पत्नी का पत्र -रविन्द्र नाथ टैगोर

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is lekh ka punarikshan evan sampadan hona avashyak hai. ap isamean sahayata kar sakate haian. "sujhav"

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shri charanakamaleshu, aj hamare vivah ko pandrah varsh ho ge, lekin abhi tak maianne kabhi tumako chitthi n likhi. sada tumhare pas hi bani rahi-n jane kitani batean kahati sunati rahi, par chitthi likhane layaq doori kabhi nahian mili. aj maian shri kshetr mean tirth karane aee hooan, tum apane aauphis ke kam mean lage hue ho. kalakatta ke sath tumhara vahi sanbandh hai jo ghoanghe ke sath shankh ka hota hai. vah tumhare tan-man se chipak gaya hai. isalie tumane aauphis mean chhutti ki darakhvast nahian di. vidhata ki yahi ichchha thi; unhoanne meri chhutti ki darakhvast manjoor kar li. maian tumhare ghar ki majhali bahoo hooan. par aj pandrah varsh bad is samudr ke kinare kh de hokar maian jan paee hooan ki apane jagath aur jagadishvar ke sath mera ek sanbandh aur bhi hai. isilie aj sahas karake yah chitthi likh rahi hooan, ise tum apane ghar ki majhali bahoo ki hi chitthi mat samajhana! tum logoan ke sath mere sanbandh ki bat jinhoanne mere bhagy mean likhi thi unhean chho dakar jab is sanbhavana ka aur kisi ko pata n tha, usi shaishavakal mean maian aur mera bhaee ek sath hi sannipat ke jvar se pi dit hue the. bhaee to mara gaya, par maian bachi rahi. mohalle ki auratean kahane lagian mrinal l daki hai n, isilie bach gee. l daka hoti to kya bhala bach sakati thi. chori ki kala mean yamaraj nipun haian, unaki najar kimati chiz par hi p dati hai. mere bhagy mean maut nahian hai. yahi bat achchhi tarah se samajhane ke lie maian yah chitthi likhane baithi hooan. ek din jab door ke rishte mean tumhare mama tumhare mitr nirad ko sath lekar kanya dekhane ae the tab meri ayu 12 varsh ki thi. durgam gaanv mean mera ghar tha, jahaan din mean bhi siyar bolate rahate. steshan se sat kos tak chhak da ga di mean chalane ke bad baki tin mil ka kachcha rasta palaki mean baithakar par karane ke bad hamare gaanv mean pahuancha ja sakata tha. us din tum logoan ko kitani hairani huee. jis par hamare poorvi bangal ka bhojan- mama us bhojan ki hansi u dana aj bhi nahian bhoolate. tumhari maan ki ek hi zid thi ki b di bahoo ke roop ki kami ko majhali bahoo ke dvara poori karean. nahian to bhala itana kasht karake tum log hamare gaanv kyoan ate. piliya, yakrit, amarashool aur dulhin ke lie bangal praant mean khoj nahian karani p dati. ve svayan hi akar gher lete haian, chhu daye nahian chhootate. pita ki chhati dhakh-dhakh karane lagi. maan durga ka nam japane lagi. shahar ke devata ko gaanv ka pujari kya dekar santusht kare. beti ke roop ka bharosa tha; lekin svayan beti mean us roop ka koee mooly nahian hota, dekhane aya hua vyakti usaka jo mooly de, vahi usaka mooly hota hai. isilie to hazar roop gun hone par bhi l dakiyoan ka sankoch kisi bhi tarah door nahian hota. sare ghar ka, yahi nahian, sare mohalle ka yah aantak meri chhati par patthar ki tarah jamakar baith gaya. akash ka sara ujala aur sansar ki samast shakti us din mano is bahar-varshiy gramin l daki ko do parikshakoan ki do jo di aankhoan ke samane kasakar pak d rakhane ke lie chaparasagiri kar rahi thi- mujhe kahian chhipane ki jagah n mili. apane karun svar mean sanpoorn akash ko kanpati huee shahanaee baj uthi. maian tum logoan ke yahaan a pahuanchi. mere sare aiboan ka byaurevar hisab lagakar grihiniyoan ko yah svikar karana p da ki sab-kuchh hote hue bhi maian suandari zaroor hooan. yah bat sunate hi meri b di jethani ka chehara bhari ho gaya. lekin sochati hooan, mujhe roop ki zaroorat hi kya thi. roop namak vastu ko agar kisi tripuandi pandit ne ganga mitti se gadha ho to usaka adar ho, lekin use to vidhata ne keval apane anand se nirmit kiya hai. isalie tumhare dharm ke sansar mean usaka koee mooly nahian. maian roopavati hooan, is bat ko bhoolane mean tumhean bahut din nahian lage. lekin mujhamean budhdi bhi hai, yah bat tum logoan ko pag-pag par yad karani p di. meri yah budhdi itani prakrit hai ki tum logoan ki ghar-grihasthi mean itana samay kat dene par bhi vah aj bhi tiki huee hai. meri is budhdi se maan b di chian‍‍tit rahati thian. nari ke lie yah to ek bala hi hai. badhaoan ko manakar chalana jisaka kam hai vah yadi budhdi ko manakar chalana chahe to thokar kha-khakar