दो सखियाँ -प्रेमचंद

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is lekh ka punarikshan evan sampadan hona avashyak hai. ap isamean sahayata kar sakate haian. "sujhav"

lakhanoo

1-7-25

pyari bahan,

jab se yahaan ayi hooan, tumhari yad satati rahati hai. kash! tum kuchh dinoan ke lie yahaan chali atian, to kitani bahar rahati. maian tumhean apane vinod se milati. kya yah sambhav nahian hai ? tumhare mata-pita kya tumhean itani azadi bhi n deange ? mujhe to ashchary yahi hai ki be diyaan pahanakar tum kaise rah sakati ho! maian to is tarah ghante-bhar bhi nahian rah sakati. eeshvar ko dhanyavad deti hooan ki mere pitaji purani lakir pitane valoan mean nahian. vah un navin adarshoan ke bhakt haian, jinhoanne nari-jivan ko svarg bana diya hai. nahian to maian kahian ki n rahati.

vinod hal hi mean ianglaiand se di0 phil0 hokar laute haian aur jivan-yatra arambh karane ke pahale ek bar sansar-yatra karana chahate haian. yorap ka adhikaansh bhag to vah dekh chuke haian, par amerika, astreliya aur eshiya ki sair kiye bina unhean chain nahian. madhy eshiya aur chin ka to yah vishesh roop se adhyayan karana chahate haian. yoropiyan yatri jin batoan ki mimaansa n kar sake, unhian par prakash dalana inaka dhyey hai. sach kahati hooan, chanda, aisa sahasi, aisa nirbhik, aisa adarshavadi purush maianne kabhi nahian dekha tha. maian to unaki batean sunakar chakit ho jati hooan. aisa koee vishay nahian hai, jisaka unhean poora jnan n ho, jisaki vah alochana n kar sakate ho; aur yah keval kitabi alochana nahian hoti, usamean maulikata aur navinata hoti hai. svavantrata ke to vah anany upasak haian. aise purush ki patni banakar aisi kaun-si stri hai, jo apane saubhagy par garv n kare. bahan, tumase kya kahooan ki prat:kal unhean apane bangale ki or ate dekhakar mere chitt ki kya dasha ho jati hai. yah un par nyochhavar hone ke lie vikal ho jata hai. yah meri atma mean bas gaye haian. apane purush ki maianne man mean jo kalpana ki thi, usamean aur unamean bal barabar bhi antar nahian. mujhe rat-din yahi bhay laga rahata hai ki kahian mujhamean unhean koee truti n mil jay. jin vishayoan se unhean ruchi hai, unaka adhyayan adhi rat tak baithi kiya karati hooan. aisa parishram maianne kabhi n kiya tha. aeene-kanghi se mujhe kabhi utana prem n tha, subhashitoan ko maianne kabhi itane chav se kanth n kiya tha. agar itana sab kuchh karane par bhi maian unaka hriday n pa saki, to bahan, mera jivan nasht ho jayega, mera hriday phat jayega aur sansar mere lie soona ho jayega.

kadachith prem ke sath hi man mean eershya ka bhav bhi uday ho jata hai. unhean mere bangale ki or jate hue dekh jab meri p dosin kusum apane baramade mean akar kh di ho jati hai, to mera aisa ji chahata hai ki usaki aankhean jyotihin ho jayan. kal to anarth hi ho gaya. vinod ne use dekhate hi hait utar li aur muskarae. vah kulata bhi khisean nikalane lagi. eeshvar sari vipattiyaan de, par mithyabhiman n de. chu dailoan ki-si to apaki soorat hai, par apane ko apsara samajhati haian. ap kavita karati haian aur kee patrikaoan mean unaki kavitaean chhap bhi gee haian. bas, ap zamin par paanv nahian rakhatian. sach kahati hooan, tho di der ke lie vinod par se meri shraddha uth gayi. aisa avesh hota tha ki chalakar kusum ka muanh noch looan. khairiyat huee ki donoan mean batachalat n huee, par vinod akar baithe to adh ghante tak maian unase n bol saki, jaise unake shabdoan mean vah jadoo hi n tha, vani mean vah ras hi n tha. tab se ab tak mere chitt ki vyagrata shant nahian huee. rat-bhar mujhe niand nahian ayi, vahi drishy aankhoan ke samane bar-bar ata tha. kusum ko lajjit karane ke lie kitane masoobe baandh chuki hooan. agar yah bhay n hota ki vinod mujhe ochhi aur halaki samajheange, to maian unase apane manobhavoan ko spasht kah deti. maian sampoornat: unaki hokar unhean sampoornat: apana banana chahati hooan. mujhe vishvas hai ki sansar ka sabase roopavanh yuvak mere samane a jay, to maian use aankh uthakar n dekhooangi. vinod ke man mean mere prati yah bhav kyoan nahian hai.

chanda, pyari bahan; ek saptah ke lie a ja. tujhase milane ke lie man adhir ho raha hai. mujhe is samay teri salah aur sahanubhooti ki b di zaroorat hai. yah mere jivan ka sabase najuk samay hai. inhian das-paanch dinoan mean ya to paras ho jaooangi ya mitti. lo sat baj ge aur abhi bal tak nahian banaye. vinod ke ane ka samay hai. ab vida hoti hooan. kahian aj phir abhagini kusum apane baramade mean n a kh di ho. abhi se dil kaanp raha hai. kal to yah sochakar man ko samajhaya tha ki yoan hi saral bhav se vah hans p di hogi. aj bhi agar vahi drishy samane aya, to utani asani se man ko n samajha sakooangi.

tumhari,

padma

2

gorakhapur

5-7-25

priy padma,

bhala ek yug ke bad tumhean meri sudhi to aee. maianne to samajha tha, shayad tumane paralok-yatra kar li. yah us nishthurata ka dand hi hai, jo kusum tumhean de rahi hai. 15 epril ko kalej band hua aur ek julaee ko ap khat likhati haian—poore dhaee mahine bad, vah bhi kusum ki kripa se. jis kusum ko tum kos rahi ho, use maian ashirvad de rahi hooan. vah darun du:kh ki bhaanti tumhare raste mean n a kh di hoti, to tumhean kyoan meri yad ati ? khair, vinod ki tumane jo tasavir khianchi, vah bahut hi akarshak hai aur maian eeshvar se mana rahi hooan, vah din jald ae ki maian unase bahanoee ke nate mil sakooan. magar dekhana, kahian sivil mairej n kar baithana. vivah hindoo-paddhati ke anusar hi ho. h aau, tumhean akhtyir hai jo saik doan behooda aur vyarth ke kap de haian, unhean nikal dalo. ek sachche, vidvanh pandit ko avashy bulana, isalie nahian ki vah tumase bat-bat par take nikalavaye, balki isalie ki vah dekhata rahe ki vah sab kuchh shastr-vidhi se ho raha hai, ya nahian.

achchha, ab mujhase poochho ki itane dinoan kyoan chuppi sadhe baithi rahi. mere hi khanadan mean in dhaee mahinoan mean, paanch shadiy aauan huee. baratoan ka taanta laga raha. aisa shayad hi koee din gaya ho ki ek sau mahamanoan se kam rahe hoan aur jab barat a jati thi, tab to unaki sankhya paanch-paanch sau tak pahuanch jati thi. ye paanchoan l dakiyaan mujhase chhoti haian aur mera bas chalata to abhi tin-char sal tak n bolati, lekin meri sunata kaun hai aur vichar karane par mujhe bhi aisa maloom hota hai ki mata-pita ka l dakiyoan ke vivah ke lie jaldi karana kuchh anuchit nahian hai. zindagi ka koee thikana nahian. agar mata-pita akal mar jayan, to l daki ka vivah kaun kare. bhaiyoan ka kya bharosa. agar pita ne kafi daulat chho di hai to koee bat nahian; lekin jaisa sadharanat: hota hai, pita rrin ka bhar chho d gaye, to bahan bhaiyoan par bhar ho jati hai. yah bhi any kitane hi hindoo-rasmoan ki bhaanti arthik samasya hai, aur jab tak hamari arthik dasha n sudharegi, yah rasm bhi n mitegi.

ab mere balidan ki bari hai. aj ke pandrahavean din yah ghar mere lie videsh ho jayaga. do-char mahine ke lie aooangi, to mehaman ki tarah. mere vinod banarasi haian, abhi qanoon padh rahe haian. unake pita nami vakil haian. sunati hooan, kee gaanv haian, kee makan haian, achchhi maryada hai. maianne abhi tak var ko nahian dekha. pitaji ne mujhase puchhavaya tha ki ichchha ho, to var ko bula dooan. par maianne kah diya, koee zaroorat nahian. kaun ghar mean bahoo bane. hai takadir hi ka sauda. n pitaji hi kisi ke man mean paith sakate haian, n maian hi. agar do-ek bar dekh hi leti, nahian mulakat hi kar leti to kya ham donoan ek-doosare ko parakh lete ? yah kisi tarah sanbhav nahian. zyada-se-zyada ham ek-doosare ka rang-roop dekh sakate haian. is vishay mean mujhe vishvas hai ki pitaji mujhase kam sanyat nahian haian. mere donoan b de bahanoee sauandary ke putale n hoan par koee ramani unase ghrina nahian kar sakati. meri bahanean unake sath anand se jivan bita rahi haian. phir pitaji mere hi sath kyoan anyay kareange. yah maian manati hooan ki hamare samaj mean kuchh logoan ka vaivahik jivan sukhakar nahian hai, lekin sansar mean aisa kaun samaj hai, jisamean dukhi parivar n hoan. aur phir hamesha purushoan hi ka dosh to nahian hota, bahudha striy aauan hi vish ka gaanth hoti haian. maian to vivah ko seva aur tyag ka vrat samajhati hooan aur isi bhav se usaka abhivadan karati hooan. haan, maian tumhean vinod se chhinana to nahian chahati lekin agar 20 julaee tak tum do din ke lie a sako, to mujhe zila lo. jyoan-jyoan is vrat ka din nikat a raha hai, mujhe ek ajnat shanka ho rahi hai; magar tum khud bimar ho, meri dava kya karogi—zaroor ana bahan !

tumhari,

chanda

3

mansoori

5-8-25

pyari chanda,

saiank doan batean likhani haian, kis kram se shuroo karooan, samajh mean nahian ata. sabase pahale tumhare vivah ke shubh avasar par n pahuanch sakane ke lie kshama chahati hooan. maian ane ka nishchay kar chuki thi, maian aur pyari chanda ke svayanvar mean n jaooan: magar usake thik tin din pahale vinod ne apana atmasamarpan karake mujhe aisa mugdh kar diya ki phir mujhe kisi ki sudhi n rahi. ah! ve prem ke antastal se nikale hue ushn, aveshamay aur kanpit shabd abhi tak kanoan mean gooanj rahe haian. maian kh di thi, aur vinod mere samane ghutane teke hue prerana, vinay aur agrah ke putale bane baithe the. aisa avasar jivan mean ek hi bar ata hai, keval ek bar, magar usaki madhur smriti kisi svarg-sangit ki bhaanti jivan ke tar-tar mean vyapt rahata hai. tum us anand ka anubhav kar sakogi—maian rone lagi, kah nahian sakati, man mean kya-kya bhav aye; par meri aankhoan se aansuoan ki dhara bahane lagi. kadachith yahi anand ki charam sima hai. maian kuchh-kuchh nirash ho chali thi. tin-char din se vinod ko ate-jate kusum se batean karate dekhati thi, kusum nit ne abhooshanoan se saji rahati thi aur kya kahooan, ek din vinod ne kusum ki ek kavita mujhe sunayi aur ek-ek shabd par sir dhunate rahe. maian manini to hooan hi; socha,jab yah us chu dail par lattoo ho rahe hean, to mujhe kya garaj p di hai ki inake lie apana sir khapaooan. doosare din vah sabere aye, to maianne kahala diya, tabiyat achchhi nahian hai. jab unhoanne mujhase milane ke lie agrah kiya, tab vivash hokar mujhe kamare mean ana p da. man mean nishchay karake ayi thi—saph kah dooangi ab ap n aya kijie. maian apake yogy nahian hooan, maian kavi nahian, vidushi nahian, subhashini nahian....ek poori spich man mean um d rahi thi, par kamare mean aee aur vinod ke satrishn netr dekhe, prabal utkantha mean kaanpate hue hoanth—bahan, us avesh ka chitran nahian kar sakati. vinod ne mujhe baithane bhi n diya. mere samane ghutanoan ke bal pharsh par baith gaye aur unake atur unmatt shabd mere hriday ko tarangit karane lage.

ek saptah taiyariyoan mean kat gaya. papa or mama phoole n samate the.

aur sabase prasann thi kusum ! yahi kusum jisaki soorat se mujhe ghrina thi ! ab mujhe jnat hua ki maianne us par sandeh karake usake sath ghor anyay kiya. usaka hriday nishkapat hai, usamean n eershya hai, n trishna, seva hi usake jivan ka moolatatv hai. maian nahian samajhati ki usake bina ye sat din kaise katate. maian kuchh khoee-khoee si jan p dati thi. kusum par maianne apana sara bhar chho d diya tha. abhooshanoan ke chunav aur sajav, vastroan ke rang aur kat-chhaant ke vishay mean usaki suruchi vilakshan hai. athavean din jab usane mujhe dulahin banaya, to maian apana roop dekhakar chakit rah gee. maianne apane ko kabhi aisi sundari n samajha tha. garv se meri aankhoan mean nasha-sa chha gaya.

usi din sandhya-samay vinod aur mean do bhinn jal-dharaoan ki bhaanti sangam par milakar abhinn ho gaye. vihar-yatra ki taiyari pahale hi se ho chuki thi, prat:kal ham mansoori ke lie ravana ho gaye. kusum hamean pahuanchane ke lie steshan tak aee aur vida hote samay bahut royi. use sath le chalana chahati thi, par n jane kyoan vah raji n huee.

mansoori ramanik hai, isamean sandeh nahian. shyamavarn megh-malaean paha diyoan par vishram kar rahi haian, shital pavan asha-tarangoan ki bhaanti chitt ka ranjan kar raha hai, par mujhe aisa vishvas hai ki vinod ke sath maian kisi nirjan van mean bhi itane hi sukh se rahati. unhean pakar ab mujhe kisi vastu ki lalasa nahian. bahan, tum is anandamay jivan ki shayad kalpana bhi n kar sakogi. subah huee, nashta aya, ham donoan ne nashta kiya; daandi taiyar hai, nau bajate-bajate sair karane nikal ge. kisi jal-prapat ke kinare ja baithe. vahaan jal-pravah ka madhur sangit sun rahe haian. ya kisi shila-khand par baithe meghoan ki vyom-kri da dekh rahe haian. gyarah bajate-bajate lautai. bhojan kiya. maian pyano par ja baithi. vinod ko sangit se prem hai. khud bahut achchha gate haian aur maian gane lagati hooan, tab to vah jhoomane hi lagate haian. tisare pahar ham ek ghante ke lie vishram karake khelane ya koee khel dekhane chale jate haian. rat ko bhojan karane ke bad thiyetar dekhate haian aur vahaan se laut kar shayan karate haian. n sas ki ghu dakiyaan haian n nanadoan ki kanaphoosi, n jethaniyoan ke tane. par is sukh mean bhi mujhe kabhi-kabhi ek shanka-si hoti hai—phool mean koee kaanta to nahian chhipa hua hai, prakash ke pichhe kahian andhakar to nahian hai ! meri samajh mean nahian ata, aisi shanka kyoan hoti hai. are, yah lo paanch baj ge, vinod taiyar haian, aj tenis ka maich dekhane jana hai. maian bhi jaldi se taiyar ho jaooan. shesh batean phir likhooangi.

haan, ek bat to bhooli hi ja rahi thi. apane vivah ka samachar likhana. patidev kaise haian ? rang-roop kaisa hai ? sasural gayi, ya abhi maike hi mean ho ? sasural gayian, to vahaan ke anubhav avashy likhana. tumhari khoob numaish huee hogi. ghar, kutumb aur muhalle ki mahilaoan ne ghooanghat utha-uthakar khoob muanh dekha hoga, khoob pariksha huee hogi. ye sabhi batean vistar se likhana. dekhean kab phir mulakat hoti hai.

tumhari,

padma

4

gorakhapur

1-9-25

pyari padma,

tumhara patr padhakar chitt ko b di shaanti mili. tumhare n ane hi se maian samajh gee thi ki vinod baboo tumhean har le ge, magar yah n samajhi thi ki tum mansoori pahuanch gayi. ab us amod-pramod mean bhala garib chanda kyoan yad ane lagi. ab meri samajh mean a raha hai ki vivah ke lie ne aur purane adarsh mean kya antar hai. tumane apani pasand se kam liya, sukhi ho. maian lok-laj ki dasi bani rahi, nasiboan ko ro rahi hooan.

achchha, ab meri biti suno. dan-dahej ke tante se to mujhe kuchh matalab hai nahian. pitaji ne b da hi udar-hriday paya hai. khoob dil kholakar diya hoga. magar dvar par barat ate hi meri agni-pariksha shuroo ho gayi. kitani utkantha thi—vah-darshan ki, par dekhooan kaise. kul ki nak n kat jaegi. dvar par barat ayi. sara jamana var ko ghere hue tha. maianne socha—chhat par se dekhooan. chhat par gayi, par vahaan se bhi kuchh n dikhaee diya. haan, is aparadh ke lie ammaanji ki ghu dakiyaan sunani p dian. meri jo bat in logoan ko achchhi nahian lagati, usaka dosh meri shiksha ke mathe madha jata hai. pitaji bechare mere sath b di sahanubhooti rakhate haian. magar kis-kis ka muanh pak dean. dvarachar to yoan gujara aur bhaanvaroan ki taiyariyaan hone lagi. janavase se gahanoan aur kap doan ka thal aya. bahan ! sara ghar—stri-purush—sab us par kuchh is tarah toote, mano in logoan ne kabhi kuchh dekha hi nahian. koee kahata hai, kantha to laye hi nahian; koee har ke nam ko rota hai! ammaanji to sachamuch rone lagi, mano maian duba di gayi. var-pakshavaloan ki dil kholakar nianda hone lagi. magar maianne gahanoan ki taraph aankh uthakar bhi nahian dekha. haan, jab koee var ke vishay mean koee bat karata tha, to maian tanmay hokar sunane lagati tha. maloom hua—dubale-patale adami haian. rang saanvala hai, aankhean b di-b di haian, hansamukh haian. in soochanaoan se dasharnotkantha aur bhi prabal hoti thi. bhaanvaroan ka muhoort jyoan-jyoan samip ata tha, mera chitt vyagr hota jata tha. ab tak yadyapi maianne unaki jhalak bhi n dekhi thi, par mujhe unake prati ek abhootapoorv prem ka anubhav ho raha tha. is vakt yadi mujhe maloom ho jata ki unake dushmanoan ko kuchh ho gaya hai, to maian bavali ho jati. abhi tak mera unase sakshath nahian hua haian, maianne unaki boli tak nahian suni hai, lekin sansar ka sabase roopavanh purush bhi, mere chitt ko akarshit nahian kar sakata. ab vahi mere sarvasv haian.

adhi rat ke bad bhaanvarean hueean. samane havan-kund tha, donoan or vipragan baithe hue the, dipak jal raha tha, kul devata ki moorti rakhi huee thian. ved mantr ka path ho raha tha. us samay mujhe aisa maloom hua ki sachamuch devata virajaman haian. agni, vayu, dipak, nakshatr sabhi mujhe us samay devatv ki jyoti se pradipt jan p date the. mujhe pahali bar adhyatmik vikas ka parichay mila. maianne jab agni ke samane mastak jhukaya, to yah kori rasm ki pabandi n thi, maian agnidev ko apane sammukh moortivanh, svargiy abha se tejomay dekh rahi thi. akhir bhaanvarean bhi samapt ho gee; par patidev ke darshan n hue.

