayag mean pahuanchakar, apaki padadhooli avashy hi mathe chadha sakooanga, isamean koee sandeh hai." prabhu kuchh kshunn hue. ant mean bar-bar anurodh karake, akaran kahian vilamb n laga dena, is sambandh mean bar-bar savadhan karake, ve sadal-bal yatra kar gaye. maian ram baboo ke ghar mean hi rah gaya. in tho de se dinoan ke bich mean hi maian is tarah prabhu ka sabase adhik sneh-patr ho gaya tha ki yadi aur tika rahata to unaki sannyas-lila ke avasan par, uttaradhikar-sootr se maian us tattoo aur donoan ooantoan par dakhal prapt kar sakata, isamean koee sandeh nahian rah gaya tha khair jane do- hath ki lakshmi pair se thelakar, gayi bat ko lekar, paritap karane mean ab koee labh nahian hai.

donoan l dake change ho gaye. mahamari is daphe sachamuch hi mahamari ke roop mean dikhaee di. vah kaisa vyapar tha jisane apani aauankhoan nahian dekha vah kisi ka likha hua padhakar, kahani sunakar ya kalpana karake hridayangam kar sake yah asambhav hai. atev is asambhav kary ko sambhav karane ka prayas maian nahian karooanga. logoan ne bhagana shuroo kiya; isamean aur koee vivek vichar nahian raha! jis ghar mean manushy ka chihn dikhaee deta tha usamean jhaankakar dekhane se najar ata tha ki keval maan apani pi dit santan ko age liye baithi hai.

ram baboo ne bhi apani gharoo bailaga di mean mal-asabab lad diya. ve to kee din pahale hi aisa karana chahate the, kintu, badhy d hokar hi n kar sake. paanch-chh: din pahale se hi meri sari deh ek aise bure alasy se mar gayi thi ki kuchh bhi bhala nahian lagata tha. maloom hota tha ki ratri-jagaran aur parishram ke karan hi aisa ho raha hai. us din subah se hi sir dukhane laga. bilkural aruchi hote hue bhi dopahar ke samay jo kuchh khaya sham ke vakt use kai kar diya. rat ke 9-10 baje maloom hua ki bukhar chadh aya hai. us din sari rat, un logoan ka udyog ayojan chal raha tha, sabhi jag rahe the. bahut rat bite ram baboo ki stri bahar se mere kamare ke bhitar jhaankakar boli, "sannyasi bhiya, tum kya hamare sath hi ara tak nahian chaloge?"

maian bola, "zaroor chalooanga. kintu tumhari ga di mean mujhe tho di-si jagah deni hogi."

bahin ne utsuk hokar prashn kiya, "so kaise sannyasi bhiya? ga diyaan to do se adhik nahian mil sakian. unamean to ham logoan bhar ke lie bhi jagah nahian hai."

maianne kaha, "mujhamean to chalane ki takat nahian hai bahin, subah se hi khoob bukhar chadha hai."

"bukhar! kahate kya ho?" itana kahakar uttar ki bhi apeksha n karake meri nootan bahin apana muanh shyam karake chali gayi.

kitani der tak maian sota raha, so nahian kah sakata. jagakar dekha to din chadh aya hai. makan ke bhitar ke sabhi kamaroan mean tala laga hua hai, manushy prani ka nam bhi nahian hai.

bahar ke jis kamare mean maian tha usake samane se hi is gaanv ka kachcha rasta ara steshan tak gaya hai. is raste par se pratidin kam se kam 5-6 bailaga diyaan, mrityu-bhit nar-nariyoan ka mal-asabab ladakar, steshan jaya karati thian. din-bhar anek prayatn karane ke bad mean sham ko inamean se ek mean sthan pakar ja baitha. jin vriddh bihari sajjan ne daya karake mujhe apane sath le liya tha unhoanne b de t dake hi mujhe steshan ke pas ek vriksh ke niche utar diya. us samay baithane ka bhi mujhamean samarthy nahian tha. vahian maian let gaya. pas mean hi ek tin ka parityakt shed tha. pahale vah musaphirakhane ke kam mean ata tha; kintu, vartaman samay mean jh d-badal ke din gay-bachh doan ke upayog mean ane ke sivay, aur kisi kam mean nahian ata tha. ye vriddh sajjan steshan se ek bangali yuvak ko bula lae. maian usi ki daya se, kee ek kuliyoan ki sahayata se, us shed ke niche laya gaya.

mera b da durbhagy hai ki maian us yuvak ka koee parichay nahian de sakata, kyoanki, maian us samay usaki kuchh bhi poochhatachh nahian kar saka tha. paanch-chh: mahine bad, poochhane ka jab suyog aur shakti mili tab, maloom hua ki shitala ke rog se pi dit hokar is bich mean hi vah is lok se kooch kar gaya hai. usake sambandh mean poochhane par itana hi maloom ho saka ki vah poorviy bangal ka tha aur pandrah rupaye mahine vetan par steshan mean naukari karata tha. kuchh der thaharakar apana saik doan jagah se phata hua bichhauna lakar usane hajir kiya aur vah bar-bar kahane laga ki maian apane hath se pakakar khata hooan aur doosare ke ghar rahata hooan. dopahar ke samay ek katora garam doodh lakar usane jabaran pilakar kaha, "darane ki bat nahian hai, ap achchhe ho jaanyage. parantu atmiy bandhu-bandhav adi kisi ko bhi yadi khabar deni ho to, thikana batane par, maian tar de sakata hooan."