usaka sir phootega hi. lekin tumhian batao, maian kya karooan. tum logoan ke ghar ki bahoo ko jitani budhdi ki zaroorat hai vidhata ne laparavahi mean mujhe usase bahut zyada budhdi de dali hai, ab maian use lautaooan bhi to kisako. tum log mujhe purakhin kahakar din-rat gali dete rahe. akshamy ko k di bat kahane se hi saantvana milati hai, isilie maianne usako kshama kar diya. meri ek bat tumhari ghar-grihasthi se bahar thi jise tumamean se koee nahian janata. maian tum sabase chhipakar kavita likha karati thi. vah bhale hi koo da-karkat kyoan n ho, us par tumhare aant:pur ki divar n uth saki. vahian mujhe mrityu milati thi, vahian par maian ro pati thi. mere bhitar tum logoan ki majhali bahoo ke atirikt jo kuchh tha, use tum logoan ne kabhi pasand nahian kiya. kyoanki use tum log pahachan bhi n pae. maian kavi hooan, yah bat pandrah varsh mean bhi tum logoan ki pak d mean nahian aee. tum logoan ke ghar ki pratham smritiyoan mean mere man mean jo sabase zyada jagati rahati hai vah hai tum logoan ki goshala. aant:pur ko jane vale jine ki bagal ke kothe mean tum logoan ki gauean rahati haian, samane ke aangan ko chho dakar unake hilane-dulane ke lie aur koee jagah n thi. aangan ke kone mean gayoan ko bhoosa dene ke lie kath ki naand thi, savere naukar ko tarah-tarah ke kam rahate isalie bhookhi gaean naand ke kinaroan ko chat-chatakar chaba-chabakar khurach detian. mera man rone lagata. maian ganvee gaanv ki beti jis din pahali bar tumhare ghar mean aee us din us b de shahar ke bich mujhe ve do gaean aur tin bachh de chir parichit atmiy- jaise jan p de. jitane din maian rahi, bahoo rahi, khud n khakar chhipa-chhipakar maian unhean khilati rahi; jab b di huee tab gauoan ke prati meri pratyaksh mamata dekhakar mere sath hansi-majak ka sanbandh rakhane vale log mere gotr ke bare mean sandeh prakat karate rahe. meri beti janamate hi mar gee. jate samay usane sath chalane ke lie mujhe bhi pukara tha. agar vah bachi rahati to mere jivan mean jo-kuchh mahanh hai, jo kuchh saty hai, vah sab mujhe la deti; tab maian majhali bahoo se ekadam maan ban jati. grihasthi mean bandhi rahane par bhi maan vishv-bhar ki maan hoti hai. par mujhe maan hone ki vedana hi mili, matritv ki mukti prapt nahian huee. mujhe yad hai, aangrez d aauktar ko hamare ghar ka bhitari bhag dekhakar b da ashchary hua tha, aur jachcha ghar dekhakar naraj hokar usane daant-phatakar bhi lagaee thi. sadar mean to tum logoan ka chhota-sa bag hai. kamare mean bhi saj shrriangar ki koee kami nahian, par bhitar ka bhag mano pashmine ke kam ki ulti parat ho. vahaan n koee lajja hai, n sauandary, n shrriangar. ujala vahaan timatimata rahata hai. hava chor ki bhaanti pravesh karati hai, aangan ka koo da-karkat hatane ka nam nahian leta. pharsh aur divar par kalima akshay banakar virajati hai. lekin d aauktar ne ek bhool ki thi. usane socha tha ki shayad isase hamako rat-din du:kh hota hoga. bat bilkul ulti hai. anadar nam ki chiz rakh ki tarah hoti hai. vah shayad bhitar-hi-bhitar ag ko banae rahati hai lekin oopar se usake tap ko prakat nahian hone deti. jab atm-samman ghat jata hai tab anadar mean anyay bhi nahian dikhaee deta. isilie usaki pi da nahian hoti. yahi karan hai ki nari du:kh ka anubhav karane mean hi lajja pati hai. isilie maian kahati hooan, agar tum logoan ki vyavastha yahi hai ki nari ko du:kh pana hi hoga to phir jahaan tak sanbhav ho use anadar mean rakhana hi thik hai. adar se du:kh ki vyatha aur badh jati hai. tum mujhe chahe jaise rakhate rahe, mujhe du:kh hai yah bat kabhi mere khyal mean bhi n aee jachcha ghar mean jab sir par maut mandarane lagi thi, tab bhi mujhe koee dar nahian laga. hamara jivan hi kya hai ki maut se darana p de? jinake pranoan ko adar aur yatn se kasakar baandh liya gaya ho, marane mean unhian ko kasht hota hai. us din agar yamaraj mujhe ghasitane lagate to maian usi tarah ukh d ati jis tarah poli zamin se ghas b di asani se j d-samet khianch ati hai. bangal ki beti to bat-bat mean marana chahati hai. lekin is tarah marane mean kaun si bahaduri hai. ham logoan ke lie marana itana asan hai ki marate lajja ati hai. meri beti sandhya-tara ki tarah kshan-bhar ke lie udit hokar ast ho gee. maian phir se apane dainik kamoan mean aur gay-bachh doan mean lag gee. isi tarah mera jivan akhir tak jaise-taise kat jata; aj tumhean yah chitthi likhane ki zaroorat n p dati, lekin, kabhi-kabhi