विदा -रविन्द्र नाथ टैगोर

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is lekh ka punarikshan evan sampadan hona avashyak hai. ap isamean sahayata kar sakate haian. "sujhav"

kanya ke pita ke lie dhairy dharana tho da-bahut sanbhav bhi tha; parantu var ke pita pal bhar ke lie bhi sabr karane ko taiyar n the. unhoanne samajh liya tha ki kanya ke vivah ki ayu par ho chuki hai; parantu kisi prakar kuchh din aur bhi par ho gaye to is charcha ko bhadr ya abhadr kisi bhi upay se daba rakhane ki kshamata bhi samapt ho jayegi? kanya ki ayu avaidh gati se badh rahi thi, isamean kisi ko shanka karane ki avashyakata b di nahian; kintu isase bhi b di shanka is bat ki thi ki kanya ki tulana mean dahej ki rakam ab bhi kafi adhik thi. var ke pita isi hetu is prakar se jaldi macha rahe the. maian thahara var apitu vivah ke vishay mean meri ray se avagat hona nitant vyarth samajha gaya. apani karttavyaparayanata mean maianne bhi kisi prakar ki nyoonata nahian ane di, yani eph.e. pas karake chhatravriti ka adhikari ban baitha. parinam yah nikala ki mere sambandh mean shri prajapati ke donoan hi paksh, kanya paksh aur var paksh bar-bar bechain hone lage. hamari janm-bhoomi mean jo purush ek bar vivah kar leta hai, usake man mean doosari bar vivah karake rachanatmak karyoan mean koee jijnasa ya udveg nahian hota ek bar nar-maans ka svad lene par usake prati bagh ki jo man ki dasha hoti hai, nari ke vishay mean bahut kuchh vaisi hi halat ek bar vivah kar lene vale purush ke man ki bhi hoti hai. ek bar nari ka abhav ghatit hua, ki phir sabase pahala prayatn us abhav ko poorn karane ke lie kiya jata hai. aisa karate hue is bar usaka man duvidha mean nahian rahata, ki bhavi patni ki ayu kya hai aur kaisi hai usaki avastha? maian dekhata hooan ki sari duvidha aur dushchianta ka theka ajakal ke l dakoan ke hi nam chhoota hai. l dakoan ki or se barambar vivah ka prastav hone par unake pita paksh ke chaandi ke saman shvet kesh khijab ki mahima se barambar shyam-varn ko apana lete haian aur udhar batachit ki taptagni se hi l dakoan ke shyam kesh, mare chinta, pareshani ke rat ke kuchh ghantoan mean hi uthane ka upakram karate haian. ap vishvas kijie, mere man mean aisa koee vishay ya udveg ka shriganesh nahian hua; apitu vivah ke prastav se man mayoor basant ki dakshin pavan ki shitalata mean nrity kar utha. kautoohal se ulajhi huee kalpana ki nee aee huee koanpaloan ke bich mano gupachup kanaphoosi hone lagi. jis vidyarthi ko edamand vark ki phraansisi kranti ki ghor tikaoan ke paanch-sat pothe jabani ghotane hoan, usake man mean is jati ke bhavoan ka uthana nirarthak hi samajha jaega. yadi teksat buk kameti ke dvara mere is lekh ke pas hone ki leshamatr bhi shanka hoti, to sambhavat: aisa kahane se poorv hi sachet ho jata. parantu maian yah kya le baitha? kya yah bhi aisi koee ghatana hai? jise lekar upanyas likhane ki yojana bana raha hooan. meri yojana itani shighr arambh ho jaegi, isaki maianne kalpana bhi nahian ki thi. prabal akaanksha thi ki vedana ke jo kajarare megh gat kee varshoan se man mean chha rahe haian unhean kisi baishakhi sandhya ki toofani varsha ke veg dvara bilkul hi nishpran kar dooanga. par n to bachchoan ki pathy-pustak hi likhi gee, kyoanki sanskrit ka vyakaran mere mastishk se achhoota rah gaya tha aur n kavy hi racha ja saka; kyoanki matribhasha mere jivan yug mean aisi phali-phooli nahian thi jisake dvara maian apane hriday ke raj ko bahar prakat kar pata. at: dekh raha hooan ki mere antar ka sannyasi aj apane attahas se apana hi parihas karane ke lie baitha hai. isake atirikt vah kare bhi to kya? usake ashru shushk jo ho gaye haian. jeth ki k dak dati dhoop vastut: jeth ka ashru shoony krandan hi to hai. jisake sath vivah hua tha, usaka vastavik nam nahian bataooanga, kyoanki aj brahmaand ke puratatv-vettaoan mean usake aitihasik nam ke vishay mean vishesh vivad hone ki shanka