श्रीकांत उपन्यास भाग-8

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is lekh ka punarikshan evan sampadan hona avashyak hai. ap isamean sahayata kar sakate haian. "sujhav"

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ekaek abhaya daravaza kholakar a kh di huee; boli, "janm-janmantar ke andh sanskar ke dhakke se pahale pahal apane apako sanmhal n saki, isilie maian bhag kh di huee thi shrikant baboo, use ap meri sachamuch ki lajja mat samajhana."

usake sahas ko dekhakar maian avakh ho gaya. vah boli, "apako apane dere ko lautane mean aj kuchh deri ho jayegi, kyoanki rohini baboo ate hi hoange. aj ham donoan hi apake asami haian. apake vichar mean yadi ham log aparadhi suboot hoan, to jo dand ap deange use ham manjoor kareange."

rohini ko 'baboo' kahate yah pahali bar hi suna. maianne poochha, "ap vapas kab laut aeean?"

abhaya boli, "parasoan. vahaan kya hua, yah janane ka apako nishchay hi kutoohal ho raha hai." yah kahakar usane apana dahina hath ugha dakar dikhaya. beant ke nishan cham de par jagah-jagah ubh d rahe the. boli, aur bahut-se aise nishan bhi haian jinhean apako dikha nahian sakati."

jin drishyoan ko dekhakar manushy ka purushatv hitahit ka jnan kho baithata hai, yah bhi unhian mean se ek tha. abhaya ne mere stabdh kathor mukh ki or dekhakar pal-bhar mean hi sab kuchh samajh liya aur kuchh hansakar kaha, "kintu mere vapas laut ane ka yahi ek karan nahian hai shrikant baboo, yah to mere satidharm ka ek chhota-sa puraskar hai. ve mere pati haian aur maian unaki vivahita stri- yah isi ki jara-si banagi hai."

kshan-bhar chup rahakar usane phir kahana shuroo kiya, "maianne stri hokar pati ki anumati ke bagair hi itani door akar unaki shanti bhang kar di- stri-jati ki itani b di himakat purush-jati baradasht nahian kar sakati. yah usi ka dand hai. anek tarah se bhulava dekar ve mujhe apane ghar le gaye aur vahaan mujhase kaiphiyat talab ki ki kyoan maian rohini ke sath yahaan tak aee? maianne kaha ki pati ka ghar hota hai so to maianne aj tak jana nahian. mere bap hai nahian, maan bhi mar gayi- aisa koee nahian hai jo mujhe vahaan khane-pine ko de. tumhean bar-bar chitthi likhane par bhi javab nahian paya. unhoanne ek beant uthakar kaha, "aj usaka javab deta hooan." itana kahakar abhaya ne apane us chot khae hue dahine hath ko ek bar sahala liya.

us atyant hin, amanush, barbbar ke virodh mean mere sare ant:karan mean phir halachal mach gayi, kintu, jis andh-sanskar ke phalasvaroop abhaya mujhe dekhate hi bhagakar chhip gayi thi, vah sanskar mere bhi to tha! maian bhi to usaki sima ke bahar nahian tha! isalie maian yah bhi nahian kah saka ki 'tumane achchha kiya.' sath hi yah bhi muanh se n nikala ki 'aparadh kiya hai.' doosare ke atyant sankat ke samay jab apane nij ke vivek aur sanskar ke- svadhin vichar aur paradhin jnan ke bich sangharsh chhi data hai tab doosare ko upadesh dene jane jaisi vidamh‍bana sansar mean shayad hi koee ho. kuchh der chup rahakar bola, "tumhara vahaan se chala ana anyay hua so to maian nahian kah sakata, kintu..."

abhaya boli, "is 'kintu' ka vichar hi to maian apake samip chahati hooan, shrikant baboo. ve apani barmi stri ko lekar sukh se rahean, mujhe isaki koee shikayat nahian; kintu, maian apase yah bat janana chahati hooan ki pati jab ekamatr beant ke zor se stri ke samast adhikaroan ko chhin leta hai aur use aandheri rat mean akeli ghar ke bahar nikal deta hai, tab isake bad bhi vivah ke vaidik mantroan ke zor se us par patni ke kartavyoan ki zimmedari bani rahati hai ya nahian?"

kintu maian chupaki lagae raha. usane mere muanh par drishti thahara kar phir kaha, "yah to khoob moti bat hai ki jahaan adhikar nahian vahaan kartavy bhi nahian. unhoanne bhi to mere hi sath unhian mantroan ka uchcharan kiya tha, kintu, vah ek nirarthak bakavad hi raha jo unaki pravritti par- unaki ichchha par to jara-si bhi rok nahian laga saka. mantroan ki vah arthahin avritti muanh se bahar nikalane ke sath hi mithya mean mil gayi- kintu, kya vah sara bandhan-sara uttaradayittav maian stri hooan isilie keval mere hi oopar rah gaya? shrikant baboo, ap to 'kintu' tak kah ke hi ruk gaye. arthath mera vahaan se chala ana anyay nahian hua, kintu- is 'kintu' ka arth kya keval yahi hai ki jisake pati ne itana b da aparadh kiya hai usaki stri ke nari-janm ki yahi charam sarthakata hai ki vah usaka prayashchit karati huee jivan-bhar jiti huee bhi mritak ke saman bani rahe? ek din mere dvara jo vivah ke mantr bulava liye gaye the- unhian ka bulava liya jana hi kya mere jivan ka ekamatr saty hai, baki sab-bilkuhl hi mithya hai? itana b da anyay, itana b da nishthur atyachar, mere paksh mean kuchh bhi- kuchh bhi nahian hai aur kya mere patitv ka kuchh bhi adhikar nahian hai, mata hone ka adhikar nahian hai; samaj, sansar, anand, kisi par bhi mera kuchh adhikar nahian haian? yadi koee nirday, mithyavadi badachalan pati bina aparadh ke apani stri ko ghar se nikal de, to kya isilie usaka samast naritv vyarth, lang da, pangu ho jana chahie? kya isilie bhagavan ne striyoan ko banakar prithvi par bheja tha? sabhi jatiyoan mean- sabhi dharmoan mean is tarah ke anyay ka prati‍kar hai- par maian hindoo ke ghar paida huee hooan, kya isilie mere lie sab dvar band ho gaye haian shrikant baboo?"

mujhe maun dekhakar abhaya boli, "javab nahian diya shrikant baboo?"

maianne kaha, "mere javab se kya banata-big data hai, mere matamat ke lie to ap rah dekh nahian rahi thian?"

abhaya boli, "kintu isake lie to samay nahian tha!"

maianne kaha, "so ho sakata hai. ap jab mujhe dekhakar bhag gayian tab maian bhi chala ja raha tha. kintu phir laut aya so kyoan, ap janati haian?"

"nahian."

"laut ane ka karan yah hai ki aj mera man bahut hi udvign ho raha hai. apase bhi adhik nishthur atyachar maianne ek stri par hote hue aj subah dekha hai." yah kahakar jahaj-ghat ki us barmi stri ki sari katha maianne vistar se kah sunaee aur poochha, "vah stri ab kya kare, ap bata sakati haian?"

abhaya sihar uthi, isake bad gardan hilakar boli, "nahian, maian nahian bata sakati."

maianne kaha, "aj apako aur bhi do striyoan ka itihas sunata hooan. ek to meri annada jiji ka aur doosara pyari baee ka. du:kh ke itihas mean inamean se kisi ka bhi sthan apase niche nahian hai."

abhaya chup ho rahi. shuroo se akhir tak annada jiji ki sari katha kahakar maianne aauankh uthakar dekha ki abhaya kath ki moorti ki tarah sthir hokar baithi hai, usaki donoan aauankhoan se pani jhar raha hai. kuchh der isi tarah baithi rahakar usane zamin par sir lagakar namaskar kiya aur vah uthakar baith gayi. phir aauanchal se aauankhoan ko poanchhate hue boli, "usake bad?"

maianne kaha, "usake bad ka hal kuchh maloom nahian. ab pyari baee ki katha suno. jab usaka nam rajalakshmi tha tab se vah ek adami ko chahati thi. vah chahana kis tarah ka tha so ap janati haian? rohini baboo apako jis tarah chahate haian usi tarah. yah maianne apani aauankhoan dekha hai, isilie tulana kar saka. isake uparant bahut dinoan ke bad donoan ki mulakat huee. tab vah 'rajalakshmi' nahian rahi thi, 'pyari baee' ho gayi thi. kintu yah bat us din pramanit ho gaya ki rajalakshmi mari nahian hai, balki pyari ke hi bhitar chirakal ke lie amar ho gayi hai."

abhaya utsuk hokar boli, "usake bad?"

bad ki ghatanaean ek ke bad ek vistar ke sath sunakar kaha, "isake bad ek din aisa a p da ki jis din pyari ne apane pranadhik priyatam ko chupachap door hata diya."

abhaya ne poochha, "usake bad kya hua, janate haian?"