hava ek mamooli-sa bij u dakar le jati hai aur pakke dalan mean pipal ka aankur phoot uthata hai; aur hote-hote usi se lak di-patthar ki chhati vidirn hone lag jati hai. meri grihasthi ki pakki vyavastha mean bhi jivan ka ek chhota-sa kan n jane kahaan se u dakar a p da; tabhi se darar shuroo ho gee. jab vidhava maan ki mrityu ke bad meri b di jethani ki bahan biandu ne apane chachere bhiyoan ke atyachar ke mare ek din hamare ghar mean apani didi ke pas ashray liya tha, tab tum logoan ne socha tha, yah kahaan ki bala a gee. ag lage mere svabhav ko, karati bhi kya-dekha, tum log sab man-hi-man khijh uthe ho, isilie us nirashrita l daki ko gherakar mera sanpoorn man yakayak jaise kamar baandhakar kh da ho gaya ho. parae ghar mean, parae logoan ki anichchha hote hue bhi ashray lena-kitana b da apaman hai yah. yah apaman bhi jise vivash hokar svikar karana p da ho use kya dhakka dekar ek kone mean dal diya jata hai? bad mean maianne apani b di jethani ki dasha dekhi. unhoanne apani gahari sanvedana ke karan hi bahan ko apane pas bulaya tha, lekin jab unhoanne dekha ki isamean pati ki ichchha nahian hai, to unhoanne aisa bhav dikhana shuroo kiya mano un par koee b di bala a p di ho, mano agar vah kisi tarah door ho sake to jan bache. unhean itana sahas n hua ki ve apani anath bahan ke prati khule man se sneh prakat kar sakean. ve pativrata thian. unaka yah sankat dekhakar mera man aur bhi dukhi ho utha. maianne dekha, b di jethani ne khasataur se sabako dikha-dikhakar biandu ke khane-pahanane ki aisi raddi vyavastha ki aur use ghar mean is tarah naukaraniyoan ke-se kam sauanp die ki mujhe du:kh hi nahian, lajja bhi huee. maian sabake samane is bat ko pramanit karane mean lagi rahati thi ki hamari grihasthi ko biandu bahut saste damoan mean mil gee hai. dheroan kam karati hai phir bhi kharch ki drishti se behad sasti hai. meri b di jethani ke pitri-vansh mean kul ke alava aur koee b di chiz n thi, n roop tha, n dhan. kis tarah mere sasur ke pairoan p dane par tum logoan ke ghar mean unaka byah hua tha, yah bat tum achchhi tarah janate ho. ve sada yahi sochati rahi ki unaka vivah tumhare vansh ke prati b da bhari aparadh tha. isilie ve sab batoan mean apane-apako bharasak door rakhakar, apane ko chhota manakar tumhare ghar mean bahut hi tho di jagah mean simatakar rahati thian. lekin unake is prashansaniy udaharan se ham logoan ko b di kathinaee hoti rahi. maian apane-apako har taraph se itana behad chhota nahian bana pati, maian jis bat ko achchha samajhati hooan use kisi aur ki khatir bura samajhane ko maian uchit nahian manati- is bat ke tumhean bhi bahut-se praman mil chuke haian. biandu ko maian apane kamare mean ghasit laee. jiji kahane lagian, manjhali bahoo garib ghar ki beti ka dimag kharab kar dalegi. ve sabase meri is dhang se shikayat karati phirati thian mano maianne koee bhari aphat dha di ho. lekin maian achchhi tarah janati hooan, ve man-hi-man sochati thian ki jan bachi. ab aparadh ka bojh mere sir par p dane laga. ve apani bahan ke prati khud jo sneh nahian dikha pati thian vahi mere dvara prakat karake unaka man halka ho jata. meri b di jethani biandu ki umr mean se do-ek aank kam kar dene ki cheshta kiya karati thian, lekin agar akele mean unase yah kaha jata ki usaki avastha chaudah se kam nahian thi, to jyadati n hoti. tumhean to maloom hai, dekhane mean vah itani kuroop thi ki agar vah pharsh par girakar apana sir pho d leti to bhi logoan ko ghar ke pharsh ki hi chianta hoti. yahi karan hai ki mata-pita ke n hone par aisa koee n tha jo usake vivah ki sochata, aur aise log bhi bhala kitane the jinake pranoan mean itana bal ho ki usase byah kar sakean. biandu bahut darati-darati mere pas aee. mano agar meri deh usase chhoo jaegi to maian sah nahian paooangi. mano sansar mean usako janm lene ka koee adhikar hi n tha. isilie vah hamesha alag hatakar aankh bachakar chalati. usake pita ke yahaan usake chachere bhaee usake lie aisa ek bhi kona nahian chho dana chahate the jisamean vah falatoo chiz ki tarah p di rah sake. falatoo koo de ko ghar ke as-pas anayas hi sthan mil jata hai kyoanki manushy usako bhool jata hai; lekin anavashyak l daki ek to anavashyak hoti hai doosare usako bhoolana bhi kathin hota hai. isalie usake lie ghoore par bhi jagah nahian hoti. phir bhi yah kaise kaha ja sakata hai ki usake chachere bhaee hi sansar mean paramavashyak padarth the. jo