nahian hai. jis tamr-patr par usaka nam aankit hai, vah mera hi hriday hai. vah pat aur patni ka nam kisi yug mean bhi vilupt hoga, yah sochana meri kalpana se bahar hai. parantu jis sunahari duniya mean vah akshay bana raha, vahaan itihas ke vidvanoan ka ana-jana nahian hota hai. is par bhi mere is lekh mean usaka kuchh-n-kuchh nam to chahie hi, achchha to samajh lijie shabanam usaka nam tha, kyoanki shabanam mean muskan aur rudan donoan ghul-milakar ekakar ho jati hai aur bhor ka sandesh prabhav bela tak ate hi chuk jata hai. shabanam mujhase keval do hi varsh chhoti thi. mere pita gauri dan se vimukh hoan, so yah bat nahian thi. unake pitaji kattar samaj-vidrahi the? desh mean prachalit kisi bhi dharm ke prati unamean shradhda n thi. unhoanne khoob kasakar baangla bhasha ka adhyayan kiya tha. mere pita ugr bhav se samaj ke anuyayi the. jise aangikar karate hue kianchit-matr bhi a dachan ho, aisi kisi bhi vastu ki hamare samaj ki vishal dayodhi ya ant:pur mean ya pichhali rah par jhalak dekh pana sambhav n tha. isaka bhi karan yahi ki unhoanne bhi kasakar baangla bhasha ka adhyayan kiya tha. pitamah aur pitaji ke vibhinn roop kranti ki do vibhinn moortiyaan thian. koee bhi saral svabhav ka nahian. phir bhi b di ayu vali kanya ke sath mera vivah karana pita ne isalie svikar kar liya ki usaki is b di-si ayu ki donoan mutthiyoan mean dahej ki rakam bhi bahut b di thi. shabanam mere shvasur ki ekamatr kanya thi. pitaji ko poorn vishvas tha ki kanya ke pita ka sara dhan bhavi damad bhavishy ke udar ki paripoorn karane vali hai. mere shvasur ko kisi mat-matantar ka jhamela nahian tha? pashchim ki kisi paha di riyasat ke naresh ke yahaan kisi uchch pad par the? shabanam jab god mean hi thi, tabhi usaki maan ke pyar ka aanchal us par se uth gaya tha. is bat ki or usake pita ka dhyan bhi nahian gaya ki putri prati varsh ek-ek varsh karake b di hoti ja rahi hai. vahaan unake samaj ka koee aisa thekedar nahian tha, jo unake netroan mean aanguli dalakar is sachchaee ko unake hriday mean bitha deta. shabanam ne yatha samay umr ke 16 varsh par kie; kintu ve svabhavik 16 varsh ke the, samajik nahian. kisi ne use yauvan ke prati sachet hone ka paramarsh nahian diya aur n hi usane svayan us or dekha? maianne unnisavean varsh mean k aaulij ke tritiy varsh mean pag rakha. thik tabhi mera vivah ho gaya. samaj ya samaj ke thekedar ke mat se vah ayu vivah ke upayukt hai ya nahian, is vishay mean donoan paksh l d-bhi dakar chahe khoon kharaba kar baithe; kintu maian to nivedan ke sath yahi kahana chahata hooan ki pariksha pas karane ke hetu yah ayu jis prakar thik hai, vivah karane ke lie bhi usase kisi prakar kam nahian. vivah ka sootrapat ek chitr ke dvara hua tha. us din maian padhaee-likhaee mean sir gadhaye baitha tha ki mere sath parihas ka sambandh rakhane vali kisi atmiya ne mere sammukh tebul par shabanam ka chitr lakar rakh diya aur kuchh pal shanti ke sath bitakar kaha, lo, ab jhooth-mooth ki padhaee ko band karake sachamuch ki padhaee karo. ekadam ji to dakar parishram mean lagane vali padhaee. chitr kisi ana di chitrakar dvara khiancha gaya tha. kanya ke maan nahian thi, at: us dirgh shyam keshoan ko baandh-sanvar kar joo de mean jari gooanthakar kalakatte ki prasidhd shah ya malik kampani ki bhaddi, tang jaiket pahanakar doosare paksh ke netroan mean dhool jhoankane ka barabas prayatn nahian kiya gaya tha. keval ek saral bhara hua chehara tha, mrigi-si do aankhean or sidhi-sadi ek sa di. tab bhi pata nahian kyoan koee apoorv mahima, saundary use ghere hue tha. kisi bhi ek chaukor chauki par vah baithi huee thi. pichhe avaran ke sthan par ek dharidar shataranji jhool rahi thi. pas mean tanik-si ooanchi tipaee par hi phooladani mean phooloan ke sundar guladaste dikh rahe the. eerani kalin par sa di ki tirachhi kinar ke kianchit anabadhd do komal khali pair. chitr ki us roop-sudha ko jaise hi mere