"janata hooan. par ab nahian kahooanga."

abhaya ne ek ni:shvas chho dakar kaha, "ap kya yah kahana chahate haian ki maian akeli hi nahian hooan- chirakal se hi striyoan ko aise durbhagy ka bhog karana p d raha hai aur is du:kh ko sahan karate rahane mean hi unake jivan ki charam saphalata hai?"

maianne kaha, "maian yah kuchh bhi nahian kahana chahata. apako maian keval itana hi jatala dena chahata hooan ki striyaan mard nahian haian. donoan ke achar-vyavahar ek hi tarajoo se nahian taule ja sakate; aur taule bhi jaany to koee labh nahian."

"kyoan nahian hai, kah sakate haian?"

"nahian, so bhi nahian kah sakata. isake sivay aj mera man kuchh aisa udbhrant ho raha hai ki in sab jatil samasyaoan ki mimaansa karana sambhav hi nahian. apake prashn par maian aur ek din vichar karooanga. phir bhi, aj maian apase yah kahe ja sakata hooan ki maianne apane jivan mean jo tho de se mahanh nari-charitr dekhe haian un sabane du:kh ke bhitar se gujarakar hi mere man mean ooancha sthan paya hai. maian shapathapoorvak kah sakata hooan ki meri annada jiji apane du:kh ka sara bhar chupachap sahan karane ke sivay aur kuchh n kar sakatian. yah bhar asahy hone par bhi ve apane path se hatakar kabhi apake path par pair rakh sakatian, yah bat sochane se bhi shayad du:kh ke mare meri chhati phat jayegi."

kuchh der chup rahakar kaha, "aur vah rajalakshmi? usake tyag ka du:kh kitana b da hai so to maian svayan apani najar se dekh aya hooan. is du:kh ke zor se hi usane aj mere samast hriday ko parivyapt kar rakkha hai..."

abhaya ne chauankakar kaha, "to phir kya ap hi usake..."

maianne kaha, "yadi aisa n hota to vah itani svachchhandata se mujhe itani door n p da rahane deti, kho jane ke dar se pranapan se khianchakar apane pas hi rakhana chahati."

abhaya boli, "isake mani yah ki rajalakshmi janati hai ki use apake khoe jane ka dar hi nahian hai?"

maianne kaha, "keval dar hi nahian, rajalakshmi janati hai ki maian khoya ja hi nahian sakata. isaki sambhavana hi nahian hai. pane aur khone ki sima se bahar jo ek sambandh hai, mujhe vishvas hai ki usane use hi prapt kar liya hai aur isilie meri bhi is samay use zaroorat nahian hai. dekho, maianne svayan bhi is jivan mean kuchh kam du:kh nahian uthaya hai. usase maianne yahi samajha hai ki 'du:kh' jise kahate haian vah n to abhavaroop hi hai aur n shoony roop. bhayahin jo du:kh hai, usaka upabhog sukh ki tarah hi kiya ja sakata hai."

abhaya der tak sthir rahakar dhire se boli, "apaki bat samajhati hooan shrikant baboo! annada jiji, rajalakshmi- in donoan ne jivan mean du:kh ko hi sambal roop se prapt kiya hai. kintu, mere hath to vah bhi nahian. pati ke samip maianne paya hai keval apaman. keval laanchhana aur glani lekar hi maian laut aee hooan. is mool-dhan ko lekar hi kya ap mujhe jivit rahane ke lie kahate haian?"

saval b da hi kathin hai. mujhe niruttar dekhakar abhaya phir boli, "inake sath mere jivan ka kahian bhi mel nahian hai shrikant baboo. sansar ke sabhi stri-purush ek saanche mean dhale nahian hote, unake sarthak hone ka rasta bhi jivan mean keval ek nahian hota. unaki shiksha, unaki pravritti aur man ki gati ek hi disha mean chalakar unhean saphal nahian bana sakati. isilie, samaj mean unaki vyavastha rahana uchit hai. mere jivan par hi ap ek daphe achchhi tarah shuroo se akhir tak najar dal jaie. mere sath jinaka vivah hua tha unake samip ae bina koee upay nahian tha aur ane par bhi koee upay nahian hua. is samay unaki stri, unake bal-bachche, unaka prem, kuchh bhi mera khud ka nahian hai. itane par bhi unhian ke samip unaki ek rakhel veshya ki tarah p de rahane se hi kya mera jivan phal-phooloan se ladakar saphal ho uthata shrikant baboo? aur us nishphalata ke du:kh ko lade hue sare jivan bhatakate phirana hi kya mere nari jivan ki sabase b di sadhana hai? rohini baboo ko to ap dekh hi gaye haian. unaka pyar to apaki drishti se ojhal hai nahian. aise manushy ke sare jivan ko lang da banakar maian 'sati' ka khitab nahian kharidana chahati shrikant baboo."

hath uthakar abhaya ne aauankhoan ke kone poanchh dale aur phir ruandhe hue kanth se kaha, "n kuchh ek ratri ke vivah-anushthan ko, jo ki pati-patni donoan ke hi nikat svapn ki tarah mithya ho gaya hai, jabardasti jivan-bhar 'saty' kahakar kh da rakhane ke lie itane b de prem ko kya maian bilkusal hi vyarth kar dooan? jin vidhata ne prem ki yah den di hai, ve kya isi se khush hoange? mere vishay mean apaki jo ichchha ho vahi dharana kar lean; meri bhavi santan ko bhi ap jo chahean so kahakar pukarean, kintu jiti rahooangi shrikant baboo, to maian nishchayapoorvak kahe rakhati hooan ki hamare nishpap prem ki santan sansar mean manushy ke lihaz se kisi se bhi hin n hogi aur mere garbh se janm grahan karane ko vah apana durbhagy kabhi n samajhegi. use de jane layaq vastu usake maan-bap ke samip shayad kuchh n hogi; kintu, usaki mata usako yah bharosa avashy de jayegi ki vah saty ke bich paida huee hai, saty se badhakar sahara usake lie sansar mean aur kuchh nahian hai. is vastu se bhrasht hona usake lie kathin hoga- aisa hone par vah bilkuchhal hi tuchchh ho jaanyagi."

abhaya chup ho rahi, kintu sara akash mano meri aauankhoan ke samane kaanpane laga, muhoort-bhar ke lie mujhe bhas hua ki is stri ke muanh ki batean mano moortt roop dharan karake bahar ham donoan ko gher kar kh di ho gayi haian. haan, aisa hi maloom hua. saty jab sachamuch hi manushy ke hriday se nikalakar sammukh upasthit ho jata hai tab maloom hota hai ki vah sajiv hai- manoan usake rakt-maansayukt sharir hai aur mano usake bhitar pran bhi hai- 'nahian' kahakar asvikar karane par mano vah chot karake kahega, "chup raho, mithya tark karake anyay ki srishti mat karo!"