ho, ve log the khoob. yahi karan hai ki jab maian biandu ko apane kamare mean bula laee to usaki chhati dhakh-dhakh karane lag gee. usaka dar dekhakar mujhe b da du:kh hua. mere kamare mean usake lie tho di-si jagah hai yah bat maianne b de pyar se use samajhaee. lekin mera kamara ek mera hi kamara to tha nahian. isalie mera kam asan nahian hua. mere pas do-char din rahane par hi usake sharir mean n jane lal-lal kya nikal aya. shayad amhauri rahi hogi ya aisa hi kuchh hoga; tumane kaha shitala. kyoan n ho, vah biandu thi n. tumhare mohalle ke ek ana di d aauktar ne akar bataya, do-ek din aur dekhe bina thik se kuchh nahian kaha ja sakata. lekin do-ek din tak dhiraj kisako hota. biandu to apani bimari ki lajja se hi mari ja rahi thi. maianne kaha, shitala hai to ho, maian use apane jachcha-ghar mean liva le jaooangi, aur kisi ko kuchh karane ki zaroorat nahian. is bat par jab tum sab log mere oopar bh dakakar krodh ki moorti ban ge, yahi nahian, jab biandu ki jiji bhi b di pareshani dikhati huee us abhagi l daki ko aspatal bhejane ka prastav karane lagian, tabhi usake sharir ke ve sare lal-lal dag ekadam vilin ho ge. maianne dekha ki is bat se tum log aur bhi vyagr ho uthe. kahane lage ab to vakee shitala baith gee hai. kyoan n ho, vah biandu thi n. anadar ke palan-poshan mean ek b da gun hai. sharir ko vah ekadam ajar-amar kar deta hai. bimari ane ka nam nahian leti, marane ke sare am raste bilkul band ho jate haian. isilie rog usake sath majak karake chala gaya, hua kuchh nahian. lekin yah bat achchhi tarah spasht ho gee ki sansar mean zyada sadhanahin vyakti ko ashray dena hi sabase kathin hai. ashray ki avashyakata usako jitani adhik hoti hai ashray ki badhaean bhi usake lie utani hi visham hoti haian. biandu ke man se jab mera dar jata raha tab usako ek aur kugrah ne pak d liya. vah mujhe itana pyar karane lagi ki mujhe dar hone laga. sneh ki aisi moorti to sansar mean pahale kabhi dekhi hi n thi. pustakoan mean padha avashy tha, par vah bhi stri-purush ke bich hi. bahut dinoan se aisi koee ghatana nahian huee thi ki mujhe apane roop ki bat yad ati. ab itane dinoan bad yah kuroop l daki mere usi roop ke pichhe p d gee. rat-din mera muanh dekhate rahane par bhi usaki aankhoan ki pyas nahian bujhati thi. kahati, jiji tumhara yah muanh mere alava aur koee nahian dekh pata. jis din maian svayan hi apane kesh baandh leti us din vah bahut rooth jati. apane hathoan se mere kesh-bhar ko hilane-dulane mean use b da anand ata. kabhi kahian davat mean jane ke atirikt aur kabhi to mujhe saj-shrriangar ki avashyakata p dati hi n thi, lekin biandu mujhe tang kar-karake tho da-bahut sajati rahati. vah l daki mujhe lekar bilkul pagal ho gee thi. tumhare ghar ke bhitari hisse mean kahian ratti-bhar bhi mitti n thi. uttar ki or ki divar mean nali ke kinare n jane kaise ek gab ka paudha nikala. jis din dekhati ki us gab ke paudhe mean nee lal-lal koanpalean nikal aee haian, usi din jan p data ki dharati par vasant a gaya hai, aur jis din meri ghar-grihasthi mean juti huee is anadrit l daki ke man ka or-chhor kisi tarah rang utha us din maianne jana ki hriday ke jagath mean bhi vasant ki hava bahati hai. vah kisi svarg se ati hai, gali ke mo d se nahian. biandu ke sneh ke du:sah veg ne mujhe adhir kar dala tha. maian manati hooan ki mujhe kabhi-kabhi us par krodh a jata; lekin us sneh mean maianne apana ek aisa roop dekha jo jivan mean maian pahale kabhi nahian dekh paee thi. vahi mera mukhy svaroop hai. idhar maian biandu-jaisi l daki ko jo itana la d-pyar karati thi yah bat tum logoan ko b di jyadati lagi. ise lekar barabar khatapat hone lagi. jis din mere kamare se bajooband chori hua us din is bat ka abhas dete hue tum logoan ko tanik bhi lajja n aee ki is chori mean kisi-n-kisi roop mean biandu ka hath hai. jab svadeshi-aandolanoan mean logoan ke ghar ki talashiyaan hone lagian tab tum log anayas hi yah sandeh kar baithe ki biandu pulis dvara rakhi gee stri-guptachar hai. isaka aur to koee praman n tha; praman bas itana hi tha ki vah biandu thi. tum logoan ke ghar ki dasiyaan unaka koee bhi kam karane se iankar kar deti thian- unamean se kisi se apane kam ke lie kahane mean vah l daki bhi sankoch ke mare j davath ho jati thi. inhian sab karanoan se usake lie mera kharch badh gaya. maianne khasataur se alag se ek dasi rakh li. yah bat tum logoan ko achchhi nahian lagi. biandu ko