man ke jadoo ka sparsh mila ki vah mere antaratam mean jag uthi. ve donoan kajarari aankhean mere sare chintan ko chirakar mujh par jane kaise anokhe bhav se akar sthir ho geean aur us tirachhi kinar ke nimn bhag ke donoan anavritt pagoan ne mere antar parayaansan par barabas apana ghar bana liya. patre ki tithiyaan aee-gee ho geean. vivah ke do-tin lagn bhi bit gaye; kintu mere shvasur ko chhutti milane ka nam bhi nahian. idhar kuchh mas se mere dekhate-dekhate ek akal meri itani b di avivahit umr ko phijool hi unnisavean varsh ki or dhakelane ka prayas kar raha tha. shvasur aur unake adhikariyoan par mujhe khijh hone lagi. vivah ka din thik akal ki poorv lagn par hi akar p da. us din ki shahanaee ki har tan aj mujhe smaran ho rahi hai. us din ke prati muhoort ko maianne chetanata ke sath sparsh kiya tha. meri yah unnis varsh ki ayu mere jivan mean sadaiv rahe, maian use kadapi nahian bhula sakooanga. vivah-mandap mean chahuanor kolahal-sa phaila hua tha. usi ke bich kanya ka komal hath maianne apane hathoan mean paya. mujhe spasht tarike se yad hai ki yahi mere jivan ki ek param ashcharyajanak ghatana hai. mere man ne barambar yahi kaha- ise maianne paya hai, hasil kiya hai; kintu kise? yah to durlabh hai. yah nari hai, isake rahasy ka kya kabhi or-chhor paya ja sakata hai? mere shvasur ka nam gaurishankar tha. jis himachal par ve uchch padadhikari the, usi himachal ke mano moti the. unake gambhirata ke shikhar par kshetr mean koee prashant svachchh hansi ujjval hokar chhaee huee thi. unake hriday ke sneh-srot ka sandhan jisane bhi ek bar liya, usane phir kabhi unase sambandh-vichchhed karane ki cheshta nahian ki. kam par lautane se poorv unhoanne mujhe bulakar kaha- beta, apani bachchi ko 17 varsh se janata hooan aur tumhean abhi kuchh dinoan se, is par bhi sauanpa tumhare hi hathoan mean hai. jo nidhi aj tumhean mili hai, kisi din usaka mooly bhi parakh sako, isase badhakar ashirvad mere pas nahian. mere mata-pita ne unhean barambar asha bhare shabdoan mean kaha- samadhiji! kuchh chinta n karana. tumhari putri jaise pita ko chho dakar aee hai. vaise hi yahaan mata-pita donoan paye aisa hi samajhiye. shabanam se vida hote samay ve hansakar bole- bitiya chal diya. is boodhe pita ko chho d tera kaun apana raha hai? aj se yadi isaka kuchh bhi gum ho jaye, to isake lie mujhe jimmevar n thaharana. shabanam ne uttar diya- kyoan nahian, yadi kabhi itani-si chiz bhi gum ho gee to apako sari hani bharani p degi. ant mean ghar rahate hue jin vishayoan par bahudha hi jhanjhat kh de ho jate the, unase usane pita ko bar-bar sachet kar diya. bhojan ke vishay mean aniyam ka unhean khasa abhyas tha. kuchh vishesh prakar ke apathy bhojan par unaki vishesh ruchi thi. pita ko un sare pralobhanoan se yathasambhav door rakhana beti ka vishesh karttavy tha. isi se vah pita ka hath pak dakar boli- babooji! kya meri ek bat rakheange? pita ne praphullit man se kaha- manav isalie vachan deta hai, ki ek din use bhang kar chain ki saans le sake. isase vachan n dena hi shreyaskar hai. phir vah kuchh n boli aur pita ke chale jane par usane kamare ke dvar band kar liye isake bad ki ghatana ka bakhan antaryami hi kar sakate haian. pita-putri ki ashruhin vidaee ka drishy parshv ke kaksh ki chir-kautoohali aant:purikaoan ne dekha, suna aur alochana ki- kaisi ajib bat hai bhala? rookhi-sookhi zamin par rahate-rahate in logoan ka hriday bhi sookhakar kaanta ho gaya hai. maya-mamata ka chinh leshamatr bhi nahian raha. ram! ram! ram! mere shvasur ke mitr banamali baboo ne hi hamari batachit pakki ki thi. ve ham logoan ke parivar se bhalibhaanti parichit the. ve mere shvasur se bole- beti ko chho dakar to tumhara duniya mean koee nahian hai. yahian inake pas hi koee makan lekar zindagi ke shesh din kat dalo. uttar mila- jab dan diya hai, to ni:shesh karake hi de dala hai. phir laut-lautakar niharane se usaki pi da badhegi. jis