ab antim asha yah thi ki prat:kal jab patidev kaleva ke lie bulaye jayange, us samay dekhooangi. tab unake sir par maur n hoga, sakhiyoan ke sath maian bhi ja baithooangi aur khoob ji bharakar dekhooangi. par kya maloom tha ki vidhi kuchh aur hi kuchakr rach raha hai. prat:kal dekhati hooan, to janavase ke kheme ukh d rahe haian. bat kuchh n thi. baratiyoan ke nashte ke lie jo saman bheja gaya tha, vah kafi n tha. shayad ghi bhi kharab tha. mere pitaji ko tum janati hi ho. kabhi kisi se dabe nahian, jahaan rahe sher banakar rahe. bole—jate haian, to jane do, manane ki koee zaroorat nahian; kanyapaksh ka dharm hai baratiyoan ka satkar karana, lekin satkar ka yah arth nahian ki dhamaki aur rob se kam liya jay, mano kisi aphasar ka p dav ho. agar vah apane l dake ki shadi kar sakate haian, to maian bhi apani l daki ki shadi kar sakata hooan.

barat chali gee aur maian pati ke darshan n kar saki ! sare shahar mean halachal mach gee. virodhiyoan ko hansane ka avasar mila. pitaji ne bahut saman jama kiya tha. vah sab kharab ho gaya. ghar mean jise dekhie, meri sasural ki nianda kar raha hai—ujadd haian, lobhi haian, badamash haian, mujhe jara bhi bura nahian lagata. lekin pati ke viruddh maian ek shabd bhi nahian sunana chahati. ek din ammaanji boli—l daka bhi besamajh hai. doodh pita bachcha nahian, qanoon padhata hai, mooanchh-dadhi a gee hai, use apane bap ko samajhana chahie tha ki ap log kya kar rahe haian. magar vah bhi bhigi billi bana raha. maian sunakar tilamila uthi. kuchh boli to nahian, par ammaanji ko maloom zaroor ho gaya ki is vishay mean maian unase sahamat nahian. maian tumhian se poochhati hooan bahan, jaisi samasya uth kh di huee thi, usamean unaka kya dharm tha ? agar vah apane pita aur any sambandhiyoan ka kahana n manate, to unaka apaman n hota ? us vakt unhoanne vahi kiya, jo uchit tha. magar mujhe vishvas hai ki jara mamala thanda hone par vah ayeange. maian abhi se unaki rah dekhane lagi hooan. dakiya chitthiyaan lata hai, to dil mean dh dakan hone lagati haian—shayad unaka patr bhi ho ! ji mean bar-bar ata hai, kyoan n maian hi ek khat likhooan; magar sankoch mean p dakar rah jati hooan. shayad maian kabhi n likh sakooangi. man nahian hai keval sankoch hai. par haan, agar das-paanch din aur unaka patr n aya, ya vah khud n ae, to sankoch man ka roop dharan kar lega. kya tum unhean ek chitthi nahian likh sakati ! sab khel ban jay. kya meri itani khatir bhi n karogi ? magar eeshvar ke lie us khat mean kahian yah n likh dena ki chanda ne prerana ki hai. kshama karana aisi bhaddi galati ki, tumhari or se shanka karake maian tumhare sath anyay kar rahi hooan, magar maian samajhadar thi hi kab ?

tumhari,

chanda

5

mansoori

20-9-25

pyari chanda,

maianne tumhara khat pane ke doosare hi din kashi khat likh diya tha. usaka javab bhi mil gaya. shayad babooji ne tumhean khat likha ho. kuchh purane khayal ke adami haian. meri to unase ek din bhi n nibhati. haan, tumase nibh jayagi. yadi mere pati ne mere sath yah bartav kiya hota—akaran mujhase roothe hote—to maian zindagi-bhar unaki soorat n dekhati. agar kabhi ate bhi, to kuttoan ki tarah dutkar deti. purush par sabase b da adhikar usaki stri ka hai. mata-pita ko khush rakhane ke lie vah stri ka tiraskar nahian kar sakata. tumhare sasuralavaloan ne b da ghrinit vyavahar kiya. purane khayalavaloan ka gajab ka kaleja hai, jo aisi batean sahate haian. dekha us pratha ka phal, jisaki tariph karate tumhari jaban nahian thakati. vah divar s d gee. tipatap karane se kam n chalega. usaki jagah naye sire se divar banane ki zaroorat hai.

achchha, ab kuchh meri bhi katha sun lo. mujhe aisa sandeh ho raha hai ki vinod ne mere sath daga ki hai. inaki arthik dasha vaisi nahian, jaisi maianne samajhi thi. keval mujhe thagane ke lie inhoanne sara svaang bhara tha. motar maange ki thi, bangale ka kiraya abhi tak nahian diya gaya, pharanichar kiraye ke the. yah sach hai ki inhoanne pratyaksh roop se mujhe dhokha nahian diya. kabhi apani daulat ki diang nahian mari, lekin aisa rahan-sahan bana lena, jisase doosaroan ko anuman ho ki yah koee b de dhani adami haian, ek prakar ka dhokha hi hai. yah svaang isilie bhara gaya tha ki koee shikar phans jay. ab dekhati hooan ki vinod mujhase apani asali halat ko chhipane ka prayatn kiya karate haian. apane khat mujhe nahian dekhane dete, koee milane ata hai, to chauank p date haian aur ghabarayi huee avaz mean bera se poochhate haian, kaun hai ? tum janati ho, maian dhan ki lauandi nahian. maian keval vishuddh hriday chahati hooan. jisamean purusharth hai, pratibha hai, vah aj nahian to kal avashy hi dhanavanh hokar rahega. maian is kapat-lila se jalati hooan. agar vinod mujhase apani kathinaiyaan kah dean, to maian unake sath sahanubhooti karooangi, un kathinaiyoan ko door karane mean unaki madad karooangi. yoan mujhase parada karake yah meri sahanubhooti aur sahayog hi se hath nahian dhote, mere man mean avishvas, dvesh aur kshobh ka bij bote haian. yah chianta mujhe mare dalati haian. agar inhoanne apani dasha saph-saph bata di hoti, to maian yahaan mansoori ati hi kyoan ? lakhanoo mean aisi garami nahian p dati ki adami pagal ho jay. yah hajaroan rupaye kyoan pani p data. sabase kathin samasya jivika ki hai. kee vidyalayoan mean avedan-patr bhej rakhe haian.javab ka iantazar kar rahe haian. shayad is mahine ke aant tak kahian jagah mil jay. pahale tin-bar sau mileange. samajh mean nahian ata, kaise kam chalega. dedh sau rupaye to papa mere kalej ka kharch dete the. agar das-paanch mahine jagah n mili to yah kya karean ge, yah fikr aur bhi khaye dalati hai. mushkil yahi hai ki vinod mujhase parada rakhate haian. agar ham donoan baithakar paramarsh kar lete, to sari gutthiyaan sulajhh jatian. magar shayad yah mujhe is yogy hi nahian samajhate. shayad inaka khayal hai ki maian keval reshami gu diya hooan, jise bhaanti-bhaanti ke abhooshanoan, sugandhoan aur reshami vastroan se sajana hi kafi hai. thiretar mean koee naya tamasha hone vala hota hai, dau de hue akar mujhe khabar dete haian. kahian koee jalasa ho, koee khel ho, kahian sair karana ho usaki shubh soochana mujhe avilamb di jati hai aur b di prasannata ke sath, mano maian rat-din vinod aur kri da aur vilas mean magn rahana chahati hooan, mano mere hriday mean ganbhir aansh hai hi nahian. yah mera apaman hai; ghor apaman, jise maian ab nahian sah sakati. maian apane sanpoorn adhikar lekar hi santusht ho sakati hooan. bas, is vakt itana hi. baki phir. apane yahaan ka hal-haval vistar se likhana. mujhe apane lie jitani chianta hai, usase kam tumhare lie nahian hai. dekho, ham donoan ke doange kahaan lagate haian. tum apani svadeshi, paanch hazar varshoan ki purani jarjar nauka par baithi ho, maian naye, drutagami motar-bot par. avasar, vijnan aur udyog. mere sath haian. lekin koee daivi vipatti a jay, tab bhi isi motar-bot par doobooangi. sal mean lakhoan adami rel ke takkaroan se mar jate haian, par koee bailagadiyoan par yatra nahian karata. reloan ka vistar badhata hi jata hai. bas.

tumhari,

padma

6

gorakhapur

25-9-25

pyari padma,

kal tumhara khat mila, aj javab likh rahi hooan. ek tum ho ki mahinoan ratati ho. is vishay mean tumhean mujhase upadesh lena chahie. vinod baboo par tum vyarth hi akshep laga rahi ho. tumane kyoan pahale hi unaki arthik dasha ki jaanch-p datal nahian ki ? bas, ek sundar, rasik, shisht, vani-madhur yuvak dekha aur phool uthian ? ab bhi tumhara hi dosh hai. tum apane vyavahar se, rahan-sahan se siddh kar do ki tumamean ganbhir aansh bhi haian, phir dekhooan ki vinod baboo kaise tumase parada rakhate haian. aur bahan, yah to manavi svabhav hai. sabhi chahate haian ki log hamean sanpann samajhean. is svaang ko aant tak nibhane ki cheshta ki jati hai aur jo is kam mean saphal ho jata hai, usi ka jivan saphal samajha jata hai. jis yug mean dhan hi sarvapradhan ho, maryada, kirti, yash—yahaan tak ki vidya bhi dhan se kharidi ja sake, us yug mean svaang bharana ek lajimi bat ho jati hai. adhikar yogyata ka muanh takate haian ! yahi samajh lo ki in donoan mean phool aur phal ka sanbandh hai. yogyata ka phool laga aur adhikar ka phal aya.

in jnanopadesh ke bad ab tumhean hardik dhanyavad deti hooan. tumane patidev ke nam jo patr likha tha, usaka bahut achchha asar hua. usake paanchavean hi din svami ka kripapatr mujhe mila. bahan, vah khat pakar mujhe kitani khushi huee, isaka tum anuman kar sakati ho. maloom hota tha, aandhe ko aankhean mil gayi haian. kabhi kothe par jati thi, kabhi niche ati thi. sare mean khalabali p d gayi. tumhean vah patr atyant nirashajanak jan p data, mere lie vah sanjivan-mantr tha, ashadipak tha. pranesh ne baratiyoan ki uddandata par khed prakat kiya tha, par b doan ke samane vah jaban kaise khol sakate the. phir janatiyoan ne bhi, baratiyoan ka jaisa adar-satkar karana chahie tha, vaisa nahian kiya. ant mean likha tha—‘priye, tumhare darshanoan ki kitani utkantha hai, likh nahian sakata. tumhari kalpit moorti nit aankhoan ke samane rahati hai. par kul-maryada ka palan karana mera karttavy hai. jab tak mata-pita ka rukh n paooan, a nahian sakata. tumhare viyog mean chahe pran hi nikal jayan, par pita ki ichchha ki upeksha nahian kar sakata. haan, ek bat ka dridh-nishchay kar chuka hooan—chahe idhar ki duniya udhar ho jay, kapoot kahalaooan, pita ke kop ka bhagi banooan, ghar chho dana p de par apani doosari shadi n karooanga. magar jahaan tak maian samajhata hooan, mamala itana tool n khianchega. yah log tho de dinoan mean narm p d jayange aur tab maian aooanga aur apani hridayeshvari ko aankhoan par bithakar laooanga.

bas, ab mai. santusht hooan bahan, mujhe aur kuchh n chahie. svami mujh par itani kripa rakhate haian, isase adhik aur vah kya kar sakate haian ! priyatam! tumhari chanda sadas tumhari rahegi, tumhari ichchha hi usaka karttavy hai. vah jab tak jiegi, tumhare pavitr charanoan se lagi rahegi. use bisarana mat.

bahan, aankhoan mean aansoo bhar ate haian, ab nahian likha jata, javab jald dena.

tumhari,

chanda

7

dilli

15-12-25

pyari bahan,

tujhase bar-bar kshama m aauangati hooan, pairoan p dati hooan. mere patr n likhane ka karan alasy n tha, sair-sapate ki dhun n thi. roj sochati thi ki aj likhooangi, par koee-n-koee aisa kam a p data tha, koee aisi bat ho jati thi; koee aisi badha a kh di hoti thi ki chitt ashaant ho jata tha aur muanh lapet kar p d rahati thi. tum mujhe ab dekho toshayad pahichan n sako. mansoori se dilli aye ek mahina ho gaya. yahaan vinod ko tin sau rupaye ki ek jagah mil gayi hai. yah sara mahina bazar ki khak chhanane mean kata. vinod ne mujhe poori svadhinata de rakhi hai. maian jo chahooan, karooan, unase koee matalab nahian. vah mere mehaman haian. grihasthi ka sara bojh mujh par dalakar vah nishchiant ho ge haian. aisa bephikra maianne adami hi nahian dekha. hajiri ki paravah hai, n dinar ki, bulaya to a ge, nahian to baithe haian. naukaroan se kuchh bolane ki to mano inhoanne kasam hi kha li hai. unhean datooan to maian, rakhooan to maian, nikalooan to maian, unase koee matalab hi nahian. maian chahati hooan, vah mere prabandh ki alochana karean, aib nikalean; maian chahati hooan jab maian bazar se koee chiz laooan, to vah batavean maian jat gee ya jit aee; maian chahati hooan mahine ke kharch ka bajat banate samay mere aur unake bich mean khoob bahas ho, par in aramanoan mean se ek bhi poora nahian hota. maian nahian samajhati, is tarah koee stri kahaan tak grih-prabandh mean saphal ho sakati hai. vinod ke is sampoorn atm-samarpan ne meri nij ki zarooratoan ke lie koee guanjaish hi nahian rakhi. apane shauq ki chizean khud kharidakar late bura maloom hota hai, kam-se-kam mujhase nahian ho sakama. maian janati hooan, maian apane lie koee chiz laooan, to vah naraz n hoange. nahian, mujhe vishvas hai, khush hoange; lekin mera ji chahata hai, mere shauq siangar ki chizean vah khud la kar dean. unase lene mean jo anand hai, vah khud jakar lane mean nahian. pitaji ab bhi mujhe sau rupaya mahina dete haian aur un rupayoan ko maian apani zarooratoan par kharch kar sakati hooan. par n jane kyoan mujhe bhay hota hai ki kahian vinodad samajhean, maian unake rupaye kharch kiye dalati hooan. jo adami kisi bat par naraz nahian ho sakata, vah kisi bat par khush bhi nahian ho sakata. meri samajh mean hi nahian ata, vah kis bat se khush aur kis bat se naraz hote haian. bas, meri dasha us adami ki-si hai, jo bina rasta jane idhar-udhar bhatakata phire. tumhean yad hoga, ham donoan koee ganit ka prashn lagane ke bad kitani utsukata se usaka javab dekhati thi; jab hamara javab kitab ke javab se mil jata tha, to hamean kitana hardik anand milata tha. mehanat saphal hueean, isaka vishvas ho jata tha. jin ganit ki pustakoan mean prashnoan ke uttar n likhe hote the, usake prashn hal karane ki hamari ichchha hi n hoti thi. sochate the, mehanat akarath jayagi. maian roj prashn hal karati hooan, par nahian janati ki javab thik nikala, ya galat. socho, mere chitt ki kya dasha hogi.

ek haphta hota hai, lakhanoo ki mis rig se bheant ho gee. vah ledi daktar haian aur mere ghar bahut ati-jati haian. kisi ka sir bhi dhamaka aur mis rig bulayi gayian. papa jab medikal kalej mean prophesar the, to unhoanne in mis rig ko padhaya tha. usaka ehasan vah ab bhi manati haian. yahaan unhean dekhakar bhojan ka nimantran n dena ashishtata ki had hoti. mis rig ne davat manjoor kar li. us din mujhe jitani kathinaee huee, vah bayan nahian kar sakati. maianne kabhi aangarejoan ke sath tebul par nahian khaya. unamean bhojan ke kya shishtachar haian, isaka mujhe bilakul jnan nahian. maianne samajha tha, vinod mujhe sari batean bata deange. vah barasoan aangarejoan ke sath ianglaiand rah chuke haian. maianne unhean mis rig ke ane ki soochana bhi de di. par us bhale adami ne mano suna hi nahian. maianne bhi nishchay kiya, maian tumase kuchh n poochhooangi, yahi n hoga ki mis rig hanseangi. bala se. apane oopar bar-bar jhuanjhalati thi ki kahaan mis rig ko bula baithi. p dos ke bangaloan mean kee hami-jaise parivar rahate haian. unase salah le sakati thi. par yahi sankoch hota tha ki ye log mujhe ganvarin samajheange. apani is vivashata par tho di der tak aansoo bhi bahati rahi. akhir nirash hokar apani buddhi se kam liya. doosare din mis rig ayian. ham donoan bhi mej par baithe. davat shuroo huee. maian dekhati thi ki vinod bar-bar jheanpate the aur mis rig bar-bar nak siko dati thian, jisase prakat ho raha tha ki shishtachar ki maryada bhang ho rahi hai. maian sharm ke mare mari jati thi. kisi bhaanti vipatti sir sake tali. tab maianne kan pak de ki ab kisi aangarej ki davat n karooangi. us din se dekh rahi hooan, vinod mujhase kuchh khianche hue haian. maian bhi nahian bol rahi hooan. vah shayad samajhate haian ki maianne unaki bhadd kara di. maian samajh rahi hooan. ki unhoanne mujhe lajjit lajjit kiya. sach kahati hooan, chanda, grihasthi ke in jhanjhatoan mean mujhe ab kisi se hansane bolane ka avasar nahian milata. idhar mahinoan se koee nayi pustak nahian padh saki. vinod ki vinodashilata bhi n jane kahaan chali gayi. ab vah sinema ya thietar ka nam bhi nahian lete. haan, maian chalooan to vah taiyar ho jayeange. maian chahati hooan, prastav unaki or se ho, maian usaka anumodan karooan. shayad vah pahile ki adatean chho d rahe haian. maian tapasya ka sankalp unake mukh par aankit pati hooan. aisa jan p data hai, apane mean grih-sanchalan ki shakti n pakar unhoanne sara bhar mujh par dal diya hai. mansoori mean vah ghar ke sanchalak the. do-dhaee mahine mean pandrah sau kharch kiye. kahaan se laye, yah mean ab tak nahian janati. pas to shayad hi kuchh raha ho. sanbhav hai kisi mitr se le liya ho. tin sau rupaye mahine ki amadani mean thietar aur sinema ka zikr hi kya ! pachas rupaye to makan hi ke nikal jate haian. maian is janjal se tang a gayi hooan. ji chahata hai, vinod se kah dooan ki mere chalaye yah thela n chalega. ap to do-dhaee ghanta yoonivarsiti mean kam karake din-bhar chain karean, khoob tenis khelean, khoob upanyas padhean, khoob soyean aur maian subah se adhi rat tak ghar ke jhanjhatoan mean mara karooan. kee bar chhe dane ka irada kiya, dil mean thanakar unake pas gayi bhi, lekin unaka samipy mere sare sanyam, sari glani, sari virakti ko har leta hai. unaka vikasit mukhamandal, unake anurakt netr, unake komal shabd mujh par mohini mantr-sa dal dete haian. unake ek aliangan mean meri sari vedana vilin ho jati hai. bahut achchha hota, agar yah itane roopavanh, itane madhurabhashi, itane saumy n hote. tab kadachith maian inase jhag d baithati, apani kathinaiyaan kah sakati. is dasha mean to inhoanne mujhe jaise bhe d bana liya hai. magar maya ko to dane ka mauqa talash kar rahi hooan. ek tarah se maian apana atm-samman kho baithi hooan. maian kyoan har ek bat mean kisi ki aprasannata se darati rahati hooan ? mujhamean kyoan yah bhav nahian ata ki jo kuchh maian kar rahi hooan, vah thik hai. maian itani mukhapeksha kyoan karati hooan ? is manovritti par mujhe vijay pana hai, chahe jo kuchh ho. ab is vakt vida hoti hooan. apane yahaan ke samachar likhana, ji laga hai.