pahanane ke lie maian jo kap de deti thi, unhean dekhakar tum itane krudhd hue ki tumane mere hath-kharch ke rupaye hi band kar die. doosare hi din se maianne sava rupaye jo de ki moti kori mil ki dhoti pahanani shuroo kar di. aur jab moti ki maan meri joothi thali uthane ke lie aee to maianne usako mana kar diya. maianne khud jootha bhat bachh de ko khilane ke bad aangan ke nal par jakar bartan mal lie. ek din ekaek is drishy ko dekhakar tum prasann n ho sake. meri khushi ke bina to kam chal sakata hai, par tum logoan ki khushi ke bina nahian chal sakata- yah bat aj tak meri samajh mean nahian aee. udhar jyoan-jyoan tum logoan ka krodh badhata ja raha tha tyoan-tyoan biandu ki ayu bhi badhati ja rahi thi. is svabhavik bat par tum log asvabhavik dhang se pareshan ho uthe the. ek bat yad karake mujhe ashchary hota raha hai ki tum logoan ne biandu ko jabardasti apane ghar se vida kyoan nahian kar diya? maian achchhi tarah samajhati hooan ki tum log man-hi-man mujhase darate the. vidhata ne mujhe budhdi di hai, bhitar-hi-bhitar is bat ki khatir kie bina tum logoan ko chain nahian p data tha. aant mean apani shakti se biandu ko vida karane mean asamarth hokar tum logoan ne prajapati devata ki sharan li. biandu ka var thik hua. b di jethani boli, jan bachi. maan kali ne apane vansh ki laj rakh li. var kaisa tha, maian nahian janati. tum logoan se suna tha ki sab batoan mean achchha hai. biandu mere pairoan se lipatakar rone lagi. boli, jiji mera byah kyoan kar rahi ho bhala. maianne usako samajhate-bujhate kaha, biandu, dar mat, maianne suna hai tera var achchha hai. biandu boli, agar var achchha hai to mujhamean bhala aisa kya hai jo use pasand a sake. lekin var-paksh valoan ne to biandu ko dekhane ke lie ane ka nam bhi n liya. b di jiji isase b di nishchiant ho geean. lekin biandu rat-din roti rahati. chup hone ka nam hi n leti. usako kya kasht hai yah maian janati thi. biandu ke lie maianne ghar mean bahut bar jhag da kiya tha lekin usaka byah ruk jae yah bat kahane ka sahas nahian hota tha. kahati bhi kis bal par. maian agar mar jati to usaki kya dasha hoti. ek to l daki jis par kali; jisake yahaan ja rahi hai, vahaan usaki kya dasha hogi, is batoan ki chianta n karana hi achchha tha. sochati to pran kaanp uthate. biandu ne kaha, jiji, byah ke abhi paanch din aur haian. is bich kya mujhe maut nahian aegi. maianne usako khoob dhamakaya. lekin aantaryami janate haian ki agar kisi svabhavik dhang se biandu ki mrityu ho jati to mujhe chain milata. byah ke ek din pahale biandu ne apani jiji ke pas jakar kaha, jiji, maian tum logoan ki goshala mean p di rahooangi, jo kahogi vahi karooangi, maian tumhare pairoan p dati hooan, mujhe is tarah mat dhakelo. kuchh dinoan se jiji ki aankhoan se chori-chori aansoo jhar rahe the. us din bhi jharane lage. lekin sirph hriday hi to nahian hota. shastr bhi to hai. unhoanne kaha, biandu, janati nahian, stri ki gati-mukti sab-kuchh pati hi hai. bhagy mean agar du:kh likha hai to use koee nahian mita sakata. asali bat to yah thi ki kahian koee rasta hi n tha- biandu ko byah to karana hi p dega. phir jo ho so ho. maian chahati thi ki vivah hamare hi ghar se ho. lekin tum log kah baithe var ke hi ghar mean ho, unake kul ki yahi riti hai. maian samajh gee, biandu ke byah mean agar tum logoan ko kharch karana p da to tumhare grih-devata use kisi bhi bhaanti nahian sah sakeange. isilie chup rah jana p da. lekin ek bat tumamean se koee nahian janata. jiji ko batana chahati thi, par phir bataee nahian, nahian to ve dar se mar jatian- maianne apane tho de-bahut gahane lekar chupachap biandu ka shrriangar kar diya tha. socha tha, jiji ki najar mean to zaroor hi p d jaega. lekin unhoanne jaise dekhakar bhi nahian dekha. duhaee hai dharm ki, isake lie tum unhean kshama kar dena. jate samay biandu mujhase lipatakar boli, jiji, to kya tum logoan ne mujhe ekadam tyag diya. maianne kaha, nahian biandu, tum chahe-jaisi halat mean raho, pran rahate maian tumhean nahian tyag sakati. tin din bite. tumhare talluke ke asamiyoan ne tumhean khane ke lie jo bhe da diya tha use maianne tumhari jatharagni se bachakar niche vali koyale ki kothari ke ek kone mean baandh diya tha. savere uthate hi maian khud jakar usako dana khila ati. do-ek din tumhare naukaroan par bharosa karake dekha use khilane ki bajay unaka jhukav usi ko kha jane ki or adhik tha. us din savere kothari