sahasa abhaya ek sidha prashn kar baithi; boli, "ap svayan bhi kya hamean ashraddha ki najar se dekheange shrikant baboo? aur ab kya hamare ghar n aveange?"

uttar dete hue mujhe kuchh der idhar-udhar karana p da. isake bad maian bola, antaryami ke samip to shayad ap nishpap haian- ve apaka kalyan hi kareange; kintu, manushy to manushy ka antastal nahian dekh sakate- unake lie to pratyek ke hriday ka anubhav karake vichar karana sambhav nahian hai. yadi ve pratyek ke lie alahada niyam gadhane lagean to unake samaj ki sabaki sab kary-shrriankhala hi toot jay."

abhaya katar hokar boli, "jis dharm mean- jis samaj mean ham logoan ko utha lene yogy udarata hai-sthan hai- kya ap ham logoan se usi samaj mean ashray grahan karane ke lie kahate haian?"

isaka kya javab dooan, maian soch hi n saka.

abhaya boli, "apane adami hokar bhi apane hi adami ko ap sankat ke samay ashray nahian de sakate? us ashray ki bhikh maangani hogi hamean doosaroan ke nikat? usase kya gaurav badhata hai shrikant baboo?"

pratyuttar mean keval ek dirghashvas ke sivay aur kuchh muanh se bahar nahian nikala.

abhaya svayan bhi kuchh der maun rahakar boli, "jane dijie. ap logoan ne jagah nahian di, n sahi, mujhe santvana yahi hai ki jagat mean aj bhi ek b di jati hai jo khule taur par svachchhandata se sthan de sakati hai."

usaki bat se kuchh ahat hokar bola, "kya har halat mean ashray dena hi bhala kam hai, yah man lena chahie?"

abhaya boli, "isaka praman to hathoan-hath mil raha hai shrikant baboo. prithvi mean koee anyay-kary adhik din tak nahian phal-phool sakata, yah bat yadi saty hai to kya yah kahana p dega ki isilie ve anyay ko ashray dete hue dinoan din ooanche badh rahe haian, aur ham log nyay-dharm ko ashray dekar pratidin kshudr aur tuchchh hote ja rahe haian? ham log to yahaan kuchh hi din hue ae haian, parantu, itane dinoan mean hi dekhati hooan ki musalamanoan se yah sara desh chhaya ja raha hai. sunati hooan, aisa ek bhi gaanv nahian hai jahaan kam-se-kam ek ghar musalaman ka n ho aur jahaan par ekadh masjid taiyar n ho gayi ho. ham log shayad apani aauankhoan n dekh ja sakean; kintu, aisa din shighr hi avega jis din hamare desh ki tarah yah barma desh musalaman-pradhan desh ban jaega. aj subah hi jahaj-ghat par ek anyay dekhakar apaka man kharab ho gaya hai. ap hi kahie, kis musalaman b de bhaee ko dharm aur samaj ke bhay se aise shadayantr ka- aisi nichata ka asara lekar sukh-chain ki aisi girasti rakh mean milakar bhag jane ki zaroorat p dati? balki isase ulata, vah to sabhi ko apane dal mean khianch lekar ashirvad deta aur b de bhaee ke yogy samman aur maryada grahan kar laut jata. in donoan mean se kisase sachcha dharm bana rahata hai shrikant baboo?"

maianne gahari shraddha se bharakar poochha, "achchha, ap to ganvee-gaanv ki kanya haian, apane ye sab batean kis tarah janian? maian to nahian samajhata ki itane prashast-hriday ham purushoan mean bhi adhik haian. ap jinaki mata hoangi vah abhagi ho sakati hai, isaki kam-se-kam maian to kisi tarah kalpana nahian kar sakata."

abhaya apane mlan mukh par jara-sa hansi ka abhas lakar boli, "to phir shrikant baboo, mujhe samaj se bahar kar dene se hi kya hindoo samaj adhik pavitr ho uthega? isase kya kisi or se bhi samaj ko nukasan nahian uthana p dega?"

kuchh der sthir rahakar aur phir kuchh jara-sa hansakar kaha, "kintu maian kisi tarah bhi samaj ke bahar n hoooangi; sara apayash, sara kalank, sara durbhagy apane sir par lekar hamesha ap logoan ki hi hokar rahooangi. apani ek santan ko bhi yadi kisi din manushy ki tarah manushy banakar kh da kar sakooan, to mera yah sara du:kh sarthak ho jae- bas yahi asha lekar maian jiooangi. mujhe pariksha karake dekhana hoga ki sachamuch ka manushy hi manushyoan mean b da hai ya usake janm ka hisab hi sansar mean b da hai."

000

manohar chakravarti namak ek prajn sajjan se meri mulakat ho gayi thi. dada thakur ki hotal mean ek hari-sankirtan dal tha. puny batorane ki ichchha se bich-bich mean ve usi nimitt vahaan ate the. kintu kahaan rahate haian, kya karate haian- so maian kuchh nahian janata tha. sirph itana hi suna tha ki unake pas bahut-sa rupaya hai, aur sab taraph se ve atyant hisabi haian.

n jane kyoan, mujhase behad prasann hokar ve ek din akele mean bole, "dekho shrikant baboo, tumhari umr chhoti hai- jivan mean yadi unnati prapt karana chahate ho to tumhean maian kuchh aise 'gur' batala sakata hooan jinaka mooly lakh rupaya hai. maianne khud jinake samip ye gur prapt kiye the unhoanne sansar mean kitani unnati ki thi, sunoge to shayad avakh ho jaoge, kintu bat bilkunal sach hai. ve keval pachas rupaya mahina pate the, parantu marate samay ghar-bar ye bag-bagicha, talab, zamin-jayadad adi ke sivay do hazar rupaye nakad chho d gaye. kaho n... yah kya koee sahaj bat hai? apane maan-bap ke ashirvad se maian khud bhi to..."

parantu, ve apani bat yahian par daba dekar bole, "sunata hooan, tanakha to khoob moti-si pate ho, bhagy bhi tumhara b da achchha hai- barma mean ate hi kisi ka aisa bhagy khulate nahian suna gaya- kintu phijoolakharchi bhi kitani karate ho! hai n yah bat? bhitar hi bhitar pata lagane se du:kh ke mare chhati phat jati hai. dekhate hi to ho ki maian logoan ki kisi bat mean nahian p data. kintu, mere maphik, adhik nahian, do baras to chalakar dekho. maian kahata hooan tumase, ki desh lautakar agar chahoge to tum apana vivah tak kar sakoge."

is saubhagy ke lie bhitar hi bhitar maian is qadar lalayit ho utha hooan, yah tathy n maloom unhoanne kis tarah pa liya- kintu, yah to khud hi prakat kar chuke the ki ve bhitar hi bhitar pata lagae bina kisi ki bhi kisi bat mean nahian p date.

jo ho, unake unnati ke bich-mantr-roop satparamarsh ke lie maian lubdh ho utha. ve bole, "dekho, dan-van karane ki bat chho d do-choti ka pasina e di tak bahakar roji kamani hoti hai, kamar-bhar mitti khodane par bhi paisa nahian milata. apane khoon ko jalakar paida ki huee kau di gairoan ko bakhsh de, ajakal ki duniya mean aisa pagal aur bhi koee hai? apane stri-bachchoan aur parivar ke lie rakh chho da jay, tab n doosaroan ko dan kiya jay? is bat ko bilkuhl hi chho d do, yah maian nahian kahata- kintu dekho, jisake ghar mean paise ki khianchatan ho us adami ko kabhi prashray n dena. adhik nahian do-char din ki amad-rapht ke bad hi vah apani girasti ki kasht-kahani sunakar do-char rupaye maang baithega. jo diye so to diye hi, aur bahar ka jhag da ghar mean khianch laye so alag. rupayoan ki mamata vaise koee sachamuch mean to chho d sakata nahian-takaja karana hi p data hai, aur tab dau d-dhoop jhag da-bakhe da. bhala hamean isaki zaroorat hi kya p di hai?" maianne gardan hilakar kaha, "ji haan, ap bilkuil sahi kahate haian."