adhikar ko ek bar tyag chuka, use bar-bar banaye rakhane ke prayatn se badhakar vidambana aur kya hogi? ant mean mujhe ekant mean le jakar kisi aparadhi ki tarah sakuchate hue bole- bitiya ko pustakean padhane ka b da chav hai aur logoan ko khilana-pilana use bahut achchha lagata hai. yadi bich-bich mean tumhean rupaye-paise bhej diya karooan, isase ve naraj to nahian hoange? sunakar mujhe tanik ashchary hua. karan jivan mean kabhi kisi bhi or se dhanarashi milane par pitaji naraj hue hoan, unaka aisa big da mizaj to maianne kabhi nahian dekha? jo ho, mere shvasur mano mujhe ghoos de rahe hoan kuchh aise hi bhav se mere hathoan mean sau rupaye ka ek not thama kar, ve vahaan se chatapat chal die. maianne dekha, is bar jeb se roomal nikalane ki bari a hi gee. stabdh hokar maian vicharoan mean kho gaya. maianne anubhav kiya ki ye log bilkul hi any jati ke manav haian. apane sahapathiyoan mean kitanoan hi ko to vivah karate hue dekha hai. vivah mantroan ke uchcharan ke sath-hi-sath stri ko ekabaragi kanth ke nimn bhagoan mean utar lete haian. hajam karane ke yantr tak pahuanchane par tho di der ke bad vah padarth apane gunoan evan avagunoan ka hal kar sakata hai aur isake phalasvaroop hriday ke bhitar chinta banakar hachachal bhi arambh ho sakati hai. so hoti rahe; parantu nigalane ke raste mean isase koee rukavat nahian p dati. kintu maianne vivah-mandap mean hi samajh liya tha ki panigrahan ke mantr dvara jise prapt kiya jata hai, usase ghar-grihasthi to bhali-bhaanti chal jati hai; parantu usake hriday ko poornaroopen pana pandrah ana baki rah jata hai. mujhe sandeh hai ki vishv ke adhikaansh purush patni ko thik-thak pate haian ya unako samajhate haian. ve stri ko byah kar le ate haian, kintu upalabdh nahian kar pate aur n kabhi unhean is bat ka ehasas ho pata hai ki unhoanne paya kuchh bhi nahian. unaki patniyaan bhi mrityu kal tak is katu saty se avagat nahian ho patian. lekin maianne aisa anubhav kiya ki vah meri sadhana ki nidhi hai. vah achal sanpatti nahian, sampada hai, agadh ratnarashi hai. shabanam, nahian is nam se kam nahian chalega. ek to yah ki vah usaka vastavik nam nahian aur n yah usaka yatharth parichay hai. vah to divakar ki tapt rashmi hai, kshayakalin usha ki vida bela ke ashruoan ka bindu nahian. nam ko gopaniy rakhakar hi akhir kya hoga? usaka vastavik nam tha...hemanti. maianne dekha, satrah varsh ki is sundari par yauvan ka poora alok bikhara hua hai. tab bhi is avastha ki god mean bhi use chetanata nahian mili hai. himachchhadit shikhar par bhor ka ujala to jhalak utha hai; kintu him abhi tak gal nahian paya hai. kaisi nishkalank shubhr hai vah, kaisi pavitr ki pratima, yah maian hi janata hooan, mere man mean barabar yah shanka bani rahati thi itani padhi shikshit l daki ka man pata nahian, kyoankar pa sakooanga? kintu kuchh hi divasoan ke uparant maianne jan liya ki usake man ki rah aur shiksha ki rah apas mean kahian kati hi nahian hai. kab usake saral-shubhr man par halki-si rangini chha gee netr alas tandra mean jhoom uthe aur dehaman mano utsuk ho uthe, so nishchintata ke sath kah dena mere lie kathin hi nahian, apitu asambhav hai? yah to huee ek paksh ki bat; lekin ab doosara paksh bhi hai. vah aur usake vishay mean poornaroop se kahane ka samay ab a pahuancha hai? mere shvasur raj darabar mean uchch padadhikari the. isalie unaki kitani dhanarashi baiank ke khatoan mean hai, is sambandh mean janashruti ne bahut tarah ke anuman bithaye the. inamean se kisi bhi anuman ki sankhya lakh ke aank doan se niche nahian p dati thi. phalasvaroop ek or pita ke prati samman badhata gaya, to doosari or ikalauti beti ki or sneh. hamari ghar-grihasthi ka kam-dhandha aur taur-tarika janane ke lie hem khoob utsukata dikhala rahi thi. kintu maan ne use agadh sneh dikhane ke abhipray: se kisi kam mean hath nahian lagane diya? yahaan tak ki mayake se hem ke sath jo paha