mean gee to dekha, biandu ek kone mean gu d-mu d hokar baithi huee hai. mujhe dekhate hi vah mere pair pak dakar chupachap rone lagi. biandu ka pati pagal tha. sach kah rahi hai biandu? tumhare samane kya maian itana b da jhooth bol sakati hooan didi? vah pagal haian. is vivah mean sasur ki sammati nahian thi, lekin ve meri sas se yamaraj ki tarah darate the. byah ke pahale hi kashi chal die the. sas ne zid karake apane l dake ka byah kar liya. maian vahian koyale ke dher par baith gee. stri par stri ko daya nahian ati. kahati hai, koee l daki tho de hi hai. l daka pagal hai to ho, hai to purush. dekhane mean biandu ka pati pagal nahian lagata. lekin kabhi-kabhi use aisa unmad chadhata ki use kamare mean tala band karake rakhana p data. byah ki rat vah thik tha. lekin rat mean jagate rahane ke karan aur isi tarah ke aur jhanjhatoan ke karan doosare din se usaka dimag bilkul kharab ho gaya. biandu dopahar ko pital ki thali mean bhat khane baithi thi, achanak usake pati ne bhat samet thali uthakar aangan mean pheank di. n jane kyoan achanak usako laga, mano biandu rani rasamani ho. naukar ne, ho n ho, chori se usi ke sone ke thal mean rani ke khane ke lie bhat diya ho. isalie use krodh a gaya tha. biandu to dar ke mare mari ja rahi thi. tisari rat ko jab usaki sas ne usase apane pati ke kamare mean sone ke lie kaha to biandu ke pran sookh ge. usaki sas ko jab krodh ata tha to hosh mean nahian rahati thi. vah bhi pagal hi thi, lekin poori tarah se nahian. isalie vah zyada khataranak thi. biandu ko kamare mean jana hi p da. us rat usake pati ka mizaj thanda tha. lekin dar ke mare biandu ka sharir patthar ho gaya tha. pati jab so ge tab kafi rat bitane par vah kis tarah chaturaee se bhagakar chali aee isaka vistrit vivaran likhane ki avashyakata nahian hai. ghrina aur krodh se mera sharir jalane laga. maianne kaha, is tarah dhokhe ke byah ko byah nahian kaha ja sakata. biandu, too jaise rahati thi vaise hi mere pas rah. dekhooan, mujhe kaun le jata hai. tum logoan ne kaha, biandu jhooth bolati hai. maianne kaha, vah kabhi jhooth nahian bolati. tum logoan ne kaha, tumhean kaise maloom. maianne kaha, maian achchhi tarah janati hooan. tum logoan ne dar dikhaya, agar biandu ke sasural valoan ne pulis-kes kar diya to aphat mean p d jaeange. maianne kaha, kya adalat yah bat n sunegi ki usaka byah dhokhe se pagal var ke sath kar diya gaya hai. tumane kaha, to kya isake lie adalat jaeange. hamean aisi kya garj hai? maianne kaha, jo kuchh mujhase ban p dega, apane gahane bechakar karooangi. tum logoan ne kaha, kya vakil ke ghar tak dau dogi. is bat ka kya javab hota? sir thokane ke alava aur kar bhi kya sakati thi. udhar biandu ki sasural se usake jeth ne akar bahar b da hangama kh da kar diya. kahane laga, thane mean riport kar dooanga. maian nahian janati mujhamean kya shakti thi-lekin jis gay ne apane pranoan ke dar se kasaee ke hathoan se chhootakar mera ashray liya ho use pulis ke dar se phir us kasaee ko lautana p de yah bat maian kisi bhi prakar nahian man sakati thi. maianne himmat karake kaha, karane do thane mean riport. itana kahakar maianne socha ki ab biandu ko apane sone ke kamare mean le jakar kamare mean tala lagakar baith jaooan. lekin khoja to biandu ka kahian pata nahian. jis samay tum logoan se meri bahas chal rahi thi usi samay biandu ne svayan bahar nikalakar apane jeth ko atm-samarpan kar diya tha. vah samajh gee thi ki agar vah is ghar mean rahi to maian b di aphat mean p d jaooangi. bich mean bhag ane se biandu ne apana du:kh aur bhi badha liya. usaki sas ka tark tha ki unaka l daka usako khae to nahian ja raha tha n. sansar mean bure pati ke udaharan durlabh bhi nahian haian. unaki tulana mean to unaka l daka sone ka chaand tha. meri b di jethani ne kaha- jisaka bhagy hi kharab ho usake lie rone se kya fayada? pagal-vagal jo bhi ho, hai to svami hi n. tum logoan ke man mean lagatar us sati-sadhvia ka drishtaant yad a raha tha jo apane kodhi pati ko apane kandhoan par bithakar veshya ke yahaan le gee thi. sansar-bhar mean kayarata ke is sabase adham akhyan ka prachar karate hue tum logoan ke purush-man ko kabhi tanik bhi sankoch n hua. isalie manav-janm pakar bhi tum log biandu ke vyavahar par krodh kar sake, usase tumhara sir nahian jhuka. biandu ke lie meri chhati phati ja rahi thi, lekin tum logoan ka vyavahar dekhakar meri lajja ka aant n tha. maian to gaanv