ve uttejit hokar bole, "tum achchhe ghar ke l dake ho, isalie chat se bat samajh gaye; kintu in chhoti jat ke loha pitanevale saloan ki to samajhao dekhooan! haramajade sat janm mean bhi nahian samajheange. saloan ke pas khud ka ek paisa nahian, phir bhi, parae ghar se karz lakar doosaroan ko de ayange. ye chhote log aise hi ahamak hote haian!"

kuchh der chup rahakar bole, "tab hoan, dekho, kabhi kisi ko bhi rupaye udhar mat dena. kaheange, "b da kasht hai." tumhean kasht hai bhaee, to hamean kya? aur yadi sachamuch mean hi kasht hai to do tole sona lakar rakh jao n, abhi deta hooan das rupaye udhar? kyoan bhie, hai n thik?"

maianne kaha, "ji haan, thik to hai!"

ve bole, "ek daphe nahian, sau daphe thik hai! aur dekho, jhag de-bakhe de ki jagah kabhi mat jana. kisi ka khoon ho jaye to bhi nahian. hamean usase matalab? yadi kisi ko bachane jaoge to do-ek chotean apane par bhi a p deangi. sivay isake koee ek paksh apana gavah man baithega. tab phir muft mean karo dau da-dau d adalatoan tak. balki, l daee-jhag da jab khatm ho jay tab, yadi ji chahe to ghoom ao- ek daphe vahaan tak, aur do batean bhali-buri salah ki de ao. paanch adamiyoan mean tumhara nam ho jaega. hai n bat thik?"

kuchh der chup rahakar phir unhoanne kahana shuroo kiya, "aur phir in logoan ke rog-shok ke samay to bhiya maian inake mahalle mean bhi pair nahian rakhata. usi samay kah baithate haian ki "bhaee, maian mar raha hooan, is vipatti mean do rupaya dekar jara sahayata karo!" par bhiya, manushy ke marane-jine ki bat to kuchh kahian nahian ja sakati, isalie, use rupaya dena aur pani mean pheank dena ek hi bat hai- balki pani mean pheank dena kahian bhala hai, parantu us jagah nahian. aur kuchh nahian to shayad yahi kah baithate haian, "jara rat-jaga karane a baithana." bahut khoob! maian jaooan unaki bimari mean rat-jaga karane, kintu is door paradesh mean mujhe hi kuchh-n karean mata shitala, kan pak data hooan maan!" yoan kahakar unhoanne jibh ko daantoan-tale daba liya tatha apane kan apane hi hathoan aianthakar aur namaskar kar kaha, "ham log sabhi to unake charanoan mean p de haian- kintu, batao bhala, aisi vipatti mean meri khabar kaun lega?"

abaki maian haan mean haan n mila saka. mujhe maun dekhakar ve man hi man shayad kuchh duvidha mean p dakar bole, "dekho n sahab logoan ko. ve kya kabhi aise sthanoan mean jate haian? kabhi nahian. apana ek kard-bhar patha diya, bas ho gaya. isilie dekho n unaki unnati ko! usake bad achchhe hone par phir vaisa hi melajol-thik usi tarah. so bhiya, kisi ke jhag de-jhanjhat mean kabhi n p dana chahie."

aauphis ka samay hote dekh maian uth kh da hua. in prajn mahashay ki bhali salah se itani umr mean meri adhik manasik unnati hona sambhav ho, so bat nahian usase man ke bhitar, aur to kya, halachal bhi kuchh adhik nahian machi. kyoanki, is kism ke anubhavi vyaktiyoan ka dehat mean bilkuanl abhav nahian dekha. tatha unaki aur chahe jitani badanami ho kintu, salah dene mean ve kanjoosi karate hoan, unake bare mean yah apavad bhi kabhi nahian suna gaya. aur desh ke logoan ne man bhi liya hai ki yah salah bhali salah hai- jivan-yatra ke kary mean nissandigdh sajjanochit upay hai- phir bhale hi parivarik jivan mean yah utani karagar n ho jitani ki samajik jivan mean. bangali grihasth ka koee l daka yadi aksharash: isake anusar chale, to usake maan-bap asantusht hoange- bangali mata-pitaoan ke viruddh itani b di jhoothi badanami phailate hue pulis ke si.aee.di. ke adamiyoan ka vivek bhi badha dalega. so chahe jo ho, kintu is tarah ki pratijna ke bhitar kitana b da aparadh tha, yah do haphte bhi n gujarane pae ki bhagavan ne inhian ke dvara mere nikat pramanit kar diya.

tab se maian abhaya ke ghar ki or nahian gaya tha. yah saty hai ki maian usaki sari avastha ke sath usaki batoan ka milan karake shuroo se ant tak ke is vyapar ko jnan ke dvara ek tarah se dekh sakata tha. yah bhi thik hai ki usake vicharoan ki svadhinata, usake acharan ki nirbhik savadhanata, unaka paraspar ka sundar aur asadharan sneh- yah sab meri buddhi ko usi or nirantar akarshit karate the, kintu phir bhi, mere jivan-bhar ke sanskar kisi tarah bhi us or mujhe pair nahian badhane dete the. man mean keval yahi ata tha ki meri annada jiji yah kary n karatian. ve kahian bhi dasi-vritti karake laanchhana, apaman aur du:kh ke bhitar se gujarate hue apana baki jivan kat detian, kintu, brahmand ke sare sukhoan ke badale mean bhi jisake sath unaka vivah nahian hua usake sath girasti karane ko raji n hotian. maian janata hooan, unhoanne bhagavan ke charanoan mean ekant bhav se apane apako samarpit kar diya tha. apani us sadhana ke bhitar se unhoanne pavitrata ki jo dharana aur karttavy ka jo jnan-prapt kiya tha, so abhaya ki sutikshn buddhi ki mimaansa ke samip kya ekabaragi hi bachchoan ka khel tha?

hathath abhaya ki ek bat yad a gayi. tab bhalibhaanti tah tak pahuanchane ka mujhe avakash nahian mila tha. usane kaha tha, "shrikant baboo, du:kh ka bhog karane mean bhi ek kism ka nashakari moh hai. manushy ne apani yug-yug ki jivan-yatra mean yah dekha hai ki koee bhi b da phal kisi b de bhari du:kh ko uthae bina nahian prapt kiya ja sakata. usaka janm-janmantar ka anubhav is bhram ko saty man baitha hai ki jivanaroopi tarajoo mean ek taraph jitana hi adhik du:kh ka bhar lada jay, doosari or utana hi adhik sukh ka bojha oopar uth ata hai. isilie to, manushy jab sansar mean apani sahaj aur svabhavik prakriti ko apani ichchha se varjit karake yah samajhakar nirahar ghoomata phirata hai ki 'maian tapasya karata hooan.' tab, is sambandh mean ki usake khane ke lie kahian par usase chauguna ahar sanchit ho raha hai, n to usake hi man mean til-bhar sandeh uthata hai aur n kisi aur ke hi man mean. isilie, jab koee sannyasi nidarun shit mean gale tak jal-magn hokar aur bhishan garmi ki bhayankar dhoop mean dhooni ramae zamin par sir aur oopar pair karake avasthit rahata hai tab usake du:kh-bhog ki kathorata dekhakar darshakoan ke dal keval du:kh ka hi anubhav nahian karate, balki us par ekabaragi mugdh ho jate haian. bhavishy mean use milane vale aram ke bhari aur asambhav hisab ki khatauni karake unaka pralubdh chitt eershya se vyast ho uthata hai aur ve kahane lagate haian ki vah niche sir aur oopar pair rakhane vala vyakti hi sansar mean dhany hai, manushy-deh dharan karake karane yogy kary vastav mean vahi kar raha hai, ham log to kuchh bhi nahian kar rahe haian- vyarth hi jivan gavaan rahe haian. is tarah apane apako hajaroan dhikkar dete hue ve malin man se ghar laut ate haian. shrikant baboo, sukh prapt karane ke lie du:kh svikar karana chahie, yah bat saty hai kintu isilie, yah svat: siddh nahian ho jata ki jis tarah bhi ho bahut-sa du:kh bhog lene se hi sukh hamare kandhoan par a baithega. yah ihalok mean bhi saty nahian hai aur paralok mean bhi nahian."