us samay maian khoob hosh mean tha. isalie yah bhi achchhi tarah samajha tha ki aisi avastha bahut der tak nahian rahegi. is tarah ka jvar yadi aur bhi 5-6 ghante sthayi bana raha to hosh avashy ganvana p dega. atev, jo kuchh karana hai, vah itane samay ke bhitar n karane par, phir nahian kiya jayega.

so to thik, parantu khabar dene ke prastav par maian soch-vichar mean p d gaya. kyoan, so kholakar batane ki zaroorat nahian. parantu socha, garib ka paisa teligram mean apavyay karane se labh hi kya hai? sham ke bad vah bhadr purush apani dayooti se avakash lekar ek gh da pani aur ek kirasin ki dibbi lekar upasthit hua, us samay jvar ki yantrana se mastak kramash: big d raha tha. use pas mean bulakar maianne kaha, "jab tak mujhe hosh hai tab tak bich-bich mean akar dekh jana; isake bad jo hona ho so ho, ap aur koee kasht n karana."

vah atyant muanh-chor prakriti ka bhadr purush tha. bat banakar kahane ki usamean kshamata nahian thi. javab mean keval 'nahian' kahakar hi vah chup ho raha. maianne kaha, "apane chaha tha ki kisi ko khabar kara dooan. maian sannyasi adami hooan, vastav mean mera koee bhi nahian. phir bhi patane mean pyari baee ke thikane par yadi ek post kard likh doge ki shrikant ara steshan ke bahar ek tinashed ke niche maranapann hokar p da hai to..."

vah yuvak atyant vyast hokar bol utha, "maian abhi die deta hooan." chitthi aur teligram donoan hi bheje deta hooan", itana kahakar vah uthakar chala gaya. maianne man hi man kaha, 'bhagavan, vah khabar pa jay!'

' ' ' '

hosh ane par pahale to maian apani avastha achchhi tarah samajh bhi n saka. mastak par hath le jakar anubhav kiya ki yah to aees-beg hai. aauankhean milamilakar dekha ki makan ke bhitar ek khat par p da hooan. samane stool ke oopar ek dipak ke pas do-tin dava ki shishiyaan aur usake pas ek rassi ki khat par koee manushy lal chek ka raipar sharir par lapete hue so raha hai. bahut der tak maian kuchh bhi yad n kar saka. isake bad, ek-ek karake, jan p dane laga, mano niand mean kitane hi svapn dekhe haian. anek logoan ka ana-jana uthakar mujhe doli mean dalana, mastak uthakar davaee pilana, aise kitane hi vyapar dikhaee p de.

kuchh der bad, jab vah manushy uthakar baith gaya tab, dekha ki koee bangali sajjan haian, umr; atharah-unnis se adhik nahian. us samay sirahane ke nikat se mridu-svar mean jisane usako sambodhan kiya usaka svar maianne pahichan liya.

pyari ne ati mridu kanth se pukara, "bankoo, baraph ko ek bar aur badal kyoan nahian diya beta?"

l daka bola, "badale deta hooan, tum tho da-sa so lo n maan. d aauktar baboo jab kah gaye haian ki shitala nahian hai, tab darane ki koee bat nahian hai maan."

pyari boli, "are bhiya, d aauktar ke kahane se, ki dar ki koee bat nahian haian, auratoan ka bhay kahian jata hai? tujhe chinta karane ki zaroorat nahian hai bankoo, too to baraph badal kar so ja- phir rat ko mat jagana."

bankoo ne akar baraph badal diya aur lautakar vah phir usi khatiya par ja p da. tho di hi der bad jab usaki nak bajane lagi tab maianne dhire se pukara "pyari!"

pyari ne muanh ke oopar jhuk p dakar sir par ke jalabindu aauanchal se poanchhate hue kaha, "mujhe kya tum chinh sakate ho? ab kaise ho? kal..."

"achchha hooan. kab ayian? yah kya ara hai?"

"haan ara hi hai. kal ham log ghar chaleange."

"kahaan?"

"patane. sivay apane ghar le jane ke, abhi kya aur kahian, maian tumhean chho d ja sakati han?"

"yah l daka kaun hai, rajalakshmi?"

"meri saut ka l daka hai. kintu, bankoo mere pet ka l daka-sa hi hai. mere pas rahakar hi patana k aaulej mean padhata hai. aj ab aur bat mat karo. so jao- kal sab kahooangi." itana kahakar usane mere muanh par hatheli rakhakar mera muanh band kar diya.

maian hath badhakar rajalakshmi ke dahine hath ko mutti mean lekar karavat badal kar so raha.