tumhari,

padma

8

kashi

25-12-25

pyari padma,

tumhara patr padhakar mujhe kuchh du:kh hua, kuchh hansi ayi, kuchh krodh aya. tum kya chahati ho, yah tumhean khud nahian maloom. tumane adarsh pati paya hai, vyarth ki shankaoan se man ko ashaant n karo. tum svadhinata chahati thian, vah tumhean mil gayi. do adamiyoan ke lie tin sau rupaye kam nahian hote. us par abhi tumhare papa bhi sau rupaye diye jate haian. ab aur kya karana chahie? mujhe bhay hota hai ki tumhara chitt kuchh avyavasthit ho gaya hai. mere pas tumhare lie sahanubhooti ka ek shabd bhi nahian.

maian pandrah tarikh ko kashi a gayi. svami svayan mujhe vida karane gaye the. ghar se chalate samay bahut roee. pahale maian samajhati thi ki l dakiyaan jhooth-mooth roya karati haian. phir mere lie to mata-pita ka viyog koee nee bat n thi. garmi, dashahara aur b de din ki chhuttiyoan ke bad chh: saloan se is viyog ka anubhav kar rahi hooan. kabhi aankhoan mean aansoo n ate the. saheliyoan se milane ki khushi hoti thi. par abaki to aisa jan p data tha ki koee hriday ko khianche leta hai. ammaanji ke gale lipatakar to maian itana roee ki mujhe moorchchha a gayi. pitaji ke pairoan par lot kar rone ki abhilasha man mean hi rah gayi. hay, vah rudan ka anand ! us samay pita ke charanoan par girakar rone ke lie maian apane pran tak de deti. yahi rona ata tha ki maianne inake lie kuchh n kiya. mera palan-poshan karane mean inhoanne kya kuchh kasht n uthaya ! maian janm ki rogini hooan. roj hi bimar rahati thi. ammaanji rat-rat bhar mujhe god mean liye baithi rah jati thi. pitaji ke kandhoan par chadhakar uchakane ki yad mujhe abhi tak ati hai. unhoanne kabhi mujhe k di nigah se nahian dekha. mere sir mean dard hua aur unake hathoan ke tote u d jate the. das varsh ki umr tak to yoan ge. chh: sal deharadoon mean gujare. ab, jab is yogy huee ki unaki kuchh seva karooan, to yoan par jha dakar alag ho gee. kul ath mahine tak unake charanoan ki seva kar saki aur yahi ath mahine mere jivan ki nidhi hai. meri eeshvar se yahi prarthana hai ki mera janm phir isi god mean ho aur phir isi atul pitrisneh ka anand bhogooan.

sandhya samay ga di steshan se chali. maian janana kamare mean thi aur log doosare kamare mean the. us vakt sahasa mujhe svamiji ko dekhane ki prabal ichchha huee. santvana, sahanubhooti aur ashray ke lie hriday vyakul ho raha tha. aisa jan p data tha jaise koee kaidi kalapani ja raha ho.

ghante bhar ke bad ga di ek steshan par ruki. maian pichhe ki or khi daki se sir nikalakar dekhane lagi. usi vakt dvar khula aur kisi ne kamare mean qadam rakha. us kamare mean ek aurat bhi n thi. maianne chauankakar pichhe dekha to ek purush. maianne turant muanh chhipa liya aur boli, ap kaun haian ? yah janana kamara hai. maradane kamare mean jaie.

purush ne kh de-kh de kaha—maian to isi kamare mean baithooanga. maradane kamare mean bhi d bahut hai.

maianne rosh se kaha—nahian, ap isamean nahian baith sakate.

‘maian to baithooanga.’

‘apako nikalana p dega. ap abhi chale jaiye, nahian to maian abhi janjir khianch looangi.’

‘are sahab, maian bhi adami hooan, koee janavar nahian hooan. itani jagah p di huee hai. apaka isamean haraj kya hai?’

ga di ne siti di. maian aur ghabarakar boli—ap nikalate haian, ya maian janjir khianchooan ?

purush ne muskarakar kaha—ap to b di gussavar maloom hoti haian. ek garib adami par apako jara bhi daya nahian ati ?

ga di chal p di. mare krodh aur lajja ke mujhe pasina a gaya. maianne phauran dvar khol diya aur boli—achchhi bat hai, ap baithie, maian hi jati hooan.

bahan, maian sach kahati hooan, mujhe us vakt leshamatr bhi bhay n tha. janati thi, girate hi mar jaooangi, par ek ajanabi ke sath akele baithane se mar jana achchha tha. maianne ek pair latakaya hi tha ki us purush ne meri baanh pak d li aur andar khianchata hua bola—ab tak to apane mujhe kalepani bhejane ka saman kar diya tha. yahaan aur koee to hai nahian, phir ap itana kyoan ghabarati haian. baithie, jara hansie-bolie. agale steshan par maian utar jaooanga, itani der tak kripa-kataksh se vanchit n kijie. apako dekhakar dil kaboo se bahar hua jata hai. kyoan ek garib ka khoon sir par lijiega........

maianne jhatakakar apana hath chhuta liya. sari deh kaanpane lagi. aankhoan mean aansoo bhar aye. us vakt agar mere pas koee chhuri ya katar hoti, to maianne zaroor use nikal liya hota aur marane-marane ko taiyar ho gee hoti. magar is dasha mean krodh se oanth chabane ke siva aur kya karati ! akhir jhallana vyarth samajhakar maianne savadhan hone ki cheshta karake kaha—ap kaun haian ? usane usi dhithaee se kaha—tumhare prem ka ichchhuk.

‘ap to majak karate haian. sach batalaie.’

‘sach bata raha hooan, tumhara ashik hooan.’

‘agar ap mere ashik haian, to kam-se-kam itani bat manie ki agale steshan par utar jaie. mujhe badanam karake ap kuchh n payeange. mujh par itani daya kijie.’

maianne hath jo dakar yah bat kahi. mera gala bhi bhar aya tha. us adami ne dvar ki or jakar kaha—agar apaka yahi hukm hai, to lijie, jata hooan. yad rakhiega.

usane dvar khol liya aur ek paanv age badhaya. mujhe maloom hua vah niche koodane ja raha hai. bahan, nahian kah sakati ki us vakt mere dil ki kya dasha huee. maianne bijali ki tarah lapakakar usaka hath pak d liya aur apani taraph zor se khianch liya.

usane glani se bhare hue svar mean kaha—‘kyoan khianch liya, maian to chala ja raha tha.’

‘agala steshan ane dijie.’

‘jab ap bhaga hi rahi haian, to jitani jald bhag jaooan utana hi achchha.’

‘maian yah kab kahati hooan ki ap chalati ga di se kood p die.’

‘agar mujh par itani daya hai, to ek bar jara darshan hi de do.’

‘agar apaki stri se koee doosara purush batean karata, to apako kaisa lagata?’

purush ne tyoriyaan chadhakar kaha—‘maian usaka khoon pi jata.’

maianne nissankoch hokar kaha—to phir apake sath mere pati kya vyavahar kareange, yah bhi ap samajhate hoange ?

‘tum apani raksha ap hi kar sakati ho. priye! tumhean pati ki madad ki zaroorat hi nahian. ab ao, mere gale se lag jao. maian hi tumhara bhagyashali svami aur sevak hooan.’

mera hriday uchhal p da. ek bar muanh se nikala—are! ap!!’ aur maian door hatakar kh di ho gayi. ek hath lanba ghooanghat khianch liya. muanh se ek shabd n nikala.

svami ne kaha—ab yah sharm aur parada kaisa?

maianne kaha—ap b de chhaliye haian ! itani der tak mujhe rulane mean kya maja aya?

svami—itani der mean maianne tumhean jitana pahachan liya, utana ghar ke andar shayad barasoan mean bhi n pahachan sakata. yah aparadh kshama karo. kya tum sachamuch ga di se kood p datian ?

‘avashy?’

‘b di khairiyat huee, magar yah dillagi bahut dinoan yad rahegi.’ mere svami ausat qad ke, saanvale, chechakaroo, dubale adami haian. unasake kahian roopavanh purush maianne dekhe haian: par mera hriday kitana ullasit ho raha tha ! kitani anandamay santushti ka anubhav kar rahi thi, maian bayan nahian kar sakati.

maianne poochha—ga di kab tak pahuanchegi ?

‘sham ko pahuanch jayeange.’

maianne dekha, svami ka chehara kuchh udas ho gaya hai. vah das minat tak chupachap baithe bahar ki taraph takate rahe. maianne unhean keval bat mean lagane hi ke lie yah anavashyak prashn poochha tha. par ab bhi jab vah n bole to maianne phir n chhe da. panadan kholakar pan banane lagi. sahasa, unhoanne kaha—chanda, ek bat kahooan ?

maianne kaha—haan-haan, shauq se kahie.

unhoanne sir jhukakar sharmate hue kaha—maian janata ki tum itani roopavati ho, to maian tumase vivah n karata. ab tumhean dekhakar mujhe maloom ho raha hai ki maianne tumhare sath anyay kiya hai. maian kisi tarah tumhare yogy n tha.

maianne pan ka bi da unhean dete hue kaha—aisi batean n kijie. ap jaise haian, mere sarvasv haian. maian apaki dasi banakar apane bhagy ko dhany manati hooan.

doosara steshan a gaya. ga di ruki. svami chale gaye. jab-jab ga di rukati thi, vah akar do-char batean kar jate the. sham ko ham log banaras pahuanch ge. makan ek gali mean hai aur mere ghar se bahut chhota hai. in kee dinoan mean yah bhi maloom ho raha hai ki sasaji svabhav ki rookhi haian. lekin abhi kisi ke bare mean kuchh nahian kah sakati. sambhav hai, mujhe bhram ho raha ho. phir likhooangi. mujhe isaki chinta nahian ki ghar kaisa hai, arthik dasha kaisi hai, sas-sasur kaise haian. meri ichchha hai ki yahaan sabhi mujh se khush rahean. patidev ko mujhase prem hai, yah mere lie kafi hai. mujhe aur kisi bat ki parava nahian. tumhare bahanoeeji ka mere pas bar-bar ana sasaji ko achchha nahian lagata. vah samajhati haian, kahian yah sir n chadh jay. kyoan mujh par unaki yah akripa hai, kah nahian sakati; par itana janati hooan ki vah agar is bat se naraz hoti haian, to hamare hi bhale ke lie. vah aisi koee bat kyoan

kareangi, jisamean hamara hit n ho. apani santan ka ahit koee mata nahian kar sakati. mujh hi mean koee buraee unhean najar aee hogi. do-char din mean ap hi maloom ho jaega ! apane yahaan ke samachar likhana. javab ki asha ek mahine ke pahale to hai nahian, yoan tumhari khushi.

tumhari,

chanda

9

dilli

1-2-26

pyari bahan,

tumhare pratham milan ki kutoohalamay katha padhakar, chitt prasann ho gaya. mujhe tumhare oopar hasad ho raha hai. maianne samajha tha, tumhean mujh par hasad hoga, par kriya ulati ho gayi, tumhean charoan or hariyali hi najar ati hai, maian jidhar najar dalati hooan, sookhe ret aur nagn tiloan ke siva aur kuchh nahian. khair ! ab kuchh mera vrittant suno—

“ab jigar thamakar baitho, meri bari ayi.”

vinod ki avichalit darshanikata ab asahy ho gayi hai. kuchh vichitr jiv haian, ghar mean ag lage, patthar p de inaki bala se. inhean mujh par jara bhi daya nahian ati. maian subah se sham tak ghar ke jhanjhatoan mean kudha karooan, inhean kuchh paravah nahian. aisa sahanubhooti se khali adami kabhi nahian dekha tha. inhean to kisi jangal mean tapasya karani chahie thi. abhi to khair do hi prani haian, lekin kahian bal-bachche ho gaye tab to maian be-maut mar jaooangi. eeshvar n kare, vah darun vipatti mere sir p de.

chanda, mujhe ab dil se lagi huee hai ki kisi bhaanti inaki vah samadhi bhang kar dooan. magar koee upay saphal nahian hota, koee chal thik nahian p dati. ek din maianne unake kamare ke lanp ka balv to d diya. kamara aandhera p da raha. ap sair karake aye, to kamara aandhera dekha. mujhase poochha, maianne kah diya balb toot gaya. bas, apane bhojan kiya aur mere kamare mean akar let rahe. patroan aur upanyasoan ki or dekha tak nahian, n-jane vah utsukata kahaan vilin ho gayi. din-bhar gujar gaya, apako balv lagavane ki koee fikr nahian. akhir, mujhi ko bazar se lana p da.

ek din maianne jhuanjhalakar rasoiye ko nikal diya. socha jab lala rat-bhar bhookhe soyeange, tab aankhean khuleangi. magar is bhale adami ne kuchh poochha tak nahian. chay n mili, kuchh paravah nahian. thik das baje apane kap de pahane, ek bar rasoee ki or jakar dekha, sannata tha. bas, kalej chal diye. ek adami poochhata hai, maharaj kahaan gaya, kyoan gaya; ab kya intazam hoga, kaun khana pakayega, kam-se-kam itana to mujhase kah sakate the ki tum agar nahian paka sakati, to bazar hi se kuchh khana mangava lo. jab vah chale ge, to mujhe b da pashchattap hua. rayal hotal se khana mangavaya aur baire ke hath kalej bhej diya. par khud bhookhi hi rahi. din-bhar bhookh ke mare bura hal tha. sir mean dard hone laga. ap kalej se ae aur mujhe p de dekha to aise pareshan hue mano mujhe tridosh hai. usi vakt ek daktar bula bheja. daktar aye, aankhean dekhi, jaban dekhi, hararat dekhi, lagane ki dava alag di, pine ki alag, adami dava lene gaya. lauta to barah rupaye ka bil bhi tha. mujhe in sari batoan par aisa krodh a raha tha ki kahaan bhagakar chali jaooan. us par ap aram-kursi dalakar meri charapaee ke pas baith ge aur ek-ek pal par poochhane lage kaisa ji hai ? dard kuchh kam hua ? yahaan mare bhookh ke aantean kulakula rahi thi. dava hath se chhuee tak nahian. akhir jhakh marakar maianne phir baire se khana mangavaya. phir chal ulati p di. maian dari ki kahian sabere phir yah mahashay daktar ko n bula baithaian, isalie sabera hote hi harakar phir ghar ke kam-dhandhe mean lagi. usi vakt ek doosara maharaj bulavaya. apane purane maharaj ko bekasoor nikalakar dandasvaroop ek kath ke ulloo ko rakhana p da, jo mamooli chapatiyaan bhi nahian paka sakata. us din se ek nayi bala gale p di. donoan vakt do ghante is maharaj ko sikhane mean lag jate haian. ise apani pak-kala ka aisa ghamand hai ki maian chahe jitana bakooan, par karata apane hi man ki hai. us par bich-bich mean muskarane lagata hai, mano kahata ho ki ‘tum in batoan ko kya jano, chupachap baithi dekhti jav.’ jalane chali thi vinod ko aur khud jal gayi. rupaye kharch hue, vah to hue hi, ek aur janjal mean phans gayi. maian khud janati hooan ki vinod ka daktar ko bulana ya mere pas baithe rahana keval dikhava tha. unake chehare par jara bhi ghabarahat n thi, chitt jara bhi ashaant n tha.

chanda, mujhe kshama karana. maian nahian janati ki aise purush ke pale p dakar tumhari kya dasha hoti, par mere lie is dasha mean rahana asahy hai. maian age jo vrittant kahane vali hooan, use sunakar tum nak-bhauan siko dogi, mujhe kosogi, kalankini kahogi; par jo chahe kaho, mujhe parava nahian. aj char din hote haian, maianne triya-charitr ka ek naya abhinay kiya. ham donoan sinema dekhane gaye the. vahaan meri bagal mean ek bangali baboo baithe hue the. vinod sinema mean is tarah baithate haian, mano dhyanavastha mean hoan. n bolana, n chalana! film itani sundar thi, aiktiang itani sajiv ki mere muanh se bar-bar prashansa ke shabd nikal jate the. bangali baboo ko bhi b da anand a raha tha. ham donoan us film par alochanaean karane lage. vah film ke bhavoan ki itani rochak vyakhya karata tha ki man mugdh ho jata tha. film se zyada maja mujhe usaki batoan mean a raha tha. bahan, sach kahati hooan, shakl-soorat mean vah vinod ke taluoan ki barabari bhi nahian kar sakata, par keval vinod ko jalane ke lie maian usase muskara-muskara kar batean karane lagi. usane samajha, koee shikar phans gaya. avakash ke samay vah bahar jane laga, to maian bhi uth kh di huee; par vinod apani jagah par hi baithe rahe.

maianne kaha—bahar chalate ho, meri to baithe-baithe kamar du:kh gayi.

vinod bole—haan-haan chalo, idhar-udhar tahal ayean. maianne laparavahi se kaha—tumhara ji n chahe to mat chalo, maian majaboor nahian karati.

vinod phir apani jagah par baithate hue bole—achchhi bat hai.

maian bahar ayi to bangali baboo ne poochha—kya ap yahian ki rahane vali haian ? ‘mere pati yahaan yoonivarsiti mean prophesar haian.’

‘achchha! vah apake pati the. ajib adami haian.’

‘apako to maianne shayad yahaan pahale hi dekha hai.’

‘haan, mera makan to bangal mean hai. kanchanapur ke maharaj sahab ka praivet sekretari hooan. maharaja sahab vaisaray se milane aye haian. ’

‘to abhi do-char din rahiega?’

‘ji haan, asha to karata hooan. rahooan to sal-bhar rah jaooan. jaooan to doosari ga di se chala jaooan. hamare maharaja sahab ka kuchh thik nahian. yoan b de sajjan aur milanasar haian. apase milakar bahut khush hoange.

yah batean karate-karate ham restraan mean pahuanch gaye. baboo ne chay aur tost liya. maianne sirph chay li.

‘to isi vakt apaka maharaja sahab se parichay kara dooan. apako ashchary hoga ki mukutadhariyoan mean bhi itani namrata aur vinay ho sakati hai. unaki batean sunakar ap mugdh ho jayangi.’

maianne aine mean apani soorat dekhakar kaha—ji nahian, phir kisi din par rakhie. apase to aksar mulakat hoti rahegi. kya apaki stri apake sath nahian ayian ?

yuvak ne muskarakar kaha—maian abhi kvaanra hooan aur shayad kvaanra hi rahooan?

maianne utsuk hokar poochha—achchha! to ap bhi striyoan se bhagane vale jivoan mean haian. itani batean to ho gayi aur apaka nam tak n poochha.

baboo ne apana nam bhuvanamohan das gupt bataya. maianne apana parichay diya.