maianne kahana shuroo kiya, "kintu, vidhava ka brahmachary..."

abhaya ne mujhe bich mean tokakar kaha, "vidhava ka 'acharan' kahie- usake sath 'brahm' ka bindumatr bhi sambandh nahian hai. vidhava ka chal-chalan hi brahm ki prapti ka upay hai, yah maian nahian manati. vastav mean vah to kuchh bhi nahian hai. kumari, sadhava, vidhava-sabhi apane-apane marg se brahm-labh kar sakati haian. vidhava ka acharan hi isake lie rijarv nahian kar rakkha gaya hai."

maianne hansakar kaha, "bahut thik, aisa hi sahi. usaka acharan brahmachary n sahi- nam se kya ata-jata hai?"

abhaya ne big dakar kaha, "nam hi to sab kuchh hai shrikant baboo, nam ko chho dakar duniya mean aur hai hi kya? galat namoan ke bhitar se manushy ki buddhi ki vicharashilata ki aur jnan ki dhara kitani b di bhooloan ke bich bahaee ja sakati hai, so kya ap nahian janate? isi, nam ke bhulave ke karan hi to sab desh aur sab kal vidhava ke acharan ko sabase shreshth manate a rahe haian. yah nirarthak tyag ki nishphal mahima hai shrikant baboo, bilkuyal hi vyarth bilkuil hi galat. manushy ko ihalok aur paralok donoan mean pashu bana dene vali isase badhakar jadoogari aur koee ho hi nahian sakati."

us samay aur bahas n karake maian chup ho gaya tha. darasal use bahas mean hara dena ek tarah se asambhav hi tha. pahale-pahale jab jahaz par usase parichay hua, d aauktar sahab keval use bahar se hi dekhakar majak mean bole, "aurat to b di hi 'pharavard' hai-parantu us samay donoan mean se kisi ne bhi yah nahian socha tha ki, is 'pharavard' shabd ka aant kahaan tak pahuanch sakata hai. yah ramani apane samast antasl tak ko kis tarah akunthit tej se bahar khianchakar sare sansar ke samane kholakar rakh sakati hai- logoan ke matamat ki paravah hi nahian karati, us samay isake sambandh mean hamari yah dharana nahian thi. abhaya keval apane mat ko achchha pramanit karane ke lie hi vagvitanda nahian karati- vah apane kary ko bhi balapoorvak vijayi karane ke lie bakayada yuddh karati hai. usaka mat kuchh ho aur kam kuchh aur ho aisa nahian hai; isalie, shayad, bahut daphe maian usake samane usaki bat ka javab khoje nahian pata tha, kuchh apratibh-sa ho jata tha- parantu, lautakar jab apane dere par pahuanchata tha tab khayal ata tha- are yah to usaka khoob karara uttar tha! khair, jo bhi ho usake sambandh mean aj bhi meri duvidha nahian miti hai. apane apase maian jitana hi prashn karata ki isake sivay abhaya ke lie aur gati hi kya thi, utana hi mera man mano usake viruddh tedha hokar kh da ho jata. jitana hi maian apane apako samajhata ki us par ashraddha karane ka mujhe jara bhi hak nahian hai- utana hi avyakt aruchi se mano antar bhar uthata.

mujhe khayal ata hai ki man ki aisi kuanthit aprasann avastha mean hi mere din bit rahe the, isilie, n to maian usake samip hi ja sakata tha aur n ekabaragi use apane man se door hi hata sakata tha.

aise hi samay hathath ek din pleg ne shahar ke bich akar apan ghooanghat khol diya aur apana kala muanh bahar nikala. hay re! use samudr-par rok rakhane ke lie kiye gaye laksh koti jantar-mantar aur adhikariyoan ki adhik se adhik nishthur savadhani, sab muhoort-bhar mean ekabaragi dhool mean mil gayi! logoan mean behad atank chha gaya. shahar ke chaudah ane log ya to naukarapesha the ya phir vyapar-pesha. is karan, unako ekabaragi door bhag jane ka bhi subhita nahian tha. vahi dasha huee jaisi kisi sab or se ruddh kamare ke bich atishabaji ki chhachhooandar chho d dene par hoti hai. bhay ke mare is mahalle ke log stri-putroan ka hath pak de, chhoti-chhoti gathariyaan kandhoan par lade us mahalle ko bhagate the aur us mahalle ke log thik usi tarah is mahalle ko bhagate ate the! muanh se 'chooha' shabd nikala nahian ki phir khair nahian. vah mara hai ya jita, yah sunane ke pahale hi log bhagana shuroo kar dete! maloom hota tha logoan ke pran mano vriksh ke phaloan ki tarah pak dakar danthaloan mean jhool rahe haian, pleg ki hava lagate hi rat-bhar mean unamean se kaun kab 'tap' se niche tapak p dega, isaka koee nishchay hi nahian.

shanichar ki bat hai. ek sadharan se kam ke lie subah hi maian bahar chala gaya tha. shahar ke bichoanbich ek gali ke bhitar se b de raste par jane ke lie jaldi-jaldi pair badhae chala ja raha tha ki dekha ek atyant jirn makan ke do- manjile ke baramade mean manohar chakravarti kh de hue bula rahe haian.

maianne hath hilakar kaha, "samay nahian."

ve atishay anunay-sahit bole, "do minat ke lie ekadam oopar aie, shrikant baboo, b di aphat mean hooan."

akhir bilkuil ichchha n rahate bhi oopar jana p da. maian yahi to bich-bich mean socha karata hooan ki kya manushy ki har ek harakat pahale se hi nishchit ki huee hoti hai! nahian to, mera koee aisa kam bhi n tha aur n us gali ke bhitar isase pahale kabhi pravesh hi kiya tha, tab, aj subah hi maian is or akar kaise hajir ho gaya?

najadik jakar kaha, "bahut din se to ap us taraph ae nahian- ap kya isi makan mean rahate haian?"

ve bole, "nahian mahashay, maian barah-terah din hue tabhi yahaan aya hooan. ek to mahine-bhar se 'disentri' (dast lagane ki bimari) bhugat raha hooan, phir us par ho gayi hamare mahalle mean pleg. kya karooan mahashay, uth tak nahian sakata hooan, phir bhi jaise-taise jaldi se bhag aya."

maianne kaha, "bahut thik kiya."

ve bole, "bahut thik kiya, yah kaise kahooan mahashay, mera, "kambaind haind' bahut hi badajat hai. bolata hai 'nahian rahooan, chala aooanga." jara sale ko achchhi tarah dhamaka to dijie."