ki l daki thi, jis par tum logoan ke ghar a p di, phir bhagavan ne n jane kis tarah mujhe aisi budhdi de di. dharm-sanbandhi tum logoan ki yah charcha mujhe kisi bhi prakar sahan nahian huee. maian nishchayapoorvak janati thi ki biandu mar bhale hi jae, vah ab hamare ghar lautakar nahian aegi. lekin maian to use byah ke ek din pahale yah asha dila chuki thi ki pran rahate use nahian chho duangi. mera chhota bhaee sharad kalakatta mean k aaulej mean padhata tha. tum to janate hi ho, tarah-tarah se valantiyari karana, pleg vale mohalloan mean choohe marana, damodar mean badh a jane ki khabar sunakar dau d p dana- in sab batoan mean usaka itana utsah tha ki eph.e. ki pariksha mean lagatar do bar phel hone par bhi usake utsah mean koee kami nahian aee. maianne use bulakar kaha, sharad, jaise bhi ho biandu ki khabar pane ka iantajam tujhe karana hi p dega. biandu ko mujhe chitthi bhejane ka sahas nahian hoga, vah bheje bhi to mujhe mil nahian sakegi. is kam ki bajae yadi maian usase daka dalakar biandu ko lane ki bat kahati ya usake pagal svami ka sir pho d dene ke lie kahati to use zyada khushi hoti. sharad ke sath batachit kar rahi thi tabhi tumane kamare mean akar kaha, tum phir yah kya bakhe da kar rahi ho. maianne kaha, vahi jo shuroo se karati aee hooan. jab se tumhare ghar aee hooan... lekin nahian, vah to tumhian logoan ki kirti haian. tumane poochha, biandu ko lakar phir kahian chhipa rakha hai kya? maianne kaha, biandu agar ati to maian zaroor hi chhipakar rakh leti, lekin vah ab nahian aegi. tumhean darane ki koee zaroorat nahian hai. sharad ko mere pas dekhakar tumhara sandeh aur bhi badh gaya. maian janati thi ki sharad ka hamare yahaan ana-jana tum logoan ko pasand nahian hai. tumhean dar tha ki us par pulis ki najar hai. agar kabhi kisi rajanitik mamale mean phans gaya to tumhean bhi phansa dalega. isilie maian bhaiya-dooj ka tilak bhi adami ke hathoan usi ke pas bhijava deti thi, apane ghar nahian bulati thi. ek din tumase suna ki biandu phir bhag gee hai, isalie usaka jeth hamare ghar use khojane aya hai. sunate hi meri chhati mean shool chubh ge. abhagini ka asahy kasht to maian samajh gee, par phir bhi kuchh karane ka koee rasta n tha. sharad pata karane dau da. sham ko lautakar mujhase bola, biandu apane chachere bhaiyoan ke yahaan gee thi, lekin unhoanne atyant krudhd hokar usi vakt use phir sasural pahuancha diya. isake lie unhean harjane ka aur ga di ke kirae ka jo dand bhogana p da usaki khar ab bhi unake man se nahian gee hai. shrikshetr ki tirth-yatra karane ke lie tum logoan ki kaki tumhare yahaan akar thaharian. maianne tumase kaha, maian bhi jaooangi. achanak mere man mean dharm ke prati yah shradhda dekhakar tum itane khush hue ki tumane tanik bhi apatti nahian ki. tumhean is bat ka bhi dhyan tha ki agar maian kalakatta mean rahi to phir kisi-n-kisi din biandu ko lekar jhag da kar baithooangi. mere mare tumhean b di pareshani thi. mujhe budhavar ko chalana tha, ravivar ko hi sab thik-thak ho gaya. maianne sharad ko bulakar kaha, jaise bhi ho budhavar ko puri jane vali ga di mean tujhe biandu ko chadha hi dena p dega. sharad ka chehara khil utha. vah bola, dar ki koee bat nahian jiji, maian use ga di mean bithakar puri tak chala chalooanga. isi bahane jagannathaji ke darshan bhi ho jaeange. usi din sham ko sharad phir aya. usaka muanh dekhate hi mera dil baith gaya. maianne poochha, kya bat hai sharad! shayad koee rasta nahian nikala. vah bola, nahian. maianne poochha, kya use raji nahian kar pae. usane kaha, ab zaroorat bhi nahian hai. kal rat apane kap doan mean ag lagakar vah atm-hatya karake mar gee. us ghar ke jis bhatije se maianne mel badha liya tha usi se khabar mili ki tumhare nam vah ek chitthi rakh gee thi, lekin vah chitthi un logoan ne nasht kar di. chalo, chhutti huee. gaanv-bhar ke log chikh uthe. kahane lage, l dakiyoan ka kap doan mean ag lagakar mar jana to ab ek phaishan ho gaya hai. tum logoan ne kaha, achchha natak hai. hua kare, lekin natak ka tamasha sirph bangali l dakiyoan ki sa di par hi kyoan hota hai, bangali vir purushoan ki dhoti ki chunnatoan par kyoan nahian hota, yah bhi to sochakar dekhana chahie. aisa hi tha biandu ka durbhagy. jitane din jivit rahi, tanik bhi yash nahian mil saka. n roop ka, n gun ka-marate vakt bhi yah nahian hua ki soch samajhakar kuchh aise ne dhang se marati ki duniya-bhar ke log khushi se tali