din mehari aee thi, use unhoanne vastav mean apane kaksh mean nahian ghusane diya, phir bhi usaki jati-paanti ke bare mean kisi prakar ka apavad nahian kiya? ve darati thian ki vishesh chhan-bin karane par kahian koee aruchikar saty n sunana p de. din isi tarah kat jate; lekin ek din pitaji ka muanh ghor ganbhir dikhaee diya. bat yah thi ki mere shvasur ne mere vivah mean 15 sahasr rupaye nakad aur paanch sahasr ke abhooshan die the. idhar pitaji ko kisi kripapatr dalal se pata chala ki yah dhanarashi karz lekar jutayi gee thi; jisaka byaj bhi kuchh mamooli n tha aur lakh rupaye ki aphavah to bilkul u daee huee thi. vastav mean mere vivah ke poorv shvasur ki sanpatti ke parinam ke vishay mean pitaji ne bhi unaki koee alochana nahian ki thi. tab bhi n jane kisi tark-padhdati se aj unhoanne yah bilkul pakka nishchay kar liya tha ki unake samadhi ne jan-boojhakar yah dhokha unake sath kiya hai. isake alava pitaji ki yah dharana thi ki mere shvasur raja ke mukhyamantri ya usi saman kisi uchch pad ke adhikari haian. pichhe pata chala ki ve vahaan ke shiksha vibhag ke adhyuksh haian. pitaji ne tika ki- arthath vidyalay ke mukhyadhyasapak, vishv mean jitane bhi bhadr pad haian, unamean sabase ooancha hai. pitaji ne b di-b di ashaean kar rakhi thian ki aj nahian to kal, shvasur ke avakash prapt karane par raj mantri ke pad par ve svayan hi pratishthit hoange. inhian dinoan ke kartik mas mean ramalila ke upalakshy mean hamara janmabhoomi ka sara parivar kalakatte vali haveli mean a juta hai. vadhoo ko dekhate hi unamean ek chhor se doosare chhor tak kanaphoosi ki lahar dau d gee. kramash: asphut huee. door ke nate se sambandhit nani ne kaha- ag lage mere bhagy ko, nee bahoo ne to umr mean mujhe bhi hara diya. sunakar nani ki samavayaska bol uthi-arai hamean n harayegi, to hamara bachcha videsh se bahoo lane hi kyoan jaega? maan ne ugrata ke sath uttar diya- bhaiya re! yah kya bat ho rahi hai? bahoo ne abhi gyarah par nahian kie, yahi agale phalgun mean barah mean paanv dharegi. pachhahua des mean dal-bhat kha-khakar b di huee hai bechari, so deh tanik adhik sambhal gee hai. vridhdaoan ne shant avishvas ke sath uttar diya- so bitiya rani, itani kamazor to hamari nigah abhi nahian huee hai. hamare khyal mean to l daki valoan ne zaroor umar kuchh dabakar bataee hai. maan ne kaha- ham logoan ne to janm-patri dekhi hai. bat sach hai, kintu janm-patri se hi to pramanit hota hai ki bahoo ki umr satrah hai. vridhdaoan ne kaha- so janm-patri mean kya dhokha-dh di nahian chalati? is bat par ghor vad-vivad chhi d gaya. yahaan tak ki sangharsh ki naubat a gee. usi kshan vahaan hem a pahuanchi. un donoan vridhdaoan mean se ek ne usi se poochha- bahoo rani! tumhari umar kya hai, batao to bhala? maan ne aankhoan se sanket kiya; parantu hem unaka matalab nahian samajhi, boli- satrah. maan tilamila uthi. usane usi avastha mean kaha- tumhean maloom nahian hai. hem virodh ka pradarshan karati huee boli- mujhe thik maloom hai. meri umr satrah hai. vridhdaoan ne gupachup ek-doosare ke hath dabaye. bahoo ki moorkhata par khijh kar maan boli- tumhean to sab maloom hai. lekin tumhare babooji ne ham se khud kaha hai ki tumhari umar gyarah hai. sunakar hem chauank uthi, boli- babooji ne! kabhi nahian. maan ne kaha- tumane to chakit kar diya hai. samadhiji svayan mere samane kah gaye the aur bitiya kahati hai, kabhi nahian. yah kahakar maan ne aankh se phir sanket kiya. ab ki bar hem sanket samajh gee; lekin usane kanth ko aur bhi mazaboot karake kaha, babooji! aisi bat kabhi nahian kah sakate. maan ne svar ko dhima karake kaha- too kya mujhe jhootha thaharana chahati hai? hem ne phir vahi duharaya- babooji kabhi jhooth nahian bolate. isake bad maan jitana bhi apavad phailane lagi, utani hi kalima phailakar sabako ekakar lipane-potane lagi. itana hi nahian, maan ne naraj hokar pitaji ke sammukh apani bahoo ki moodhata aur