mujhe jara acharaj hua. kintu, isake pahale is 'kambaind haind' namak chiz ki vyakhya kar dena zaroori hai. kyoanki jo log yah nahian janate ki 'hindustani log' paise ke lie jo n kar sake duniya mean aisa koee kam hi nahian hai, ve log yah sunakar vismit hoange ki is aangareji shabd ka matalab hai dube, chaube, tivari adi hindustani brahman, jo yahaan par to kisi ke pas phatakate hi uchhal p date haian, parantu, vahaan jakar rasoee banate haian, joothe bartan maanjate haian, tambakoo bharate haian aur baboo sahaboan ke aauphis jate samay unake boot jha d-poanchhakar saf kar dete haian- phir ve baboo chahe kisi bhi jati ke kyoan n hoan. haan, yah bat avashy hai ki do-char rupaye mahina adhik dene par hi ye trivedi, chaturvedi adi poojy log brahman aur shoodr-donoan ka kam 'kambaind' taur par karate hai. bevakooph u diya aur bangali brahman aj tak bhi yah kary karane ko raji nahian kiye ja sake, kiye ja sake to sirph ye hi. isaka karan pahale hi kah chuka hooan ki paisa pane par sare kusanskaroan ko chho dane mean 'hindustani logoan' ko muhoort-bhar ki bhi der nahian lagati. murgi pakane ke lie char-ath ane mahine aur adhik dene p date haian; kyoanki 'mooly ke dvara sab kuchh shuddh ho jata hai-shastr ke is vachanardh ka yatharth tatpary hridayangam karane tatha shastravaky mean avichalit shraddha rakhane mean aj tak yadi koee samarth hue haian to yahi hindustani log- yah bat svikar karani hi hogi.

kintu, manohar baboo ke is 'kambaind haind' ko maian kisalie dhamaki dooan aur vah bhi kyoan meri dhamaki sunega, yah maian nahian samajh saka. aur yah 'haind' bhi manohar baboo ne hal hi rakkha tha. itane din ve apane kambaind 'haind' khud hi the, keval 'disentri' ke khatir kuchh dinoan ke lie ise rakh liya tha. manohar baboo kahane lage, "mahashay, ap kya koee sadharan adami haian; shahar bhar ke log apaki bat par marate jite haian- so kya ap samajhate haian maian nahian janata? adhik nahian, ek satar hi yadi ap lat sahab ko likh dean to use chaudah sal ki jel ho jay, so kya maianne nahian suna? laga to dijie bachchoo ko achchhi tarah daant."

bat sunakar maian jaise digbhramit-sa ho gaya. jin lat sahab ka nam tak maianne nahian suna tha unako adhik nahian, ek hi satar likh dene se chaudah sal ke karavas ki sambhavana- meri itani b di adbhut shakti ki bat itane b de suchatur vyakti ke muanh se sunakar maian kya kahooan aur kya karooan, soch hi n saka. phir bhi unake barabar ke agrah aur jabardasti ke mare jab aur gati nahian rahi tab us 'kambaind haind' ko daant batane rasoee-ghar mean ghusa. dekha, vah andhakoop ki tarah aandhera hai.

vah a d mean kh da hua apane malik ke muanh se meri kshamata ki viradavali sun chuka tha, isalie ruanasa hokar hath jo dakar bola, "is ghar mean 'devata' haian, yahaan par maian kisi tarah bhi nahian rah sakata. tarah-tarah ki 'chhayaean' rat-din ghar mean ghooma karati haian. baboo yadi kisi aur makan mean jakar rahean to maian sahaj hi unaki naukari kar sakata hooan; kintu, is makan mean to..."

bhala aise aandhere ghar mean 'chhaya' ka kya aparadh! kintu, chhaya hi nahian, vahaan ek bahut buri s daandh bhi, jab se maian aya tha tabhi se, a rahi thi. poochha, "yah durgandh kahe ki hai re?"

"kambaind haind' bola, "koee chooha-ooha s d gaya hoga."

maian chauank p da. "chooha kaisa re? is ghar mean choohe marate haian kya?"

usane hath ko ulatakar avajna ke sath batalaya ki roj subah kam-se-kam paanch-chh: mare choohe to vah khud hi uthakar bahar gali mean pheank diya karata hai.

mitti ke tel ki dibbi jalakar khoj ki gayi, kintu, s de hue choohoan ka pata nahian laga. phir bhi mera sharir sanh-sanh karane laga aur ji kholakar us adami ko kisi tarah bhi yah sadupadesh n de saka ki rugn malik ko akela chho dakar use bhag jana uchit nahian hai.

sone ke kamare mean lautakar dekhata hooan, manohar baboo khat par baithe meri rah dekh rahe haian. mujhe pas mean baithakar ve is makan ke gunoan ka bakhan karane lage; itane kam kirae mean shahar ke bich itana achchha makan aur koee nahian, aisa makan-malik bhi koee nahian aur n aise p dosi hi sahaj mean mil sakate haian. pas ke makan mean jo char-paanch madrasi kristan 'mes' chalate haian, ve jitane hi shisht aur shant haian utane hi mayalu haian. unhoanne apana yah irada bhi batala diya ki jara kuchh change hote hi us sale bamhan ko nikal bahar kareange. phir ekaek bole, "achchha mahashay, ap svapn par vishvas karate haian?"

maian bola, "nahian."

ve bole, "maian bhi nahian karata; kintu, kaise acharaj ki bat hai mahashay, kal, rat ko maianne svapn dekha ki maian sidhi par se gir p da hooan aur jagakar dekha to dahine pair ka koolha sooj aya hai. sach-jhooth ap mere sharir par hath dharakar dekhie mahashay, takaliph se jvar tak ho aya hai."

sunane-matr se mera muanh kala p d gaya. isake bad koolha bhi dekha aur sharir par hath rakhakar jvar bhi.

minat-bhar moodh ki tarah baithe rahane ke bad ant mean bola, "d aauktar ko ab tak apane kyoan nahian bula bheja? ab kisi ko jaldi bhejie."

ve bole, "mahashay, yah desh! yahaan par d aauktar ki phis bhi to kam nahian hai. use lae nahian ki char-paanch rupaye yoan hi chale jaanyage! sivay isake phir davaee ke dam! qarib do rupaye ki dachch is tarah aur lag jayegi."

maianne kaha, so lagane dijie, bulane bhejie."

"kaun jayega mahashay? tivari sala to chinhata bhi nahian hai. sivay isake vah chala jayega to khana kaun pakaega?"

"achchha, maian hi jata hooan," kahakar d aauktar ko bulane bahar chal diya.

d aauktar ne akar aur pariksha karake a d mean le jakar poochha, "ye apake kaun hote haian?"

maianne kaha, "koee nahian," aur kis tarah subah yahaan a p da so bhi maianne kholakar kah diya.

d aauktar ne prashn kiya, "inaka aur bhi koee kutumbi yahaan par hai kya?"

maianne kaha, "so mujhe nahian maloom. shayad koee nahian hai."

d aauktar kshan-bhar maun rahakar bole, "maian ek dava likhakar die jata hooan. sir par baraph rakhane ki bhi zaroorat hai; kintu sabase b di zaroorat is bat ki hai ki inhean pleg-h aauspital mean pahuancha diya jay. ap khud bhi is makan mean n thaharie. aur dekhie, mujhe phis dene ki zaroorat nahian hai."

d aauktar chale gaye. b de sankoch ke sath maianne aspatal ka prastav kiya. sunate hi manohar rone lage aur 'vahaan par zahar dekar rogi mar dale jate haian, aur vahaan jakar koee lautakar nahian ata!" is tarah bahut kuchh bak gaye.

davaee lane bhejane ke lie tivari ko khojata hooan to dekha ki "kambaind haind' apana lota-kambal lekar is bich hi n maloom kab khisak gaya hai. jan p data hai, usane d aauktar ke sath meri batachit kiva d ki sandhi mean se sun li thi. hindustani aur chahe kuchh n samajhean kintu 'pileg' shabd ko khoob samajhate haian!

tab mujhe hi aushadhi lene jana p da. baraph, aeesabaig adi jo kuchh avashyak tha sab maianne hi kharid lakar hajir kar diya. isake bad rah gaya maian aur ve- ve aur maian. ek daphe maian unake sir par aisabaig rakhata tha aur ek daphe ve mere sir par rakhate the. isi tarah utha-dhari karate-karate jab qarib do baj gaye tab unhoanne nistej hokar shayya grahan kar li. bich-bich mean ve khoob hosh-havas ki bhi bat karate the. sham ke lagabhag kshan-bhar ke lie sachetan se hokar mere muanh ki or dekhakar bole, "shrikant baboo, ab maian n bachooanga."