000

jis jvar se pi dit hokar maian behosh ho shayyagat ho gaya tha vah shitala ka nahian tha, kuchh aur hi tha. d aauktari shastr mean nishchay se hi usaka koee b da bhari kathin nam tha, parantu mujhe vah yad nahian raha. khabar pakar pyari, apane l dake, do naukar aur dasi ko lekar, a upasthit huee. usi din ek thaharane ka sthan kiraye par lekar mujhe usamean sthanantarit kar diya aur shahar ke bhale-bure sab chikitsakoan ko bulakar vahaan ikattha kar liya. achchha hi kiya. nahian to, aur koee nukasan chahe bhale hi n hota, parantu 'bharatavarsh' ke¹ pathak-pathikaoan ke dhairy ki mahima to sansar mean avidit hi rah jati!

subah pyari ne kaha, "bankoo, aur deri mat kar beta, isi samay ek sekand klas ka dabba rijharv kara a. maian ek kshan bhi inhean yahaan rakhane ka sahas nahian kar sakati." bankoo ki atript nidra us samay bhi usake donoan netroan mean bhar rahi thi; usane unhean mooande hi mooande avyakt svar mean javab diya, "tum pagala gayi ho maan aisi avastha mean kya rogi ko yahaan se vahaan le jaya ja sakata hai?"

pyari ne kuchh hansakar kaha, "pahale too uth, aauankh-muanh par jal dal, dekhooan isake bad yahaan-vahaan le jane ki bat samajh li javegi. raja beta mere, uth!"

bankoo aur koee upay n dekh, shayya tyag, muanh hath dho, kap de badal steshan chala gaya. us samay bhi bahut jaldi thi- ghar mean aur koee nahian tha! dhire-dhire pukara, "pyari!" mere sirahane ki or ek khatiya satakar bichhi huee thi. usi par thakavat ke karan, shayad isi bich, vah kuchh aauankhean mooandakar let gayi thi. chatapat uth baithi aur mere muanh par jhuk gayi. komal kanth se usane poochha, "niand khul gayi?"

"maian to jag hi raha hooan." pyari ne utkanthit yatn ke sath mere sir aur kapal par hath pherate-pherate kaha, "jvar to is samay bahut kam hai. aauankhean mooand kar tho da-sa sone ki cheshta kyoan nahian karate?"

1 shrikant ka yah bhraman-vrittant pahale bangal ke prasiddh masik patr 'bharatavarsh' mean dharavahik roop se prakashit hua tha.

"so to maian barabar hi karata hooan pyari, aj jvar ko kitane din hue?"

"terah din" kahakar usane b di boodhi purakhin ki tarah gambhir bhav se kaha, "dekho, l dake-baloan ke samane mujhe yah nam lekar mat pukara karo. bahut dinoan tak 'lakshmi' kahakar pukara kiye ho, vahi nam lekar kyoan nahian pukarate?"

do din se maian khoob hosh mean tha. mujhe bhi sab batean yad a gayi thian. maianne kaha, "achchha." isake bad, jis bat ke kahane ke lie bulaya tha use man hi man achchhi tarah sajakar kaha, "mujhe le jane ki cheshta kar rahi ho, kintu, maianne tumhean bahut kasht die haian, ab aur nahian dena chahata."

"to phir kya karana chahate ho?"

"maian sochata hooan, ab jaisa maian hooan, usase jan p data hai ki tin-char din mean hi, achchha ho jaooanga! tum log chahe to itane din aur thahar kar ghar chale jao."

"tab tum kya karoge, sunooan to?"

"jo kuchh hona hoga so ho jayega."

"so ho jayega" kahakar pyari kuchh hans di. isake bad samane akar khat par ek or baithakar, mere muanh ki or dekhakar, kshan-bhar chup rahakar phir kuchh hansakar boli, "tin-char din mean to nahian, das-barah din mean yah rog chala jayega, yah maian janati hooan; parantu asali rog kitane dinoan mean door hoga- so kya mujhe bata sakate ho?" "asali rog aur kya?"

pyari ne kaha, "sochoge kuchh, kahoge kuchh, aur-karoge kuchh, hamesha se tumhean yahi ek rog hai. tum janate ho ki ek mahine ke pahale maian tumhean aauankhoan ki ot n kar sakooangi- phir bhi kahoge 'tumhean kasht diya, tum jao'; are o dayamay! mera yadi tumhean itana adhik dard hai to, aur chahe jo hoo par- sannyasi to tum nahian ho- sannyasi banakar yah kya hangama kh da kiya hai! akar dekhati hooan, to zamin par phati kathari par ghor behoshi mean p de ho, dhool-kich d mean jataean san gayi haian, sare aang mean rudraksh ki mala hai aur donoan hathoan mean pital ke k de haian! maiya ri maiya! chehara dekhakar roe bina n rah saki!" itana kahate-kahate um da hua ashrujal usaki donoan aauankhoan mean jhalak aya. chatapat use hath se poanchhakar vah boli, "bankoo bola, ye kaun haian maan? man hi man boli- too bachcha hai, tere age vah bat kya kahooan bhiya! oh, vah din bhi kaisi vipatti ka tha, bhaiya ri, kaisi shubh gh di pathashala mean hamari char aauankhean huee thian! jo du:kh tumane mujhe diya hai, utana du:kh duniya-bhar mean kisi ne kabhi kisi ko nahian diya hoga- aur n dega hi. shahar mean shitala dikhaee di haian-sabako lekar achchhi bhali bhag ja sakooan to jan mean jan ave." itana kahakar usane ek dirgh shvas chho da. usi rat ko ara chho d diya. ek kam umr ka d aauktar anek tarah ki aushadhiyaan lekar ham logoan ko patana tak pahuanchane ke lie sath gaya.