‘ji nahian, maian un abhagoan mean hooan, jo ek bar nirash hokar phir usaki pariksha nahian karate. roop ki to sansar mean kami nahian, magar roop aur gun ka mel bahut kam dekhane mean ata hai. jis ramani se mera prem tha, vah aj ek b de vakil ki patni hai. maian garib tha. isaki saza mujhe aisi mili ki jivanaparyant n bhoolegi. sal-bhar tak jisaki upasana ki, jab usane mujhe dhan par balidan kar diya, to ab aur kya asha rakhooan?

maianne hansakar kaha—‘apane bahut jald himmat har di.’

bhuvan ne samane dvar ki or takate hue kaha—maianne aj tak aisa vir hi nahian dekha, jo ramaniyoan se parast n hua ho. ye hriday par chot karati haian aur hriday ek hi gahari chot sah sakata hai. jis ramani ne mere prem ko tuchchh samajhakar pairoan se kuchal diya, usako maian dikhana chahata hooan ki meri aankhoan mean dhan kitani tuchchh vastu hai, yahi mere jivan ka ekamatr uddeshy hai. mera jivan usi din saphal hoga, jab vimala ke ghar ke samane mera vishal bhavan hoga aur usaka pati mujhase milane mean apana saubhagy samajhega.

maianne gambhirata se kaha—yah to koee bahut ooancha uddeshy nahian hai. ap yah kyoan samajhate haian ki vimala ne keval dhan ke lie apaka parityag kiya. sambhav hai, isake aur bhi karan hoan. mata-pita ne us par dabav dala ho, ya apane hi mean use koee aisi truti dikhalaee di ho, jisase apaka jivan du:khamay ho jata. ap yah kyoan samajhate haian ki jis prem se vanchit hokar ap itane du:khi hue, usi prem se vanchit hokar vah sukhi huee hogi. sambhav tha, koee dhani stri pakar ap bhi phisal jate.

bhuvan ne zor dekar kaha—yah asambhav hai, sarvatha asambhav hai. maian usake lie trilok ka rajy bhi tyag deta.

maianne hansakar kaha—haan, is vakt ap aisa kah sakate haian; magar aisi pariksha mean p dakar apaki kya dasha hoti, ise ap nishchayapoorvak nahian bata sakate. sipahi ki bahaduri ka praman usaki talavar hai, usaki jaban nahian. ise apana saubhagy samajhie ki apako us pariksha mean nahian p dana p da. vah prem, prem nahian hai, jo pratyaghat ki sharan le. prem ka adi bhi sahridayata hai aur ant bhi sahridayata. sambhav hai, apako ab bhi koee aisi bat maloom ho jay, jo vimala ki taraph se apako narm kar de.

bhuvan gahare vichar mean doob gaya. ek minat ke bad unhoanne sir uthaya. aur bole—‘misej vinod, apane aj ek aisi bat sujha di, jo aj tak mere dhyan mean ayi hi n thi. yah bhav kabhi mere man mean uday hi nahian hua. maian itana anudar kyoan ho gaya, samajh mean nahian ata. mujhe aj maloom hua ki prem ke ooanche adarsh ka palan ramaniyaan hi kar sakati haian. purush kabhi prem ke lie atm-samarpan nahian kar sakata — vah prem ko svarth aur vasana se prithakh nahian kar sakata. ab mera jivan sukhamay ho jayaga. apane mujhe aj shiksha di hai, usake lie apako dhanyavad deta hooan.’

yah kahate-kahate bhuvan sahasa chauank p de aur bole—oh! maian kitana b da moorkh hooan—sara rahasy samajh mean a gaya, ab koee bat chhipi nahian hai. oh, maianne vimala ke sath ghor anyay kiya! mahanh anyay! maian bilkul aandha ho gaya tha. vimala, mujhe kshama karo.

bhuvan isi tarah der tak vilap karate rahe. bar-bar mujhe dhanyavad dete the aur moorkhata par pachhatate the. hamean isaki sudh hi n rahi ki kab ghanti baji, kab khel shuroo hua. yakayak vinod kamare mean ae. maian chauank p di. maianne unake mukh ki or dekha, kisi bhav ka pata n tha. bole—tum abhi yahi ho, padma! khel shuroo hue to der huee! maian charoan taraph tumhean khoj raha tha.

maian hakabakakar uth kh di huee aur boli—khel shuroo ho gaya? ghanti ki avaz to sunayi hi nahian di.

bhuvan bhi uthe. ham phir akar tamasha dekhane lage. vinod ne mujhe agar is vakt do-char lagane vali batean kah di hotian, unaki aankhoan mean krodh ki jhalak dikhayi deti, to mera ashant hriday sanbhal jata, mere man ko dhadhas hoti, par unake avichalit vishvas ne mujhe aur bhi ashaant kar diya. bahan, maian chahati hooan, vah mujh par shasan karean. maian unaki kathorata, unaki uddandata, unaki balishthata ka roop dekhana chahati hooan. unake prem, pramod, vishvas ka roop dekh chuki. isase meri atma ko tripti nahian hoti ! tum us pita ko kyoan kahogi, jo apane putr ko achchha khilaye, achchha pahanaye, par usaki shiksha-diksha ki kuchh chinata n kare; vah jis rah jay, us rah jane de; jo kuchh kare, vah karane de. kabhi use k di aankh se dekhe bhi nahian. aisa l daka avashy hi avara ho jayaga. mera bhi vahi hal hua jata hai. yah udasinata mere lie asahy hai. is bhale adami ne yahaan tak n poochha ki bhuvan kaun hai ? bhuvan ne yahi to samajha hoga ki isaka pati isaki bilkul paravah nahian karata. vinod khud svadhin rahana chahate haian, mujhe bhi svadhin chho d dena chahate haian. vah mere kisi kam mean hastakshep nahian karana chahate. isi tarah chahate haian ki maian bhi unake kisi kam mean hastakshep n karooan maian is svadhinata ko donoan hi ke lie vish tuly samajhati hooan. sansar mean svadhinata ka chahe jo bhi mooly ho, ghar mean to paradhinata hi phalati-phoolati hai. maian jis tarah apane ek jevar ko apana samajhati hooan, usi tarah vinod ko apana samajhana chati hooan. agar mujhase poochhe bina vinod use kisi ko de dean, to maian l d p dooangi. maian chahati hooan, kahaan hooan, kya padhati hooan, kis tarah jivan jivan vyatit karati hooan, in sari batoan par unaki tivr drishti rahani chahie. jab vah meri paravah nahian karate, to maian unaki paravah kyoan karooan? is khianchatani mean ham ek-doosare se alag hote chale ja rahe haian aur kya kahooan, mujhe kuchh nahian maloom ki vah kin mitroan ko roj patra likhate haian. unhoanne bhi mujhase kabhi kuchh nahian poochha. khair, maian kya likh rahi thi, kya kahane lagi. vinod ne mujhase kuchh nahian pooda. maian phir bhuvan se film ke sambandh mean batean karane lagi.

jab khel khatm ho gaya aur ham log bahar ae aur taanga thik karane lage, to bhuvan ne kaha—‘maian apani kar mean apako pahuancha dooanga.’

hamane koee apatti nahian ki. hamare makan ka pata poochhakar bhuvan ne kar chala di. raste mean maianne bhuvan se kaha—‘kal mere yahaan dopahar ka khana khaiega.’ bhuvan ne svikar kar liya.

bhuvan to hamean pahuanchakar chale ge, par mera man b di der tak unhian ki taraph laga raha. in do-tin ghantoan mean bhuvan ko jitana samajhi, utana vinod ko aj tak nahian samajhi. maianne bhi apane hriday ki jitani batean usase kah dian, utani vinod se aj tak nahian kahian. bhuvan un manushyoan mean hai, jo kisi par purush ko meri kudrishti dalate dekhakar use mar dalega. usi tarah mujhe kisi purush se hansate dekhakar mera khoon pi lega aur zaroorat p degi, to mere lie ag mean kood p dega. aisa hi purush-charitr mere hriday par vijay par sakata hai.mere hi hriday par nahian, nari-jati (mere vichar mean) aise hi purush par jan deti haian. vah nirbal hai, isalie balavanh ka ashray dhooandhati hai.

bahan, tum oob gee hogi, khat bahut lamba ho gaya; magar is kand ko samapt kie bina nahian raha jata. maianne sabere hi se bhuvan ki davat ki taiyari shuroo kar di. rasoiya to kath ka ulloo hai, maianne sara kam apane hath se kiya. bhojan banane mean aisa anand mujhe aur kabhi n mila tha.

bhuvan baboo ki kar thik samay par a pahuanchi. bhuvan utare aur sidhe mere kamare mean ae. do-char batean hueean. dinar-tebal par ja baithe. vinod bhi bhojan karane ae. maianne un donoan adamiyoan ka parichay kara diya. mujhe aisa maloom hua ki vinod ne bhuvan ki or se kuchh udasinata dikhayi. inhean rajaoan-reesoan se chidh hai, samyavadi haian. jab rajaoan se chidh hai to unake pitthuoan se kyoan n hoti. vah samajhate haian, in reesoan ke darabar mean khushamadi, nikamme, siddhantahin, charitrahin logoan ka jamaghat rahata hai, jinaka isake sivay aur koee kam nahian ki apane rees ki har ek uchit-anuchit ichchha poori karean aur praja ka gala katakar apana ghar bharean. bhojan ke samay batachit ki dhara ghoomate-ghoomate vivah aur prem-jaise mahattv ke vishay par a pahuanchi.

vinod ne kaha—‘nahian, maian vartaman vaivahik pratha ko pasand nahian karata. is pratha ka avishkar us samay hua tha, jab manushy sabhyata ki prarambhik dasha mean tha. tab se duniya bahut age badhi hai. magar vivah pratha mean jau-bhar bhi antar nahian p da. yah pratha vartaman kal ke lie ipayogi nahian.’

bhuvan ne kaha—‘akhir apako isamean kya dosh dikhaee dete haian ?

vinod ne vicharakar kaha—‘isamean sabase b da aib yah hai ki yah ek samajik prashn ko dharmik roop de deta hai.’

‘aur doosara?’

‘doosara yah ki yah vyaktiyoan ki svadhinata mean badhak haian. yah strivrat aur pativrat ka svaang rachakar hamari atma ko sankuchit kar deta hai. hamari buddhi ke vikas mean jitani rukavat is pratha ne dali hai, utani aur kisi bhautik ya daivik kraanti se bhi nahian huee. isane mithya adarshoan ko hamare samane rakh diya aur aj tak ham unhian purani, s di huee, lajjajanak pashavik lakiroan ko pitate jate haian. vrat keval ek nirarthak bandhan ka nam hai. itana mahattvapoorn nam dekar hamane us kaid ko dharmik roop de diya hai. purush kyoan chahata hai ki stri usako apana eeshvar, apana sarvasv samajhe ? keval isalie ki vah usaka bharan-poshan karata hai. kya stri ka karttavy keval purush ki sampatti ke lie varis paida karana hai? us sampatti ke lie jis par, hindoo nitishastr ke anusar, pati ke dehant ke bad usaka koee adhikar nahian rahata. samaj ki yah sari vyavastha, sara sangathan sampatti-raksha ke adhar par hua hai. isane sampatti ko pradhan aur vyakti ko gaun kar diya hai. hamare hi viry se utpann santan hamari kamaee huee jayadad ka bhog kare, is manobhav mean kitani svarthandhata, kitana dasatv chhipa hua hai, isaka koee anuman nahian kar sakata. is kaid mean jak di huee samaj ki santan yadi aj ghar mean, desh mean, sansar mean, apane kroor svarth ke lie rakt ki nadiyaan baha rahi hai, to kya ashchary hai. maian is vaivahik pratha ko sari buraiyoan ka mool samajhata hooan.

bhuvan chakit ho gaya. maian khud chakit ho gee. vinod ne is vishay par mujhase kabhi itani spashtata se batachit n ki thi. maian yah to janati thi, vah samyavadi haian, do-ek bar is vishay par unase bahas bhi kar chuki hooan , par vaivahik pratha ke ve itane virodhi haian, yah mujhe maloom n tha. bhuvan ke chehare se aisa prakat hota tha ki unhoanne aise darshanik vicharoan ki gandh tak nahian paee. jara der ke bad bole—prophesar saheb, apane to mujhe ek b de chakkar mean dal diya. akhir ap is pratha ki jagah koee aur pratha rakhana chahate haian ya vivah ki avashyakata hi nahian samajhate ? jis tarah pashu-pakshi apas mean milate haian, vah hamean bhi karana chahie?

vinod ne turant uttar diya—bahut kuchh. pashu-pakhiyoan mean sabhi ka manasik vikas ek-sa nahian hai. kuchh aise haian, jo jo de ke chunav mean koee vichar nahian rakhate. kuchh aise haian, jo ek bar bachche paida karane ke bad alag ho jate haian, aur kuchh aise haian, jo jivanaparyant ek sath rahate haian. kitani hi bhinn-bhinn shreniyaan haian. maian manushy hone ke nate usi shreni ko shreshth samajhata hooan, jo jivanaparyant ek sath rahate haian. magar svechchha se. unake yahaan koee kaid nahian, koee saza nahian. donoan apane-apane chare-dane ki fikr karate haian. donoan milakar rahane ka sthan banate haian, donoan sath bachchoan ka palan karate haian. unake bich mean koee tisara nar ya mada a hi nahian sakata, yahaan tak ki unamean se jab ek mar jata hai to doosara marate dam tak phuttail rahata hai. yah andher manushy-jati hi mean hai ki stri ne kisi doosare purush se hansakar bat ki aur usake purush ki chhati par saanp lotane laga, khoon-kharabe ke mansoobe soche jane lage. purush ne kisi doosari stri ki or rasik netroan se dekha aur ardhaangini ne tyoriyaan badalian, pati ke pran lene ko taiyar ho gee. yah sab kya hai ? aisa manushy-samaj sabhyata ka kis muanh se dava kar sakata hai ?

bhuvan ne sir sahasalate hue kaha—magar manushyoan mean bhi to bhinn-bhinn shreniyaan haian. kuchh log har mahine ek naya jo da khoj nikaleange.

vinod ne hansakar kaha—lekin yah itana asan kam n hoga. ya to vah aisi stri chahega, jo santan ka palan svayan kar sakati ho ya use ek musht sari rakam ada karana p degi !

bhuvan bhi hanse—ap apane ko kis shreni mean rakkheange?

vinod is prashn ke lie taiyar n th. tha bhi bedhanga-sa saval. jheanpate hue bole—paristhitiyaan jis shreni mean le jayan. maian stri aur purush donoan ke lie poorn svadhinata ka hami hooan. koee karan nahian hai ki mera man kisi navayauvana ki or akarshit ho aur vah bhi mujhe chahe to bhi maian samaj aur niti ke bhay se usaki or tak n sakooan. maian ise pap nahian samajhata.

bhuvan abhi kuchh uttar n dene paye the ki vinod uth kh de hue. kalej ke lie der ho rahi thi. turant kap de pahane aur chal diye. ham donoan divanakhane mean akar baithe aur batean karane lage.

bhuvan ne sigar jalate hue kaha—‘kuchh suna’ kahaan jakar tan tooti?

maianne mare sharm ke sir jhuka liya. kya javab deti. vinod ki antim bat ne mere hriday par kathor aghat kiya tha. mujhe aisa maloom ho raha tha ki vinod ne keval mujhe sunane ke lie vivah ka yah naya khandan taiyar kiya hai. vah mujhase piand chhu da lena chahate haian. vah kisi ramani ki tak mean haian, mujhase unaka ji bhar gaya. vah khyal karake mujhe b da du:kh hua. meri aankhoan se aansoo bahane lage. kadachith ekaant mean maian n roti, par bhuvan ke samane maian sanyat n rah saki. bhuvan ne mujhe bahut saantvana di—‘ap vyarth itana shok karati haian. mistar vinod apaka man n karean; par sansar mean kam-se-kam ek aisa vyakti hai, jo apake sanket par apane pran tak nyochhavar kar sakata. ap-jaisi ramani-ratn pakar sansar mean aisa kaun purush hai, jo apane bhagy ko dhany n manega. ap isaki bilakul chinta n karean.’

mujhe bhuvan ki yah bat buri maloom huee. krodh se mera mukh lal ho gaya. yah dhoort meri is durbalata se labh uthakar mera sarvanash karana chahata hai. apane durbhagy par barabar rona ata tha. abhi vivah hue sal bhi nahian poora hua, meri yah dasha ho gee ki doosaroan ko mujhe bahakane aur mujh par apana jadoo chalane ka sahas ho raha hai. jis vakt maianne vinod ko dekha tha, mera hriday kitana phool utha tha. maianne apane hriday ko kitani bhakti se unake charanoan par arpan kiya tha. magar kya janati thi ki itani jald maian unaki aankhoan se gir jaooangi aur mujhe parityakta samajh, phir shohade mujh par dore daleange.

maianne aansoo poanchhate hue kaha—maian apase kshama maangati hooan. mujhe jara vishram lene dijie.

‘haan-haan, aram karean; maian baitha dekhata rahooanga.’

‘ji nahian, ab ap kripa karake jaie. yoan mujhe aram n milega.’

‘achchhi bat hai, ap aram kijie. maian sandhya-samay akar dekh jaooanga.’

‘ji nahian, apako kasht karane ki koee zaroorat nahian hai.’

‘achchha to maian kal jaooanga. shayad maharaja sahab bhi avean.’

‘nahian, ap log mere bulane ka intajar kijiega. bina bulaye n aiega.’