jiddipan ki shikayat rakhi. pitaji ne usi kshan hem ko bulakar dhamakate hue kaha, itani b di avivahit kanya ki avastha satrah varsh ki thi, vah kanya ke lie koee b dappan ki bat hai, jo usaka dhiandhora pitati phirogi? hamare ghar mean yah sab nahian chalega, kahe deta hooan. hay re bhagy, bahu rani ke prati pitaji ka yah madhu mishrit pancham svar is prakar ustad bajakhaan ke ghor shadaj tak kaise utar aya? hem ne vyathit hokar poochha- yadi koee umr janana chahe to kya uttar dooan? pitaji bole- jhooth bolane ki avashyakata nahian. kah diya karo, mujhe nahian pata, meri sas, maan janati haian. isake bad jhooth kis tarah bataya jata hai, isaka sara upadesh sunane ke bad, hem kuchh is tarah chup ho gee ki pita ji ko yah samajhana baki n raha ki usaka sara sadupadesh bilkul chikane gh de par pani ki tarah p da. hem ki durgati par du:kh kya prakat karooan, usake samaksh to mera mastak hi nat ho gaya. maianne dekha sharadiya prabhat ke akash ki tarah usake netroan ki vah saral udar drishti mano kisi sanshay ki chhaya se mlan ho uthi? bhit mrigi ki tarah mano usane mere mukh ki or dekha aur socha, maian kadachit inhean nahian pahachanata. us din maian ek sundar jild vali aangreji kavitaoan ki ek pustak kray karake usake lie le aya tha. usane pustak ko apane sundar hathoan se thama, phir dhime-se god mean rakhakar ek bar bhi kholakar nahian dekha. maianne usake dayean hath ko apane hathoan mean lekar kaha- hem, mujh par naraj n hona, maian to tumhare saty ke bandhan mean bandha hua hooan. sunakar vah kuchh n boli, keval tanik muskara di. srishtikarta ne vaisi hi muskan jise di hai use aur bhi kuchh kahane ki avashyakata hi kahaan? idhar pitaji ki arthik taraqqi ke kuchh dinoan bad se srishtikarta ke us anugrah ko chir-sthayi kar rakhane ke svarth se hamare yahaan ne utsah se pooja-path chal raha tha. aj tak kabhi bhi pooja-archana mean bahoo ki kabhi bhi bulahat nahian huee. achanak nee vadhoo ko pooja ka thal sajane ka adesh mila. vah boli- maan! mujhe samajha do, kaise kya karana hoga? prashn kuchh aisa n tha, jise sunakar kisi ke sir par asaman toot p data, yah to sab log bhali prakar janate the ki matrihina hem pravas mean hi itani b di huee hai. tab bhi is uddeshy ka ashay to keval hem ko lajjit karana hi tha. so sabhi ne apane gal par hatheli rakhakar kaha- hay maiya, yah bhala kaisi bat hai? akhir kis nastik ke ghar ki beti hai? bahoo ghar ki lakshmi ab is grihasthi se vida hone hi vali hai? deri mat samajhana aur isi prasang mean hem ke pita ko lakshy karake n jane kitani akathaniy batean ki geean? katu alochana ki hava jab se chalani arambh huee thi, tab se hem aj tak barabar chup rahakar sab sahan karati a rahi thi. kabhi pal bhar ke lie bhi usane kisi ke samane ashru n bahaye? parantu aj to usaki b di-b di aankhoan ko plavit karati huee ashruoan ki jh di lag gee. vah kh di hokar bol uthi- apako maloom hai, vahaan mere babooji ko sab log rrishi kahate haian. rrishi manate haian, sunakar upasthit logoan ne pet bharakar dil ke gubar nikale. is ghatana ke uparant jab kabhi usake pita ka ullekh karana hota, to sab log yahi kahate, tumhare rrishi babooji. is bahoo ka sabase marm ka sthan kaun-sa hai? ise hamare yahaan sabane achchhi prakar samajh liya tha. vastav mean mere shvasur brahman the aur n eesaee, aur bahut karake nastik bhi nahian, pooja-archana ki bat kabhi unake dhyan mean hi nahian. beti ko unhoanne shikshit banane ka prayatn avashy kiya tha. kitane hi upadesh bhi diye the; kintu srishtikarta ke sambandh mean koee upadesh nahian diya? isi bare mean poochhane par unhoanne itana hi kaha- jis vishay ko maian svayan nahian janata use sikhalana keval kapat hi hoga. sasural mean hem ki ek sachamuch ki bhaktin thi, meri chhoti bhagini narayani, vah apani bhabhi ko bahut sneh karati thi, usake lie us bechari ko kafi prata dana sahani p dati thi. ghar mean hem ke apaman ki kahani mujhe