patana pahuanchakar barah-terah din ke bhitar hi ek tarah se maian changa ho gaya. ek din subah akela pyari ke makan ke pratyek kamare mean ghoom aya. usaka mal-asabab dekhakar maian kuchh vismit hua. maianne isake pahale vaisa dekha n ho so bat nahian thi. chizean sab achchhi aur kimati thian, yah thik hai; parantu is marava di muhalle ke bich, in sab dhani aur alpashikshit shaukin manushyoan ke sansarg mean, itani sadharan chijoan se vah santusht kaise rahati thi? isake pahale maianne is tarah ke jitane ghar dvar dekhe the inake sath kahian kisi bhi aansh mean isaki samanata nahian thi. unamean andar ghusate hi vichar hota tha ki inamean manushy kshan-bhar bhi rahate kaise hoga? un makanoan ke jha d-phanoos, chitr divalagiri, aeena aur glas-kesoan mean anand ke badale ashanka hi utpann hoti thi- sahaj shvas-prashvas tak ke lie bhi, maloom hota tha ki avakash n milega. bahut se logoan ki bahuvidha kamana-sadhana ki upahar-rashi is tarah thasathas ek ke oopar ek bhari huee najar ati thi ki dekhate hi aisa maloom hota tha ki in achetan vastuoan ke saman hi unake achetan data bhi mano is makan ke bhitar jara-si jagah ke lie aisi hi bhi d karake paraspar ek doosare ke sath thelamathel sangharsh kar rahe haian. kintu, is makan ke kisi bhi kamare mean avashyakiy chijoan ke atirikt ek bhi falatoo chiz nazar nahian aee. aur jo bhi chizean najar aeean ve svayan grihasvamini ke kam ke lie laee gayi haian, aur usaki niji ichchha aur abhiruchi ko laanghakar, aur kisi ki bhi pralubdh abhilasha se anadhikar-pravesh karake jagah chheke nahian baithi haian. yah bat sahaj mean hi maloom ho gayi. aur bhi ek bat ne meri drishti ko akarshit kiya. itani suprasiddh 'baeeji' ke ghar mean gane-bajane ka kahian koee ayojan bhi nahian hai. is kamare, us kamare mean ghoomata hua doosari manzil ke ek kone ke kamare ke samane akar maian kh da ho gaya. yah baeeji ka khud ka shayan-mandir hai, yah usake bhitar jhaankate hi maloom ho gaya. parantu meri kalpana ke sath isaka kitana antar tha. jo kuchh soch rakkha tha, usamean ka kuchh bhi nahian tha. mej saphed patthar ki thi, divalean doodh ki tarah saphed chamachama rahi thian. kamare ke ek kinare ek chhote se takht ke oopar bistar bichhe the, ek lak di ki aragani par kuchh vastr tanke the aur usake pichhe ek lohe ki alamari thi. aur kahian kuchh nahian tha. joote pahine hue andar pravesh karane mean bhi mano mujhe ek tarah ke sankoch ka anubhav hua, unhean chaukhat ke bahar kholakar maianne bhitar pravesh kiya. maloom hota hai, thakavat ke karan hi usaki shayya par maian jakar baith gaya tha. yadi kamare mean aur koee vastu baithane ke lie hoti to maian usi par baithata. samane ki or khuli huee khi daki ko dhanke hue ek b da nim ka pe d tha. usi mean se chhan-chhanakar hava a rahi thi. us or dekhata hua maian hathath jaise kuchh anyamanask-sa ho gaya tha. ek mithi avaz se chauankakar maianne dekha, gun-gun gana gati-gati pyari kamare mean ghus aee hai. vah gangaji mean snan karane gayi thi aur ab vahaan se lautakar apane kamare mean gile kap de utarane aee hai. usane is or ek dapha bhi nahian dekha hai. usake sidhe aragani ke pas jakar sookhe vastr par hath dalate hi maianne vyakt hokar avaz di, "ghat par kap de lekar kyoan nahian jatian?"

pyari ne chauankakar hans diya. boli, "aian! chor ki tarah mere kamare mean ghuse baithe ho? nahian nahian, baithe raho, baithe raho-ajao mat. maian us kamare mean se kap de badal ati hooan." itana kahakar vah halake pairoan garad ki dhoti hath mean lekar bahar chali gayi.

paanchek minat ke bad vah prasann mukh se laut aee aur hansakar boli, "mere kamare mean to kuchh bhi nahian hai; tab kya churane ae ho, bolo to? mujhe to nahian?" maian bola, "tumane kya mujhe aisa akritajn samajh rakkha hai? tumane mere lie itana kiya, aur ant mean tumhari hi chori karooan, maian itana lobhi nahian hooan."

pyari ka muanh malin ho gaya. bolate samay maianne nahian socha tha ki is bat se use vyatha pahuanchegi. use vyatha pahuanchane ki n to meri ichchha hi thi, aur n aisi ichchha hona svabhavik hi tha. khas taur se tab jab ki maianne do-ek din mean vahaan se prasthan karane ka sankalp kar liya tha. big di huee bat ko kisi tarah bana lene ki garaj se maianne jabardasti hansakar kaha, "apani vastu ki bhi kya koee chori karane jata hai? tumamean itani bhi buddhi nahian hai?"