‘yah kahati huee maian uthakar apane sone ke kamare ki or chali. bhuvan ek kshan meri or dekhata raha, phir chupake se chala gaya.

bahan, ise do din ho gaye haian. par maian kamare se bahar nahian nikali. bhuvan do-tin bar a chuka hai, magar maianne usase milane se saf inakar kar diya. ab shayad use phir ane ka sahas n hoga. eeshvar ne b de najuk mauke par mujhe subuddhi pradan ki, nahian to maian ab tak apana sarvanash kar baithi hoti. vinod pray: mere pas hi baithe rahate haian. lekin unase bolane ko mera ji nahian chahata. jo purush vyabhichar ka dasharnik siddhaantoan se samatharn kar sakata hai, jisaki aankhoan mean vivah-jaise pavitr bandhan ko koee mooly nahian, jo n mera ho sakata hai, n mujhe apana bana sakata hai, usake sath mujh-jaisi manini garvini stri ka kai din nirva hoga!

bas, ab vida hoti hooan. bahan, kshama karana. maianne tumhara bahut-sa amooly samay le liya. magar itana samajh lo ki maian tumhari daya nahian, sahanubhooti chahati hooan.

tumhari,

padma

10

kashi

5-1-26

bahan,

tumhara patr padhakar mujhe aisa maloom hua ki koee upanyas padhakar uthi hooan. agar tum upanyas likhoan, to mujhean vishvas hai, usaki dhoom mach jay. tum ap usaki nayika ban jana. tum aisi-aisi batean kah aauan sikh gayi, mujhean to yahi ashchary hai. us bangali ke sath tum akeli kaisi baithi batean karati rahian, meri to samajh nahian ata. maian to kabhi n kar sakati. tum vinod ko jalana chahati ho, unake chitt ko ashaant karana chahati ho. us garib ke sath tum kitana bhayankar anyay kar rahi ho ! tum yah kyoan samajhati ho ki vinod tumhari upeksha kar rahe haian, apane vicharoan mean itane magn hai ki unaki ruchi hi nahian rahi. sanbhav hai, vah koee darshanik tatv khoj rahean ho, koee thisis likh rahian ho, kisi pustak ki rachana kar rahe hoan. kaun kah sakata hai ? tum jaisi rupavati stri pakar yadi koee manushy chintit rahe, to samajh lo ki usake dil par koee b da bojh haian. unako tumhari sahanubhooti ki jarurat hai, tum unaka bojh halaka kar sakati hoan. lekin tum ulate unhian ko dosh deti hoan. meri samajh mean nahian ata ki tum ek din kyoan vinod se dil kholakar batean nahian kar leti, sandeh ko jitani jald ho sakean, dil se nikal dalana chahie. sandeh vah chot hai, jisaka upach jald n ho, to nasoor p d jata hai aur phir achchha nahian hota. kyoan do-char dinoan ke lie yah aauan nahian chali atian ? tum shayad kaho, too hi kyoan nahian chali ati. lekin mai svatantr nahian hooan, bina sas-sasur se poochhe koee kam nahian kar sakati. tumhean to koee bandhan nahian hai.

bahan, ajakal mera jivan harsh aur shok ka vichitr mishran ho raha haian. akeli hoti hooan, to roti hooan, anand a jate hai to hॅansati hooan. ji chahata hai, vah haradam mere samane baithe rahate. lekin rat ke barah baje ke pahale unake darshan nahian hote. ek din dopahar ko a gayean, to sasaji ne aisa d aauanta ki koee bachche ko kya d aauantega. mujhean aisa bhay ho raha hai ki sasaji ko mujhase chidh haian. bahan, maian unhean bharasak prasann rakhane ki cheshta karati hooan. jo kam kabhi n kiye the, vah unake lie karati hooan, unake snan ke lie pani garm karati hooan, unaki pooja ke lie chauki bichhati hooan. vah snan kar leti haian, to unaki dhoti chh aauantati hooan, vah letati haian to unake pair dabati hooan; jab vah so jati hai to unhean pankha jhalati hooan. vah meri mata haian, unhian ke garbh se vah ratn utpann hua hai jo mera pranadhar hai. mai unaki kuchh seva kar sakooan, isase badhakar mere lie saubhagy ki aur kya bat hogi. maian keval itana hi chahati hooan ki vah mujhase hansakar bole, magar n jane kyoan vah bat-bat par mujhe kosane diya karati haian. maian janati hooan, dosh mera hi haian. h aauan, mujhe maloom nahian, vah kya haian. agar mera yahi aparadh hai ki maian apani donoan nandoan se rupavati kyoan hooan, padhi-likhi kyoan hooan, annad mujhean itana kyoan chahate haian, to bahan, yah mere bas ki bat nahi. mere prati sasaji ko bhram hota hoga ki maian hi annad ko bharama rahian hooan. shayad vah pachhatati hai ki kyoan mujhean bahoo banaya ! unhe bhay hota hai ki kahian maian unake baite ko unase chhin n looan. do-ek bar mujhe jadoogarani kahi chuki haian. donoan nanadean akaran hi mujhase jalati rahati hai. b di nanadaji to abhi kalor haian, unaka jalana meri samajh mean nahian ata. maian unaki jagah hoti,to apani bhavaj se kuchh sikhane ki, kuchh padhane ki koshish karati, unake charan dho-dhokar piti, par is chhokari ko mera apaman karane hi mean annad ata haian. maian janati hooan, tho de dinoan mean donoan nanadean lajjit hoangi. h aauan, abhi ve mujhase bichakati haian. maian apani taraph se to unhean aprasann hone ko koee avasar nahian deti.

magar rup ko kya karuan. kya janati thi ki ek din is rup ke karan maian aparadhini thaharayi jaooangi. maian sach kahati hooan bahan, yahaan maine sigaanr karana ek tarah se chho d hi diya haian. maili-kuchaili bani bethi rahati hooan. is bhay se ki koee mere padhane-likhane par nak n siko de, pustakoan ko hath nahian lagati. ghar se pustakoan ka ek gatathar b aauandh layi thi. usamean koee pustakean b di sundar haian. unhean padhane ke lie bar-bar ji chahata haian, magar chharati hooan ki koee tana n de baithe. donoan nanadean mujhean dekhati rahati haian ki yah kya karati haian, kaise baithati hai, kaise bolati hai, mano do-do jasoos mere pichhe laga die ge hoan. in donoan mahilaoan ko meri badagoee mean kyoan itana maja ata haian, nahian kah sakati. shayad ajakal unhe siva doosara kam hi nahian. gussa to aisa ata haian ki ek bar jhidhak dooan, lekin man ko samajhakar rok leti hooan. yah dasha bahut dinoan nahian rahegi. ek ne adami se kuchh hichak hona svabhavik hi hai, visheshakar jab vah naya adami shiksha aur vichar vyavahar mean hamase alag ho. mujhi ko agar kisi phreanch ledi ke sath rahana p de, to shayad me bhi usaki harek bat ko alochana aur kutoohal ki drishti se dekhane lagooan. yah kashivasi log pooja-path bahut karate hai. sasaji to roj ganga-snan karane jati haian. b di nanad bhi unake sath jati hai. maine kabhi pooja nahian ki. yad hai, ham aur tum pooja karane valoan ko kitana banaya karati thi. agar mai pooja karane valoan ka charitr kuchh unnat pati, to shayad ab tak mai bhi pooja karati hoti. lekin mujhe to kabhi aisa anubhav prapt nahian hua, pooja karane valiy aauan bhi usi tarah doosaroan ki ninda karati haian, usi tarah apas mean l dati-jhag dati haian, jaise ve jo kabhi pooja nahian karatian. khair, ab mujhe dhire-dhire pooja se shraddha hoti ja rahi haian. mere dadiya sasuraji ne ek chhota-sa thakuradvara banava diya tha. vah mere ghar ke samane hi haian. maian aksar sasaji ke sath vah aauan jati hooan aur ab yah kahane mean mujhe koee sankoch nahian ki un vishal moortiyoan ke darshan se mujhe apane atastal mean ek jyoti ka anubhav hota hai. jitani ashraddha se maian ram aur krishna ke jivan ki alochana kiya karati thi, vah bahut kuchh mit chuki haian.

lekin rupavati hone ka dand yahian tak bas nahian hai. nanadean agar mere rup koan dekhakar jalati haian, to yah svabhavik haian. du:khi to is bat ka hai ki yah dand mujhe us taraph se bhi mil raha hai, jidhar se isaki koee sanbhavana n honi chahie—mere anand baboo bhi mujhe isaka dand de rahe hai. h aauan, unaki dandaniti ek nirale hi dhag ki haian. vah mere pas nity hi koee-n-koee saugat late rahate hai. vah jitani der mere pas rahate hai. unake man mean yah sandeh hota rahata hai ki mujhe unaka rahana achchha nahian lagata. vah samajhate hai ki maian unase jo prem karati hooan, yah keval dikhava hai, koshal hai.. vah mere samane kuchh aise dabe-dabayean, simate-simatayean rahate hai ki maian mare lajja ke mar jati hooan. unhean mujhase kuchh kahate hue aisa sankoch hota hai, mano vah koee anadhikar cheshta kar rahe hoan. jaise maile-kuchaile kap de pahane hue koee adami ujjval vastr pahanane valoan se door hi rahana chahata hai, vahi dasha inaki hai. vah shayad samajhate haian ki kisi rupavati stri ko roopahin purush se prem ho hi nahian sakata. shayad vah dil mean pachhatatean hai ki kyoan isase vivah kiya. shayad unhean apane oopar glani hoti hai. vah mujhe kabhi rote dekh lete hai, to samajhate hai. maian apane bhagy ko roan rahi hooan, koee patr likhate dekhate haian, to samajhate hai, maian unaki rupahinata hi ka rona ro rahi hooan. kya kahooan bahan, yah saundary meri jan ka gahak ho gaya. anand ke man se shanka ko nikalane aur unhean apani or se ashvasan dene ke lie mujhe aisi-aisi batean karani p dati haian, aise-aise acharan karane p date haian, jin par mujhe ghrina hoti haian. agar pahale se yah dasha janati, to brahma se kahati ki mujhe kuroopa hi banana. b de asamanjas mean p di hooan! agar sasaji ki seva nahian karati, b di nanadaji ka man nahian rakhati, to unaki aauankhoan se girati hooan. agar anand baboo ko nirash karati hooan, to kadachith mujhase virakt hi ho jayan. mai tumase apane hriday ki bat kahati hooan. bahan, tumase kya parda rakhana hai; mujhe anand baboo se utana prem hai, jo kisi stri ko purush se ho sakata hai, unaki jagah ab agar indr bhi samane a jayan, to mai unaki or aaukh uthakar n dekhooan. magar unhean kaise vishvas dilaooan. mai dekhati hooan, vah kisi n kisi bahane se bar-bar ghar me ate hai aur dabi huee, lalachaee huee najaroan se mere kamare ke dvar ki or dekhate hai, to ji chahata hai, jakar unaka hath pak d looan aur apane kamare mean khianch le aooan. magar ek to dar hota hai ki kisi ki aauankh p d gayi, to chhati pitane lagegi, aur isase bhi b da dar yah ki kahian anand ise bhi kaushal hi n samajh baithe. abhi unaki amadani bahum kam hai, lekin do-char rupaye saugatoan me roj u date haian. agar premopahar-svaroop vah dhele ki koee chiz dean, to maian use aauankhoan se lagaooan, lekin vah kar-svaroop dete haian, mano unhean eeshvar ne yah dand diya haian. kya karooan, ab mujhe bhi prem ka sv aauang karana p dega. prem-pradarshan se mujhe chidh haian. tumhean yad hoga, maine ek bar kaha tha ki prem ya to bhitar hi rahega ya bahar hi rahega. saman roop se vah bhitar aur bahar donoan jagah nahian rah sakata. sav aauang veshyaoan ke lie hai, kulavanti to prem ko hriday hi mean sanchit rakhati haian!

bahan, patr bahut lamba ho gaya, tum padhate-padhate oob gayi hogi. maian bhi likhate-likhate thak gayi. ab shesh batean kal likhooangi. parasoan yah patr tumhare pas pahuanchega.

bahan, kshama karana; kal patr likhane ka avasar nahian mila. rat ek aisi bat ho gayi, jisase chitt ashant utha. b di mushkiloan se yah tho da-sa samay nikal saki hooan. maine abhi tak anand se ghar ke kisi prani ki shikayat nahian ki thi. agar sasaji ne koee bat ki di ya nanadaji ne koee tana de diya; to ise unake kanoan tak kyoan pahuanchaooan. isake siva ki grih-kalah utpann ho, isase aur kya hath ayega. inhian jara-jara si batoan ko n pet mean dalane se ghar big date haian. apas mean vaimanasy badhata haian. magar sanyog ki bat, kal anayas hi mere muanh se ek bat nikal gayi jisake liye mai ab bhi apane ko kos rahian hooan, aur eeshvar se manati hooan ki vah age n badhe. bat yah huee ki kal annad baboo bahut der karake mere pas aye. maian unake intar mean baithi ek pustak padh rahi thi. sahasa sasaji ne akar poochha—kya abhi tak bijali jal rahi hai? kya vah rat-bhar n ayean, to tum rat-bhar bijali jalati rahogi?

mainean usi vakt batti thandi kar di. anand baboo tho di hi der me ayean, to kamara aandhera p da tha n-jane us vakt meri mati kitani mand ho gayi thi. agar maine unaki ahat pate hi batti jala di hoti, to kuchh n hota, magar maian aandhere mean p di rahian. unhoanne poochha—kya so gayian? yah adhera kyoan p da hua hai?

hay! is vakt bhi yadi maine kah diya hota ki maine abhi bati gul kar di to bat ban jati. magar mere muanh se nikala—‘saansaji ka hukm hua ki batti gul kar do, gul kar di. tum rat-bhar n ao, to kya ratabhar batti jalati rahean?’

‘to ab to jala do. mai roshani ke samane se a raha hooan. mujhe to kuchh soojhata hi nahian.’

‘maine ab batan ko hath se chhoone ki kasam kha li hai. jab zaroorat p dagi; to mom ki batti jala liya karooangi. kaun muft mean ghudakiy aauan sahean.’

annad ne bijali ka batan dabate hue kaha—‘aur maine kasam kha li ki rat-bhar batti jalegi, chahe kisi ko bura lage ya bhala. sab kuchh dekhata hooan, andha nahian hooan. doosari bahoo akar itani seva karegi to dekhooanga; tum nasib ki khoti ho ki aise praniyoan ke pale p di. kisi doosari sas ki tum itani khidamat karatian, to vah tumhean pan ki tarah pherati, tumhean hathoan par lie rahati, magar yah aauan chahe pran hi de de, kisi ke muanh se sidhi bat n nikalegi.’

mujhe apani bhool saf maloom ho gayi. unaka krodh shant karane ke irade se boli—galati bhi to meri hi thi ki vyarth adhi rat tak batti jalayean baithi rahi. amm aauanji ne gul karane ko kaha, to kya bura kaha ? mujhe samajhana, achchhi sikh dena, unaka dharm haian. mera dharm yahi hai ki yathashakti unaki seva karooan aur unaki shiksha ko girah baandhooan.

annad ek kshan dvar ki or takate rahe. phir bole—mujhe maloom ho raha hai ki is ghar mean mera ab gujar n hoga. tum nahian kahatian, magar mai sab kuchh sunata rahata hooan. sab samajhata hooan. tumhean mere papoan ka prayashchit karana p d raha haian. mai kal amm aauanji se saph-saph kah dooanga—‘agar apaka yahi vyavahar hai, to ap apana ghar lijie, mai apane lie koee doosari rah nikal looanga.’

maianne hath jo dakar gi dagi date hue kaha—nahian-nahian. kahian aisa gajab bhi n karana. mere muanh mean ag lage, kah aauan se kahaan batti ka jikar kar baithi. maian tumhare charan chhookar kahati hooan, mujhe n sasaji se koee shikayat hai, n nanadaji se, donoan mujhase b di hai, meri mata ke tuly haian. agar ek bat k di bhi kah dean, to mujhe sabr karana chahie! tum unase kuchh n kahana nahian to majhe b da du:kh hoga.

anand ne ruandhe kanth se kaha—tumhari-jaisi bahoo pakar bhi amm aauanji ka kaleja nahian pasijata, ab kya koee svarg ki devi ghar mean ati? tum daro mat, maian khvahamakhvah l dooanga nahian. magar h aauan, itana avashy kah dooanga ki jara apane mizaj ko kaboo mean rakhean. aj agar mai do-char sau rupayean ghar mean lata hota, to koee chooan n karata. kuchh kamakar nahian lata, yah usi ka dand hai. sach poochhoan, to mujhe vivah karane ka koee adhikar hi n tha. mujh-jaise mand buddhi ko, jo kau di kama nahian sakata, use apane sath kisi mahila ko dubane ka kya hak tha! bahanaji ko n-jane kya soojhi hai ki tumhare pichhe p di rahati haian. sasural ka saphaya kar diya, ab yah aauan bhi ag lagane par tuli huee hai. bas, pitaji ka lihaz karata hooan, nahian inhean to ek din mean thik kar deta.

bahan, us vakt to maine kisi tarah unhian shant kiya, par nahian kah sakati ki kab vah ubal p de. mere lie vah sari duniya se l daee mol le legean. mai jin paristhitayoan mean hooan, unaka tum anuman kar sakati ho. mujh par kitani hi mar p de mujhe rona n chahie, jaban tak n hilana chahie. maian royi aur ghar tabah hua. anand phir kuchh n sunege, kuchh n dekhegean. kadachit is upay se vah apane vichar me mere hriday mean apane prem ka aankur jamana chahate ho. aj mujhe maloom hua ki yah kitane krodhi haian. agar maine jara-sa puchar de diya hota, to rat hi ko vah sasaji ki khop di par ja pahuanchate. kitani yuvatiy aauan isi adhikar ke garv mean apane ko bhool jati haian. mai to bahan, eeshvar ne chaha to kabhi n bhoolooangi. mujhe is bat ka dar nahian hai ki anand alag ghar bana legean, to gujar kaise hoga. mai unake sath sab-kuchh jhel sakati hooan. lekin ghar to tabah ho jayega.

bas, pyari padma, aj itana hi. patr ka javab jald dena.

tumhari,

chanda

11

dilli

5-2-26

pyari chanda,

kya likhooan, mujh par to vipatti ka paha d toot p da! hay, vah chale ge. mere vinod ka tin din se pata nahian—nirmohi chala gaya, mujhe chho dakar bina kuchh kahe-sune chala gaya—abhi tak royi nahian. jo log poochhane ate haian, unase bahana kar deti hooan ki—do-char din mean ayeange, ek kam se kashi gaye haian. magar jab roooangi to yah sharir un aauansuoan mean doob jayega. pran usi me visarjit ho jayange. chhaliyean ne mujhase kuchh bhi nahian kaha, roj ki tarah utha, bhojan kiya, vidyalay gaya; niyat samay par lauta, roj ki tarah musakarakar mere pas aya. ham donoan ne jalapan kiya, phir vah dainik patr padhane laga, maian tenis khelane chali gayi. idhar kuchh dino se unhean tenis se kuchh prem n raha tha, maian akeli hi jati. lauti, to roj hi ki tarah unhean baramade mean tahalate aur sigar pite dekha. mujhe dekhate hi vah roj ki tarah mera ovarakot laye aur mere oopar dal diya. baramade se niche utarakar khule maidan me ham tahalane lage. magar vah zyada bole nahian, kisi vichar mean doobe rahean. jab os adhik p dane lagi, to ham donoan phir andar chale ayean. usi vakt vah bangali mahila a gayi, jinase maine vina sikhana shuroo kiya hai. vinod bhi mere sath hi baithe rahe. sangit unhean kitana priy hai, yah tumhean likh chuki hooan. koee nayi bat nahian huee. mahila ke chale jane ke bad hamane sath-hi-sath bhojan yika phir mai apane kamare mean letane ayi. vah roj ki tarah apane kamare me likhane-padhane chale gayean! maian jald hi so gayi, lekin bekhabar p di rahooan, unaki ahat pate hi ap-hi-ap aauankhe khul gayian. maine dekha, vah apana hara shal odhe kh de thean. maine unaki or hath badhakar kaha—aoan, kh de kyoan ho, aur phir so gayi. bas, pyari bahan! vahi vinod ke aantim darshan the. kah nahian sakati, vah panlag par lete ya nahian. in aaukhoan mean n-jane kaun-si mahanidra samayi huee thi. prat: uthi to vinod ko n paya. maian unase pahale uthati hooan, vah p de sote rahate haian. par aj vah palang par n thean. shal bhi n tha. maine samajha, shayad apane kamare mean chale gaye hoan. snan-grih mean chali gayi. adh ghantean me bahar ayi, phir bhi vah n dikhayi diye. unake kamare mean gayi, vah aauan bhi n thean. ashchary hua ki itane sabare kah aauan chale gayean. sahasa khooanti par p di—kap de ne the. kisi se milane chale gaye? ya snan ke pahale sair karane ki thani. kam-se-kam mujhase kah to dete, sanshay me to ji n p data. krodh aya—mujhe lauandi samajhate haian…

hajiri ka samay aya. baira mej par chay rakh gaya. vinod ke itanjar mean chay thandi ho gayi. mai bar-bar jhuanjhalati thi, kabhi bhitar jati, kabhi bahar ati, than li thi ki aj jyohi mahashay ayeange, aisa lata dooangi ki vah bhi yad kareange. kah dooangi, ap apana ghar lijie, apakoan apana ghar mubarak rahean, mai apane ghar chali jaooangi. is tarah to rotiy aauan vah aauan bhi mil jayeangi. ja de ke nau bajane mean der hi kya lagati hai. vinod ka abhi pata nahian. jhallayi huee kamare me gayi ki ek patr likhakar mej par rakh dooan—saph-saph likh dooan ki is tarah agar rahana hai, to ap rahie me nahian rah sakati. mai jitana hi tarah deti jati hooan, utana hi tum mujhe chidhate hoan. bahan, us krodh me santapt bhavoan ki nadi-si man mean um d rahi thi. agar likhane baithati, to pannoan-ke-panne likh dalati. lekin ah! mai to bhag jan ki dhamaki hi de rahi thi, vah pahale hi bhag chuke the. jyoanhi mej par baithi, mujhe paidi me unaka ek patr mila. maine turant us patr ko nikal liya aur sarasari nigah se padha—mere hath k aauanpane lage, p aauanv tharatharane lage, jan p da kamara hil raha hai. ek thandi, lambi, hriday ko chirane vali ah khianchakar maian koch par gir p di. patr yah tha—

