शोक का पुरस्कार- प्रेमचंद

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is lekh ka punarikshan evan sampadan hona avashyak hai. ap isamean sahayata kar sakate haian. "sujhav"

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aj tin din guzar gaye. sham ka vakt tha. maian yunivarsiti h aaul se khush-khush chala a raha tha. mere saik doan dost mujhe badhaiyaan de rahe the. mare khushi ke meri baanchhean khili jati thian. meri zindagi ki sabase pyari arajoo ki maian em0e0 pas ho jaooan, poori ho gayi thi aur aisi khoobi se jisaki mujhe tanik bhi asha n thi. mera nambar avval tha. vais chansalar sahab ne khud mujhase hath milaya tha aur muskarakar kaha tha ki bhagavan tumhean aur bhi b de kamoan ki shakti de. meri khushi ki koee sima n thi. maian naujavan tha, sundar tha, svasth tha, rupaye-paise ki n mujhe ichchha thi aur n kuchh kami, maan-bap bahut kuchh chho d gaye the. duniya mean sachchi khushi pane ke lie jin chizoan ki zaroorat hai, vah sab mujhe prapt thian. aur sabase badhaqar pahaloo mean ek hausalamand dil tha jo khyati prapt karane ke lie adhir ho raha tha.

ghar aya, dostoan ne yahaan bhi pichha n chho da, davat ki thahari. dostoan ki khatiratavajoan mean barah baj gaye, leta to barabas khayal mis lilavati ki taraf ja pahuancha jo mere p dos mean rahati thian aur jisane mere sath bi0e0 ka diploma hasil kiya tha. bhagyashali hoga vah vyakti jo mis lila ko byahega, kaisi sundar hai! kitana mitha gala hai! kaisa hansamukh svabhav! maian kabhi-kabhi usake yahaan prophesar sahab se darshanashastr mean sahayata lene ke lie jaya karata tha. vah din shubh hota tha jab prophesar sahab ghar par n milate the. mis lila mere sath b de tapak se pesh atian aur mujhe aisa maloom hota tha ki maian eesa masih ki sharan mean a jaooan to use mujhe apana pati bana lene mean apatti n hogi. vah sheli, bayaran aur kits ki premi thi aur meri ruchi bhi bilkul usi ke saman thi. ham jab akele hote to aksar prem aur prem ke darshan par batean karane lagate aur usake muanh se bhavoan mean doobi huee batean sun-sunakar mere dil mean gudagudi paida hone lagati thi. magar afasos, maian apana malik n tha. meri shadi ek ooanche gharane mean kar di gayi thi aur agarache maianne ab tak apani bibi ki soorat bhi n dekhi thi magar mujhe poora-poora vishvas tha ki mujhe usaki sangat mean vah anand nahian mil sakata jo mis lila ki sangat mean sambhav hai. shadi hue do sal ho chuke the magar usane mere pas ek khat bhi n likha tha. maianne do tin khat likhe bhi, magar kisi ka javab n mila. isase mujhe shak ho gaya tha ki usaki talim bhi yoan hi-si hai.

ah! kya maian isi ladaqi ke sath zindagi basar karane par majaboor hooanga? .... is saval ne mere un tamam havaee qiloan ko dha diya jo maianne abhi-abhi banaye the. kya maian mis lila se hamesha ke lie hath dho looan? namumakin hai. maian kumudini ko chho d dooanga, maian apane gharavaloan se nata to d looanga, maian badanam hooanga, pareshan hooॅanga, magar mis lila ko zaroor apana banaooanga.

inhian khayaloan ke asar mean maianne apani dayari likhi aur use mej par khula chhodaqar bistar par leta raha aur sochate-sochate so gaya.

sabere uthakar dekhata hooan to baboo niranzanadas mere samane kursi par baithe haian. unake hath mean dayari thi jise vah dhyanapoorvak padh rahe the. unhean dekhate hi maian b de chav se lipat gaya. afasos, ab us devopam svabhav vale naujavan ki soorat dekhani n nasib hogi. achanak maut ne use hamesha ke lie hamase alag kar diya. kumudini ke sage bhaee the, bahut svasth, sundar aur hansamukh, umr mujhase do hi char sal zyada thi, ooanche pad par niyukt the, kuchh dinoan se isi shahar mean tabadil hokar a gaye the. meri aur unaki gadhi dosti ho gayi thi. maianne poochha-kya tumane meri dayari padh li?

niranjan-haan!

maian-magar kumudini se kuchh n kahana.