usi se sunane ko milati thi. hem ke muanh se kabhi kisi din bhi sunane ko nahian mila? lajja ka avaran usake apane lie nahian tha, apitu mere lie hi tha. babooji ke pas se vah jo pati vah mujhe padhane ke lie de deti. ye patr chhote hone par bhi ras se bharapoor hote the. vah svayan bhi unako jab kabhi patr likhati to mujhe avashy dikha deti. babooji ke sath usaka jo nata tha, usamean apane sath mujhe bhi barabar ka bhagi banaye bina usaka dampaty poorn jo nahian ho pata. usake in pannoan mean sasural ke sambandh mean kisi prakar ki shikayat ka abhas matr bhi nahian? yadi hota, bhavi ashanka ki sambhavana thi, karan narayani se maianne sun liya tha ki jaanch ke lie bich mean usake patr gopaniy riti se khol liye jate haian. in patroan mean usaka koee bhi dosh sidhd n hone se oopar valoan ka man shant ho, so bat nahian; balki asha tootane ka du:kh hi sambhavat: unhean zyada tisa karata tha. isalie unhoanne chidhakar kahana shuroo kar diya ki akhir itani jaldi-jaldi patr dalane ki hi bhala kaun-si zaroorat hai? mano baba hi sab kuchh haian. ham log kya koee nahian? aur isi prakar ki anek aruchikar batoan ka taanta shuroo ho gaya. maianne kshubdh hokar hem se kaha- tum babooji ko patr likhati ho, vah kisi aur ko n dekar mujhe hi de diya karo, k aaulij jate samay rah mean chho d diya karooanga. chakit hokar hem ne kaha- kyoan? maianne sankochavash koee uttar nahian diya. kintu haveli mean sabane kahana arambh kar diya ki ab l dake ke sir chadhana shuroo hua hai. bi.e. ki upadhi ab tak par dhari rahegi. akhir us bechare ka bhala dosh hi kya hai? so to hai hi! dosh kisi ka hai to vah bechari hem ka. usaki umr satrah varsh ki hai; vah usaka pahala dosh hai. srishtikarta ka vidhan hi aisa hai, yah bhi hem ka tisara dosh hai. isalie to mere hriday ke anu-anu mean samast akash is tarah ki baansuri ki tan sadhe hue hai. bi.e. ki upadhi ko nirvikar bhav se maian choolhe mean phooank sakata tha; kintu hem ke kalyan ke lie maianne pran kiya ki maian avashy uttirn hoooanga aur achchhe aankoan se. do karanoan se mujhe apane pran ko poora kar pane ka bharosa tha. ek to hem ke agadh sneh mean aisa akashavyapi vistar tha ki vah man ko sankirn, asakti mean phansakar nahian rahati. us sneh ke as-pas koee khoob hi svasthyavardhdak vayu baha karati thi. doosare pariksha ki pustakean kuchh aisi thi; jinhean hem ke sath-sath padhana asambhav n tha. so maian kamar kasakar pariksha pas karane ke udyog mean jut gaya. ek din ravivar ki dupahariya mean bahar ke kamare mean baitha hua maian martin ki acharashastravali pustak ki khas-khas panktiyoan ke madhy ke path ko chirate hue lal pensil ka hal chalaye ja raha tha ki achanak samane ki or meri drishti ja pahuanchi kamare ke samane aangan ke uttar ki or ant:pur ko jane ke lie ek jina tha isi band jine mean bahar ki taraph siankachedar khi dakiyaan thian. maianne dekha ki hem unhian mean kisi ek khi daki ke pas pashchim ki or niharati huee chupachap baithi hai. us or mallik ki bagiya hai jisamean kachanar ka pe d gulabi rang ke pushpoan ke bhar ko sambhale kh da hua hai. is bhashahin gahari vedana ke roop ko aj tak itane suspasht bhav se maianne nahian dekha tha. khas kuchh bhi nahian, apane kamare mean se maian kianchit pichhe ki or divar ke sahare tike usake sir ke bhangi bhav bhali-bhaanti dekh pa raha tha. mera apana jivan is tarah labalab bhar gaya tha ki kisi prakar ki bhi koee shoonyata maianne aj tak dekhi hi nahian thi. aj akasmat apane bilkul hi parshv mean maianne kisi bahut nirasha ka ghana gadha dekha tha. is talahin gart ko maian kyoankar, kaise poora kar sakooanga? mujhe to jivan mean kuchh bhi chho dana nahian p da. n ghar, n dvar aur n aj tak kisi prakar ka abhyas hi; lekin hem ko to sabhi kuchh chho dakar aur door chal kar mere pas ana p da. isaka parinam kitana adhik hai, so maianne bhali-bhaanti socha bhi nahian? hamare ghar mean apaman ke kaantoan