‘priyean ! nau mahine hue, jab mujhe pahali bar tumhare darshanoan ka saubhagy hua tha. us vakt maine apane ko dhany mana tha. aj tumase viyog ka durbhagy ho raha hai phir bhi maian apane ko dhany manata hooan. mujhe jane ka loshamatr bhi du:kh nahian hai, kyoki mai janata hooan tum khush hogi. jab tum mere sath sukhi nahian rah sakati; to maian tabaradasti kyoan p da rahooan. isase to yah kahian achchha hai ki ham aur tum alag ho jayan. mai jaisa hooan, vaisa hi rahooanga. tum bhi jaisi ho, vaisi hi rahogi. phir sukhi jivan ki sambhavana kahaan? mai vivah ko atm-vikas ka poori ka sadhan samajhata hooan. stri purush ke sambandh ka agar koee arth hai, to yahi hai, varna mai vivah ki koee jarurat nahian samajhata. manav santan bina vivah ke bhi jivit rahegi aur shayad isase achchhe roop mean. vasana bhi bina vivah ke poori ho sakati hai, ghar ke prabandh ke lie vivah karane ki kaee jarurat nahian. jivika ek bahut hi gaun prashn hai. jise eeshvar ne do hath diye hai vah kabhi bhookha nahian rah sakata. vivah ka uddeshy yahi aur keval yahi haian ki stri aur purush ek-doosare ki atmonnati mean sahayak hoan. jah aauan anurag hoan, vaha vivah hai aur anurag hi atmonnati ka mukhy sadhan hai. jab anurag n ho, to vivah bhi n raha. anurag ke bina vivah ka arth nahian.

jis vakt maine tumhean pahali bar dekha tha, tum mujhe anurag ki sajiv moorti-si najar ayi thian. tumame sauandary tha, shiksha thi, prem tha, sphoorti thi, umang thi. maian mugdh ho gaya. us vakt meri andhi aauankhoan ko yah n soojha ki jah aauan tumamean itane gun the, vah aauan chanchalata bhi thi, jo in sab gunoan par parda dal deti. tum chanchal ho, gajab ki chanchal, jo us vakt mujhe n soojha tha. tum thik vaisi hi ho, jaisi tumhari doosari bahanean hoti hai, n kam, n zyada. maine tumako svadhin banana chaha tha, kyoanki meri samajh me apani poori ooanchaee tak pahuanchane ke lie isi ki sabase adhik zaroorat hai. sansar bhar mean purushoan ke viruddh kyoan itana shor macha hua hai? isilie ki hamane auratoan ki azadi chhin li hai aur unhean apani ichchhaoan ki lauandi bana rakha hai. maine tumhean svadhin kar diya. mai tumhare oopar apana koee adhikar nahian manata. tum apani svamini ho, mujhe koee chinta n thi. ab mujhe maloom ho raha hai, tum svechchha se nahian, sankoch ya bhay ya bandhan ke karan rahati ho. do hi char din pahale mujh par yah bat khuli hai. isilie ab mai tumharean sukh ke marg mean badha nahian dalana chahata. mai kahian bhagakar nahian ja raha hooan. keval tumhare raste se hata ja raha hooan, aur itani door hata ja raha hooan, ki tumhean meri or se poori nishchintata ho jay. agar mere bagair tumhara jivan adhik sundar ho sakata hai, to tumhean jabaran nahian rakhana chahata. agar mai samajhata ki tum mere sukh ke marg badhak ho rahi hoan, to maine tumase saph-saph kah diya hota. mai dhairy aur niti ka dhoang nahian manata, keval atmaka santosh chahata hooan—apane lie bhi, tumhare lie bhi. jivan ka tatv yahi hai; mooly yahi hai. maine desk mean apane vibhag ke adhyaksh ke nam ek patr likhakar rakh diya haian. vah unake pas bhej dena. rupaye ki koee chinta mat karana. mere ekauant me abhi itane rupaye haian, jo tumhare lie kee mahine ko kafi haian, aur us vakt tak milate rahegean, jab tak tum lena chahogi. mai samajhata hooan, maine apana bhav spasht kar diya hai. isase adhik spasht mai nahian karana chahata. jis vakt tumhari ichchha mujhase milane ki ho, baiank se mera pata poochh lena. magar do-char din ke bad. ghabarane ki koee bat nahian. mai stri ko abala ya apang nahian samajhata. vah apani raksha svayan kar sakati haian—agar karana chahean. agar ab ya ab se do-char mahina, do-char sal pichhean tumhe meri yad ae aur tum samajhoan ki mere sath sukhi rah sakati ho, to mujhe keval do shabd likhakar dal dena, mai turant a jaooanga, kyoanki mujhe tumase koee shikayat nahian haian. tumhare sath mere jivan ke jitane ke jitane din kate haian, vah mere lie svarg-svapn ke din haian. jab tak jiuangi, is jivan ki anand-smritiyoan koan hriday mean sanchit rakhooanga. ah! itani der tak man ko roke rahane ke bad aauankhoan se ek booand aauansoo gir hi p da. kshama karana, mainean tumhean ‘chanchal’ kaha haian. achanchal kaun hai? janata hooan ki tumane mujhe apane hriday se nikalakar pheank diya haian, phir bhi is ek ghante mean kitani bar tumako dekh-dekhakar laut aya hooan! magar in batoan ko likhakar maian tumhari daya ko ukasana nahian chahata. tumane vahi kiya, jisaka meri niti mean tumako adhikar tha, hai aur rahegaan. maian vivah mean atma ko sarvopari rakhana chahata hooan. stri aur purush mean mai vahi prem chahata hooan, jo do svadhin vyaktiyoan mean hota haian. vah prem nahian jisaka adhar paradhinata haian.

bas, ab aur kuchh n likhooanga. tumako ek chetavani dene ki ichchha ho rahi hai par dooanga nahian; kyoanki tum apana bhala aur bura khud samajh sakati ho. tumane salah dene ka hak mujhase chhin liya hai. phir bhi itana kahe bagair nahian raha jata ki sansar mean prem ka sv aauang bharane vale shohadoan ki kami nahian hai, unase bachakar rahana. eeshvar se yahi prarthana karata hooan ki tum jah aauan raho, anand se rahoan. agar kabhi tumhean meri zaroorat p de, to yad karana. tumhari ek tasvir ka apaharan kiye jata hooan. kshama karana, kya mera itana adhikar bhi nahian? hay! ji chahata hai, ek bar phir dekh aooan, magar nahian aooanga.’

—tumhara thukaraya hua,

vinod

bahan, yah patr padhakar mere chitt ki jo dasha huee, usaka tum anuman kar sakati ho. royi to nahian; par dil baitha jata tha. bar-bar ji chahata tha ki vish khakar so rahooan. das bajane mean ab tho di hi der thi. maian turant vidyalay gayi aur darshan-vibhag ke adhyaksh ko vinod ka patr padhakar bole—apako maloom hai, vah kah aauan gaye aur kab tak ayeangean? isamean to keval ek mas ki chhutati m aauangi gayi hai. mainean bahana kiya—vah ek avashyak kary se kashi gaye hai. aur nirash hokar laut ayi. meri antaratma sanhasroan jihava banakar mujhe dhikkar rahi thi. kamare mean unaki tasvir ke samane ghutane tekakar maine jitane pashchatap–poorn shabdoan mean kshama maangi hai, vah agar kisi tarah unake kanoan tak pahuanch sakati, to unhean maloom hota ki unhean meri or se kitana bhroom hua! tab se ab tak mainean kuchh bhojan nahian kiya aur n ek minat soyi. vinod meri kshudha aur nidra bhi apane sath lete gaye aur shayad isi tarah das-p aauanch din unaki khabar n mili, to pran bhi chale jayeangean. aj maian baiank tark gayi thi, yah poochhane ki himmat n p di ki vinod ka koee patr ayaan. vah sab kya sochate ki yah unaki patni hokar hamase poochhane ayi haian!

bahan, agar vinod n aye, to kya hoga? maian samajhati thi, vah meri taraph se udasin haian, meri parava nahian karate, mujhase apane dil ki batean chhipate haian, unhean shayad maian bhari ho gayi hooan. ab maloom hua, mai kaise bhayankar-bhram mean p di huee thi. unaka man itana komal hai, yah maian janati, to us din kyoan bhuvan ko muanh lagati? maian us abhage ka muanh tak n dekhati. is vakt jo use dekh paooan, to shayad goli mar dooan. jara tum vinod ke patr ko phir padhoan, bahan—ap mujhe svadhin banane chale the. agar svadhin banate thean, to bhuvan se jara der mera batachit kar lena kyoan itana akhara? mujhean unaki avichalit shaanti se chidh hoti thi. vastav mean unake hriday mean is rat-si bat ne jitani ashaanti paida kar di, shayad mujhamean n kar sakati. maian kisi ramani se unaki ruchi dekhakar shayad muanh phula leti, tane deti, khud roti, unhean rulati; par itani jald bhag n jati. mardoan ka ghar chho dakar bhagana to aj tak nahian suna, auratean hi ghar chho dakar maike bhagati hai, ya kahian doobane jati haian, ya atmahatya karati haian. purush nirdvandv baithe mooanchhoan par tav dete haian. magar yah aauan ulti ganga bah rahi haian—purush hi bhag kh da hua! is ashaanti ki thah kaun laga sakata haian? is prem ki gaharaee ko kaun samajh sakata haian? mai to agar is vakt vinod ke charanoan par p de-p de mar jaooan to samajhooan, mujhe svarg mil gaya. bas, isake siva mujhe ab aur koee ichchha nahian haian. is agadh-prem ne mujhe tript kar diya. vinod mujhase bhage to, lekin bhag n sake. vah mere hriday se, meri dharana se, itane nikat kabhi n the. maian to ab bhi unhean apane samane baitha dekh rahi hooan. kya mere samane philasaphar banane chale the? kah aauan gayi apaki vah darshanik ganbhirata? yoan apane ko dhokha dete ho? yoan apani atma ko kuchalate hoan ? abaki to tum bhage, lekin phir bhagana to dekhooangi. mai n janati thi ki tum aise chatur bahuroopiye ho. ab maine samajha, aur shayad tumhari darshanik ganbhirata ko bhi samajh me aya hoga ki prem jitana hi sachcha jitana hi hardik hota hai, utana hi komal hota hean vah vapatti ke unmatt sagar mean thape d kha sakata hai, par avahelana ki ek chot bhi nahian sah sakata. bahin, bat vichitr hai, par hai sachchi, mai is samay apane antastal mean jitani umang, jitane anand ka anubhav kar rahi hooan, yad nahian ata ki vinod ke hriday se lipatakar bhi kabhi paya ho. tab parda bich mean tha, ab koee parda bich mean nahian raha. mai unako prachalit prem vyapar ki kasauti par kasana chahati thi. yah phaishan ho gaya ki purush ghar me ayean, to stri ke vaste koee tohapha laye, purush rat-din stri ke lie gahane banavane, kap de silavane, bel, phite, les kharidane mean mast rahe, phir stri ko usase koee shikayat nahian. vah adarsh-pati hai, usake prem mean kise sandeh ho sakata hai? lekin usaki preyasi ki mrityu ke tisare mahine vah phir naya vivah rachata hai. stri ke sath apane prem ko bhi chita me jala ata hai. phir vahi sv aauang is nayi preyasi se hone lagate haian, phir vahi lila shuroo ho jati hai. maianne yahi prem dekha tha aur isi kasauti par vinod kas rahi thi. kitani mandabuddhi hooan ! chhichhorepan ko prem samajhe baithi thi. kitani striyaan janati haian ki adhikaansh aise hi gahane, kap de aur hansane-bolane mean mast rahane vale jiv lampat hote haian. apani lampatata ko chhipane ke lie ve yah sv aauang bharate rahate haian. kutte ko chup rakhane ke lie usake samane haddi ke tuk de pheank dete haian. bechari bholi-bhali use apana sarvasv dekar khilaune pati hai aur unhian mean magn rahati hai. maian vinod ko usi k aauante par taul rahi thi—hire ko sag ke tarajoo par rakh deti thi. maian janati hooan, mera dridh vishvas aur vah atal hai ki vinod ki drishti kabhi kisi par stri par nahian p d sakati. unake lie mai hooan, akeli mai hooan, achchhi hooan ya buri hooan, jo kuchh hooan, mai hooan. bahan, meri to mare garv aur anand se chhati phool uthi hai. itana b da samrajy—itana achal, itana svarakshit, kisi hridayeshvari ko nasib hua hai ! mujhe to sandeh hai. aur maian is par bhi asantusht thi, yah n janati thi ki oopar baboole tairate haian, moti samudr ki tah me milate haian. hay! meri is moorkhata ke karan, mere pyare vinod ko kitani manasik vedana ho rahi hai. mere jivan-dhan, mere jivan-sarvasv n jane kah aauan mare-mare phirate hoangean, n jane kis dasha mean hogean, n-jane mere prati unake man mean kaisi-kaisi shankaऍan uth rahi hoangi—pyare ! tumane mere sath kuchh kam anyay nahian kiya. agar maine tumhean nishthur samajha, to tumane to mujhe usase kahian badatar samajha—kya ab bhi pet nahian bhara? tumane mujhe itani gayi-gujari samajh liya ki is abhage bhuvan… mai aise-aise ek lakh bhuvanoan ko tumhare charanoan par bheant kar sakati hooan. mujhe to sansar mean aisa koee prani hi nahian najar ata, jis par meri nigah uth sake. nahian, tum mujhe itani nich, itani kalankini nahian samajh sakate—shayad vah naubat ati, to tum aur maian do mean se ek bhi is sansar mean n hota.

bahan, maianne vinod ko bulane ki, khianch lane ki, pak d mangavane ki ek tarakib sochi hai. kya kahooan, pahale hi din yah tarakib kyoan n soojhi ? vinod ko dainik patr padhe bina chain nahian ata aur vah kaun-sa patr padhate haian, maian yah bhi janati hooan. kal ke patr mean yah khabar chhapegi—‘padma mar rahi hai’, aur parasoan vinod yah aauan hoange—ruk hi nahian sakate. phir khoob jhag de hoange, khoob l daiy aauan hoangi.

ab kuchh tumhare vishay mean. kya tumhari budhiya sachamuch tumase isalie jalati hai ki tum sundar ho, shikshit ho ? khoob ! aur tumhare anand bhi vichitr jiv maloom hote haian. maine suna hai ki purush kitana hi kuroop ho, usaki nigah apsaraoan hi par jakar p dati hai. phir annad baboo tumase kyoan bichakate hai? jara gaurase dekhana, kahian radha aur krishna ke bich mean koee kubja to nahian? agar sasaji yoan hi nak mean dam karati rahean, to maian to yahi salah dooangi ki apani jhop di alag bana lo. magar janati hooan, tum meri yah salah n manogi, kisi tarah n manegi. is sahishnuta ke lie maian tumhean badhaee deti hooan. patr jald likhana. magar shayad tumhara patr ane ke pahale hi mera doosara patr pahuanche.

tumhari,

padma

12

kashi

10-2-26

priy padma,

kee din tak tumhare patr ki pratiksha karane ke bad aj yah khat likh rahi hooan. maian ab bhi asha kar rahi hooan ki vinod baboo ghar a gaye hogean, magar abhi vah n aye hoan aur tum ro-rokar apani aauankhe pho de dalati ho, to mujhe jara bhi du:kh n hoga! tumane unake sath jo anyay kiya hai, usaka yahi dand hai. mujhe tumase jara bhi sahanubhooti nahian hai. tum grihini hokar vah kutil kri da karane chali thian, jo prem ka sauda karane vali striyoan ko hi shobha deti hai. maian to jab khush hoti ki vinod ne tumhara gala ghoant diya hota aur bhuvan ke kusanskaroan ko sada ke lie shaant kar dete. tum chahe mujhase rooth hi kyoan n jao par maian itana zaroor kahooangi ki tum vinod ke yogy nahian ho. shayad tumane aangreji kitaboan me padha hoga ki striyaan chhaile rasikoan par hi jan deti haian aur yah padhakar tumhara sir phir gaya hai. tumhean nity koee sanasani chahie, anyatha tumhara jivan shushk ho jayega. tum bharat ki patiparayana ramani nahian, yoorop ki amodapriy yuvati ho. mujhe tumhare oopar daya ati hai. tumane ab tak roop ko hi akarshan ka mool samajh rakha hai. roop mean arkashan hai, manati hooan. lekin us akarshan ka nam moh hai, vah sthayi nahian, keval dhokhe ki tatti hai. prem ka ek hi mool mantr hai, aur vah hai seva. yah mat samajho ki jo purush tumhare oopar bhramar ki bh aauanti mandaraya karata hai, vah tumase prem karata hai. usaki yah roopasakti bahut dinoan tak nahian rahegi. prem ka aankur roop mean hai, par usako pallavit aur pushpit karana seva hi ka kam hai. mujhe vishvas nahian ata ki vinod ko bahar se thake-m aauande, pasine me tar dekhakar tumane kabhi pankha jhala hoga. shayad tebul-phain lagane ki bat bhi n soojhi hogi. sach kahana, mera anuman thik ya nahian? batalao, tumane ki unake pairoan mean chanpi ki hai? kabhi unake sir mean tej dala hai? tum kahogi, yah khidamatagaroan ka kam hai, lediyaan yah maraj nahian palatian. tumane us anand ka anubhav hi nahian kiya. tum vinod ko apane adhikar mean rakhana chahati ho, magar usaka sadhan nahian karatian. vilasani manoranjan kar sakati hai, chirasangini nahian ban sakati. purush ke gale se lipati huee bhi vah usase kosoan door rahati hai. manati hooan, roopamoh manushy ka svabhav hai, lekin roop se hriday ki pyas nahian bujhati, atma ki tripti nahian hoti. sevabhav rakhane vali roop-vihin stri ka pati kisi stri ke roop-jal me phans jay, to bahut jald nikal bhagata hai, seva ka chaska paya hua man keval nakharoan aur chochaloan par lattoo nahian hota. magar maian to tumhean upadesh karane baith gayi, hal aauanki tum mujhase do-char mahine b di hogi. kshama karo bahan, yah upadesh nahian hai. ye batean ham-tum sabhi janate haian, keval kabhi-kabhi bhool jate haian. maianne keval tumhean yad dila diya haian. upadesh me hriday nahian hota, lekin mera upadesh mere man ki vah vyatha hai, jo tumhari is nayi vipatti se jagarit huee hai.