niranjan-bahut achchha, n kahooanga.

maian-is vaqt kisi soch mean ho. mera diploma dekha?

niranjan-ghar se khat aya hai, pita ji bimar haian, do-tin din mean jane vala hooan.

maian-shauq se jaie, eeshvar unhean jald svasth kare.

niranjan-tum bhi chaloge? n maloom kaisa p de, kaisa n p de.

maian-mujhe to is vaqt maf kar do.

niranjanadas yah kahakar chale gaye. maianne hajamat banayi, kap de badale aur mis lilavati se milane ka chav man mean lekar chala. vahaan jakar dekha to tala p da hua hai. maloom hua ki mis sahiba ki tabiyat do-tin din se kharab thi. abahava badalane ke lie nainital chali gayian. afasos, maian hath malakar rah gaya. kya lila mujhase naraz thi? usane mujhe kyoan khabar nahian di. lila, kya too bevapha hai, tujhase bevafaee ki ummid n thi. fauran pakka irada kar liya ki aj ki dak se nainital chal dooan. magar ghar aya to lila ka khat mila. kaanpate hue haanthoan se khola, likha tha-maian bimar hooan, meri jine ki koee ummid nahian hai, daktar kahate haian ki pleg hai. jab tak tum aoge, shayad mera qissa tamam ho jaega. akhiri vaqt tumase n milane ka sakht sadama hai. meri yad dil mean qayam rakhana. mujhe sakht afasos hai ki tumase milakar nahian ayi. mera qasoor maph karana aur apani abhagini lila ko bhula mat dena. khat mere hath se chhootakar gir p da. duniya aankhoan mean aandheri ho gayi, muanh se ek thandi ah nikali. bina ek kshan ganvaye maianne bistar baandha aur nainital chalane ke lie taiyar ho gaya. ghar se nikala hi tha ki prophesar bos se mulaqat ho gayi. kalej se chale a rahe the, chehare par shok likha hua tha. mujhe dekhate hi unhoanne jeb se ek tar nikalakar mere samane pheank diya. mera kaleja dhakh se ho gaya. aankhoan mean aandhera chha gaya, tar kaun uthata hai. aur hay marakar baith gaya. lila, too itani jaldi mujhase juda ho gayi!

2

maian rota hua ghar aya aur charapaee par muanh dhaanpakar khoob roya. nainital jane ka irada khatm ho gaya. das-barah din tak maian unmad ki-si dasha mean idhar-udhar ghoomata raha. dostoan ki salah huee ki kuchh roz ke lie kahian ghoomane chale jao. mere dil mean bhi yah bat jam gayi. nikal kh da hua aur do mahine tak vindhyachal, parasanath vagairah pahadiy़oan mean avara phirata raha. jyoan-tyoan karake nee-nee jagahoan aur drishyoan ki sair se tabiyat ko zara taskin huee. maian aboo mean tha jab mere nam tar pahuancha ki maian kalej ki asistent prophesari ke lie chuna gaya hooan. ji to n chahata tha ki phir is shahar mean aooan, magar prinsipal ke khat ne majaboor kar diya. lachar, lauta aur apane kam mean lag gaya. zindadili nam ko n baqi rahi thi. dostoan ki sangat se bhagata aur hansi mazak se chidh maloom hoti.

ek roz sham ke vakt maian apane aandhere kamare mean leta hua kalpana-lok ki sair kar raha tha ki samane vale makan se gane ki avaz ayi. ah, kya avaz thi, tir ki tarah dil mean chubhi jati thi, svar kitana karun tha! is vakt mujhe andaza hua ki gane mean kya asar hota hai. tamam roangate kh de ho gaye, kaleja masosane laga aur dil par ek ajib vedana-si chha gayi. aankhoan se aansoo bahane lage. hay, yah lila ka pyara git tha-

piya milan hai kathin bavari.

mujhase zabt n ho saka, maian ek unmad ki-si dasha mean utha aur jakar samane vale makan ka daravaza khatakhataya. mujhe us vaqt yah chetana n rahi ki ek ajanabi adami ke makan par akar kh de ho jana aur usake ekant mean vighn dalana parale darje ki asabhyata hai.