ki sej par vah baithi hai. usako hamane apas mean vibhakt kar liya hai. us vedana ke asav ko ham donoan ne ek sath hi piya tha. isalie ham donoan ek-doosare ke nikat the. parantu himachal mean pali huee yah giri nandini satrah varsh ki lambi avadhi tak apane bahy aur ant:jivan mean kaisi vishal yukti ke madhy pali thi? kaise kathor saty aur udar alok mean usaki chhavi evan prakriti is prakar svachchh aur sabal ho chuki hai? us sare vaibhav se aj hem ka nata kis prakar nishthurata ke sath to d diya gaya hai, is bat ka, aj se poorv maianne kabhi anubhav hi nahian kiya tha? karan us sthan par hem ke sath mera asan barabari ka n tha. vah to andar-hi-andar pal-pal til-til karake mritapray-si hoti ja rahi thi. use maian sab de sakata tha; kintu mukti nahian, mukti mere apane antar mean hi kahaan hai? isi hetu kalakatta ki is sankari gali mean khi daki ke siankachoan ke bhitar se mook akash ke sath usake mook man ki batachit hua karati. kisi din rat ko uthakar maianne dekha, vah bichhaune par nahian hai. hathoan par sir ko thamakar taroan se bharapoor akash ki or muanh uthaye vah chhat par leti hai. martin ka charitrata ka bakhan vahaan p da rah gaya. maian sochane laga ki mera karttavy kya hai? balyakal se hi pitaji ke sath mere sambandh mean mere sankoch ki sima n thi. samaksh hokar kabhi unase kisi vastu ke lie prarthana karane ki n to meri adat hi thi aur n sahas hi; kintu aj mujhase n raha gaya. laj aur sankoch ko tak par dharakar maian unase kah hi baitha- usaki tabiyat ajakal kuchh achchhi nahian hai, so ek bar babooji ke yahaan bhej dena hi achchha hoga. sunakar pitaji chakit rah gaye. unake man mean is bat ka tanik bhi sandeh n raha ki hem ne hi mujh mean is abhootapoorv sahas ka bijaropan kiya hai aur achchhi prakar se sikha-padha kar yahaan bheja hai. ve tatkal hi uthakar ant:pur mean ge aur hem se poochha-bahoo! tumhean kya nee bimari hai, batana to bhala? hem ne sir jhukakar uttar diya- kahaan, bimari to kuchh bhi nahian hai. pita ne socha, uttar tej dikhane ke lie hai. kintu hem jo pratidin sookhati ja rahi thi, so nityaprati dekhate rahane ke karan ham log samajh nahian pate the. ek din banamali baboo ne use dekha to chauk p de. ve bole- aian, yah kya? tera mukh aisa kaisa ho gaya hai hem? bimar to nahian ho? hem ne kaha- nahian. parantu is ghatana ke das din bad hi akasmat mere shvasur a pahuanche. avashy hi banamali baboo ne hem ki tabiyat ki bat likhi hogi? vivah ke uparant pita se vida lete hue hem ne apane ashru rok liye the; kintu aj jaise hi unhoanne usaki tho di chhookar muanh oopar ko uthaya to ashruoan ka baandh toot gaya. usaki bhigi palakoan ne sab-kuchh bata diya. vah babooji ko mukh se adhi bat bhi n kah saki. ve itana bhi n poochh paye ki too kaisi hai? beti ki kshin gati, mlan mukh aur palakoan ko dekhate hi unaki chhati took-took ho gee. hem babooji ka hath pak dakar unhean shayan-kaksh mean le gee. kitani batean to poochhane ki haian, babooji ki tabiyat bhi to thik nahian dikhaee deti. hem babooji ke sath mayake jane ke lie udyat ho gee. banamali baboo ne bhi samadhiji se is bat ka sanket kiya. lekin antat: bat pitaji ki ho rahi aur usake age hem ki akaanksha kuchal di gee. bap-beti ko vida karane ki bela phir ek bar a pahuanchi. beti ne nirav aur shushk muskan ko pile mukh par dalate hue kaha-babooji! yadi phir kabhi apane mere lie pagaloan ki bhaanti betahasha dau date hue is haveli mean qadam rakha to maian daravaza band kar looangi. babooji ne usi mudra mean uttar diya- beti! bhagy mean phir ana likha to sath mean seandh lagane ke aujar bhi leta aooanga. isake bad hem ke mukh ki vah muskan phir kabhi dekhane ko nahian mili. phir kya hua so mujhase kaha nahian jayega. sunata hooan, maan phir upayukt vadhoo ki khoj mean hai. sambhav hai kisi din maan ke anurodh ki avahelana mujhase n ho sake. yahi mumakin hai; kyoanki khair chho diye in bhed bhari batoan ki.