maian chup ho raha. isake bad b di koshish karake kamar mean se unhoanne chabi nikali aur use mere hath mean dekar kaha, "mere trank mean tin sau ganniyaan rakkhi haian-meri stri ko bhej dena. pata mere b aauks mean likha rakkha hai jo khojane se mil jayega."

mujhe ekamatr himmat thi pas ke 'mais' ki. vahaan ki ahat, dhima kanthasvar, maian sun sakata tha. sandhyam ke bad ek daphe kuchh adhik utha-dhari aur golamal sun p da. kuchh der bad hi jan p da ki ve log daravaze mean tala lagakar kahian ja rahe haian. bahar akar dekha, sachamuch daravaze mean tala latak raha hai. maianne samajha, ve log ghoomane gaye haian, kuchh der bad hi laut ayange. kintu phir bhi n jane kyoan mera ji aur bhi kharab ho gaya.

idhar vah rugn adami uttarottar jo-jo cheshtaean karane laga, unake sambandh mean itana hi kah sakata hooan ki vah akele baithakar maja lene jaisi vastu nahian thi. udhar rat ke barah bajane ko hue; kintu n to pas ke kamare ke khulane ki ahat hi mili aur n koee shabd hi sunaee diya. bich-bich mean bahar akar dekh jata tha- tala usi tarah latak raha hai. ekaek najar p di ki lak di ki dival ki ek sandhi mean se us kamare ka tivr prakash is kamare mean a raha hai. kutoohal ke vash hokar chhidr par aauankh lagakar us tivr prakash ke karan ka pata lagaya, to usase mere sarvaang ka rakt jamakar baraph ho gaya. samane khat par do javan adami pas hi pas takiye par sir rakkhe so rahe haian aur unake sirane khat ke bagal mean momabattiyoan ki ek katar jal-jalakar pray: samapt hone ko a gayi hai. mujhe pahale se hi maloom tha ki roman kaitholik log murde ke sirane roshani jala dete haian, atev, aise hrishtapusht sabal sharir logoan ki is asamay ki niand ka jo karan tha vah sab muhoort matr mean samajh mean a gaya aur maian jan gaya ki ab un donoan ki niand hazar chillane par bhi nahian tootegi. idhar is kamare mean bhi hamare manohar baboo qarib do ghante aur chhatapatane ke bad so gaye! chalo, jan bachi.

kintu, maja yah ki jinhoanne mujhe us din bahut-sa upadesh diya tha ki jan-pahichan ke kisi bhi adami ki bimari ki khabar pakar us muhalle mean pair bhi n rakhana chahie, unhian ke mudaki aur ginniyoan ke b aauks ki rakhavali karane ke lie bhagavan ne mujhe niyukt kar diya! niyukt to kar diya, kintu baki rat meri jis tarah kati, so likhakar batalana n to sambhav hai aur n batalane ki pravritti hi hoti hai. phir bhi, is par koee pathak avishvas n karega ki vah, mote taur par, bhali tarah nahian kati.

doosare din 'deth sartiphiket' lene, pulis ko bulane, tar dene, ginniyoan ka intazam karane aur murde ko bida karane mean tin baj gaye. khair, manohar to thelaga di par chadhakar shayad svarg ki or ravana ho gaye- raha maian, so maian apane dere par laut aya. pichhale din to ekadashi ki hi thi- aj bhi sham ho gayi. dere par lautane par jan p da ki jaise dahine kan ki j d mean soojan a gayi hai aur dard ho raha hai. kya jane, sari rat hath se chhe d-chhe dakar maianne khud hi dard paida kar liya hai athava sachamuch hi ginniyoan ka hisab dene mujhe bhi svarg jana p dega! ekaek kuchh nahian samajh saka. kintu yah samajhane mean der nahian lagi ki bad mean chahe jo ho, philahal to hosh-havas durust rahane ki halat mean apani sab vyavastha khud hi kar rakhani hogi. kyoanki manohar ki tarah aees baig lekar utha-dhari karana n to thik hi maloom deta hai aur n sundar. nishchay karate mujhe der n lagi. kyoanki, pal-bhar mean hi maianne dekh liya ki itane b de bure rog ka bhar yadi maian kisi punyatma sadhu purush ke oopar dalane jaooanga to nishchay hi b da bhari pap hoga. kisi bhale adami ko hairan karana karttavy bhi nahian hai-ashastriy hai! isalie usaki zaroorat nahian. balki, is rangoon ke ek kone mean abhaya nam ki jo ek mahapapishtha patita nari rahati hai- ek din jise ghrina karake chho d aya hooan, usi ke kandhoan par apani is sanghatik bimari ka ganda bojh ghrina ke sath dal dena chahie- marana hi hai to vahian marooan. shayad, isase kuchh puny-sanchay bhi ho jay, yahi sochakar maianne naukar ko ga di lane ka hukm de diya.

000

us din jab mrityu ka paravana hath mean lekar maian abhaya ke dvar par ja kh da hua, tab mujhe marane ki apeksha marane ki laj ne hi adhik bhay dikhaya. abhaya ka muanh phakh saphed p d gaya. kintu, usake saphed hothoan se keval yahi shabd phootakar bahar nikale, "tumhara dayitv maian n looangi to aur kaun lega? yahaan tumhari mujhase badhakar aur kise garaj hai?" donoan aauankhoan mean pani bhar aya, phir bhi maianne kaha, maian to bas chal diya. raste ka kasht mujhe uthana hi hoga, use nivaran karane ki shakti kisi mean bhi nahian hai. kintu jate samay tumhari is nayi ghar-girasti ke bich itani b di vipatti dalane ka ab kisi tarah bhi man nahian hota. abhaya, abhi ga di kh di hai, hosh-havas durust haian- ab bhi achchhi tarah pleg-h aauspital tak ja sakata hooan. tum keval muhoort-bhar ke lie ji k da karake kah do, "achchha jao." abhaya ne koee uttar diye bina hath pak d liya aur mujhe bichhaune mean le jakar sula diya. ab, usane apane aauansoo poanchhe aur mere uttapt lalat par dhire-dhire hath pherate hue kaha, "yadi tumase 'jao' kah sakati, to naye sire se yah ghar-girasti qayam n karati aj se meri nayi girasti sachamuch ki girasti huee."

kintu, bahut sambhav hai ki vah pleg nahian tha. isilie, mrityu keval jara-sa parihas karake hi chali gayi. dasek din mean maian uth kh da hua. kintu, abhaya ne phir mujhe hotal ke dere mean nahian lautane diya.

aauphis jaooan ya aur bhi kuchh din chhutti lekar vishram karooan, yah soch hi raha tha ki ek din aauphis ka chaparasi ek chitthi de gaya. kholakar dekhi to pyari ki chitthi hai. barma ane ke bad usaka yahi ek patr mila. javab n milane par bhi maian kabhi-kabhi use patr likh diya karata tha- ate samay yahi shart mujhase usane kara li thi. patr ke prarambh mean hi isaka ullekh karake usane likha tha, "mere marane ki khabar to tum zaroor paoge. jite-ji mera aisa koee samachar hi nahian ho sakata jise jane bina tumhara kam n chale. lekin, mere lie to aisa nahian hai. mere sare pran to mano videsh mean hi nirantar p de rahate haian. yah bat itani adhik saty hai ki tum bhi is par vishvas kiye bagair nahian rah sakate. isilie uttar n pane par bhi bich-bich mean tumhean chitthi dekar batalana p data hai ki tum vahaan achchhi tarah ho.