kintu itane sahaj mean use bhulaya n ja saka. usane malin mukh se kaha, "tumhean aur adhik kritajn hone ki zaroorat nahian; daya karake tumane jo us samay khabar laga di, mere lie vahi bahut hai."

usake shuddh snat, prasann hansate chehare ko is dhoop se ujjval prabhat-kal mean hi maianne mlan kar diya, yah dekhakar hriday mean ek vedana si jag uthi. us tho di-si hansi ke bhitar jo ek madhury tha usake nasht hote hi hani suspasht ho uthi. use vapis lautane ki asha se maian usi kshan anutapt svar mean bol utha, "lakshmi, tumhare nikat to kuchh bhi chhipa nahian hai- sab kuchh to janati ho. tum vahaan nahian gayi hoti to mujhe us dhool aur reti ke oopar hi mar jana p data, koee utani door jakar ek dapha aspatal le jane ki bhi cheshta n karata. vah jo tumane patr mean likha tha ki "sukh ke dinoan mean n sahi to du:kh ke dinoan mean hi mujhe yad kar lena" yah bat mujhe meri ayu baki thi isilie yad a gayi, yah maian is samay achchhi tarah anubhav kar raha hooan."

"kar rahe ho?"

"nishchay se."

"to phir kaho ki mere hi lie tumane pun: pran pae haian?"

"isamean mujhe koee sandeh nahian hai."

"to kya maian un par dava kar sakati hooan, bolo?"

"kar sakati ho. parantu mere pran itane tuchchh haian ki un par tumhara lobh hona hi uchit nahian hai."

pyari ne itani der bad kuchh hansakar kaha, "phir bhi ganimat hai ki apane mooly ko itane dinoan mean tumane samajh to liya." kintu doosare hi kshan gambhir hokar kaha, "dillagi rahane do, bimari to ek tarah se achchhi ho gayi, ab jane ki kab soch rahe ho?"

usake prashn ko achchhi tarah n samajh saka. maianne gambhir hokar kaha, "kahian jane ki to mujhe jaldi hai nahian. isalie yahi sochata hooan, aur bhi kuchh din thahar jaooan." pyari boli, "kintu mera l daka ajakal aksar baankipur se aya karata hai. bahut din thaharoge to shayad vah kuchh khayal karane lage."

maianne kaha, "karane do n. usase darakar to kuchh tum chalati nahian? aisa aram chho dakar yahaan se shighr hi to maian kahian jata nahian."

pyari ne vishann mukh se kaha, "yah bhi kahian ho sakata hai?" itana kahakar vah ekaek vahaan se uthakar chal di.

doosare din sham ke vakt maian apane kamare mean pashchim ki taraph se baramade mean ek ijichear par leta hua sooryast dekh raha tha. isi samay bankoo a upasthit hua. abhi tak usake sath achchhi tarah batachit karane ka suyog nahian mila tha. ek chear par baithane ka ishara karake maian bola, "bankoo, kya padhate ho tum?"

l daka atyant sidha-sada bhalamanus tha. bola, "gaye sal maianne entehrans pas kiya hai."

"to ab baankipur k aaulej mean padhate ho?"

"ji haan."

"tum kitane bhaee-bahin ho?"

"bhaee aur nahian haian. char bahinean haian."

"unaka byah ho gaya?"

"ji haan, maianne hi unhean byah diya hai."

"tumhari apani maan jiti haian?"

"ji haan, ve desh ke hi makan mean rahati haian."

"tumhari ye maan, kabhi tumhare desh ke makan mean gayi haian?"

"bahut bar, abhi to paanch-chh: hi mahine hue, aee haian."

"isase desh mean koee g dab d nahian machati?"

bankoo kuchh der chup rahakar bola, "machati rahe ham logoan ko 'jati se alag' kar rakkha hai, so isase kuchh ham apani maan ko chho d tho de hi sakate haian? aur aisi maan bhi kitane logoan ko nasib hoti hai!"

muanh mean aya ki poochhooan, "maan ke oopar itani bhakti kaise huee?" kintu daba gaya.

bankoo kahane laga, "achchha ap hi kahie, gane-bajane mean kya koee dosh hai? hamari maan keval vahi karati haian. kuchh paraee ninda, paraee charcha to karati nahian? balki, gaanv mean jo log hamare param shatru haian unhian ke ath das l dakoan ko padhaee-likhaee ka kharch deti haian; shit kal mean kitane hi logoan ko kap de deti haian, kambal deti haian, yah kya bura karati haian?"

maianne kaha, "nahian, vah to bahut hi bhala kam hai."

bankoo ne utsahit hokar kaha, "tab kahie, hamare gaanv ke saman paji gaanv kya aur koee hai? yahi dekho n us varsh eeantean pakakar ham logoan ne makan banavaya. gaanv mean pani ki bhayanak takaliph dekhakar maan meri maan se bolian, jiji, aur kuchh rupaye kharch karake eeantean pakane ke bhatthe ki jagah hi ek talab hi n banava diya jay? tin-char hazar rupaye kharch karake talab banava diya. ghat bhi bandhava diya. kintu, gaanv ke logoan ne maan ko us talab ki pratishtha n karane di. aisa badhiya pani- kintu koee piega nahian, koee chhuega nahian, aise badajat adami haian. keval is eershya ke mare sab mare jate haian ki hamara makan pakka ban gaya. ap samajhe n?"