baja uthate. marakar bhi usane logoan ko naraj hi kiya. jiji kamare mean jakar chupachap rone lagian, lekin us rone mean jaise ek saantvana thi. kuchh bhi sahi, jan to bachi, mar gee, yahi kya kam hai. agar bachi rahati to n jane kya ho jata. maian tirth mean a pahuanchi hooan. biandu ke ane ki to zaroorat hi n rahi. lekin mujhe zaroorat thi. log jise du:kh manate haian vah tumhari grihasthi mean mujhe kabhi nahian mila. tumhare yahaan khane-pahanane ki koee kami nahian. tumhare b de bhaee ka charitr chahe jaisa ho, tumhare charitr mean aisa koee dosh nahian jisake lie vidhata ko bura kah sakooan. vaise agar tumhara svabhav tumhare b de bhaee ki tarah bhi hota to bhi shayad mere din qarib-qarib aise hi kat jate aur maian apani sati-sadhvian b di jethani ki tarah pati devata ko dosh dene ki bajay vishv-devata ko hi dosh dene ki cheshta karati. atev, maian tumase koee shikayat nahian karana chahati- meri chitthi ka karan yah nahian hai. lekin maian ab makhan b dal ki gali ke tumhare us sattaees nanbar vale ghar mean lautakar nahian aooangi. maian biandu ko dekh chuki hooan. is sansar mean nari ka sachcha parichay kya hai, yah maian pa chuki hooan. ab tumhari koee zaroorat nahian. aur phir maianne yah bhi dekha hai ki vah l daki hi kyoan n ho, bhagavan ne usaka tyag nahian kiya. us par tum logoan ka chahe kitana hi zor kyoan n raha ho, vah usaka aant nahian tha. vah apane abhage manav-jivan se b di thi. tum logoan ke pair itane lanbe nahian the ki tum manamane dhang se apane hisab se usake jivan ko sada ke lie unase dabakar rakh sakate, mrityu tum logoan se bhi b di hai. apani mrityu mean vah mahanh hai- vahaan biandu keval bangali parivar ki l daki nahian hai, keval chachere bhaiyoan ki bahan nahian hai, keval kisi aparichit pagal pati ki pravanchita patni nahian hai. vahaan vah anant hai. mrityu ki us vanshi ka svar us balika ke bhagn hriday se nikalakar jab mere jivan ki yamuna ke pas bajane laga to pahale-pahal mano meri chhati mean koee ban biandh gaya ho. maianne vidhata se prashn kiya, 'is sansar mean jo sabase adhik tuchchh hai vahi sabase adhik kathin kyoan hai?' is gali mean charadivari se ghire is niranand sthan mean yah jo tuchchhatam budabud hai, vah itani bhayankar badha kaise ban gaya? tumhara sansar apani shath-nitiyoan se kshudha-patr ko sanbhale kitana hi kyoan n pukare, maian us aant:pur ki jara-si chaukhat ko kshan-bhar ke lie bhi par kyoan n kar saki? aise sansar mean aisa jivan lekar mujhe is atyant tuchchh kath patthar ki a d mean hi til-tilakar kyoan marana hoga? kitani tuchchh hai yah meri pratidin ki jivan-yatra. isake bandhe niyam, bandhe abhyas, bandhi huee boli, bandhi huee mar sab kitani tuchchh hai- phir bhi kya aant mean dinata ke us nag-pash bandhan ki hi jit hogi, aur tumhare apane is anand-lok ki, is srishti ki har? lekin, mrityu ki vanshi bajane lagi- kahaan gee raj-mistriyoan ki banaee huee vah divar, kahaan gaya tumhare ghor niyamoan se bandha vah kaantoan ka ghera. kaun-sa hai vah du:kh, kaun-sa hai vah apaman jo manushy ko bandi banakar rakh sakata hai. yah lo, mrityu ke hath mean jivan ki jay-pataka u d rahi hai. ari majhali bahoo, tujhe darane ki ab koee zaroorat nahian. majhali bahoo ke is tere khol ko chhinn hote ek nimesh bhi n laga. tumhari gali ka mujhe koee dar nahian. aj mere samane nila samudr hai, mere sir par ashadh ke badal. tum logoan ki riti-niti ke aandhere ne mujhe ab tak dhak rakha tha. biandu ne akar kshan-bhar ke lie us avaran ke chhed mean se mujhe dekh liya. vahi l daki apani mrityu dvara sir se pair tak mera vah avaran ugha d gee hai. aj bahar akar dekhati hooan, apana gaurav rakhane ke lie kahian jagah hi nahian hai. mera yah anadrit roop jinaki aankhoan ko bhaya hai ve suandar aj sanpoorn akash se mujhe nihar rahe haian. ab majhali bahoo ki khair nahian. tum soch rahe hoge, maian marane ja rahi hooan-darane ki koee bat nahian. tum logoan ke sath maian aisa purana majak nahian karooangi. mirabaee bhi to meri hi tarah nari thi. unaki janjirean bhi to kam bhari nahian thian, bachane ke lie unako to marana nahian p da. mirabaee ne apane git mean kaha tha, 'bap chho de, maan chho de, jahaan kahian jo bhi haian, sab chho d dean, lekin mira ki lagan vahian rahegi prabhu, ab jo hona hai so ho.' yah lagan hi to jivan hai. maian abhi jivit rahooangi. maian bach gee. tum logoan ke charanoan ke ashray se chhooti huee mrinal