3

ek budhiy़a ne daravaza khol diya aur mujhe kh de dekhakar lapaki huee andar gayi. maian bhi usake sath chala gaya. dehaliz tay karate hi ek b de kamare mean pahuancha. us par ek saphed farsh bichha hua tha. gavatakie bhi rakhe the. divaroan par khoobasoorat tasvirean latak rahi thian aur ek solah-satrah sal ka sundar naujavan jisaki abhi masean bhig rahi thian masanad ke qarib baitha hua haramoniyam par ga raha tha. maian qasam kha sakata hooan ki aisa sundar svasth naujavan meri nazar se kabhi nahian guzara chal-dhal se sikh maloom hota tha. mujhe dekhate hi chauank p da aur haramoniyam chhodaqar kh da ho gaya. sharm se sir jhuka liya aur kuchh ghabaraya hua-sa najar ane laga. maianne kaha-maph kijiega, maianne apako b di takalif di. ap is phan ke ustad maloom hote haian. khasakar jo chiz abhi ap ga rahe the, vah mujhe pasand hai.

naujavan ne apani b di-b di aankhoan se meri taraf dekha aur sar nicha kar liya aur hothoan hi mean kuchh apane nausikhiyepan ki bat kahi. maianne phir poochha-ap yahaan kab se haian?

naujavan-tin mahine ke qarib hota hai.

maian-apaka shubh nam.

naujavan-mujhe mehar sianh kahate haian.

maian baith gaya aur bahut gustakhana betakallufi se mehar sianh ka hath pakadaqar bitha diya aur phir mafi maangi. us vakt ki batachit se maloom hua ki vah panjab ka rahane vala hai aur yahaan padhane ke lie aya hua hai. shayad daktaroan ne salah di thi ki panjab ki abahava usake lie thik nahian hai. maian dil mean to jheanpa ki ek skool ke l dake ke sath baithakar aisi betakallufi se batean kar raha hooan, magar sangit ke prem ne is khayal ko rahane n diya. rasmi parichay ke bad maianne phir prarthana ki ki vahi chiz chhediy़e. mehar sianh ne aankhean niche karake javab diya ki maian abhi bilakul nausikhiya hooan.

maian-yah to ap apani jaban se kahiye.

mehar sianh-(jheanpakar) ap kuchh faramayean, haramoniyam hazir hai.

maian-maian is fan mean bilakul kora hooan varna apaki faramaish zaroor poori karata.

isake bad maianne bahut-bahut agrah kiya magar mehar sianh jheanpata hi raha. mujhe svabhavat: shishtachar se ghrina hai. halaanki is vakt mujhe rookha hone ka koee haq n tha magar jab maianne dekha ki yah kisi tarah n manega to zara rukhaee se bola-khair jane dijie. mujhe afasos hai ki maianne apaka bahut vakt barbad kiya. maf kijie. yah kahakar uth kh da hua. meri roni soorat dekhakar shayad mehar sianh ko us vakt taras a gaya, usane jheanpate hue mera hath pak d liya aur bola-ap to naraz hue jate haian.

maian-mujhe apase naraz hone ka koee haq hasil nahian.

mehar sianh-achchha baith jaie, maian apaki faramaish poori karooanga. magar maian abhi bilkul ana di hooan.

maian baith gaya aur mehar sianh ne haramoniyam par vahi git alapana shuroo kiya-

piya milan hai kathin bavari.

kaisi surili tan thi, kaisi mithi avaj, kaisa bechain karane vala bhav! usake gale mean vah ras tha jisaka bayan nahian ho sakata. maianne dekha ki gate-gate khud usaki aankhoan mean aansoo bhar aye. mujh par is vaqt ek mohak sapane ki-si dasha chhayi huee thi. ek bahut mitha, najuk, dardanak asar, dil par ho raha tha jise bayan nahian kiya ja sakata. ek hare-bhare maidan ka naksha aankhoan ke samane khianch gaya aur lila, pyari lila, us maidan par baithi huee meri taraf hasaratanak aankhoan se tak rahi thi. maianne ek lambi ah bhari aur bina kuchh kahe uth kh da hua. is vakt mehar sianh ne meri taraf taka, usaki aankhoan mean moti ke qatare dabadabaye hue the aur bola-kabhi-kabhi tasharif laya kijiega.

maian sirph itana javab diya-maian apaka bahut kritajn hooan.