maianne acharaj se kaha, "kahate kya ho ji, pani ka aisa darun kasht bhoga kareange, phir bhi aise pani ka vyavahar n kareange?"

bankoo ne jara-sa hansakar kaha, "vahi to; kintu vah kya adhik samay chal sakata hai? pahale sal to dar ke mare kisi ne pani chhua nahian, parantu ab chhoti jati ke sabhi log lete haian aur pite haian- brahman aur kayasth bhi chaitr-vaishakh ke mahinoan mean luk-chhipakar pani le jate haian- parantu phir bhi unhoanne talab ki pratishtha nahian karane di. yah kya maan ke lie kam kasht ki bat hai?"

maianne kaha, "apani nak kat ke paraya apashakun karane ki jo kahavat suni jati hai, vah yahi hai."

bankoo zor se bol utha, "thik yahi bat hai. aise gaanv mean alahada ek ghar se rahana shap ke roop mean bhi varadan ke saman hai. apaki kya ray hai?" javab mean maianne bhi keval hansakar sir hila diya. haan ya nahian, kuchh spasht nahian kaha. parantu isase bankoo ke utsah mean badha nahian p di. maianne dekha ki l daka apani vimata ko sachamuch hi pyar karata hai. anukool shrota pakar bhakti ke aveg mean vah dekhate-dekhate pagal ho utha aur use lagatar ke stuti-vad ne mujhe qarib-qarib vyakul kar diya.

hathath ekaek use hosh aya ki itani der mean maianne usaki ek bhi bat mean yog nahian diya. tab vah kuchh apratibh-sa hokar kisi tarah prasang ko daba dene ki garaj se bola, "ap yahaan par aur kuchh din haian n?"

maianne hansakar kaha, "nahian, kal subah hi chala jaooanga."

"kal hi?"

"haan kal hi."

"parantu apaka sharir to abhi tak sabal hua nahian. kya ap samajhate haian ki bimari ekabaragi chali gayi?"

maianne kaha, "subah tak to maian yahi samajhata tha ki bimari gayi, parantu ab sochata hooan ki nahian. aj dopahar hi mera sir du:kh raha hai."

"to phir kyoan itane shighr jate haian? yahaan to apako kisi prakar ka kasht hai nahian." itana kahakar vah l daka chintit mukh se meri or dekhane laga. maianne bhi kuchh der chup ho, usake chehare ki or dekhate hue, usake muanh par usake bhitar ke yatharth bhav padhane ki koshish ki. jitana bhi maianne use padha usase usaki or se saty-gopan ki koee bhi cheshta hoti huee maian anubhav nahian kar sakata. is par l daka laja avashy gaya aur us lajja ko dhankane ki bhi usane koshish ki. vah bola, "ap yahaan se mat jaie."

"kyoan n jaooan, batao?"

"apake rahane se maan b de anand se rahati haian." yah kah to diya- par isase usaka muanh lal ho gaya. vah chat se uthakar chal diya. maianne dekha, l daka atyant bhola aur saral prakriti ka zaroor hai, parantu bevakooph nahian hai. pyari ne kaha tha ki "aur adhik din rahoge to mera l daka kya khayal karega?" is bat ke sath us l dake ke vyavahar ki alochana ka arth bhi mano maian achchhi tarah samajh gaya hooan aisa mujhe maloom p da; aur matritv ki is ek nayi tasavir ke drishtigochar hone se mano maianne ek nootan jnan sampadit kiya. pyari ke hriday ki ekagr vasana ka anuman karana hamare lie kathin nahian hai aur vah sansar mean sab or se sab tarah svadhin hai, yah kalpana karana bhi, maian samajhata hooan ki, pap nahian hai. phir bhi, usane jis muhoort se ek daridr balak ke matri-pad ko svechchha se grahan kiya hai tabhi se mano apane donoan pairoan ko lohe ki saankaloan se jak d liya hai. vah svayan chahe jo ho parantu use, apane teean mata ka samman to ab dena hi hoga! usaki asanyat kamana, uchchhriankhal pravritti, use chahe jitane adh:patan ki or kyoan n thelana chahe, parantu yah bat bhi to usase bhooli nahian jati ki vah ek l dake ki maan hai! aur us santan ki bhakti-nat drishti ke samane to vah us maan ko kisi tarah bhi apamanit nahian hone degi! usake vihval yauvan ke lalasamatt vasant ke dinoan mean pyar ke sath kisane usaka nam 'pyari' rakkha tha yah to maian nahian janata; kintu, yah nam bhi vah apane l dake ke samane chhupa rakhana chahati hai, yah bat mujhe yad a gayi.