achchha, ab meri ramakahani suno. is ek mahine mean yah aauan b di-b di ghatanaऍan ho gayian. yah to maian pahale hi likh chuki hooan ki anand baboo aur amm aauanji mean kuchh manamutav rahane laga. vah ag bhitar-hi-bhitar sulagati rahati thi. din mean do-ek bar m aauan bete mean choanchean ho jati thi. ek din meri chhoti nanadaji mere kamare se ek pustak utha le gayian. unhean padhane ka rog hai. maianne kamare mean kitab n dekhi, to unase poochha. is jara-si bat par vah bhale-manas big d gayi aur kahane lagi—tum to mujhe chori lagati ho. amm aauan ne unhian ka paksh liya aur mujhe khoob sunayi. sanyog ki bat, amm aauanji mujhe kosane hi de rahi thian ki annad baboo ghar mean a gaye. ammaanji unhean dekhate hi aur zor se bakane lagian, bahoo ki itani majal! vah toone sir par chadha rakha hai aur koee bat nahian. pustak kya usake bap ki thi? l daki layi, to usane kaun gunah kiya? jara bhi sabr n hua, dau di huee usake sir par ja pahuanchi aur usake hathoan se kitab chhinane lagi.

bahan, maian yah svikar karati hooan ki mujhe pustak ke lie itani utavali n karani chahie thi. nanadaji padh chukane par ap hi de jatian. n bhi detian to us ek pustak ke n padhane se mera kya big da jata tha. magar meri shamat ki unake hathoan se kitab chhinane lagi thi. agar is bat par anand baboo mujhe daant batate, to mujhe jara bhi du:kh n hota magar unhoanne ulte mera paksh liya aur tyoriyaan chadhakar bole—kisi ki chiz koee bina poochhe laye hi kyoan? yah to mamooli shishtachar hai.

itana sunana tha ki amm aauan ke sir par bhoot-sa savar ho gaya. anand baboo bhi bich-bich me phulajh diy aauan chho date rahe aur maian apane kamare mean baithi roti rahi ki kah aauan-se-kah aauan maianne kitab m aauangi. n amm aauanji hi ne bhojan kiya, n anand baboo ne hi. aur mera to bar-bar yahi ji chahata tha ki zahar kha looan. rat ko jab amm aauji leti to maian apane niyam ke anusar unake p aauanv pakr d liye. maian paiantane ki or to thi hi. amm aauanji ne jo pair se mujhe dhakela to maian charapaee ke niche gir p di. zamin par kee katoriy aauan p di huee thian. maian un katoriyoan par giri, to pith aur kamar mean b di chot ayi. maian chillana n chahati thi, magar n jane kaise mere muanh se chikh nikal gayi. anand baboo apane kamare mean a gaye the, meri chikh sunakar dau de p de aur amm aauanji ke dvar par akar bole—kya use mare dalati ho, amm aauan? aparadhi to maian hooan; usaki jan kyoan le rahi ho? yah kahate hue vah kamare mean ghus gaye aur mera hath pak d kar jabaradasti khianch le gaye. maianne bahut chaha ki apana hath chhu da looan, par annad ne n chho da! vasvat mean is samay unaka ham logoan ke bich mean kood p dana mujhe achchha nahian lagata tha. vah n a jate, to maianne ro-dhokar amm aauanji ko mana liya hota. mere gir p dane se unaka krodh kuchh shant ho chala tha. anand ka a jana gajab ho gaya. amm aauanji kamare ke bahar nikal ayian aur muanh chidhakar boli—h aauan, dekho, maraham-patti kar do, kahian kuchh toot-phoot n gaya ho !

anand ne aauangan mean rookakar kaha—kya tum chahati ho ki tum kisi ko mar dalo aur maian n bolooan ?

‘h aauan, maian to dayan hooan, adamiyoan ko mar dalana hi to mera kam hai. tajjub hai ki maianne tumhean kyoan n mar dala.’

‘to pachhatava kyoan ho raha hai, dhele ki sankhiya mean to kam chalata hai.‘

‘agar tumhean is tarah aurat ko sir chadhakar rakhana hai, to kahian aur le jakar rakho. is ghar mean usaka nirvah ab n hoga.’

‘maian khud isi phrik mean hooan, tumhare kahane ki zaroorat nahian.’

‘maian bhi samajh looangi ki maianne l daka hi nahian jana.’

‘maian bhi samajh looanga ki meri mata mar gayi.’

maian anand ka hath pak dakar zor se khianch rahi thi ki unhean vah aauan se hata le jaooan, magar vah bar-bar mera hath jhatak dete the. akhir jab amm aauanji apane kamare mean chali gayian, to vah apane kamare mean aye aur sir thamakar baith gaye.

maianne kaha—yah tumhean kya soojhi ?

anand ne bhoomi ki or takate hue kaha—amm aauan ne aj notis de diya.

‘tum khud hi ulajh p de, vah bechari to kuchh boli nahian.’

‘maian hi ulajh p da !’

‘aur kya. maianne to tumase phariyad n ki thi.’

‘pak d n lata, to ammaan ne tumhean adhamara kar diya hota. tum unaka krodh nahian janati.’

‘yah tumhara bhram hai. unhoanne mujhe mara nahian, apana pair chhu da rahi thian. maian patti par baithi thi, jara-sa dhakka khakar gir p dian. amm aauan mujhe uthane hi ja rahi thian ki tum pahuanch gaye.’

‘nani ke age nanihal ka bakhan n karo, maian amm aauan ko khoob janata hooan. maian kal hi doosara ghar le looanga, yah mera nishchay hai. kahian-n-kahian naukari mil hi jayegi. ye log samajhate haian ki maian inaki rotiyoan par p da hua hooan. isi se yah mizaj hai !’

maian jitana hi unako samajhati thi, utana vah aur bapharate the. akhir maianne jhuanjhalakar kaha—to tum akele jakar doosare ghar mean raho. maian n jaooangi. mujhe yahian p di rahane do.

anand ne meri or kathor netroan se dekhakar kaha—yahi latean khana achchha lagata hai?

‘haan, mujhe yahi achchha lagata hai.’

‘to tum khao, maian nahian khana chahata. yahi fayada kya tho da hai ki tumhari durdasha aauankhoan se n dekhooanga, n pi da hogi.’

‘alag rahane lagoge, to duniya kya kahegi.’

‘isaki paravah nahian. duniya andhi hai.’

‘log yahi kaheange ki stri ne yah maya phailayi hai.‘

‘isaki bhi paravah nahian, is bhay se apana jivan sankat mean nahian dalana chahata.’

maianne rokar kaha—tum mujhe chho d doge, tumhean meri jara bhi muhabbat nahian hai. bahan, aur kisi samay is prem-agrah se bhare hue shabdoan ne n jane kya kar diya hota. aise hi agrahoan par riyasatean mitati haian, nate tootate haian, ramani ke pas isase badhakar doosara astr nahian. maianne anand ke gale mean baanhean dal di thian aur unake kandhe par sir rakhakar ro rahi thi. magar is samay anand baboo itane kathor ho gaye the ki yah agrah bhi un par kuchh asar n kar saka. jis mata n janm diya, usake prati itana rosh ! ham apani mata ki ek k di bat nahian sah sakate, is atmabhiman ka koee thikana hai. yahi ve ashaऍan haian, jin par mata ne apane jivan ke sare sukh-vilas arpan kar diye the, din ka chain aur rat ki niand apane oopar haram kar li thi ! putr par mata ka itana bhi adhikar nahian !

anand ne usi avichalit kathorata se kaha—agar muhabbat ka yahi arth hai ki maian is ghar mean tumhari durgati karaooan, to mujhe vah muhabbat nahian hai.

prat:kal vah uthakar bahar jate hue mujhase bole—maian jakar ghar thik kiye ata hooan. t aauanga bhi leta aooanga, taiyar rahana.

maianne daravaza rokakar kaha—kya abhi tak krodh shant nahian hua?

‘krodh ki bat nahian, keval doosaroan ke sir se apana bojh hata lene ki bat hai.’

‘yah achchha kam nahian kar rahe ho. socho, mata ji ko kitana du:kh hoga. sasuraji se bhi tumane kuchh poochha ?’

‘unase poochhane ki koee zaroorat nahian. karta-dharta jo kuchh haian, vah amm aauan haian. dadaji mitti ke loande haian.’

‘ghar ke svami to haian ?‘

‘tumhean chalana hai ya nahian, saf kaho.’

‘maian to abhi n jaooangi.’

‘achchhi bat hai, lat khao.’

maian kuchh nahian boli. anand ne ek kshan ke bad phir kaha—tumhare pas kuchh rupaye ho, to mujhe do.

mere pas rupaye the, magar maianne inakar kar diya. maianne samajha, shayad isi asamanjas mean p dakar vah rook jayan. magar unhoanne bat man mean than li thi. khinn hokar bole—achchhi bat hai, tumhare rupayoan ke bagair bhi mera kam chal jayaga. tumhean yah vishal bhavan, yah sukh-bhog, ye naukar-chakar, ye that-bat mubarak hoan. mere sath kyoan bhookhoan marogi. vah aauan yah sukh kah aauan ! mere prem ka mooly hi kya !

yah kahate hue vah chale gaye. bahan, kya kahooan, us samay apani bebasi par kitana du:kh ho raha tha. bas, yahi ji mean ata tha ki yamaraj akar mujhe utha le jayean. mujhe kal-kalankini ke karan mata aur putr mean yah vaimanasy ho raha tha. jakar amm aauanji ke pairoan par gir p di aur ro-rokar anand baboo ke chale jane ka samachar kaha. magar mataji ka hriday jara bhi n pasija. mujhe aj maloom hua ki mata bhi itani vajr-hridaya ho sakati hai. phir anand baboo ka hriday kyoan n kathor ho. apani mata hi ke putr to haian.

mataji ne nirdayata se kaha—tum usake sath kyoan n chali gayi ? jab vah kahata tha tab chala jana chahie tha. kaun jane, yah aauan maian kisi din tumhean vish de dooan.

maianne gi dagi dakar kaha—amm aauanji, unhean bula bhejie, apake pairoan p dati hooan. nahian to kahian chale jayeange.

amm aauan usi nirdayata se bolian—jay chahe rahe, vah mera kaun hai. ab to jo kuchh ho, tum ho, mujhe kaun ginata hai. aj jara-si bat par yah itana jhalla raha hai. aur meri ammaanji ne mujhe saik doan hi bar pita hoga. maian bhi chhokari n thi, tumhari hi umr ki thi, par majal n thi ki tumhare dadaji se kisi ke samane bol sakooan. kachcha hi kha jatian ! mar khakar rat-bhar roti rahati thi, par is tarah ghar chho dakar koee n bhagata tha. ajakal ke lauande hi prem karana nahian janate, ham bhi prem karate the, par is tarah nahian ki m aauan-bap, chhote-b de kisi ko kuchh n samajhean.

yah kahati huee mataji pooja karane chali gayi. maian apane kamare mean akar nasiboan ko rone lagi. yahi shanka hoti thi ki anand kisi taraph ki rah n lean. bar-bar ji masosata tha ki rupaye kyoan n de diye. bechare idhar-udhar mare-mare phirate hoange. abhi hath-muanh bhi nahian dhoya, jalapan bhi nahian kiya. vakt par jalapan n kareange to, jukam ho jayega, aur unhean jukam hota hai, to hararat bhi ho jati hai. mahari se kaha—jara jakar dekh to babooji kamare mean haian? usane akar kaha—kamare mean to koee nahian, khooanti par kap de bhi nahian hai.

maianne poochha—kya aur bhi kabhi is tarah amm aauanji se roothe haian? mahari boli—kabhi nahian bahoo aisa sidha to maianne l daka hi nahian dekha. malakin ke samane kabhi sir nahian uthate the. aj n-jane kyoan chale ge.

mujhe asha thi ki dopahar ko bhojan ke samay vah a jayeange. lekin dopahar kaun kahe; sham bhi ho gayi aur unaka pati nahian. sari rat jagati rahi. dvar ki or kan lage hue the. magar rat bhi usi tarah gujar gayi. bahan, is prakar poore tin bit gaye. us vakt tum mujhe dekhatian, to pahachan n sakatian. rote-rote aankhean lal ho gayi thian. in tin dinoan mean ek pal bhi nahian soyi aur bhookh ka to zikr hi kya, pani tak n piya. pyas hi n lagati thi. maloom hota tha, deh mean pran hi nahian haian. sare ghar mean matam-sa chhaya hua tha. amm aauanji bhojan karane donoan vakt jati thian, par muanh jootha karake chali ati thi. donoan nanadoan ki hansi aur chuhar bhi gayab ho gayi thi. chhoti nanadaji to mujhase apana aparadh kshama karane ayi.

chauthe din sabere rasoiye ne akar mujhase kaha—babooji to abhi mujhe dashashvamedh ghat par mile the. maian unhean dekhate hi lapakakar unake pas a pahuancha aur bola—bhaiya, ghar kyoan nahian chalate? sab log ghab daye hue haian. bahooji ne tin din se pani tak piya. unaka hal bahut bura hai. yah sunakar vah kuchh soch mean p d gaye, phir bole—bahooji ne kyoan dana-pani chho d rakha hai? jakar kah dena, jis aram ke lie us ghar ko n chho d saki, usase kya itani jald ji-bhar gaya !

amm aauanji usi samay aangan mean a gayi. maharaj ki batoan ki bhanak kanoan mean p d gayi, boli—kya hai alagoo, kya anand mila tha ?

maharaj—haan, b di bahoo, abhi dashashvamedh ghat par mile the. maianne kaha—ghar kyoan nahian chalate, to bole—us ghar mean mera kaun baitha hua hai?

amm aauan—kaha nahian aur koee apana nahian hai, to stri to apani hai, usaki jan kyoan lete ho?

maharaj—maianne bahut samajhaya b di bahoo, par vah tas-se-mas n hue.

amm aauan—karata kya hai?

maharaj—yah to maianne nahian poochha, par chehara bahut utara hua tha.

amm aauan—jyoan-jyoan tum boodhe hote ho, shayad sathiyate jate ho. itana to poochha hota, kah aauan rahate ho, kah aauan khate-pite ho. tumhean chahie tha, usaka hath pak d lete aur khianchakar le ate. magar tum nakamaharamoan ko apane halave-maande se matalab, chahe koee mare ya jiye. donoan vakt badh-badhakar hath marate ho aur mooanchhoan par tav dete ho. tumhean isaki kya paravah hai ki ghar mean doosara koee khata hai ya nahian. maian to paravah n karati, vah aye ya n aye. mera dharm palana-posana tha, pal pos diya. ab jah aauan chahe rahe. par is bahoo ka kya karooan, jo ro-rokar pran diye dalati hai. tumhean eeshvar ne aankhe di haian, usaki halat dekh rahe ho. kya muanh se itana bhi n phoota ki bahoo ann jal tyag kiye p di huee.

maharaj—bahooji, narayan janate haian, maianne bahut tarah samajhaya, magar vah to jaise bhage jate the. phir maian kya karata.

amm aauan—samajhaya nahian, apana sir. tum samajhate aur vah yoanhi chala jata. kya sari lachchhedar batean mujhi se karane ko hai? is bahoo ko maian kya kahooan. mere pati ne mujhase itani berookhi ki hoti, to maian usaki soorat n dekhati. par, is par usane n-jane kaun-sa jadoo kar diya hai. aise udasiyoan ko to kulata chahie, jo unhean tigani ka nach nachaye.

koee adh ghante bad kahar ne akar kaha—babooji akar kamare mean baithe hue haian.

mera kaleja dhak-dhak karane laga. ji chahata tha ki jakar pak d laooan, par amm aauanji ka hriday sachamuch vajr hai. boli—jakar kah de, yah aauan unaka kaun baitha hua hai, jo akar baithe haian !

maianne hath jo dakar kaha—amm aauanji, unhean andar bula lijie, kahian phir n chale jaऍan.

amm aauan—yah aauan unaka kaun baitha hua hai, jo ayega. maian to andar qadam n rakhane dooangi.

amm aauanji to big d rahi thi, udhar chhoti nanadaji jakar anand baboo ko layi. sachamuch unaka chehara utara hua tha, jaise mahinoan ka mariz ho. nanadaji unhean is tarah khichean lati thi, jaise koee l daki sasural ja rahi ho. amm aauanji ne muskarakar kaha—ise yah aauan kyoan layian? yah aauan isaka kaun baitha hua hai?

anand sir jhukaye aparadhiyoan ki bh aauanti kh de the. jaban n khulati thi. amm aauanji ne phir poochha—char din se kah aauan the?

‘kahian nahi, yahian to tha.’

‘khoob chain se rahe hoge.’

‘ji h aauan, koee takaliph n thi.’

‘vah to soorat hi se maloom ho raha hai.’

nanadaji jalapan ke lie mithaee layian. anand mithaee khate is tarah jheanp rahe the manoan sasural aye hoan, phir mataji unhean lie apane kamare mean chali gayian. vah aauan adh ghante tak mata aur putr mean batean hoti rahi. maian kan lagaye hue thi, par saf kuchh n sunayi deta tha. h aauan, aisa maloom hota tha ki kabhi mataji roti haian aur kabhi annad. mataji jab pooja karane nikalian, to unaki aankhean lal thian. anand vah aauan se nikale, to sidhe mere kamare mean aye. maian unhean ate dekh chatapat muanh dh aauanpakar charapaee par rahi, mano bekhabar so rahi hooan. vah kamare mean aye, mujhe charapaee par p de dekha, mere samip akar ek bar dhire pukara aur laut p de. mujhe jagane ki himmat n p di. mujhe jo kasht ho raha tha, isaka ekamatr karan apane ko samajhakar vah man-hi-man du:khi ho rahe the. maianne anuman kiya tha, vah mujhe uthayeange, maian man karooangi, vah manayeange, magar sare mansoobe khak mean mil ge. unhean lautate dekhakar mujhase n raha gaya. maian hakabakakar uth baithi aur charapaee se niche utarane lagi, magar n-jane kyoan, mere pair l dakh daye aur aisa jan p da maian giri jati hooan. sahasa anand ne pichhe phir kar mujhe sanbhal liya aur bole—let jao, let jao, maian kurasi par baitha jata hooan. yah tumane apani kya gati bana rakhi hai?

maianne apane ko sanbhalakar kaha—maian to bahut achchhi tarah hooan. apane kaise kasht kiya?

‘pahale tum kuchh bhojan kar lo, to pichhe maian kuchh bat karooanga.’

‘mere bhojan ki apako kya fikr p di hai. ap to sair sapate kar rahe haian !’

‘jaise sair-sapate maianne kiye haian, mera dil janata hai. magar batean pichhe karooanga, abhi muanh-hath dhokar kha lo. char din se pani tak muanh mean nahian dala. ram ! ram !’

‘yah apase kisane kaha ki maianne char din se pani tak muanh mean nahian dala. jab apako meri paravah n thi, to maian kyoan dana-pani chho dati?’

‘vah to soorat hi kahe deti haian. phool se… murajha gaye.’

‘jara apani soorat jakar aine mean dekhie.’