4

dhire-dhire meri yah halat ho gayi ki jab tak mehar sianh ke yahaan jakar do-char gane n sun looan ji ko chain n ata. sham huee aur maian ja pahuancha. kuchh der tak ganoan ki bahar lootata aur tab use padhata. aise zahin aur samajhadar l dake ko padhane mean mujhe khas maza ata tha. maloom hota tha ki meri ek-ek bat usake dil par naksh ho rahi hai. jab tak maian padhata vah poore ji-jan se kan lagaye baitha rahata jab use dekhata, padhane-likhane mean dooba hua pata. sal bhar mean apane bhagavan ke diye hue jehan ki badaulat usane aangreji mean achchhi yogyata prapt kar li. mamooli chi_iyaan likhane laga, aur doosara sal guzarate-guzarate vah apane skool ke kuchh chhatroan se bazi le gaya. jitane mudarris the, sab usaki akl par hairat karate aur sidha nek-chalan aisa ki kabhi jhooth-mooth bhi kisi ne usaki shikayat nahian ki. vah apane sare skool ki ummid aur raunaq tha, lekin bavajood sikh hone ke use khelakood mean ruchi n thi. maianne use kabhi kriket mean nahian dekha. sham hote hi sidhe ghar chala ata aur likhane-padhane mean lag jata.

maian dhire-dhire usase itana hil-mil gaya ki bajay shishy ke usako apana dost samajhane laga. umr ke lihaz se usaki samajh ashcharyajanak thi. dekhane mean 16-17 sal se zyada n maloom hota magar jab kabhi maian ravani mean akar durbodh kavi-kalpanaoan aur komal bhavoan ki usake samane vyakhya karata to mujhe usaki bhangima se aisa maloom hota ki ek-ek bariki ko samajh raha hai. ek din maianne usase poochha-mehar sianh, tumhari shadi ho gayi?

mehar sianh ne sharamakar javab diya-abhi nahian.

maian-tumhean kaisi aurat pasand hai?

mehar sianh-maian shadi karooanga hi nahian.

maian-kyoan?

mehar sianh-mujh jaise jahil ganvar ke sath shadi karana koee aurat pasand n karegi.

maian-bahut kam aise naujavan hoange to tumase zyada layaq hoan ya tumase zyada samajh rakhate hoan.

mehar sianh ne meri taraf achambhe se dekhakar kaha-ap dillagi karate haian.

maian-dillagi nahian, maian sach kahata hooan. mujhe khud ashchary hota hai ki itane kam dinoan mean tumane itani yogyata kyoankar paida kar li. abhi tumhean aangreji shuroo kie tin baras se zyada nahian hue.

mehar sianh-kya maian kisi padhi-likhi ledi ko khush rakh sakooanga.

maian-(josh se) beshak!

5

garmi ka mausam tha. maian hava khane shimale gaya hua tha. mehar sianh bhi mere sath tha. vahaan maian bimar p da. chechak nikal ayi. tamam jism mean phaphole p d gaye. pith ke bal charapaee par p da rahata. us vaqt mehar sianh ne mere sath jo-jo ehasan kie vah mujhe hamesha yad raheange. daktaroan ki sakht manahi thi ki vah mere kamare mean n ave. magar mehar sianh athoan pahar mere hi pas baitha rahata. mujhe khilata-pilata, uthata-bithata. rat-rat bhar charapaee ke qarib baithakar jagate rahana mehar sianh hi ka kam tha. saga bhaee bhi isase zyada seva nahian kar sakata tha. ek mahina guzar gaya. meri halat roz-b-roz big dati jati thi. ek roz maianne daktar ko mehar sianh se kahate suna ki ‘inaki halat najuk hai. mujhe yakin ho gaya ki ab n bachooanga, magar mehar sianh kuchh aisi dridhata se meri seva sushrusha mean laga hua tha jaise vah mujhe zabardasti maut ke muanh se bacha lega. ek roz sham ke vaqt maian kamare mean leta hua tha ki kisi ke sisaki lene ki avaz ayi. vahaan mehar sianh ko chhodaqar aur koee n tha. maianne poochha-mehar sianh, mehar sianh, tum rote ho.

mehar sianh ne zabt karake kaha-nahian, roooan kyoan, aur meri taraf b di dard-bhari aankhoan se dekha.

maian-tumhare sisakane ki avaz ayi.

mehar sianh-vah kuchh bat n thi. ghar ki yad a gayi thi.

maian-sach bolo.

mehar sianh ki aankhean phir dabadaba ayian. usane mej par se aeena uthakar mere samane rakh diya. he narayan! maian khud ko pahachan n saka. chehara itana zyada badal gaya tha. rangat bajay surkh ke siyah ho rahi thi aur chechak ke badanuma dagoan ne soorat biga d di thi. apani yah buri halat dekhakar mujhase bhi jabt n ho saka aur aankhean dabadaba gayian. vah saundary jis par mujhe itana garv tha bilkul vida ho gaya tha.