dekhate-dekhate soory ast ho gaya. us or takate-takate mera sara ant:karan mano pighalakar lal ho utha. man-hi-man bola ki rajalakshmi ko ab to maian nichi nigah se dekh nahian sakata. ham donoan ka bahari bartav itane dinoan tak chahe jitane b de svatantray ki raksha karate hue kyoan n chalata raha ho, sneh chahe jitana madhury kyoan n dhal de, parantu isamean to koee sandeh nahian hai ki donoan ki kamanaean ekatr sammilit hone ke lie pratyek kshan durnivar veg ke sath ek-doosare ki or dau d rahi haian. parantu aj maianne dekha ki yah asambhav hai. ekaek 'bankoo ki maan' akash medi himalay parvat ki naeean rasta rokakar rajalakshmi aur mere bich akar kh di hai. man-hi-man maianne kaha, kal subah hi to maian yahaan se ja raha hooan- kintu tab kahian aisa n ho ki man mean phayade-nukasan ka hisab lagane jakar kuchh bacha rakhane ki cheshta karane lagooan. mera yah jana antim jana hi ho. dekh n pane ka bahana karake ek ati sookshm vasana ka bandhan maian yahaan n rakh jaooan jisaka sahara lekar phir kabhi mujhe yahaan akar upasthit hona p de!

anyamanasyak hokar usi jagah baitha hua tha. sandhya ke samay dhoopadani mean dhoop dalakar use apane hathoan mean liye hue rajalakshmi usi baramade mean se aur ek kamare mean ja rahi thi ki chauankakar kh di ho gayi aur boli, "siradard kar raha hai, os mean baithe hue ho? kamare mean jao."

mujhe hansi a gayi. maianne kaha, "avakh kar diya tumane lakshmi! os yahaan kahaan hai?"

rajalakshmi boli, "os n sahi, thandi hava to chal rahi hai. vahi kya achchhi hoti hai?"

"nahian, yah tumhari bhool hai. thandi garam koee hava nahian chal rahi hai." rajalakshmi boli, "meri to sab bhool hi bhool hai, parantu sir dard kar raha hai yah to meri bhool nahian hai- yah to saty hai n? kamare mean jakar tho di der so raho n? ratan kya karata hai? vah kya tho da odikolan sir mean nahian laga sakata? is ghar ke naukar-chakaroan ke saman navab naukar prithvi mean aur kahian nahian haian." inata kahakar rajalakshmi apane kam par chali gayi.

ratan jab ghabarakar aur lajjit ho odikolan, pani adi lekar hajir hua aur apani bhool ke lie bar-bar anutap prakat karane laga tab mujhase hanse bina n raha gaya.

ratan ne isase sahas pakar dhire-dhire kaha, "isamean mera dosh nahian hai baboo, yah kya maian nahian janata? parantu maan se yah kahane ka upay hi nahian ki jab tumhean gussa ata hai, vah jhoothamooth hi ghar bhar ke logoan ke dosh dekhane lagati ho."

kutoohal se maianne poochha, "gussa kyoan haian?"

ratan bola, "yah janane ka kya koee upay hai? b de logoan ko gussa, babooji, yoan hi a jata hai aur yoan hi chala jata hai. us samay yadi apana muanh chhipakar n raha ja sake, to naukar-chakaroan ke pran gaye samajho." daravaze ke samip se ekaek saval aya, "tab tum logoan ka maian sir kat leti hooan, kyoan ratan? aur phir b de logoan ke ghar mean yadi itani musibat hai to aur kahian kyoan nahian chala jata?"

malik ke saval se ratan kunthit ho nicha sir kiye chupachap baitha raha. rajalakshmi ne kaha, "tera kam kya hai? unaka sir dard karata hai, yah bankoo ke muanh se sunakar maianne tujhase kaha. isi se ab rat ke ath baje yahaan akar meri b daee kar raha hai. kal se kahian aur naukari khoj lena, ab yahaan kam nahian hai. samajha!"

rajalakshmi ke chale jane par ratan odikolan pani milakar mere sir par rakhakar hava karane laga. rajalakshmi usi kshan lautakar poochha, "kya kal subah hi ghar aoge?" mera jane ka irada zaroor tha, parantu ghar laut jane ka nahian isilie saval ka javab maianne aur hi tarah se diya, "haan, kal subah hi jaooanga."

"subah kitane baje ki ga di se jaoge?"

"subah hi nikal p dooanga- phir jo ga di mil jave."

"achchha. n ho to taimatebul ke lie kisi ko steshan bhej deti hooan." itana kahakar vah chali gayi.

isake bad yathasamay ratan ne kam samapt karake prasthan kiya. niche se naukar-chakaroan ka shabd ana band ho gaya. maian samajh gaya ki sabhi ne is samay nidra ke lie shayya ka ashray grahan kar liya hai.

mujhe kintu kisi tarah niand nahian aee. ghoom-phirakar keval ek hi bat bar-bar man mean ane lagi ki pyari naraj kyoan ho gayi? aisa maianne kya kiya hai jisase ki vah mujhe ravana karane ke lie adhir ho uthi hai? ratan ne kaha tha ki b de adamiyoan ko krodh yoan hi a jaya karata hai. yah bat aur b de adamiyoan ke sambandh mean thik utarati hai ya nahian, so nahian maloom, parantu pyari ke sambandh mean to kisi tarah bhi thik nahian utarati. vah atyant sanyami aur buddhimati hai, isaka parichay mujhe bahut bar mil chuka hai; aur mujhamean bhi, aur buddhi chahe bhale hi n ho, pravritti ke sambandh mean sanyam usase kam nahian hai- maian to samajhata hooan kisi se bhi kam nahian hai. mere hriday mean chahe kuchh bhi kyoan n ho, use muanh se bahar nikalana, atyant vikar ki behoshi mean maian apane lie sambhav nahian manata. vyavahar mean bhi kisi din aisa kiya ho, so bhi mujhe yad nahian. khud ke usake kisi kary ke karan lajja ka kuchh karan ghatit hua ho, vah to alag bat hai; parantu mere oopar gussa hone ka koee karan nahian hai. isalie bida ke samay ka usaka yah udasin bhav mujhe jo vedana dene laga vah akianchitkar nahian tha.