‘maian pahale hi kaun b da sundar tha. thooanth ko pani mile to kya aur n mile to kya. maian n janata tha ki tum yah anashan-vrat le logi, nahian to eeshvar janata hai, amm aauan mar-marakar bhagatian, to bhi n jata.’

maianne tiraskar ki drishti se dekhakar kaha—to kya sachamuch tum samajhe the ki maian yahaan keval aram ke vichar se rah gayi?

anand ne jaldi se apani bhool sudhari—nahian, nahian priye, maian itana gadha nahian hooan, par yah maian kadapi n samajhata tha ki tum bilakul dana-pani chho d dogi. b di kushal huee ki mujhe maharaj mil gaya, nahian to tum pran hi de deti. ab aisi bhool kabhi n hogi. kan pak data hooan. amm aauanji tumhara bakhan kar-karake roti rahi.

maianne prasann hokar kaha—tab to meri tapasya saphal ho gayi.

‘tho da-sa doodh pi lo, to batean hoan. jane kitani batean karani hai.

‘pi looangi, aisi kya jaldi hai.’

‘jab tak tum kuchh kha n logi, maian yahi samajhooanga ki tumane mera aparadh kshama nahian kiya.’

‘maian bhojan jabhi karooangi, jab tum yah pratijna karo ki phir kabhi is tarah roothakar n jaoge.’

‘maian sachche dil se yah pratijna karata hooan.’

bahan, tin din kasht to hua, par mujhe usake lie jara bhi pachhatava nahian hai. in tin dinoan ke anashan ne diloan me jo saphaee kar di, vah kisi doosari vidhi se kadapi n hoti. ab mujhe vishvas hai ki hamara jivan shaanti se vyatit hoga. apane samachar shighr, ati shighr likhana.

tumhari

chanda

13

dilli

20-2-26

pyari bahan,

tumhara patr padhakar mujhe tumhare oopar daya ayi. tum mujhe kitana hi bura kaho, par maian apani yah durgati kisi tarah n sah sakati, kisi tarah nahian. maianne ya to apane pran hi de diye hote, ya phir us sas ka muanh n dekhati. tumhara sidhapan, tumhari sahanashilata, tumhari sas-bhakti tumhean mubarak ho. maian to turant anand ke sath chali jati aur chahe bhikh hi kyoan n maangani p dati us ghar mean qadam n rakhati. mujhe tumhare oopar daya hi nahian ati, krodh bhi ata hai, isalie ki tumamean svabhiman nahian hai. tum-jaisi striyoan ne hi sasoan aur purushoan ka mizaj asaman chadha diya hai. ‘jahannum mean jay aisa ghar—jah aauan apani ijjat nahian.’ maian pati-prem bhi in damoan n looan. tumhean unnisavi sadi mean janm lena chahie tha. us vakt tumhare gunoan ki prashansa hoti. is svadhinata aur nari-svatv ke navayug mean tum keval prachin itihas ho. yah sita aur damayanti ka yug nahian. purushoan ne bahut dinoan tak rajy kiya. ab stri-jati ka rajy hoga. magar ab tumhean adhik n kosooangi.

ab mera hal suno. maianne socha tha, patroan mean apani bimari ka samachar chhapava dooangi. lekin phir khyal aya; yah samachar chhapate hi mitroan ka t aauanta lag jayega. koee mizaj poochhane ayega. koee dekhane ayega. phir maian koee rani to hooan nahian, jisaki bimari ka buletin rojana chhapa jay. n jane logoan ke dil mean kaise-kaise vichar utpann hoan. yah sochakar maianne patr mean chhapavane ka vichar chho d diya. din-bhar mere chitt ki kya dasha rahi, likh nahian sakati. kabhi man mean ata, zahar kha looan, kabhi sochati, kahian u d jaooan. vinod ke sambandh mean bh aauanti-bh aauanti ki shankaऍan hone lagian. ab mujhe aisi kitani hi batean yad ane lagian, jab maianne vinod ke prati udasinata ka bhav dikhaya tha. maian unase sab kuchh lena chahati thi; dena kuchh n chahati thi. maian chahati thi ki vah athoan pahar bhramar ki bh aauanti mujh par mandarate rahean, patang ki bh aauanti mujhe ghere rahean. unhean kitabo aur patroan mean magn baithe dekhakar mujhe jhuanjhalahat hone lagati thi. mera adhikaansh samay apane hi banav-siangar mean katata tha, unake vishay mean mujhe koee chinta hi n hoti thi. ab mujhe maloom hua ki seva ka mahatv roop se kahian adhik hai. roop man ko mugdh kar sakata hai, par atma ko anand pahuanchane vali koee doosari hi vastu hai.

is tarah ek haphta gujar gaya. maian prat:kal maike jane ki taiyariyaan kar rahi thi—yah ghar pha de khata tha—ki sahasa dakiye ne mujhe ek patr lakar diya. mera hriday dhak-dhak karane laga. maianne k aauanpate hue hathoan se patr liya, par siraname par vinod ki parichit hastalipi n thi, lipi kisi stri ki thi, isamean sandeh n tha, par maian usase sarvatha aparichit thi. maianne turant patr khola aur niche ki taraph dekha to chauank p di—vah kusum ka patr tha. maianne ek hi saans mean sara patr padh liya. likha tha—‘bahan, vinod baboo tin din yah aauan rahakar bambee chale gaye. shayad vilayat jana chahate haian. tin-char din bambee raheange. maianne bahut chaha taki unhean dilli vapas kar dooan, par vah kisi tarah n raji hue. tum unhean niche likhe pate se tar de do. maianne unase yah pata poochh liya tha. unhoanne mujhe takid kar di thi ki is pate ko gupt rakhana, lekin tumase kya parada. tum turant tar de do, shayad rook jayॅ. vah bat kya huee ! mujhase vinod ne to bahut poochhane par bhi nahian bataya, par vah du:khi bahut the. aise adami ko bhi tum apana n bana saki, isaka mujhe ashchary hai; par mujhe isaki pahale hi shanka thi. roop aur garv mean dipak aur prakash ka sambandh hai. garv roop ka prakash hai.’…

maianne patr rakh diya aur usi vakt vinod ke nam tar bhej diya ki bahut bimar hooan, turant ao. mujhe asha thi ki vinod tar dvara javab deange, lekin sara din gujar gaya aur koee javab n aya. bangale ke samane se koee saikil nikalati, to maian turant usaki or takane lagati thian ki shayad tar ka chaparasi ho. rat ko bhi maian tar ka intajar karati rahi. tab maianne apane man ko is vichar se shaant kiya ki vinod a rahe haian, isalie tar bhejane ki zaroorat n samajhi.

ab mere man mean phir shakaean uthane lagi. vinod kusum ke pas kyoan gaye, kahian kusum se unhean prem to nahian haian? kahian usi prem ke karan to vah mujhase virakt nahian ho gaye? kusum koee kaushal to nahian kar rahi haian? use vinod ko apane ghar thaharane ka adhikar hi kya tha? is vichar se mera man bahut kshubdh ho utha. kusum par krodh ane laga. avashy donoan mean bahut dinoan se patr-vyavahar hota raha hoga. maianne phir kusum ka patr padha aur abaki usake pratyek shabd mean mere lie kuchh sochane ki samagri rakhi huee thi. nishchay kiya ki kusum ko ek patr likhakar khoob kosooan. adha patr likh bhi dala, par use pha d dala. usi vakt vinod ko ek patr likha. tumase kabhi bheant hogi, to vah patr dikhalaooangi; jo kuchh muanh mean aya bak dala. lekin is patr ki bhi vahi dasha huee jo kusum ke patr ki huee thi. likhane ke bad maloom hua ki vah kisi vikshapt hriday ki bakavad hai. mere man mean yahi bat baithati jati thi vah kusum ke pas haian. vahi chhalini un par apana jadoo chala rahi hai. yah din bhi bit gaya. dakiya kee bar aya, par maianne usaki or aauankh bhi nahian uthayi. chanda, maian nahian kah sakati, mera hriday kitana tilatamila raha tha. agar kusum is samay mujhe mil jati, to maian n-jane kya kar dalati.

rat ko lete-lete khyal aya, kahian vah yoorop n chale gaye hoan. ji baichen ho utha. sir mean aisa chakkar ane laga, manoan pani mean doobi jati hooan. agar vah yoorop chale gaye, to phir koee asha nahian—maian usi vakt uthi aur gh di par najar dali. do baje the. naukar ko jagaya aur tar-ghar ja pahuanchi. babooji kurasi par lete-lete so rahe the. b di mushkil se unaki niand khuli. maianne rasidi tar diya. jab babooji tar de chuke, to maianne poochha— isaka javab kab tak ayega?

baboo ne kaha—yah prashn kisi jyotishi se kijie. kaun janata hai, vah kab javab dean. tar ka chaparasi jabaradasti to unase javab nahian likha sakata. agar koee aur karan n ho, to ath-nau baje tak javab a jana chahie.

ghabarahat mean adami ki buddhi palayan kar jati hai. aisa nirarthak prashn karake maian svayan lajjit ho gayi. babooji ne apane man mean mujhe kitana moorkh samajha hoga; khair, maian vahian ek beanch par baith gayi aur tumhean vishvas n ayega, nau baje tak vahian baithi rahi. socho, kitane ghante hue? poore sat ghante. saik doan adami aye aur gaye, par maian vahian jami baithi rahi. jab tar ka dami khatakata, mere hriday mean dh dakan hone lagati. lekin is bhay se ki babooji jhalla n uthean, kuchh poochhane ka sahas n karati thian. jab daftar ki gh di mean nau baje, to maianne darate-darate baboo se poochha—kya abhi tak javab nahian aya.

baboo ne kaha— ap to yahian baithi haian, javab ata to kya maian kha dalata? maianne behayaee karake phir poochha—to kya ab n avega? baboo ne muanh pherakar kaha—aur—do-char ghante baithi rahie.

bahan, yah vagban shar ke saman hriday mean laga. aankhe bhar ayian. lekin phir maian vah tali nahian. ab bhi asha bandhi huee thi ki shayad javab ata ho. jab do ghante aur gujar gaye, tab maian nirash ho gayi. hay ! vinod ne mujhe kahian ka n rakha. maian ghar chali, to aauankhean se aansuoan ki jh di lagi huee thi. rasta n soojhata tha.

sahasa pichhe se ek motar ka harn sunayi diya. maian raste se hat gayi. us vakt man mean aya, isi motar ke niche let j aauanoo aur jivan ka ant kar dooan. maianne aauankhe poanchhakar motar ki or dekha, bhuvan baitha hua tha aur usaki bagal mean baithi thi kusum ! aisa jan p da, agni ki jvala mere pairoan se samakar sir se nikal gayi. maian un donoan ki nigahoan se bachana chahati thi, lekin motar rook gayi aur kusum utar kar mere gale se lipat gayi. bhuvan chupachap motar mean baitha raha, mano mujhe janata hi nahian. nirdayi, dhoort !

kusum ne poochha—maian to tumhare pas jati thi, bahan? vah aauan se koee khabar ayi? maianne bat talane ke lie kaha—tum kab ayian?

bhuvan ke samane maian apani vipatti-katha n kahana chahati thi.

kusum—ao, kar mean baith jao.

‘nahian, maian chali jauangi. avakash mile, to ek bar chali ana.’

kusum ne mujhase agrah n kiya. kar mean baithakar chal di. maian kh di takati rah gayi ! yah vahi kusum hai ya koee aur? kitana b da antar ho gaya hai?

maian ghar chali, to sochane lagi—bhuvan se isaki jan-pahachan, kaise huee? kahian aisa to nahian hai ki vinod ne ise meri toh lene ko bheja ho ! bhuvan se mere vishay mean kuchh poochhane to nahian ayi haian?

maian ghar pahuanchakar baithi hi thi ki kusum a pahuanchi. ab ki vah motar mean akeli n thi—vinod baithe hue the. maian unhe dekhakar thithak gayi ! chahie to yah tha ki maian dau dakar unaka hath pak d leti aur motar se atar lati, lekin maian jagah se hili tak nahian. moorti ki bhaanti achal baithi rahi. meri manini prakriti apana uddand-svaroop dikhane ke lie vikal ho uthi. ek kshan mean kusum ne vinod ko utara aur unaka hath pak de huye le ayi. us vakt maianne dekha ki vinod ka mukh bilakul pila p d gaya hai aur vah itane ashakt ho gaye haian ki apane sahare kh de bhi nahian rah sakate, maianne ghabarakar poochha, kyoan tumhara yah kya hal hai?

kusum ne kaha—hal pichhe poochhana, jara inaki chaupaee chatapat bichha do aur thoda-sa doodh mangava lo.

maianne turant charapaee bichhayi aur vinod ko us par leta diya. aur doodh to rakha hua tha. kusum is vakt meri svamini bani huee thi. maian usake ishare par nach rahi thi. chanda, is vakt mujhe jnat hua ki kusum par vinod ko jitana vishvas hai, vah mujh par nahian. maian is yogy hooan hi nahian. mera dil saik doan prashn poochhane ke lie t daph da raha tha, lekin kusum ek pal ke lie bhi vinod ke pas se ne talati thi. maian itani moorkh hooan ki avasar pane par is dasha mean bhi maian vinod se prashnoan ka t aauanta b aauandh deti.

vinod ko jab niand a gayi, maianne aauankho mean aauansoo bharakar kusum se poochha—bahan, inhean kya shikayat hai? maianne tar bheja. usaka javab nahian aya. rat do baje ek zaroori aur javabi tar bheja. das baje tak tar-ghar baithi javab ki rah dekhati rahi. vahian se laut rahi thi, jab tum raste mean mili. yah tumhe kah aauan mil gaye?

kusum mera hath pak dakar doosare kamare mean le gayi aur boli—pahale tum yah bataoan ki bhuvan ka kya muamala tha? dekho, saph, kahana.

maianne apatti karate hue kaha—kusum, tum yah prashn poochhakar mere sath anyay kar rahi ho. tumhean khud samajh lena chahie tha ki is bat mean koee sar nahian hai ! vinod ko keval bhram ho gaya.

‘bina kisi karan ke?’

‘h aauan, meri samajh mean to koee karan n tha.’

‘maian ise nahian manati. yah kyoan nahian kahatian ki vinod ko jalane, chidhane aur jagane ke lie tumane yah sv aauang racha tha.’

kusum ki soojh par chakit hokar maianne kaha—vah to keval dillagi thi.

‘tumhare lie dillagi thi, vinod ke lie vajrapat tha. tumane itane dinoan unake sath rahakar bhi unhean nahian samajha ! tumhean apane banav-sanvar ke age unhean samajhane ki kah aauan phurasat ? kadachith tum samajhati ho ki tumhari yah mohani moorti hi sab kuchh hai. maian kahati hooan, isaka mooly do-char mahine ke lie ho sakata hai. sthayi vastu kuchh aur hi hai.’

maianne apani bhool svikar karate hue kaha—vinod ko mujhase kuchh poochhana to chahie tha?

kusum ne hansakar kaha—yahi to vah nahian kar sakate. tumase aisi bat poochhana unake lie asambhav hai. vah un praniyoan mean hai, jo stri ki aauankhean se girakar jite nahian rah sakate. stri ya purush kisi ke lie bhi vah kisi prakar ka dharmik ya naitik bandhan nahian rakhana chahate. vah pratyek prani ke lie poorn svadhinata ke samarthak haian. man aur ichchha ke siva vah koee bandhan svikar nahian karate. is vishay par meri unase khoob batean huee haian. khair—mera pata unhean maloom tha hi, yah aauan se sidhe mere pas pahuanche. maian samajh gee ki apas mean pati nahian. mujhe tumhian par sandeh hua.

maianne poochha—kyoan? mujh par tumhean kyoan sandeh hua?

‘isalie ki maian tumhe pahale dekh chuki thi.’

‘ab to tumhean mujh par sandeh nahian.’

‘nahian, magar isaka karan tumhara sanyam nahian, parampara hai. maian is samay spasht batean kar rahian hooan, isake lie kshama karana.’

‘nahian, vinod se tumhean jitana prem hai, usase adhik apane-apase hai. kam-se-kam das din pahale yahi bat thi. anyatha yah naubat hi kyoan ati? vinod yah aauan se sidhe mere pas gaye aur do-tin din rahakar bambee chale gaye. maianne bahut poochha, par kuchh batalaya nahian. vah aauan unhoanne ek din vish kha liya.’

mere chehare ka rang u d gaya.

‘bambee pahuanchate hi unhoanne mere pas ek khat likha tha. usamean yah aauan ki sari batean likhi thian aur ant mean likha tha—maian is jivan se tang a gaya hooan, ab mere lie maut ke siva aur koee upay nahian hai.’

maianne ek thandi saans li.

‘maian yah patr pakar ghabara gayi aur usi vakt bambee ravana ho gayi. jab vah aauan pahuanchi, to vinod ko maranasann paya. jivan ki koee asha nahian thi. mere ek sambandhi vah aauan daktari karate haian. unhean lakar dikhaya to vah bole—inhoanne zahar kha liya hai. turant dava di gayi. tin din tak daktar sahab n din-ko-din aur rat-ko-rat n samajha, aur maian to ek kshan ke lie vinod ke pas se n hati. bare tisare din inaki aauankh khuli. tumhara pahala tar mujhe mila tha, par usaka javab dene ki kise phurasat thi? tin din aur bambee rahana p da. vinod itane kamazor ho gaye the ki itana lamba saphar karinaunake lie asambhav tha. chauthe din maianne jab unase yah aauan ane ka prastav kiya, to bole—maian ab vah aauan n jaooanga. jab maianne bahut samajhaya, tab is shart par raji hue taki maian pahale akar yah aauan ki paristhiti dekh jaooan.’

mere muanh se nikala—‘ha ! eeshvar, maian aisi abhagini hooan.’

‘abhagini nahian ho bahan, keval tumane vinod ko samajha n tha. vah chahate the ki maian akeli jaooan, par maianne unhean is dasha mean vah aau chho dana uchit n samajha. parasoan ham donoan vah aauan chale. yah aauan pahuanchakar vinod to vetiang-room mean thahar gaye, maian pata poochhati huee bhuvan ke pas pahuanchi. bhuvan ko maianne itana phatakara ki vah ro p da. usane mujhase yah aauan tak kah dala ki tumane use buri tarah dutkar diya hai. aankhoan ka bura adami hai, par dil ka bura nahian. udhar se jab mujhe santosh ho gaya aur raste mean tumase bheant ho jane par raha-saha bhram bhi door ho gaya, to maian vinod ko tumhare pas layi. ab tumhari vastu tumhean saupatian hooan. mujhe asha hai, is durghatana ne tumhean itana sachet kar diya hoga ki phir naubat n ayegi. atmasamarpan karana sikho. bhool jao ki tum sundari ho, anandamay jivan ka yahi mool mantr hai. maian diang nahian marati, lekin chahooan to aj vinod ko tumase chhin sakati hooan. lekin roop mean maian tumhare taluoan ke barabar bhi nahian. roop ke sath agar tum seva-bhav dharan kar sako, to tum ajey ho jaogi.’

maian kusum ke pairoan par gir p di aur roti huee boli—bahan, tumane mere sath jo upakar kiya hai, usake lie marate dam tak tumhari rrini rahooangi. tumane n sahayata ki hoti, to aj n-jane kya gati hoti.

bahan, kusum kal chali jayagi. mujhe to ab vah devi-si dikhati hai. ji chahata hai, usake charan dho-dhokar piooan. usake hathoan mujhe vinod hi nahian mile haian, seva ka sachcha adarsh aur stri ka sachcha karttavy-jnan bhi mila hai. aj se mere jivan ka navayug arambh hota hai, jisamean bhog aur vilas ki nahian, sahridayata aur atmiyata ki pradhanata hogi.

tumhari,

padma