6

maian shimale se vapas ane ki taiyari kar raha tha. mehar sianh usi roj mujhase vida hokar apane ghar chala gaya tha. meri tabiyat bahut uchat ho rahi thi. asabab sab bandh chuka tha ki ek ga di mere daravaze par akar ruki aur usamean se kaun utara mis lila! meri aankhoan ko vishvas n ho raha tha, chakit hokar takane laga. mis lilavati ne age badhaqar mujhe salam kiya aur hath milane ko badhaya. maianne bhi baukhalahat mean hath to badha diya magar abhi tak yah yaqin nahian hua tha ki maian sapana dekh raha hooan ya haqiqat hai. lila ke galoan par vah lali n thi n vah chulabulapan balki vah bahut gambhir aur pili-pili si ho rahi thi. akhir meri hairat kam n hote dekhakar usane muskarane ki koshish karate hue kaha-tum kaise jentilamain ho ki ek sharif ledi ko baithane ke lie kursi bhi nahian dete.

maianne andar se kursi lakar usake lie rakh di. magar abhi tak yahi samajh raha tha ki sapana dekh raha hooan.

lilavati ne kaha-shayad tum mujhe bhool gaye.

maian-bhool to umr bhar nahian sakata magar aankhoan ko etabar nahian ata.

lila-tum to bilakul pahachane nahian jate.

maian-tum bhi to vah nahian rahi. magar akhir yah bhed kya hai, kya tum svarg se laut ayi?

lila-maian to nainital mean apane mama ke yahaan thi.

maian-aur vah chiththi mujhe kisane likhi thi aur tar kisane diya tha?

lila-maianne hi.

maian-kyoan-tumane yah mujhe dhokha kyoan diya? shayad tum andaja nahian kar sakati ki maianne tumhare shok mean kitani pi da sahi hai.

mujhe us vaqt ek anokha gussa aya-yah phir mere samane kyoan a gayi! mar gayi to mari hi rahati!

lila-isamean ek gur tha, magar yah bat to phir hoti raheangi. ao is vaqt tumhean apani ek ledi phrend se introdyoos karaooan, vah tumase milane ki bahut ichchhuk haian.

maianne acharaj se poochha-mujhase milane ki! magar lilavati ne isaka kuchh javab n diya aur mera hath pakadaqar ga di ke samane le gayi. usamean ek yuvati hindustani kap de pahane baithi huee thi. mujhe dekhate hi uth kh di huee aur hath badha diya. maianne lila ki taraf saval karati huee aankhoan se dekha.

lila-kya tumane nahian pahachana?

maian-mujhe afasos hai ki maianne apako pahale kabhi nahian dekha aur agar dekha bhi ho to ghooanghat ki a d se kyoankar pahachan sakata hooan.

lila-yah tumhari bivi kumudini hai!

maianne ashchary ke svar mean kaha-kumudini, yahaan?

lila-kumudini muanh khol do aur apane pyare pati ka svagat karo.

kumudini ne kaanpate hue hathoan se zara-sa ghooanghat uthaya. lila ne sara muanh khol diya aur aisa maloom hua ki jaise badal se chaand nikal aya. mujhe khayal aya, maianne yah chehara kahian dekha hai. kahaan? aha, usaki nak par bhi to vahi til hai, uanguli mean vahi aangoothi bhi hai.

lila-kya sochate ho, ab pahachana?

maian-meri kuchh akl kam nahian karati. hoobahoo yahi huliya mere ek pyare dost mehar sianh ka hai.

lila-(muskarakar) tum to hamesha nigah ke tez banate the, itana bhi nahian pahachan sakate!

maian khushi se phool utha-kumudini mehar sianh ke bhesh mean! maianne usi vaqt use gale se laga liya aur khoob dil kholakar pyar kiya. in kuchh kshanoan mean mujhe jo khushi hasil huee usake muqabile zindagi bhar ki khushiyaan, hech haian. ham donoan aliangan-pash mean bandhe hue the. kumudini, pyari kumudini ke muanh se avaz n nikalati thi. haan, aankhoan se aansoo jari the.

mis lila bahar kh di komal aankhoan se yah drishy dekh rahi thi. maianne usake hathoan ko choomakar kaha-pyari lila, tum sachchi devi ho, jab tak jieange tumhare kritajn raheange.

lila ke chehare par ek halki-si muskarahat dikhayi di. boli-ab to shayad tumhean mere shok ka kafi puraskar mil gaya.

sanbandhit lekh

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