"maian is mahine ke bhitar hi bankoo ka vivah kar dena chahati hooan. tum apani sammati likhana. tumhari is bat ko maian asvikar nahian karati ki kutumb ke bharan-poshan ki shakti hue bagair vivah hona uchit nahian hai. bankoo mean abhi tak yah kshamata nahian aee; phir bhi, kyoan maian isake lie tumhari sammati chahati hooan so mujhe aur ek bar apani aauankhoan dekhe vagair tum nahian samajhoge. jaise bhi bane yahaan a jao. tumhean mere sar ki kasam hai."

patr ke pichhale hisse mean abhaya ki bat thi. abhaya ne jab laut akar kaha tha ki jise maian chahati hooan- prem karati hooan, usaki girasti basane ke lie maian ek pashu ka tyag karake chali aee hooan, aur isi vishay ko lekar samajik riti-niti ke sambandh mean spardha ke sath usane bahas ki thi tab usase maian itana vichalit ho utha tha ki pyari ko bahut-si batean likh dali thian. aj unhian ka pratyuttar usane diya hai-

"tumhare muanh se yadi ve mera nam sun chuki ho to anurodh hai ki tum unase ek bar milana aur kahana ki rajalakshmi ne tumhean sahasr-koti namaskar likhe haian. umr mean ve mujhase chhoti haian ya b di so maian nahian janati, janana zaroori bhi nahian hai, ve keval apani tejasvita ke karan hi mere saman stri ke dvara vandaniy haian. aj mujhe apane gurudev ke shrimukh ki kuchh batean bar-bar yad ati haian. mere kashi ke makan mean diksha ki sab taiyariyaan ho gayi haian, gurudev asan grahan karake stabdh bhav se kuchh soch rahe haian. maian a d mean kh di bahut der tak unake prasann mukh ki or ekatak dekh rahi hooan. ekaek bhay ke mare meri chhati ke bhitar uthal-puthal mach gayi. unake pairoan ke pas auandhe p dakar maianne rote hue, 'baba, maian mantr nahian looangi." ve vismit hokar mere sir par apana dahina hath rakhakar bole, "kyoan n logi?'

"maianne kaha, 'maian mahapapishtha hooan.'

"unhoanne bich mean hi rokakar kaha; 'aisa hai, tab to mantr lene ki aur bhi adhik zaroorat hai beti.'

"rote-rote maianne kaha, 'laj ke mare maianne apana sachcha parichay nahian diya hai, deti to ap is makan ki chaukhat bhi laanghana pasand nahian karate.'

"gurudev musku'rakar bole, 'nahian, to bhi maian laanghata, aur diksha deta. pyari ke makan mean bhale hi n ata; kintu apani rajalakshmi beti ke makan mean kyoan n aooanga beti?'

"maian chauankakar stabdh ho gayi. kuchh der chup rahakar boli, 'kintu, meri maan ke guru ne to kaha tha ki mujhe diksha dene se patit hona p dega- so bat kya sach nahian thi?'

"gurudev hanse. bole, 'sach thi isalie to ve de nahian sake beti. kintu, jise vah bhay nahian hai, vah kyoan nahian dega?'

"maianne kaha, "bhay kyoan nahian haian?"

"ve phir hansakar bole, 'ek hi makan mean jo rog ke kitanu ek adami ko mar dalate haian, ve hi kitanu doosare adami ko sparsh tak nahian karate- batala sakati ho kyoan?'

"maianne kaha, 'shayad sparsh to karate haian, kintu, jo log sabal haian ve bach jate haian; jo durbal hote haian ve mare jate haian.'

"gurudev ne mere sir par pun: apana hath rakhakar kaha, 'is bat ko kisi din bhi mat bhoolana beti. jo aparadh ek adami ko mitti mean mila deta hai, usi aparadh mean se doosara adami svachchhandata se par ho jata hai. isalie sare vidhi-nishedh sabhi ko ek dori mean nahian baandh sakate."'

"sankoch ke sath maianne dhire se poochha, 'jo anyay hai, jo adharm hai, vah kya sabal aur durbal donoan ke nikat saman roop se anyay-adharm nahian hai? yadi nahian hai, to yah kya avichar nahian hai?"

"gurudev bole, "nahian beti, bahar se chahe jaisa dikhe, unaka phal saman nahian hai. yadi aisa hota to sansar mean sabal-durbal mean koee adhik bhed hi nahian rahata. jo vish paanch varsh ke bachche ke lie ghatak hai, vahi vish yadi ikatis varsh ke manushy ko n mar sake to dosh kise dogi beti? kintu, yadi aj tum meri bat poori tarah n samajh sako, to, kam-se-kam itana zaroor yad rakhana ki jin logoan ke bhitar ag jal rahi hai aur jinamean keval rakh hi ikatthi hokar rah gayi hai- unake karmoan ka vajan ek hi bat se nahian kiya ja sakata. yadi kiya jae, to galati hogi."

"shrikant bhiya, tumhari chitthi padhakar aj mujhe apane gurudev ki vahi bhitar ki ag vali bat yad a rahi hai. abhaya ko najar se dekha nahian hai, phir bhi aisa lagata hai ki unake bhitar jo ag jal rahi hai usaki jvala ka abhas chitthi ke bhitar se bhi jaise maian pa rahi hooan. unake karmoan ka vichar jara savadhani se karana. mere jaisi sadharan stri ke batakhare lekar unake pap-puny ka vajan karane n baith jana."

chitthi ko abhaya ke hath mean dekar kaha, "rajalakshmi ne tumhean shat-sahasr namaskar likha hai, yah lo."

abhaya, jo kuchh likha tha use do-tin bar padhakar aur kisi tarah patr ko mere bichhaune par dalakar, tezise bahar chali gayi. duniya ki najaroan mean usaka jo naritv aj laanchhit aur apamanit ho raha hai, usi ke oopar shat yojana door se ek aparichita nari ne samman ki pushpaanjali arpan ki hai, usi ki apari sima anand-vedana ko vah ek purush ki drishti se bachakar chatapat a d mean le gayi.

qarib adha ghante bad abhaya achchhi tarah muanh-aauankhean dhokar laut aee aur boli, "shrikant bhiya..."

maianne rokakar kaha, "are yah kya! 'bhiya' kab se ho gaya?"

"aj se hi."

"nahian nahian, 'bhiya' nahian. tum sab lok milakar sabhi or se mera rasta band n kar dena!"

abhaya ne hansakar kaha, "maloom hota hai, man hi man koee matalab gaanth rahe ho, kyoan?"

"kyoan, kya maian adami nahian hooan?"

abhaya boli, "bedhab adami dikhate ho. bechare rohini baboo ne bimari ke samay asara diya; ab change hokar, jan p data hai, unhean yahi puraskar dena nishchay kiya hai. kintu, meri b di bhool ho gayi. us samay bimari ka ek tar de deti, to aj unhean dekh leti."

maianne gardan hilakar kaha, "ashchary nahian ki vah a jati."

abhaya kshan-bhar sthir rahakar boli, "tum ekadh mahine ki chhutti lekar ek bar chale jao, shrikant bhiya. mujhe jan p data hai, tumhari unhean b di zaroorat ho rahi hai."

n jane kaise khud bhi maian is bat ko samajh raha tha ki meri use b di zaroorat hai. doosare hi din aauphis ko chitthi likhakar maianne aur ek mahine ki chhutthi le li aur agami mel se yatra karane ke vichar se tikat kharidane ke lie adami bhej diya.

jate samay abhaya ne namaskar karake kaha, "shrikant bhiya, ek vachan do."

"kya vachan dooan bahin?"

"purush sansar ki sabhi samasyaoan ki mimaansa nahian kar sakate. yadi kahian atako to chitthi likhakar meri ray zaroor le loge, bolo?"

maian svikar karake jahaj-ghat jane ke lie ga di par ja baitha. abhaya ne ga di ke daravaze ke nikat kh de hokar aur ek daphe namaskar kiya; boli, "rohini baboo ke dvara maianne kal hi vahaan teligram kara diya hai. kintu, jahaz par kuchh din apane sharir ki or jara najar rakhana shrikant bhiya, isake sivay maian tumase aur kuchh nahian chahati."

'achchha' kahakar maianne muanh uthakar dekha ki abhaya ki aauankhoan ki donoan putaliyaan pani mean tair rahi haian.