bahut rat bite ekaek tandra toot gayi aur maianne aauankhean kholakar dekha ki rajalakshmi gupachup kamare mean aee aur usane tebal ke oopar ka laimp bujhakar use daravaze ke kone ki a d mean rakh diya. khi daki khuli huee thi, use band karake, meri shayya ke samip akar kshan-bhar chup kh di rahakar usane kuchh socha. isake bad mashahari ke bhitar hath dalakar usane pahale mere sir ka uttap anubhav kiya. isake bad kurate ke batan kholakar vah chhati ke uttap ko bar-bar dekhane lagi! ekant mean ane vali nari ke is gupt kar sparsh se pahale to maian kunthit aur lajjit ho utha, parantu usi samay man mean aya ki rog ki behoshi ki halat mean seva karake jisane chaitany ko lautakar la diya, usake najadik mere lie laj karane ki bat hi kaun-si hai! isake bad usane batan band kar die, odhane ka kap da khisak gaya tha use gale tak udha diya, ant mean mashahari ke kinaroan ko achchhi tarah thik karake atyant savadhani se kiva d band karake vah bahar chali gayi.

maianne sab kuchh dekha aur sab kuchh samajha. jo chhipe-chhipe aee thi use chhipe-chhipe hi jane diya. parantu is nirjan adhi rat ko vah apana kitana mere nikat chho d gayi. so vah kuchh bhi n jan saki. subah jab niand khuli tab bukhar chadha hua tha. aauankhean aur muanh jal rahe the, sir itana bhari tha ki shayya tyag karate klesh maloom hua. phir bhi jana hi hoga. is ghar mean mujhe ab apane oopar jara bhi vishvas nahian tha, n jane vah kis kshan dhokha de jay. phir bhi dar mujhe apane lie utana nahian tha. parantu rajalakshmi ke lie hi mujhe rajalakshmi ko chho d jana hoga, isamean ab jara-bhi anakani karane se kam n chalega.

man-hi-man sochakar dekha ki usane apane vigat jivan ki kalima ko bahut kuchh dhokar saf kar dala hai. aj anek l dake bachche maan-maan kahate hue use charoan or se ghere kh de hai. is bhakti aur priti ke anand-dham se use apaman ke sath chhinakar bahar nikal laooan? itane b de prem ki kya yahi sarthakata ant mean mere jivan ke adhyay mean chirakal ke lie lipibaddh ho rahegi?

pyari ne kamare mean pravesh karake poochha, "is samay tabiyat kaisi hai?"

maian bola, "aisi kuchh vishesh kharab nahian hai. ja sakooanga."

"aj n jane se kya n chalega?"

"nahian, aj to jana hi chahie."

"to phir ghar pahuanchate hi khabar dena. nahian to ham logoan ko bahut chinta hogi."

usake avichalit dhairy ko dekhakar maian mugdh ho gaya. usi kshan sammat hokar bola, "achchha, maian ghar hi jaooanga aur pahuanchate hi tumhean khabar dooanga."

pyari ne kaha, "zaroor dena. maian bhi chitthi likhakar tumase do-ek batean poochhooangi."

jab maian bahar palaki mean baithane ja raha tha tab dekha ki doosare manzil ke baramade mean pyari chupachap kh di hai. usaki chhati ke bhitar kya ho raha hai, so usaka muanh dekhakar maian n jan saka.

mujhe apani annada jiji yad a gayian. bahut samay pahale ek antim din ve bhi mano thik aisi hi gambhir, aisi hi stabdh hokar kh di thian. us samay ki unaki donoan karun aauankhoan ki drishti ko maian aj bhi nahian bhoola hooan; parantu us drishti mean nikavarti judaee ki kitani b di vyatha ghanibhoot ho rahi thi so maian us samay nahian padh saka tha. kya janooan, aj bhi usi tarah ka kuchh un donoan nibi d kali aauankhoan mean hai ya nahian.

usaans chho dakar maian palaki mean ja baitha. dekha ki b da prem keval pas hi nahian khianchata, door bhi thel deta hai. chhote-mote prem ke lie yah sadhyai hi nahian tha ki vah is sukhaishvary se bhare-poore sneh-svarg se mujhe, mangal ke lie, kalyan ke lie, ek dag bhi age badhane deta. kahar palaki lekar steshan ki or jaldi se chal diye. man-hi-man maian barambar kahane laga ki lakshmi du:kh mat karana. yah achchha hi hua ki maian yahaan se chal diya. tumhara rrin is jivan mean chukane ki shakti to mujhamean nahian hai. parantu jis jivan ko tumane diya hai, us jivan ka durupayog karake ab maian tumhara apaman n karooanga- tum se door rahate hue bhi maian yah sankalp sada akshunn rakhooanga.